Help Me Deal With This Child!!!!

[SunshineMama]

DCG turns 3 next month. She is usually all right, but one day a week she is the oldest child (the others are in school). That day, she whines and cries all day. As soon as her mom left today, the whining began. Then she started trying to dictate what she wanted me to do. "I want you to put the baby in the bouncer. I want you to build me a tower. I want some milk. I want some yogurt in a cup." Etc etc. I advised her that she is not the boss, and that she can make a choice to be happy and play. I asked her if she wanted to play outside and she said yes. So I told her to put her shoes on and then all of a sudden she was unable to do it. (She puts her shoes on everyday, so she was trying to manipulate to get me to do something that she wanted).

I'm over it. She's crying in the playroom right now saying "I want my mommy to stay and play with me" over and over. Am I handling this correctly? I was empathetic this morning, gave her a hug, talked about how mommy will be back later just like every day, but I am not going to coddle her all day. She is only like this when the older kids are at school and she doesn't have anyone to play with. I think she has never played by herself a day in her life.

[daycarediva]

Ahhh, the entertained child.

On days where she is the oldest, can you make her your helper. Can you be a little helper and show baby Ryan how to build a tower. I would really play up how big she is, how much the babies/littles like her and can't do what she can do, etc.

[SunshineMama]

I tried that, and she just says no. Shes been crying intermittently for 2 hours and refuses to play. I laid the babies down for am nap and she woke them up and then said she was glad she woke them up. Any othet ideas? She only wants to do an activity on her terms, which I will not cave in to, nor will I hold her all day, which is what she has been whining about for the past 30 minutes. Shes almost 3 for crying out loid!

[Play Care]

I tried that, and she just says no. Shes been crying intermittently for 2 hours and refuses to play. I laid the babies down for am nap and she woke them up and then said she was glad she woke them up. Any othet ideas? She only wants to do an activity on her terms, which I will not cave in to, nor will I hold her all day, which is what she has been whining about for the past 30 minutes. Shes almost 3 for crying out loid!

In this case I would set up a crying spot as far away from the "fun" as you legally can. When she cries/whines, this is where she goes. She CAN decide when she is ready to join the group, but once she starts up with the crying/whining, back she goes. So long as she stays in that spot, I would let her have at it and ignore the behavior. When she does decide to join the group I would NOT make mention of it at all. Hopefully she will soon understand crying/whining = no fun or attention.
I have a couple of whiney kids and while in some cases this has decreased the behavior, in other cases it has just made it more bearable for everyone else

[daycarediva]

In this case I would set up a crying spot as far away from the "fun" as you legally can. When she cries/whines, this is where she goes. She CAN decide when she is ready to join the group, but once she starts up with the crying/whining, back she goes. So long as she stays in that spot, I would let her have at it and ignore the behavior. When she does decide to join the group I would NOT make mention of it at all. Hopefully she will soon understand crying/whining = no fun or attention.
I have a couple of whiney kids and while in some cases this has decreased the behavior, in other cases it has just made it more bearable for everyone else

I agree, and I have the same area (down the hall, furthest possible spot from everyone but still within eyesight.

I would NOT be catering or giving in to any of that.

[Laurel]

In this case I would set up a crying spot as far away from the "fun" as you legally can. When she cries/whines, this is where she goes. She CAN decide when she is ready to join the group, but once she starts up with the crying/whining, back she goes. So long as she stays in that spot, I would let her have at it and ignore the behavior. When she does decide to join the group I would NOT make mention of it at all. Hopefully she will soon understand crying/whining = no fun or attention.
I have a couple of whiney kids and while in some cases this has decreased the behavior, in other cases it has just made it more bearable for everyone else

We have the 'crying step' because when you walk into my foyer you take one step down in all directions, including the playroom (family room). If they need to cry, I ask them to go sit on the step. Outside they sit on the bench of their little picnic table.

Laurel

[preschoolteacher]

I have had some whiny kids who constantly need to be acknowledged. In other words, they will repeat the same phrase over and over again until they get what they want. "Juice now... juice now... juice now..." You get it.

With this kind of kid, I tell them--"We are drinking water right now. I know you are sad and you want juice, but right now we just have water." And then when the whining continues (as it does), I can't keep acknowledging it because I will lose my mind! So one thing I have done is to start whispering to them or to tell them "shh, shh." For some (not all!) they lower their voices and keep on whining... but it's much quieter and I can tolerate it. This might not work for your DCG though because she sounds more strong-willed.

I also agree that when a child is constantly crying or whining that the crying spot is a good idea.

Can you create some special busy boxes for her on the days the older kids are gone? Bake cookies? Have a special project planned that she knows about in advance so there is some positive about those days?

[melilley]

In this case I would set up a crying spot as far away from the "fun" as you legally can. When she cries/whines, this is where she goes. She CAN decide when she is ready to join the group, but once she starts up with the crying/whining, back she goes. So long as she stays in that spot, I would let her have at it and ignore the behavior. When she does decide to join the group I would NOT make mention of it at all. Hopefully she will soon understand crying/whining = no fun or attention.
I have a couple of whiney kids and while in some cases this has decreased the behavior, in other cases it has just made it more bearable for everyone else

I have an area as well. I have one dcb who likes to scream/cry all the time. I just tell him that he can go sit in the hallway and when he is done screaming and crying and is ready, he can come back and join us. My dcb is 24 months old and he understands this and actually will stay there until he is done!

[LK5kids]

I tell ya....we are not allowed to put chidren on time-out if they are under 3 yrs, and I pretty sure the crying spot would be considered T.O! A child like this would be the death of me and would visit the crying spot anyway. We are only human (how much can we handle day in & day out?) and this kind of behavior needs to be addressed!

[SunshineMama]

Finally put her down for a 2 hour nap and got some peace from the whining. My dd is now home from preschool so they are playing and everything is fine now. I dread next Thursday. As far as setting up a special activity as suggested earlier, she will absolutely not play or do anything on her own at all. She wants 1:1 care and will whine all day unless she gets it. I don't get paid enough for 1:1 care, and I'm caring for 2 babies as well. I'm debating about telling mm about this issue, or working on it with her and trying to encourage self play. Her mom is an over worrier and is always looking for problems, grilling her about what she did during the day, and lets her do whatever she wants (at least from my observations). She has a 10 minute pick up while mom sits and waits for her to stop playing and put on her own shoes

[Play Care]

I tell ya....we are not allowed to put chidren on time-out if they are under 3 yrs, and I pretty sure the crying spot would be considered T.O! A child like this would be the death of me and would visit the crying spot anyway. We are only human (how much can we handle day in & day out?) and this kind of behavior needs to be addressed!

The main difference between a crying spot and TO is that the child decides when they are ready to join the group. The spot can be a cozy chair away from the main play area (in sight of the provider) The child is encouraged to participate as soon as *they* feel ready. Far from being punitive, I feel like I am putting the power in the child's hands. They have the choice of where they want to be.
I think once we start labeling every instance of a child having some much needed alone time as a "time out" we do a grave disservice to the child.
That said, if the child was spending more time in the crying spot and making the choice not to participate most of the day, I would term because in that case the child is not getting anything out of my program (and is likely making the other children miserable in the process).