Bonding With New Families

[Josiegirl]

I know part of it is because I loved all my old families so much and really miss all their kiddos that have gone off to school.
I've got 3 new dcfs which I'm very grateful for. But I just don't feel the 'connection' I felt with my others. Maybe it'll come. After all, it's only been 3 weeks. Some of my old kiddos I've had 3-8 years.
How long do you take to feel a bond, a comfort where you can let your guard down a bit, where you're not holding your breath wondering if you're 'doing okay', where you actually look forward to seeing their kids and talking with them?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

There are some families I never connected with and there are some families I connect with right away. Either way is just fine with me so long as I don't dread them coming. There have been two parents that I dreaded seeing them and I was so happy when they termed themselves for silly reasons.

[spud912]

Ugh I hear ya! I had 3 of my 4 kiddos leave for kindergarten . One of the replacements was a younger sibling of one of the kindergarteners, but the other two children and their families are new. One new mother is very passive, but I *think* she likes me ok...she immediately became friends with the mother of my only child who stayed, so I think that definitely helps. The last family seems to be happy, but I do wonder at times if I will have that same connection with them that I had with all of my long-term families . I've found in the past that it takes a good 8-10 months before I really feel comfortable with the families and vice verse.

[Familycare71]

I have new families too and I'm trying! I think it depends on the people... I think I do once they do - kwim? If they never cross that line I don't- I just follow the lead.
I also don't LOVE the kids yet- one is just whiney... No real personality and the other is non vocal (2) and just quietly follows my lead- I guess I like kids with a bit of spunk.
Hopefully it will get there! But there are some kids I will miss always and some that I loved but got over leaving and some I did a happy dance when the door closed the final time behind them...

[spud912]

There are some families I never connected with and there are some families I connect with right away. Either way is just fine with me so long as I don't dread them coming. There have been two parents that I dreaded seeing them and I was so happy when they termed themselves for silly reasons.

Yes, I had one family where I connected fine with the mom, but absolutely despised the dad (and he was the one who did most of the drop-offs and pick-ups)! He was not a pleasant person (and that is an extremely nice way to put it) and I cannot say how happy I was to be done with him. My dh and I still talk about him several years later and how incredibly self-centered and condescending he was.

[spud912]

I have new families too and I'm trying! I think it depends on the people... I think I do once they do - kwim? If they never cross that line I don't- I just follow the lead.
I also don't LOVE the kids yet- one is just whiney... No real personality and the other is non vocal (2) and just quietly follows my lead- I guess I like kids with a bit of spunk.
Hopefully it will get there! But there are some kids I will miss always and some that I loved but got over leaving and some I did a happy dance when the door closed the final time behind them...

Haha, yes, it takes me a long time to really love the kids! Don't get me wrong, I like them all, but love takes awhile to grow (and in some cases never really happens ). I feel so bad because one new girl was saying "I love you" to me within a week of attending and I try not to say those words unless I really mean it, so I've been saying "oh, you're such a sweetie!"

[lovemylife]

I know part of it is because I loved all my old families so much and really miss all their kiddos that have gone off to school.
I've got 3 new dcfs which I'm very grateful for. But I just don't feel the 'connection' I felt with my others. Maybe it'll come. After all, it's only been 3 weeks. Some of my old kiddos I've had 3-8 years.
How long do you take to feel a bond, a comfort where you can let your guard down a bit, where you're not holding your breath wondering if you're 'doing okay', where you actually look forward to seeing their kids and talking with them?

I'm in the same boat! I really miss my "old" group! I'm having a little bit of difficulty connecting with them to. I think most of it is missing the older kids. Good luck!

[Familycare71]

Well... At least we know we aren't alone!!
:hug:

[Play Care]

[QUOTE=Familycare71;389639]I have new families too and I'm trying! I think it depends on the people... I think I do once they do - kwim? If they never cross that line I don't- I just follow the lead.
I also don't LOVE the kids yet- one is just whiney... No real personality and the other is non vocal (2) and just quietly follows my lead- I guess I like kids with a bit of spunk.
Hopefully it will get there! But there are some kids I will miss always and some that I loved but got over leaving and some I did a happy dance when the door closed the final time behind them...[/QUOTE]

Me too!

[LK5kids]

There are some families I never connected with and there are some families I connect with right away. Either way is just fine with me so long as I don't dread them coming. There have been two parents that I dreaded seeing them and I was so happy when they termed themselves for silly reasons.

This is so true, kind of like when a I meet new people. Some become instant friends and others I can hardly carry on a conversation with!

[Maria2013]

I think I do once they do - .

that's me.
...although I treat everyone the same, I only bond with those that seem comfortable around me...and usually by the second week, we no longer feel new to one another

[daycarediva]

I have new families too and I'm trying! I think it depends on the people... I think I do once they do - kwim? If they never cross that line I don't- I just follow the lead.
I also don't LOVE the kids yet- one is just whiney... No real personality and the other is non vocal (2) and just quietly follows my lead- I guess I like kids with a bit of spunk.
Hopefully it will get there! But there are some kids I will miss always and some that I loved but got over leaving and some I did a happy dance when the door closed the final time behind them...

Haha, yes, it takes me a long time to really love the kids! Don't get me wrong, I like them all, but love takes awhile to grow (and in some cases never really happens ). I feel so bad because one new girl was saying "I love you" to me within a week of attending and I try not to say those words unless I really mean it, so I've been saying "oh, you're such a sweetie!"

I REALLY miss my one (+ my own ds) that went to K. I do NOT miss another that went to K oneeee bit.

For both the kids and the parents, it takes me a while, and sometimes it never happens. 1 out of the 3 replacement families I have an instant connection with. Awesome kid, awesome parents. Mom and I get along great and I just know it will be one of those special families.