Gross Stuff- Vent, Soap Box, Sorry!!!!

[mrs.meg]

I have a child who will be 3 in January. He is constantly picking his nose. Last week he was showing everyone, my husband and the other kids. He has learned not to show it to others and to go get a kleenex, but now instead of getting a kleenex and throwing it in the garbage. He is wiping his finger on the toilet paper and not tearing it off or just wiping on a kleenex and not taking it out of the box. I went to the bathroom and found all kinds of "surprises" on my toilet paper and on the next available kleenex, YUCK! I have told the dad (he picks them up) that they have got to help me teach him that this problem is not acceptable, but they think he is a baby and do not expect that he can understand. He told me that he doesn't think it is necessary for him to be reprimanded for this, but his wife does. I am seeing that dad doesn't discipline at all and mom does some, but without help from dad, it seems the kids are running the show. This drives me crazy, why can't parents just be parents and stop being friends!!!!!

Here is my problem with both sets of parents I have: They do not EXPECT their child to understand basic manners, they seem to think that I am trying to teach a baby something. I KNOW that this child understands these things, but he just doesn't care because he is not expected to do anything at home because mom and dad are hovering over him like he is 6 months old. The other parent I have thinks that her almost 4 year old should be able to expose himself and pee outside in front of my daughters and everyone else because he is too young to understand that he has to go to the toilet and do this privately. Is it too much to ask that my daughters not have another child expose himself in front of them? He does understand because I have 5 daughters and for the past year and 1/2 I have taught him at my house going to the bathroom is private. We shut the door. If he is waiting until the last minute, then he better hide behind a tree outside, but I prefer the bathroom, just because this is my house, I will run it the way that I see fit, but I just don't understand why people have such low expectations for children, especially boys, under 5!!!! I am just upset with the parents because they act like I am being unreasonable to expect their children's wastes to be disposed of properly. I think they both are at ages where they understand what I am trying to teach them. These kids are cousins, so I guess this is just the way the family is. It is just grossing me out!

We live in a world where children are only expected to make good grades and go to college and be a success, but when it comes to behavior and manners, we have thrown that out the window!!! I want my kids to be successful, too but what about respecting themselves and others, that is just as important as their grades in my opinion!!!

[missnikki]

I can totally see how you must be very annoyed. I guess I would suggest starting some type of reward system (stickers, marbles in a jar, etc..)in your house for pottying/ nose blowing successes, then showing the parent IN FRONT OF the little guy- Explain what he gets if he uses the potty or throws his tissue away and say, "Maybe mom and dad can do this at home, too." Put them on the spot.
I guess I'm in that kind of mood.

[AfterSchoolMom]

The booger thing is just disgusting, but the urinating/exposure is just plain unexceptable. I can see where the not quite 3 year old may have problems remembering to wipe/blow his nose, but a child of 4 is quite old enough to understand that you don't pee outside in front of everyone.

I have boys myself, and I can't claim that they've never gone outside...but they find a place where people can't see them, and only in an extreme emergency - they certainly aren't allowed to do that in our own yard!

I see a trend of parents babying their children as well. It's up to you to decide what's exceptable in your own home, though.

[mrs.meg]

The reward system sounds good, and a good way to tell the parents, too.

I am glad that you all do not think I am being crazy, I will say that after one of my children almost died from a serious infectious disease, I have a slight fear of germs. I try to keep this in check, but when I see boogers or urine in places where other children are playing or putting their hands and how unsanitary that is, it does give me some anxiety. I just want everyone to stay healthy and I wish that people could respect that and parents would help support me in my efforts to teach their children things!

[DBug]

You've got to wonder what happens to these kids when they start going to school! I was watching a 4-year-old son of good friends, and while we were chatting at pick-up time in the front yard, the little guy had to go pee. So, instead of walking the 20 feet through the front door to the bathroom, he whips it out and pees -- facing the street! Thing is, the parents encourage this kind of behaviour . I made a big deal and said "What are you doing!?" in a goofy, mock-serious voice, but I probably should have been more serious about it.

But, I kind of look at it this way: not only are we teaching the kids culturally acceptable behaviour, we're teaching the parents that their kids are capable of understanding and living according to those "unspoken rules". And even if the parents don't get it, we still have the right to expect a certain standard of behaviour in our own homes. In the long run, we're doing the kids a huge favour by teaching them what their parents won't!