Some Parents, I Tell Ya...

[TwinKristi]

report to CPS - let them investigate. You are a mandated reporter.

This! Regardless of what EHS does, YOU are a mandated reporter and this is something I would report. That's crazy! Was the tantrum and cursing out of character for the child? That would be another red flag for me. That breaks my heart.

Eta- saw the update! Yay! Glad you did!

[Familycare71]

You are a stronger person by FAR than I am or ever will be. I couldn't handle it. I have a "save the world!" mentality and I know it, so I avoid putting myself in situations where I have to face the facts that I can't.

I have a very hard time even working outside my home (hence why I'm here, , in part) because I know I will encounter situations I can't help or change.

Me too!!! I am so grateful for the people that can work in these position because it is so important!! I get in enough trouble in my own little community

[My3cents]

I am registered, however, I work for an Early Head Start program and I know for a fact that 2 of my co-workers are on this site (they actually told me about it some time ago) so I'm going as incognito as I can-- even though I know once they read this they will know which kid I'm talking about.

Last week on Friday we had a pizza lunch in one of the classrooms as a prize. The rest of the Center had hot turkey sandwiches. Because of CACFP the cook had to make it a "certain" way to make sure we got all the components in it I'm told. Fine. So, this one little girl comes in late, about 10 minutes after her class sits down for their family-style lunch and the teacher aid asks her to sit with us. Mom says, "no, I don't feed my kid garbage." OK?? But your child has been here since she's was 9 weeks old. She's now preparing to enter the Head Start program (almost 3). How many pizza lunches do you think this kid has had?! That's neither here nor there. This has NEVER been an issue, and the food meets the Federal standard. Additionally, there is spinach salad, mandarin oranges, 1% milk, and fresh (meaning cut off the bone) turkey sandwiches on whole grain bread as an alternative because that's what the rest of the center was eating. Might have even been something else, IDK because I don't work in the kitchen. Mom goes into hysterics stating there is no way her child will eat ANY of the "crap" and they're going to call [food regulation agency here] and CPS. She leaves with child. Meanwhile, mom was so loud she's disrupted 4 classrooms and we have all these spectators and "helpers/calmer-downers" standing around the classroom doorway causing an even bigger scene in the name of "helping".

Fast forward to yesterday. Little girl didn't come on Monday, but AS SOON as she hit the door yesterday she was literally begging for breakfast. I pointed to the board and reminded her that breakfast is delivered at a certain time (about 20 minutes away), and now it's work time. She wanted no parts of it!!!! She began screaming, CURSING, kicking yelling: "My G-Ma says I can finally eat today! My G-Ma says I'll get some f*in food today!" At this point the nurse comes in, takes her to the office and gives her a pack of saltines.

Now, this child is only 29 months, and I know stories get creative at this age, but the nurse wrote in the digital chart that the child (per the child's story) had not eaten since FRIDAY (in her words, paraphrased: I only ate when I left school that other day). The story the Center Director got from a relative of the family is that the mom left the Center, went to McDonald's, got the baby some nuggets and that was IT until this AM. Obviously, come breakfast we let her serve herself first and lunch was the same. She ate a lot; we had to ask the kitchen staff to send another dish of broccoli and mac & cheese. It hurts me to my heart because I know mom/grandmom can AFFORD food. Why aren't the feeding the child?...Was that some sick retaliation towards us?? AND how DARE you lift your nose up at our nutritionally balanced lunch then go feed your child "chicken" nuggets?! Geesh.

Head Start usually takes in children that are underprivileged, that is why head start was created to help out kids that would not get a start otherwise because of poverty etc..... most likely this kiddo is telling the truth and is not being fed at home. I would take this serious. Sounds like this kiddo has a rough home life and often that is what you see in head start. Not always but often. Just because parents can doesn't mean they will. Priorities are not always the way they should be. How Sad-

[Cradle2crayons]

UPDATE:

So the Center Director called us into the office not too long ago to let us know that "many" of the children in our center do not eat on the weekends because their families simply don't have the means. There used to be a program where the kids would go home on Fridays with a backpack filled with bread, cheese, milk, etc. but the parents would sell it, give it away, or otherwise so that stopped when funding ran out (sequestation and all that good stuff). He said Head Start does ALL IT CAN to avoid making CPS referrals and it is the responsibility of the Family Developer (building SW) to assist the family in getting what they need or making appropriate referrals. With that said, we are free to call CPS on our own but he knows for a fact they won't follow up on it because it is a known issue in "our" community. Now, where does that leave us? I don't know about anyone else, but I DID make a call just because I don't understand how a kid can go three days without food. If the child qualifies for our program then they qualify for WIC and likely food stamps. Where is the food??? Also, I know very few (as in NONE) toddlers who know to swear and use it in context as she did. She may have been quoting verbatim an adult, but it's still not right. I don't think this is the job for me. 3 weeks in and I'm already feeling like I'm letting the babies down...

