New Girl and I'm Unsure About It

[Cradle2crayons]

I'm jumping in the no red flag wagon too.

Both of my daycare moms are young. One family of two kids always come clean but I do trim nails on them twice a week. Mama works two jobs and has two small kids, one medically fragile.

The other ones don't take baths as frequently as some. They don't smell or anything gross. But she doesn't comb their hair EVER. or do their nails. So I do all of that.

None of what you have mentioned would be a red flag to ME.

Immunizations aren't required everywhere and some parents simply don't vax. I'd definitely ask mama what's up with that but the rest all seems normal.


And, for the record, IMHO ...you come to this forum, assembly, to get the viewpoint of others? Sooooooooo.... That's what you got :confused:

[MamaBear]

Did I ever say Willow's post was offensive?

When I posted this, I was venting and asking a few questions if anyone knew the answers. I wasn't asking the opinion if anyone agreed with what "I saw" were red flags...

The only questions I was asking were should I be letting her bring her here without having those shots up to date (in California) and also if anyone heard of that medication she uses (Gelmacin)... and lastly how much time do you guys give a parent to get their shots up to date once they start. I wasn't asking IF anyone agreed with what I saw as red flags or their opinion on that. Just those questions I asked. I've been doing daycare long enough to know what red flags are to me.

Anywho... I did my own research today and found my answers. I found out that the mom had flaked on her daughter's dr appointments and just hasn't made another appointment (in her own words)... also found out that the DCG has diaper rash because the mom says the dad never changes her diaper when he has her so she struggles with rashes.

Next time - if I ever post on here again with questions - I'll be more direct with my questions and not open & feel like I can come here to vent.

[MyAngels]

Did I ever say Willow's post was offensive?

I can't speak for the others, but it was the post below that gave me the impression you didn't appreciate Willow's POV, especially since hers was the only post with anything close to "IMO" at the end.

Thank you everyone who gave me helpful advice. It's nice to get advice on here and not just opinionated little responses with the "IMO" at the end. Thank you for your help!

Glad you got the information you needed, though, however it came about .

[KBCsMommy]

First of all, since you are in California, I would make sure the diaper bag is outside or the diaper rash cream is locked up. You could get a violation for the medicine being in the daycare area.

Second, I wouldn't worry too much about the finger nails. As Willow said maybe she just plays a lot and if dcm is young she probably just hasn't realized they have gotten so long. I've trimmed many a dck nails before and dcp have never said anything!!!

Third, with the immunizations, since you're in California you might get a violation you might not get a violation!!!
I would have dcm sign a form saying she is aware the vaccinations are due and will have dcg to the doctor to get said vaccinations within 30 days, first thing tomorrow.

Good luck

[melilley]

I have a child who comes here and always has long nails and they also have dirt under them (I've had to cut them before due to him accidentally scratching me), his hair is always a mess, he has food on his face sometimes when he arrives and his clothes don't always go together or aren't right for the weather and his shots aren't up to date.

But I know that his parents aren't neglecting him. They simply are very busy people- mom was getting her BA and looking for a job, dad working full time to support them, they also have a 3 year old and I think that they tend to forget about things like the nails (I sometimes also forget about my kids' nails..even my own ). And dad gets dcb ready so that accounts for the clothing thing and the food on his face... (I'm not saying that dads are all like this, but there are some...like my husband who can't match a child's outfit for the life of him...).
As for the immunizations, they just have him on a delayed schedule.

At first I thought that he was being neglected in some way, but after seeing how this family works, I now understand. I just cut nails, comb hair and wash his face now without thinking about it.

[MamaBear]

First of all, since you are in California, I would make sure the diaper bag is outside or the diaper rash cream is locked up. You could get a violation for the medicine being in the daycare area.

Second, I wouldn't worry too much about the finger nails. As Willow said maybe she just plays a lot and if dcm is young she probably just hasn't realized they have gotten so long. I've trimmed many a dck nails before and dcp have never said anything!!!

Third, with the immunizations, since you're in California you might get a violation you might not get a violation!!!
I would have dcm sign a form saying she is aware the vaccinations are due and will have dcg to the doctor to get said vaccinations within 30 days, first thing tomorrow.

Good luck

Thank you! This is good to know. I will definitely write up a document for her to sign when she comes back on Wednesday. I talked to her about it at pick up but she didn't seem to understand that I reaaaally need it. She said she was taking her in 3 months for her next appointment and I said she needs it like now ... I think if she has this "official" type of notice then she'll pay attention more. And great advice about the diaper bag. Thanks so much for your help!

[blandino]

I can say that I do understand where you are coming from. I have a new DCB, who has dirty fingernails sometimes and his feet look dirty a lot of the time. I don't think he is neglected, but it does shock me because I am not used to it. All of my other kids come in "fresh" as you stated. So I can really get where you are coming from on that.

The little boy I have isn't neglected. He just has parents with older kids (he was a surprise baby), and they are busy. All of my other DCK are first borns, with parents whose full attention is on keeping up that child. I'm not saying it's okay to let caring for one child go by the wayside, it just seems to be something that happens.

