Potty Training Conflict

[mrsnj]

I have a two yr old who's mom texted me one day saying dcg will be coming in underwear. She wasnt even training here cause mom told me to wait. Text came in over a weekend so mom is trying to tell me she went from never going to being trained in two days. So I responded pull ups first to see how she does. She doesn't do bad but will have accidents (pee n poop) and doesn't ask to go. I have to send her. She is very young. Doesn't do too bad for two but not ready for underwear.

I go on vacation and retry her in underwear when i return figuring they probably worked with her over that time. Two accidents in a row. Back to pull ups.
She ran out of pull ups last week. I am now having to use diapers as mom keeps ignoring my notice to bring more. I send home another note today stating to provide them as trying to train with diapers is difficult. She texts me. Texts....she will not provide them. She wants dcg in underwear. The text is demanding.

Ok. Issue number one.....this is my rules. You do not tell me what I should do. You may talk WITH me. Develop a plan together. But you don't come in demanding or telling me. I have the child more than the parents. I am the one training and I do not feel she is ready yet. Why would you want to upset the child by pushing when she clearly isn't there yet? I find it funny that her brother had pull ups at four for naps but they expect dcg to do it at two?! And what about naps. Your telling me you expect your untrained child to not have accidents during naps??

Issue number two.....you can't come in and speak with me. You text? Dcm is a mouse in person. She has issues making eye contact or being personable. I know she texted so she can hide behind it. She does not do well face to face. No way would she demand to my face which is why she hasn't said anything all week. Texting "I am picking up at three" is ok. Texting about this is inappropriate IMO. Call me. Discuss it in person. But not cool to text.

I deleted her text and didnt respond. I think this is something we need to discuss in person. Any suggestions on how to handle it? Honestly mad over the text and so I want to breath and handle it professionally. Would you say my rules, follow or walk? Cave to the moms demand? Suggestions?

[preschoolteacher]

Sounds frustrating. I would cool down and talk to her once you aren't worked up anymore! In person, I would tell the mom something like--DCM, my policy on potty training is children wear pull ups until they are able to successfully make it to the bathroom on their own 95% of the time (or whatever your policy is). I also require parents to send the necessary supplies to daycare with their child. DCG is out of pull-ups. I will need you to send some more before she can continue in my care."

Then I'd stop talking. You made your point and she can accept it or move on to some other provider.

[cheerfuldom]

Do you have your potty training policy in writing? I would provide a copy to her with the reminder that you can either continue training with provided pull ups or take a break from training and continue diapering her child. Either way, pull ups or diapers must be provided until her daughter reaches the goals outlined in the policies in order to wear underwear at daycare. If you receive any more texts or conversation showing that the parents are not fully supporting your daycare policies, you will provide a termination notice and ask that they find new care immediately. make sure you provide a copy of your termination policy in case she thinks she can walk out and term with no paid notice.

[JoseyJo]

. Would you say my rules, follow or walk? Cave to the moms demand? Suggestions?

I don't think I would bring it up in person as that would probably involve a conversation w/ conflict in front of the kids. I would write her a letter and give it to her at p/u.

In the letter I would outline your potty training policies, let her know that they are non negotiable, and that her providing diapers/pullups is non negotiable also. I would tell her in writing that you will not accept the child into care without the required supplies (all in a very professional manner of course!).

[Leigh]

You simply must stand your ground. Tell Mom that the child needs pull ups until she is accident free-I would insist on diapers until the child is at least somewhat reliable (I hate poopy pull-ups). I'd let Mom know that if the child shows up in underwear, she will be sent home for the day after the first accident, and that this will happen every time she dirties her underwear until she is 2 weeks accident free.

I have a feeling that either you or Mom will soon be ending your relationship.

[JoseyJo]

You simply must stand your ground. Tell Mom that the child needs pull ups until she is accident free-I would insist on diapers until the child is at least somewhat reliable (I hate poopy pull-ups). I'd let Mom know that if the child shows up in underwear, she will be sent home for the day after the first accident, and that this will happen every time she dirties her underwear until she is 2 weeks accident free.

I have a feeling that either you or Mom will soon be ending your relationship.

This is a good idea. I might steal it if I (knock on wood) ever have this problem!

[Cradle2crayons]

I completely agree with the others

I'd provide her with a reminder of my potty training policy and inform her that if she brings her child to daycare without my requirements whether that's spare clothes, diapers, etc, that I will refuse care.

My policies are NOT negotiable. Lots of things are, but not what's written into my policies.

The kids must meet ALL of my potty training requirements before they go into underwear here. NO EXCEPTIONS.

And I also use diapers (not pull-ups) on all non potty trained children. Pull-ups are just a glorified waste of money to make accidents looks cute and acceptable in children who should be in a diaper or underwear instead. I don't allow pull ups at all here.

[Lyss]

I'd talk to her face to face. I'd go over my potty training policy and let her know that if she wants to continue bringing DCG in underwear, with no pull ups like you requested, she will not be accepted into care. I'd also give her a copy of my potty training policy and if she is starts drama or is adamant about not bringing what you require I'd simply tell her she's more than welcome to check around with other providers to see if someone has a policy that's a better fit "but don't forget 2 weeks notice is required if you choose to leave" . I wouldn't be rude but I'd be firm, I don't negotiate on potty training.

Are the diapers DCG's or are you supplying them because mom refuses to bring in pull ups? I'd be charging per diaper if they aren't ones mom provided (unless that something you provide) because diapers are expensive.

[mrsnj]

The diapers are left overs from her. I do not provide.