Here's my take on this.

First, if the mom can afford McDonald's she should be able to afford food.

Second, if food is scarce at her house, why refuse the free food there?

Third, as others said, there are plenty of resources.

Fourth, the cursing and what the child said are red flags

Even of CPS does nothing, at least you tried. Sometimes reporting is all we can do,

[My3cents]

UPDATE:

So the Center Director called us into the office not too long ago to let us know that "many" of the children in our center do not eat on the weekends because their families simply don't have the means. There used to be a program where the kids would go home on Fridays with a backpack filled with bread, cheese, milk, etc. but the parents would sell it, give it away, or otherwise so that stopped when funding ran out (sequestation and all that good stuff). He said Head Start does ALL IT CAN to avoid making CPS referrals and it is the responsibility of the Family Developer (building SW) to assist the family in getting what they need or making appropriate referrals. With that said, we are free to call CPS on our own but he knows for a fact they won't follow up on it because it is a known issue in "our" community. Now, where does that leave us? I don't know about anyone else, but I DID make a call just because I don't understand how a kid can go three days without food. If the child qualifies for our program then they qualify for WIC and likely food stamps. Where is the food??? Also, I know very few (as in NONE) toddlers who know to swear and use it in context as she did. She may have been quoting verbatim an adult, but it's still not right. I don't think this is the job for me. 3 weeks in and I'm already feeling like I'm letting the babies down...

you would be letting them down if you walked away and quit- you have a challenge here to do the right thing for these kids and be a voice and a difference maker, don't back down and move forward in making change for the better. We live in America and kids not having food should be a crime- so sad-

you did the right thing! I would climb the chain of command on this one and document everything anyone has said. You might be regretting your three weeks in but you might be the difference maker in this situation.

Swearing is normal if that is what the child hears at home- it becomes what they learn and know. I once had a little 18 month old that could swear like a sailor- it was the norm at home.

Hope you update on the findings- I would not tolerate anyone waiting to act on this either, this would be a meeting of importance in my three cents-

[My3cents]

Your supervisor is an IDIOT if he thinks it's not their job to call CPS on this. I was a foster parent for a long time and saw things that no one should ever have to be exposed to. I would report this to HIS supervisor.

You are right in calling CPS. There are too many red flags in this scenerio to not report. For a toddler to say they haven't been fed, the cursing, mom's behavior... You are right to report. Praise God for you!! There may be no major issues at all and CPS may not be able to do anything, but another part of their job is providing resources to families to help them stay together. That would include food stamps, food pantry, etc.

[My3cents]

You are a stronger person by FAR than I am or ever will be. I couldn't handle it. I have a "save the world!" mentality and I know it, so I avoid putting myself in situations where I have to face the facts that I can't.

I have a very hard time even working outside my home (hence why I'm here, , in part) because I know I will encounter situations I can't help or change.

silver you have a big lovethis

but we all should "try" and not hide or how else can anything get better? I get what your saying and I feel this way too at times but sometimes we have to stand up to what is right, a hungry child is worth standing up for- right from wrong is worth standing up for.

[Unregistered]

During lunch we were talking and we are all of the mindset that mom was high at the time. Not sure on what. I'm also happy to report myself and one of the spectators called the hotline, too. I don't know what will come of it. I've been with HS for 2 years. This is my first time on the EHS side, and I expected it to be different. When dealing with 4-year-olds, poverty is sometimes evident and you can prepare yourself for it (to the best of your ability). For some reason I was too ignorant to think it would also rear its ugly head with the babies, too.

[slorey]

UPDATE:

So the Center Director called us into the office not too long ago to let us know that "many" of the children in our center do not eat on the weekends because their families simply don't have the means. There used to be a program where the kids would go home on Fridays with a backpack filled with bread, cheese, milk, etc. but the parents would sell it, give it away, or otherwise so that stopped when funding ran out (sequestation and all that good stuff). He said Head Start does ALL IT CAN to avoid making CPS referrals and it is the responsibility of the Family Developer (building SW) to assist the family in getting what they need or making appropriate referrals. With that said, we are free to call CPS on our own but he knows for a fact they won't follow up on it because it is a known issue in "our" community. Now, where does that leave us? I don't know about anyone else, but I DID make a call just because I don't understand how a kid can go three days without food. If the child qualifies for our program then they qualify for WIC and likely food stamps. Where is the food??? Also, I know very few (as in NONE) toddlers who know to swear and use it in context as she did. She may have been quoting verbatim an adult, but it's still not right. I don't think this is the job for me. 3 weeks in and I'm already feeling like I'm letting the babies down...