[BABYLUVER]

I had a child neglected so badly that CPS got involved. None of what you described would concern me. The mom I had didn't even LOVE her son according to her. HE was LONELY and wouldn't do anything but sit there with his blanket clutched to him silently crying. He was dirty and filthy and smelled really bad. NOTHING we could do would get him engaged. We tried for A YEAR. He never laughed, never smiled when mom was around. Wouldn't laugh or smile for ME. He DID laugh at my older daughter and the other kids, but it was rare. This child was incredibly unhappy and it was the SADDEST experience I had ever had aside from my daycare children moving away after years of caring for them.

This woman's child in the OP is not neglected if I base my opinion on the post ONLY.


A little dirt and obviously being allowed to play? Maybe lazy here and there-not neglectful. Observe to make sure it's not everyday

Long nails- Ever try to cut MY kids nails? Wasn't gonna happen with those wiggle worms. I could only file down and that was a feat. those kids never let me clip anything. So, the risk? Clip their finger tips off or skip it. I skipped it!

As far as diaper rash: My 2nd dd was allergic to her poop. She had to have antibiotic diaper rash cream and need to be changed the second I smelled her urine OR feces! If I didn't, the allergy would erode her skin immediately. We checked her once per hour at night even though SHE never blinked. Not necessarily neglect, and obviously a prescription medication was given to her for this purpose. IDK if maybe she thought you'd just see and use the cream or if she simply forgot to tell you about the diaper rash. It happens- not neglect.

My kids are also very messy eaters! IF they don't have food on their face, hands, clothes: I assume they haven't eaten! Same with hair: It's unruly. They have THIN hair, I can't do a thing with it. I could braid it and 20 seconds later, it looks as if I have never brushed my girls' hair (boys are shaved) a day in their lives. I really do! I do not dress them fancy. What's the point? They went in holy, stained clothes so that they could use them for the purpose of getting down and dirty at preschool (paint/dirt/mud/sand/food/etc). No need to do extra laundry by sending two pairs either! I'd just wash them and their clothes up after school.

The point is this: Mom doesn't sound unlike any other working and busy mom. I'm not seeing neglect based on the post I have read. perhaps there are other things we don't have in the way of information


ETA: No opinion on vaccinations. Many parents don't even do any at all.

[Cradle2crayons]

Did I ever say Willow's post was offensive?

When I posted this, I was venting and asking a few questions if anyone knew the answers. I wasn't asking the opinion if anyone agreed with what "I saw" were red flags...

The only questions I was asking were should I be letting her bring her here without having those shots up to date (in California) and also if anyone heard of that medication she uses (Gelmacin)... and lastly how much time do you guys give a parent to get their shots up to date once they start. I wasn't asking IF anyone agreed with what I saw as red flags or their opinion on that. Just those questions I asked. I've been doing daycare long enough to know what red flags are to me.

Anywho... I did my own research today and found my answers. I found out that the mom had flaked on her daughter's dr appointments and just hasn't made another appointment (in her own words)... also found out that the DCG has diaper rash because the mom says the dad never changes her diaper when he has her so she struggles with rashes.

Next time - if I ever post on here again with questions - I'll be more direct with my questions and not open & feel like I can come here to vent.

I'd think if all I REALLY wanted was the answer to two questions, I'd have simply said...

"Have any of you ever heard of X MEDICATION for a diaper rash?? And question 2, how long do I give a parent, once enrolled, to get their vaccinations up to date in California"

Maybe then people would have simply answered your questions?

Dunno, just a thought.

[Brooksie]

I see no signs of neglect.


Dirty nails means the girl gets to play outside, so good on mom for that.

And the delay with vaccines could be entirely intentional.

My regs state I cannot allow a child into my care that isn't either caught up, has the notarized statement for non vaxers or have a note from doc explaining why a child is somewhere in between. I don't care which, but I have to have one before the child is left in my care for event a single minute.

That she pulled her child from an overcrowded situation before, or that she's younger, would not raise any red flags for me. Nor would the rash, as mom is obviously aware of it and had the where with all to make sure you had the necessary ointment to keep proper care of it.


(JMO )

This. My DD has crazy curly hair and will not let me brush it unless its wet. We actually think her wild hair is cute. Its just her personality. We also play outside all the time and her nails are always dirty. They also grow like wildfire because she eats so healthy. I have to clip her nails every Wednesday when she gets back from her dads and it seems by that time they are noticeably grown out. And pretty much ALL of my dcks have long nails. I clip them. I have no concerns that my dcps are being neglectful but to be honest, many kids dislike getting their nails cut and parents don't want to fight with them. For some reason the kids let me do it and its a pet peeve of mine. I don't mind. Oh, and the toes are always the worst.

[MamaBear]

I'd think if all I REALLY wanted was the answer to two questions, I'd have simply said...

"Have any of you ever heard of X MEDICATION for a diaper rash?? And question 2, how long do I give a parent, once enrolled, to get their vaccinations up to date in California"

Maybe then people would have simply answered your questions?

Dunno, just a thought.

Yep... that is what I'm doing for now on. Straight to the point questions if I was to have any in the future. No more venting for me on here!