I think the child is close for underwear but not there yet. A red flag is she has to be told to go otherwise she has an accident. She never goes on her own. That is not potty trained. That is potty training. I tried her after I returned and she didnt make it one day. That is not potty trained. Sending me three extra outfits is not potty trained. I don't understand the pushing. They didnt do this with the boy but expects it with the girl. I do not intend to use those three changes because she isn't ready and mom refuses to provide pull-ups. I agree. Don't want to work with me, then she might need to look elsewhere. I am not cleaning that up all day long. I don't think that's fair to me, the child or even my other children here. And expecting her to last during naps is unfair to her.

And I do not appreciate the demanding text.

[NeedaVaca]

I don't think some parents understand that in group care these accidents are unsanitary, time consuming to clean up and take away our time from all the other kids in our care. Just another point you can make when you speak with her...

[Cat Herder]

*will be coming in underwear.

*she will not provide them. She wants dcg in underrwear.

Any suggestions on how to handle it? Honestly mad over the text and so I want to breath and handle it professionally. Would you say my rules, follow or walk? Cave to the moms demand? Suggestions?

"I completely understand your desire for your daughter to be in underwear and that you are unwilling to provide pull-ups, I sure will miss you guys though.

I do wish you the best in your childcare search, if I can help in any way, let me know.

Here is your final bill to include the price of pull-ups for the *two week* notice period, this will be due in full by Friday. Have a safe drive!!"

[Crazy8]

I don't think some parents understand that in group care these accidents are unsanitary, time consuming to clean up and take away our time from all the other kids in our care. Just another point you can make when you speak with her...

THIS. I actually took a photo of one DCB's accident last week - because it was on a harder to clean area surrounded by toys. I wasn't "brave" enough to even show it to the parents but I really wanted to. They just have no idea that an accident does not just mean swiping a paper towel on the floor to clean it up.

I would respond to DCM's text that this is something that will need to be discussed and give her a time (at pick up or another time) where that discussion will happen. Do not let her demand anything!

[mrsnj]

"I completely understand your desire for your daughter to be in underwear and that you are unwilling to provide pull-ups, I sure will miss you guys though.

I do wish you the best in your childcare search, if I can help in any way, let me know.

Here is your final bill to include the price of pull-ups for the *two week* notice period, this will be due in full by Friday. Have a safe drive!!"

::::::::::::::

No I agree. She is looking at it from the perspective of its just her daughter. Disregard the kids around her or the toys on the floor at her feet or that I have to stop what I am doing to clean her bedding. Or the time it takes to clean her up after she has peed outside and played without saying anything and is not only covered in pee but mud too!

Child arrived with no pull ups again today. I have decided to let her go at it. And when she pees the outfits, I will pile it in a bag. And when she pees the playpen for naps I will wrap it up in a trash bag and it will be sitting at the door waiting with a note that says come tomorrow without pull ups, plan to stay home. Miss XYZ is NOT cleaning it up. I am done. She is the most disrespectful person. And to not TALK to me. A+ on open communication. Does well for working together. I am tempted to lay into dad when he picks up but I don't know if he is in on it. KWIM? He is rather quiet and just does as told. It isn't so much the potty training as the demanding and rudeness that is just eating at me. Way to find yourself in a pinch without care.

[Cat Herder]

She is the most disrespectful person. I am tempted to lay into dad when he picks up but I don't know if he is in on it. KWIM? He is rather quiet and just does as told. It isn't so much the potty training as the demanding and rudeness that is just eating at me. Way to find yourself in a pinch without care.

Ugh, I feel for you.... I think I had this couple, Dad was a "yes man" , Mom a troll... (ok, way unkind and generally unlike me BUT this woman...... )

I kept trying to work with dad and kid because they were great. Backfired and I was pulled into the divorce drama by the attorneys. Her issue micro-managing me was more about her failing marriage than my care. I hear she is remarried and a perfectly pleasant person, now. I just don't dare risk finding out...

Only you know how much you can stand. In hindsight, I should have termed when she tried to teach me how to do my job the first week.... ::::

[My3cents]

::::::::::::::

No I agree. She is looking at it from the perspective of its just her daughter. Disregard the kids around her or the toys on the floor at her feet or that I have to stop what I am doing to clean her bedding. Or the time it takes to clean her up after she has peed outside and played without saying anything and is not only covered in pee but mud too!

Child arrived with no pull ups again today. I have decided to let her go at it. And when she pees the outfits, I will pile it in a bag. And when she pees the playpen for naps I will wrap it up in a trash bag and it will be sitting at the door waiting with a note that says come tomorrow without pull ups, plan to stay home. Miss XYZ is NOT cleaning it up. I am done. She is the most disrespectful person. And to not TALK to me. A+ on open communication. Does well for working together. I am tempted to lay into dad when he picks up but I don't know if he is in on it. KWIM? He is rather quiet and just does as told. It isn't so much the potty training as the demanding and rudeness that is just eating at me. Way to find yourself in a pinch without care.

I wouldn't do this. I would make sure that you had a potty training policy in place that covers everything and go over that with her nicely. Explaining that until your child is accident free at my house for two weeks she must come in a pull up for sanitary reasons. I hear your frustration and I understand it but the parents are taking care of one child and not thinking about group setting or any of the other things we providers have to go through during potty training (cleaning,other kids to care for). I would also tell this parent nicely that for future issues that come up texting is not the preferred method on how you want to handle these, you prefer verbal communication for bigger matters.

For me until a child can tell me that they have to go and not be asked by me they are not potty trained. Pull pants up and down with little help. I let my parents know from day one potty training starts at home and I will get serious about it when parents are ready to do the work. I am not going to nag or bug a child all day to use the bathroom. I will help and spark interest.
Good luck-