You are not letting the babies down! By reporting the situation even though it was suggested by your director to not report, you are getting the proper people involved to get this little one some help. I think everyone else who tried to sweep the situation under the rug and pretend it wasn't a big deal are letting those babies down. Good for you for caring about the well being of the kids above anything else! I am proud of you! :hug: for having to deal with situations like this in the first place!

[sleepinghart]

UPDATE:

So the Center Director called us into the office not too long ago to let us know that "many" of the children in our center do not eat on the weekends because their families simply don't have the means. There used to be a program where the kids would go home on Fridays with a backpack filled with bread, cheese, milk, etc. but the parents would sell it, give it away, or otherwise so that stopped when funding ran out (sequestation and all that good stuff). He said Head Start does ALL IT CAN to avoid making CPS referrals and it is the responsibility of the Family Developer (building SW) to assist the family in getting what they need or making appropriate referrals. With that said, we are free to call CPS on our own but he knows for a fact they won't follow up on it because it is a known issue in "our" community. Now, where does that leave us? I don't know about anyone else, but I DID make a call just because I don't understand how a kid can go three days without food. If the child qualifies for our program then they qualify for WIC and likely food stamps. Where is the food??? Also, I know very few (as in NONE) toddlers who know to swear and use it in context as she did. She may have been quoting verbatim an adult, but it's still not right. I don't think this is the job for me. 3 weeks in and I'm already feeling like I'm letting the babies down...

In some communities, like mine, they have vans that go around to certain at-risk areas for this problem you speak of on the weekends, days school is out, summer time, etc. and they pass out trays of healthy food/snacks/fruits & cartons of milk to all children at certain times each day at no charge to them of course(..guess kinda like Meals on Wheels)-- The children know what time it comes and they all come, excitedly, to the designated spot to collect theirs each time. They are not allowed to leave the designated spot with their meals(but it is not told to them like that that...They make it more like a get-together/pic-nic thing just for them...a special thing that they do just for them); so the volunteers actually observe the children eating and know where that food is going....Inside those hungry tummies . I don't know who funds this. I'm sure they probably get state funds and donations from some very kind people. If you could get a few people who are with you on this and rally up some funds maybe you can start something like this(start out small & then it sometimes turns into something so big that you never even imagined)....Believe me- People have accomplished much stranger things than this. ...Just offering support & ideaslovethis.

With regard to the child cursing, although heart-breaking to know & witness and God bless the child, I highly doubt CPS would open a case because of that unfortunately. It's probably difficult for CPS to prove that the child is not eating for 2-3 days, etc. unless there is a diagnosis of malnutrition or such made by an MD so I imagine that might be why your supervisor said what he did as far as nothing coming from it. Please don't get discouraged...You can help children, if that's what you really want to do, in far more & better ways by handling things your way instead of relying on, and depending upon, the system's red tape and all that . lovethis

[littlemissmuffet]

I am registered, however, I work for an Early Head Start program and I know for a fact that 2 of my co-workers are on this site (they actually told me about it some time ago) so I'm going as incognito as I can-- even though I know once they read this they will know which kid I'm talking about.

Last week on Friday we had a pizza lunch in one of the classrooms as a prize. The rest of the Center had hot turkey sandwiches. Because of CACFP the cook had to make it a "certain" way to make sure we got all the components in it I'm told. Fine. So, this one little girl comes in late, about 10 minutes after her class sits down for their family-style lunch and the teacher aid asks her to sit with us. Mom says, "no, I don't feed my kid garbage." OK?? But your child has been here since she's was 9 weeks old. She's now preparing to enter the Head Start program (almost 3). How many pizza lunches do you think this kid has had?! That's neither here nor there. This has NEVER been an issue, and the food meets the Federal standard. Additionally, there is spinach salad, mandarin oranges, 1% milk, and fresh (meaning cut off the bone) turkey sandwiches on whole grain bread as an alternative because that's what the rest of the center was eating. Might have even been something else, IDK because I don't work in the kitchen. Mom goes into hysterics stating there is no way her child will eat ANY of the "crap" and they're going to call [food regulation agency here] and CPS. She leaves with child. Meanwhile, mom was so loud she's disrupted 4 classrooms and we have all these spectators and "helpers/calmer-downers" standing around the classroom doorway causing an even bigger scene in the name of "helping".

Fast forward to yesterday. Little girl didn't come on Monday, but AS SOON as she hit the door yesterday she was literally begging for breakfast. I pointed to the board and reminded her that breakfast is delivered at a certain time (about 20 minutes away), and now it's work time. She wanted no parts of it!!!! She began screaming, CURSING, kicking yelling: "My G-Ma says I can finally eat today! My G-Ma says I'll get some f*in food today!" At this point the nurse comes in, takes her to the office and gives her a pack of saltines.

