How Much Hitting Do You Tolerate?

[preschoolteacher]

So how much hitting do you tolerate from toddlers? I have a young 2 year old here who is adjusting to being in care. He is upset when other children approach him. I have been documenting what happens every time he hits or pushes. This morning (between 9:30 AM and 1 PM), he hit or pushed a younger toddler 10 times. Each time it was because the toddler walked near him or walked into the room... To give you a clearer picture, the toddler never took a toy from him or touched him... the toddler came near, sometimes just walking past him (not even paying attention to him) and the 2 year old hit/pushed.

We've talked about hitting/pushing (it hurts! it's against the rules!), read books, acted out/role played conflicts with dolls. He is very verbal and seems to "get it", but the hitting/pushing is not stopping. Today, I separated the 2 year old by putting up a gate and dividing the large room. He had toys and interesting things to play with on his side. I was not meaning for it to be a punishment, and it wasn't expressed that way. I simply was getting concerned about the toddler getting hurt.

The hitting/pushing is happening when I am right there by their side, so it hasn't been serious and no one has gotten hurt, but it is getting excessive.

What would you tolerate in a situation like this? I am putting an action plan together but would like to know what sorts of expectations are appropriate for this age and this situation (brand new to daycare).

[Blackcat31]

VERY little.

Here a 2 year old is considered preschool age.. (???)

Anyways, what I do for that kind of situation is a FIRM redirect immediately upon occurrence. The second time, I again, FIRMLY say "NO!"...sometimes I will add, "gentle hands" or "we don't hit" or something similar but for the most part, I just say no as I think kids that age really only need and hear one or tow words when being reprimanded or scolded.

After 2 incidents, I will separate the child from the group.

After a bit, I allow the child to rejoin the group.

Next occurrence buys them solo play OR shadowing me for the remainder of the day.

Rinse and repeat until they get it.

It CAN be done with kids that young. I currently have a 15 and an 18 month(s) old and both know to not hit...

I can't even tell you the last time either of them tried. Both are full time, every day kids so I do think the routine of daily attendance and parents who work WITH us makes a huge difference in how quickly kids pick up the rules and expectations of the environment.

HTH

[blandino]

Same as BC. We had a 15 month old who was hitting way more than I had ever seen before. Very firm redirection/seperation/shadowing and we are finally through it.

[butterfly]

Zero! I tolerate zero hitting for any age. I handle it as previously stated.

[Brooksie]

Same as PP. Its not ok no matter what age.

[JoseyJo]

Very very little here too. We had a big problem w/ a hitter a few months ago and had to term.

Our new dcb 22 mo tried to hit twice (he has been here about a month, so 2 times in a month) and I immediately told him "NO! NO! We do NOT hit! Hitting HURTS! We do NOT hurt people!" He looked at me like I was crazy but didn't do it again for a week or so, then tried again, got the same response and hasn't done it since.

If that would not have worked I would have termed. I will NOT have another child who is abusing the kids in my care. ***! That was the most terrible experience I think I have ever had in daycare

Edit- apparently the forum censors U G G

[Meyou]

Almost none. Like some of the others I've had good success with redirection and not letting them out of arm's reach when they're in a hitting stage. My two youngest are 18 months and rarely hit, if at all.

[preschoolteacher]

Thank you! I'm at a little bit of a loss here. It's actually gotten worse instead of better over the last week with redirecting, explaining rules, and separating the children. The 2 year old is very rarely with the toddler at this point unless I'm right there--and even being right there, the hitting happens. Every interaction they had this morning ended with the 2 year old hitting/pushing.

When you separate the hitting child from the others, what do you say to him/her?

I have a big playroom with all of the toys. When I separate him, he is in a living room off of the playroom. It is child-proofed, easy to supervise him (and the kids in the playroom), but the room is boring in comparison to the playroom. I put toys out there and I change it up so he's not stuck with the same stuff, but if he is playing there for an extended period of time (which he hasn't done yet), I'm worried about the parents thinking that is mean. Thoughts??

[Memc2001]

I do not tolerate hitting. I am in a similar situation right now. Since the school year has started, my daycare has become a living hell.
I have four 2-3 year old who are gunning for the Alpha toddler position. I have been separating, telling stories about "what our hands are for, etc". A friend who has twins suggested I not intervene anymore unless they are hurting each other. They are going to work it out eventually and it's good to let them figure it out. I agree but won't let them hurt each other.
So far today them working it out is better.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you! I'm at a little bit of a loss here. It's actually gotten worse instead of better over the last week with redirecting, explaining rules, and separating the children. The 2 year old is very rarely with the toddler at this point unless I'm right there--and even being right there, the hitting happens. Every interaction they had this morning ended with the 2 year old hitting/pushing.

