Ugggh!

[TheGoodLife]

So my new DCF of 2 started a couple weeks ago. They are drop inthis month and move to regular M/F contract next month. DCG 21 months and DCB 4 years old. The kids do not have strong self-help skills and need a lot of assistance with daily things (posted before about the situation).
Last night I got a VM message that they are potty training the DCG I sent my policies to them last night and told dad at DO that I will see what she's ready for but I don't think she'll be ready quite yet. I require them to be able to verbalize that they need to go, pull their clothes and pull-up up and down, and be able to sit on the potty independently (I have a potty ring she can use- but DCM said she needs to be lifted on/off because she's too little to get on herself). Mom called during circle time and basically said she doesn't want her to lose her skills (just started potty training this past weekend), wants to bring her own potty chair (I don't allow them for DC), and said "I'll have to see what we want to do". Could have been talking about potty training, but I have a feeling it was about DC! The biggest problem is that I also started another PT family of 1 to fill in on T/Ths and if they leave I will need to find a FT person and then would have to get rid of the T/Th family
She's still adjusting to starting here, she's a "young" 21 months, and I don't have time to take DCG in the bathroom all throughout the day. She's no where near ready to potty train here at DC- WWYD?
Meanwhile I can't even give my own DD (2 1/2) that amount of time to potty train during DC hours

[Familycare71]

With potty training I am not very flexible. However if they are "starting" at home I wouldn't say much more unless they push the issue with you.
They know your policies. So unless they show up with dd in underwear I would say you are willing to "support" potty training at care. To me that means: asking at key moments if they would like to go (maybe snack, lunch, before nap, after nap). If they don't want to try I leave it at that. I also say when changing: next time maybe you can try to put your pee/poo in the potty! That is all I am willing to do until a dck shows interest and effort.
Maybe you stating your willing to support the start at dc it will be enough. Unless of course they already asked for more specific help... Then you'll have to let them decided to deal with it or term themselves-
Good luck!! :hug:

[Scout]

There is nothing YOU can do. It is up to her parents whether they continue to potty train her and send her to you. You made your policy clear enough and I think if you lose them: Yes, it'll stink that you need to find another family and term one BUT, you may have dodged a bullet with this family. If they are so willing to ask you to bend your policies already I can't imagine they'd by shy about it in the future.

[Familycare71]

There is nothing YOU can do. It is up to her parents whether they continue to potty train her and send her to you. You made your policy clear enough and I think if you lose them: Yes, it'll stink that you need to find another family and term one BUT, you may have dodged a bullet with this family. If they are so willing to ask you to bend your policies already I can't imagine they'd by shy about it in the future.

And families that "threaten" pulling drive me crazy!!

[preschoolteacher]

I think you should stick with your policies but change your tone. I bet the family gets the vibe that you "aren't willing to help." (Not that it's true--just their perception!)

I would tell them again what DCG needs to do in order to start active potty training here... You said: "I require them to be able to verbalize that they need to go, pull their clothes and pull-up up and down, and be able to sit on the potty independently."

I would explain what you do at daycare to encourage these skills so that she can move on to active potty training. You can tell them you read books about potty training to help build language skills so they can tell you when they need to go. You can have them practice dressing/undressing themselves and also dolls. You can get out a step stool to let them practice climbing or work on gross motor skills like climbing outside. And so on and so forth... Explain why these things HELP with potty training. If you come across as really positive, they might relax a little bit.

Every time you have to tell them no, I would quickly change gears and tell them what you will do. "No, DCM, I can't have a potty chair here. It's unsanitary. We WILL practice climbing up and down on the step stool so that DCG gets better at getting on and off the toilet on her own." Or... "No, DCM, I can't have DCG in underwear until she is accident free. We give potty reminders before lunch and before nap."

I'd also make sure to update them on her progress in meeting these pre-potty training skills. "DCG said poo poo today when I was changing her diaper! I think she's really learning the words. We are continuing to work on communicating when she has to go."