Now, this child is only 29 months, and I know stories get creative at this age, but the nurse wrote in the digital chart that the child (per the child's story) had not eaten since FRIDAY (in her words, paraphrased: I only ate when I left school that other day). The story the Center Director got from a relative of the family is that the mom left the Center, went to McDonald's, got the baby some nuggets and that was IT until this AM. Obviously, come breakfast we let her serve herself first and lunch was the same. She ate a lot; we had to ask the kitchen staff to send another dish of broccoli and mac & cheese. It hurts me to my heart because I know mom/grandmom can AFFORD food. Why aren't the feeding the child?...Was that some sick retaliation towards us?? AND how DARE you lift your nose up at our nutritionally balanced lunch then go feed your child "chicken" nuggets?! Geesh.

This story doesn't make much sense (not saying you're lying but let's just go with what YOU know for fact)...

The mom was upset about the pizza - referring to it as "garbage", which, in alot of cases it can be.

Let's forget about what the nurse "paraphrased" from the child and forget about what the relative said about McDonalds...

The mom sounds like she wants the child eating healthy, nutritious foods (albeit, she sounds like she might not be completely educated about healthy/nutritious options since she disregarded the turkey sammies, salad, etc) - so perhaps she is serving what she feels is healthy and the child isn't having it?

There could be another side to this story that isn't being seen/heard...

Either way, I would skip talking to the daycare about this issue any further and go straight to CPS because something is absolutely not adding up here.

[sleepinghart]

This story doesn't make much sense (not saying you're lying but let's just go with what YOU know for fact)...

The mom was upset about the pizza - referring to it as "garbage", which, in alot of cases it can be.

Let's forget about what the nurse "paraphrased" from the child and forget about what the relative said about McDonalds...

The mom sounds like she wants the child eating healthy, nutritious foods (albeit, she sounds like she might not be completely educated about healthy/nutritious options since she disregarded the turkey sammies, salad, etc) - so perhaps she is serving what she feels is healthy and the child isn't having it?

There could be another side to this story that isn't being seen/heard...

Either way, I would skip talking to the daycare about this issue any further and go straight to CPS because something is absolutely not adding up here.

I must admit I picked up on those things^^ too. Also, and this may have been explained, but what do the Mom's/child's relatives, the ones who are supplying this information, come in at:confused:? I noticed a previous poster pointed out they are just as guilty and I myself immediately asked "well why didn't they immediately feed her and/or intervene?" upon reading it initially. ..But that isn't the hinky part to me(..although don't get me wrong, it is something to me just not hinky). ..The relatives who seem to be all to eager to share as much intel as they can, even when said intel makes them look equally as bad, is what makes me go hmm. ...Maybe it's just me, Idk.

[Unregistered]

It IS hinky and altogether more convoluted than I wanted to get into knowing that people I work with frequent this site. That aside, our center serves as a WEP location. WEP (work experience program) is a program utilized by social services for those who receive cash assistance (TANF). Our volunteers are mostly WEP mandated, although some are early childhood students. The family member that I speak of is a WEP participant as well as a gossip. When the whole situation occurred she was one of the first ones talking about the family situation (nothing to do with food, but mainly to do with life choices). On Monday when the little girl didn't come in, she was sharing the reason why... and when she came on Tuesday she said that the baby hadn't eaten all weekend. I don't get the impression mom and family member are too close (as far as hanging out, etc.) but I know she used to live with "G-Ma" before she got her Section 8 apartment and likely talks to her often. How much of it is true, and how much is gossip has yet to be seen. But then again, I don't know how much of it is true coming from a toddler, either. I just don't like it. It doesn't sit well with me AT ALL.

[Unregistered]

When a child reports that he/she has not eaten in three days (even if it was 1 day) it is absolutely mandatory that you report it. This is neglect. Your supervisor should be fired. As far as the mother saying she didn't want the child eating pizza.... It is common when parents are neglecting their children to try and overcompensate and make it look like they are "perfect" parents that would never feed their child "junk" food. I see it all the time.

Thank you for doing your job and reporting it. People should always air on the side of safety and call CPS and report it. The worst case scenario is they won't take the report.


- a social worker

[Angelsj]

Given her trip to McDonald's, I think we may be assuming she was saying she only feeds her kid good food. I have heard parents say something similar, "My kid won't eat that crap/garbage/junk" when discussing things like spinach salad or quality food, because all the kid ever eats is chicken nuggets and hot dogs, or Mcdonald's.

What is the mother's usual affect? Outside of this experience, how does she act when she picks up the kid? Is she very flat and/or self focused? I am thinking there might be mental issues here.