When you separate the hitting child from the others, what do you say to him/her?

I have a big playroom with all of the toys. When I separate him, he is in a living room off of the playroom. It is child-proofed, easy to supervise him (and the kids in the playroom), but the room is boring in comparison to the playroom. I put toys out there and I change it up so he's not stuck with the same stuff, but if he is playing there for an extended period of time (which he hasn't done yet), I'm worried about the parents thinking that is mean. Thoughts??

Yeah, we aren't suppose to separate a child for a long period of time so I can see the issue there....

I guess what I would do is continue repeating whatever word(s) you use to let him know that hitting is not allowed/tolerated and I would have him shadow you for the day.

I would also have a talk with the parents to see if they will work towards curbing the behavior. Often times, if a child is an only, the parents aren't aware of the issue since their aren't any other kids present on a regular basis. I have also found that alot of times, the parent unwittingly reinforces the hitting by playing in that manner with their child or they think it's cute or funny.

I would set up a plan of action WITH the parents and then work at being consistent in BOTH environments.

When the child is with you, I think just being FIRM in your response, limiting his privileges; maybe not being allowed to play with a certain toy or activity until he has "earned" it by not hitting or pushing for a certain length of time.

[blandino]

Thank you! I'm at a little bit of a loss here. It's actually gotten worse instead of better over the last week with redirecting, explaining rules, and separating the children. The 2 year old is very rarely with the toddler at this point unless I'm right there--and even being right there, the hitting happens. Every interaction they had this morning ended with the 2 year old hitting/pushing.

When you separate the hitting child from the others, what do you say to him/her?

I have a big playroom with all of the toys. When I separate him, he is in a living room off of the playroom. It is child-proofed, easy to supervise him (and the kids in the playroom), but the room is boring in comparison to the playroom. I put toys out there and I change it up so he's not stuck with the same stuff, but if he is playing there for an extended period of time (which he hasn't done yet), I'm worried about the parents thinking that is mean. Thoughts??

I used the child's pack and play. When he hit, he went straight there. I have also used a super yard the same way.

[MotherNature]

I do it like blandino & Blackcat. Redirection, telling te child, "No, we don't hit." or "Hands are for painting, creating, etc.." Then separation or shadowing.

[Leigh]

How much I tolerate very much depends on the child. If the child is at an age where hitting is exploratory (under 30 months), I work with the child (and ask the parents to do the same) on learning that hitting is not acceptable. If the child were say, 5, I would probably use a 3 strikes rule. I watch a lot of foster kids with a history of abuse and/or neglect...these kids often hit out of frustration, anxiety, and anger about their situation-I will work with their therapist on ways to deal with their emotions.

Hitting is very much normal in the younger ages, and can often be quickly cured. I will separate an older child from the group, the younger ones are reprimanded and redirected. If I felt that another child were in danger because of the hitting, I wouldn't hesitate to term, but I will TRY to work on the problem in most cases. With the younger ones, they are trying to figure out what is and isn't acceptable, and hit because they get a reaction, so with them, I try to keep reprimands/redirection low-key and very calm (if you seem excited, they get what they want, and will go back to try it again!).

[Maria2013]

VERY little.

Here a 2 year old is considered preschool age.. (???)

Anyways, what I do for that kind of situation is a FIRM redirect immediately upon occurrence. The second time, I again, FIRMLY say "NO!"...sometimes I will add, "gentle hands" or "we don't hit" or something similar but for the most part, I just say no as I think kids that age really only need and hear one or tow words when being reprimanded or scolded.

After 2 incidents, I will separate the child from the group.

After a bit, I allow the child to rejoin the group.

Next occurrence buys them solo play OR shadowing me for the remainder of the day.

Rinse and repeat until they get it.

It CAN be done with kids that young. I currently have a 15 and an 18 month(s) old and both know to not hit...

I can't even tell you the last time either of them tried. Both are full time, every day kids so I do think the routine of daily attendance and parents who work WITH us makes a huge difference in how quickly kids pick up the rules and expectations of the environment.

HTH

that's me too

[Laurel]

I used the child's pack and play. When he hit, he went straight there. I have also used a super yard the same way.

I use the Magic 1, 2, 3 method of discipline so all I have to do now is say "Hitting is a 1." That stops it. Also what has worked with some is to say to hitter "Hitting hurt her, will you give her a hug?" M y occasional hitter will but I don't force them to. If I get to 3, it is p & p.

Edited to add: http://www.ehow.com/how_2106254_use-...iscipline.html

To this I would stress when you count or take the child to time out DO NOT speak except to say what I said above. Be calm. Pretend like you don't care one bit that they are whining, crying and begging.