If they feel like you are working with them, they may relax quite a bit. You can also emphasize how well these methods have worked for you over the years. You could say... I do it this way because children end up much more capable and have fewer accidents.

Good luck!!

[Familycare71]

I think you should stick with your policies but change your tone. I bet the family gets the vibe that you "aren't willing to help." (Not that it's true--just their perception!)

I would tell them again what DCG needs to do in order to start active potty training here... You said: "I require them to be able to verbalize that they need to go, pull their clothes and pull-up up and down, and be able to sit on the potty independently."

I would explain what you do at daycare to encourage these skills so that she can move on to active potty training. You can tell them you read books about potty training to help build language skills so they can tell you when they need to go. You can have them practice dressing/undressing themselves and also dolls. You can get out a step stool to let them practice climbing or work on gross motor skills like climbing outside. And so on and so forth... Explain why these things HELP with potty training. If you come across as really positive, they might relax a little bit.

Every time you have to tell them no, I would quickly change gears and tell them what you will do. "No, DCM, I can't have a potty chair here. It's unsanitary. We WILL practice climbing up and down on the step stool so that DCG gets better at getting on and off the toilet on her own." Or... "No, DCM, I can't have DCG in underwear until she is accident free. We give potty reminders before lunch and before nap."

I'd also make sure to update them on her progress in meeting these pre-potty training skills. "DCG said poo poo today when I was changing her diaper! I think she's really learning the words. We are continuing to work on communicating when she has to go."

If they feel like you are working with them, they may relax quite a bit. You can also emphasize how well these methods have worked for you over the years. You could say... I do it this way because children end up much more capable and have fewer accidents.

Good luck!!

[TheGoodLife]

I think you should stick with your policies but change your tone. I bet the family gets the vibe that you "aren't willing to help." (Not that it's true--just their perception!)

I would tell them again what DCG needs to do in order to start active potty training here... You said: "I require them to be able to verbalize that they need to go, pull their clothes and pull-up up and down, and be able to sit on the potty independently."

I would explain what you do at daycare to encourage these skills so that she can move on to active potty training. You can tell them you read books about potty training to help build language skills so they can tell you when they need to go. You can have them practice dressing/undressing themselves and also dolls. You can get out a step stool to let them practice climbing or work on gross motor skills like climbing outside. And so on and so forth... Explain why these things HELP with potty training. If you come across as really positive, they might relax a little bit.

Every time you have to tell them no, I would quickly change gears and tell them what you will do. "No, DCM, I can't have a potty chair here. It's unsanitary. We WILL practice climbing up and down on the step stool so that DCG gets better at getting on and off the toilet on her own." Or... "No, DCM, I can't have DCG in underwear until she is accident free. We give potty reminders before lunch and before nap."

I'd also make sure to update them on her progress in meeting these pre-potty training skills. "DCG said poo poo today when I was changing her diaper! I think she's really learning the words. We are continuing to work on communicating when she has to go."

If they feel like you are working with them, they may relax quite a bit. You can also emphasize how well these methods have worked for you over the years. You could say... I do it this way because children end up much more capable and have fewer accidents.

Good luck!!

Thanks, that's great advice! My policy sheet is very black-and-white but with DCD in person I stressed the importance of her being more settled and not stressing her (she was sobbing and screaming at PU while we were having this convo- she is not even used to coming to DC yet since it's only been 4 days over 3 weeks so far!) and was very positive. All went well until DCM called and decided to have the discussion I stressed that I will work on pre-potty training skills first and will encourage but not push actual training yet, but I don't think it's enough for her. Right now the DCG is sitting there, refusing to put her diaper cover back on after her diaper change. She has VERY LITTLE self help skills, but DCM expects me to just do it all for her so that she won't "back-peddal" from what she's doing at home. Again, this is the family that expects me to wipe their 4 year old still. I have my FT advertisement out, I'm just sick that I have to start over again when I just got settled with this family and my other PT family. But I see a lot of "special" being demanded from this family already!