I Loathe Watching For Divorced Parents

[crazydaycarelady]

I actually have not had that many divorced parents, I guess since my clientele is so young, but the few I have had???? Hate it! It puts a lot more pressure on the provider.

The newest couple are going through divorce now. They also happen to be friends/co-workers of another dcfamily. So divorcing dcm won't speak to the other dcd because he is still friends with divorcing dcd. Gimme a break!

As for the 2yo child she is a wreck! She needs to be potty trained but that would require one parent to focus on this for a few days and make it their top priority, but they are both too busy with their new social lives! Also since the separation this girl has been so grumpy, won't listen, no schedule.

I'm so over it! Now dcm wants to bring her boyfriends kid here (the boyfriend she cheated on her hubby with!) No way! Too much drama already!

[Willow]

I wasn't aware crappy parenting and children that are grumpy and won't listen are exclusive to divorced families.........


(I am divorced. And neither I nor my children ever acted the way you described. It's a people issue that has NOTHING to do with marital status imo).

[Hunni Bee]

The children of divorcing/divorced parents that I have had were emotional wrecks, too.

Not because its some phenomenon exclusive to divorced families or divorce in itself caused bad parenting/unhappy kids.

It's because many times the focus goes to the parents new social life/significant others, trashing each other and trying to be the "favorite" parent, rather than the kid and they are feeling.

JMO.

[Cradle2crayons]

The children of divorcing/divorced parents that I have had were emotional wrecks, too.

Not because its some phenomenon exclusive to divorced families or divorce in itself caused bad parenting/unhappy kids.

It's because many times the focus goes to the parents new social life/significant others, trashing each other and trying to be the "favorite" parent, rather than the kid and they are feeling.

JMO.

I agree 100%

While I agree I get emotional wrecks from non divorced parents, I actually get more single moms than I do divorced parents in my area.

More than half of them have kids that are out of control, poorly mannered, developmentally delayed due to laziness on moms part, and are complete wrecks.

I hate it though because I'm basically a single parent. When people ask me my relationship status I say I'm a single married mom.

My husband works offshore out of state 3 weeks out of the month. Sometimes it's the whole month. Sometimes it's weeks he's gone.

So I function as a single mom. And when husband is home, I still make all decisions for the family, take care of all the kids, even his from previous. He does his clothes occasionally, and takes out the garbage which I loathe, and he helps me cut the grass.

So my dynamic is a little different than most.

It gives me a lot of insight into how single parents do it. Or don't do it in the experience of some of my daycare moms.

[mrsnj]

I'm so over it! Now dcm wants to bring her boyfriends kid here (the boyfriend she cheated on her hubby with!) No way! Too much drama already!

I got that!!! Whoop. Whoop. Welcome to my world! Lol. I now have the girlfriends kids along with the divorce kids. But mine isn't so bad cause the girlfriend n the dad are actually good and are working with me. Plus the girlfriends kids are before/after so not too long in my care. It's the MOM who is trouble!!! Owe! Man. She is one nasty person. Thinks nothing of the kids by her actions. So much fun! The advice I got in here to write a divorce rule letter was my saving grace!!

[Cradle2crayons]

I got that!!! Whoop. Whoop. Welcome to my world! Lol. I now have the girlfriends kids along with the divorce kids. But mine isn't so bad cause the girlfriend n the dad are actually good and are working with me. Plus the girlfriends kids are before/after so not too long in my care. It's the MOM who is trouble!!! Owe! Man. She is one nasty person. Thinks nothing of the kids by her actions. So much fun! The advice I got in here to write a divorce rule letter was my saving grace!!

I've found it's so easy for moms in particular to feel they need to confide in us. Like we are somehow best friends. I think really it comes natural. And in at context, they say and do things they wouldn't do to the checkout cashier at McDonald's if you know what I mean.

It doesn't make it acceptable by any means.

And that's how I approach all conflicts. If I know they are divorced at interview I flat out explain to both parents how it works. I explain I don't tolerate any drama. I explain I am the child's safe place to be accepted and feel they are loved. I don't entertain ANY drama, regardless of what it's about. I go into detail how this relationship works. After that, if I have any issues, I issue an immediate warning.

[preschoolteacher]

There's no way I'd accept boyfriend's kids, but be careful of how you let the mom know that! If she's not speaking to another dad because he's friends with her ex, what will she do if she thinks you are "taking his side??"

Drama!

[mrsnj]

Cradle- I agree. She would come in blah blah blahing till I couldn't take it anymore. Plus she was doing vindictive things of which I felt caught in the middle cause I couldn't tell dad. It was soooo stressful! That letter took it all away! Well a good 99.9% anyway. I would honestly take the dad n girlfriend any ol day over mom. Unfortunately she's part of the package deal

[Cradle2crayons]

Cradle- I agree. She would come in blah blah blahing till I couldn't take it anymore. Plus she was doing vindictive things of which I felt caught in the middle cause I couldn't tell dad. It was soooo stressful! That letter took it all away! Well a good 99.9% anyway. I would honestly take the dad n girlfriend any ol day over mom. Unfortunately she's part of the package deal

Most of my terms, what few they have been, have been because of parents, not kids. I get it.

[crazydaycarelady]

It's because many times the focus goes to the parents new social life/significant others, trashing each other and trying to be the "favorite" parent, rather than the kid and they are feeling.

Yes, this! They parents are both having so much fun and it appears that their
2yo is now their last priority. She used to be a happy kid but ever since she has been splitting her time between 2 homes and getting the run around she is miserable.

I had 2 divorced parents once that were both holding out to see who would budge first on getting the boys haircut. Poor kid looked like a hobo!

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

The children of divorcing/divorced parents that I have had were emotional wrecks, too.

Not because its some phenomenon exclusive to divorced families or divorce in itself caused bad parenting/unhappy kids.

It's because many times the focus goes to the parents new social life/significant others, trashing each other and trying to be the "favorite" parent, rather than the kid and they are feeling.

JMO.

Hit the nail on the head!

I have had (divorced/single) people become offended on the phone or in e-mail because I have a list of ?s I ask to help determine if a family is going to be a good fit before setting up an interview, and one of them is "What is your marital status? If you are divorced or single, is the father an active part of your child's life?" I've had a few ask what that could possibly have to do with caring for their child. Well, let's see...everything?!?!

[missheather]

I actually have not had that many divorced parents, I guess since my clientele is so young, but the few I have had???? Hate it! It puts a lot more pressure on the provider.

The newest couple are going through divorce now. They also happen to be friends/co-workers of another dcfamily. So divorcing dcm won't speak to the other dcd because he is still friends with divorcing dcd. Gimme a break!

As for the 2yo child she is a wreck! She needs to be potty trained but that would require one parent to focus on this for a few days and make it their top priority, but they are both too busy with their new social lives! Also since the separation this girl has been so grumpy, won't listen, no schedule.

I'm so over it! Now dcm wants to bring her boyfriends kid here (the boyfriend she cheated on her hubby with!) No way! Too much drama already!

I can understand where you are coming from with dealing with divorced couples and all their drama. I am sure that it is a lot to deal with. However I also know of many divorced couples who still work together for the betterment of the child(children).
I married a divorced man 7 years ago and am SO thankful for the wonderful friendship he still has with his ex-wife. I know that she is a great mother and has gone out of her way to make me feel like a mom to "our" girls. In fact she has a copy of our house key and is the only person that I trust to come to our house when we are gone to let our dogs out. I know that our situation is unique and that MOST divorced couples come with drama but it is possible for the mom and dad can get past their drama for their kids.