New Provider Needing Help With High Needs Baby and Inflexible DCM

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

thats because bm is easier to digest for infants, its the perfect food, and yes ,... more often they must be fed. But is it the perfect food.

Is this baby on forumula or breast milk, if breast milk, in my experience, it never satisfies a baby as long as formula does. I am dealing with it now with a 5 mo old.

[nannyde]

Parents can't give you permission or insist that you do the wrong thing.

Parents need to understand that once their child is out in society that society has a stake in the outcome of the child becuase the care of that child affects the child, the adults caring for that child, and the other children in care.

Parents who want sole control over this type of care need to either do it themselves or hire a sole person to care for the child and not have the child out into society. That would be a Nanny.

I do not allow this at all in my day care. I make ALL the feeding decisions. The parent must bring a formula I approve (USDA food program approved) and must bring a can for each week and keep a spare can on hand here. That includes the expensive formula.

The parents are to bring three bottles to leave here that I wash and store. I decide the feeding schedule and the amount. I ask the parents what they do at their home but I do NOT make any promises that I will follow their ways at my house.

I don't ask the parents when and how much I feed... I tell them when and how much I fed. If they don't agree with that they must leave. I know within a few days of caring for the baby exactly what he/she needs. I can tell by their behavior and cries what they need. I don't need anyone to micro manage that.

When the baby is in my care he/she is my responsibility and I have to consider my thirty years of experience in caring for many children in comparison to the parents four months of caring for one child. If my gut was telling me the child is undefed while she is with ME then the parent MUST accept that and allow me to do what I feel is right.

I have a sneaking suspicion that what is really going on here is that the formula is expensive and Mom wants to keep the usage down in day care so she can have more of it for the time when she is home. She knows the baby is fussing after just a few hours at her house and wants the formula for when the baby is on her clock. I would bet many dollars that she is NOT going four hours between feedings at home because she can't deal with the hunger crying either.

I'm also wondering if she is not getting WIC and the cans that WIC is giving for free aren't enough to cover both home and day care so she's trying to conserve so she doesn't have to buy it???

I agree with PP not to lie about usage. That will get you nowhere.

If this were my dcp I would offer to purchase an additional can of formula and feed the child the third bottle or the extra ounces out of my can. I think OP would find very quickly that the Mom would be all about the free bottle a day and the conversations would stop. For me, it would be me putting my money where my mouth is and saying that I will foot the bill ... that's how strongly I feel... even if it was a thirty dollar can of formula.

I would do this for one month and document the usage. At the end of the month I think you would find that the Mom wasn't complaining about the amounts. Then I would tell her that I need X amount of formula and a spare can and that I will continue what I have done in the last month and up the amounts as I see fit.

If she starts back into trying to tell you what to do with it once it's back on her dime then you will know it really isn't about the baby... it's about her money.

I could be wrong because as pp said there are child care theories out there to hold off feedings and some parents will suscribe to them. I won't work with parents who have these rigid feeding ideas because in my heart and in my experience I know that babies of this age need to be free fed.... with and without reflux. Reflux changes the manner of feeding and the activity before and after feeding but it doesn't change the time span on a four month old from every 2.5-3 hours to every 4 hours. 4 hours is TOO LONG for a four month old to wait between bottles during awake times. period.

In 31 years of having babies I have NEVER had a four month old go four hours in between feedings and I've had a crap ton of reflux babies. No can do... not even with parents wanting it.

I learned many years ago that I offer what I offer and the parents who have the opportunity to bring their child to me must have respect for my experience and education. They have to allow me and trust me to do what I think is right. I'm all for discussions of what they are doing and managing introduction of new foods into a child's diet... I'm all for co-ordination on stuff like that but I will NOT hold off a newborn babies bottles when my heart and experience is telling me otherwise. I will not allow parents to tell me to do the wrong thing and expect I do it.

They do it the way I think is right or they scoot on down the road to the provider who will feel their way is right. In order to stay here their "parental decision" needs to be that "I" decide. That's the only decision that works for me.