Relaxed DCP (Me) Vs. Uptight Nervous 1st Time DCM

[crazydaycarelady]

New dcm has written me 3 pages of notes for 9mo dcgirl. She got an excellent reference to me from her relatives who I have watched 3 kids for the past 6 years.

The notes had directions for making her finger foods small (squishing blueberries and beans first), telling me to watch her carefully, to check on her when he sleeps, what order to feed her food, undress her and only have her sleep in her onsie, not to microwave her milk.

I have been doing this job a looooong time. This isn't my first baby, or even my 10th, or 20th!

[Blackcat31]

As a mom..................I totally "get it".

As a provider............ I cringe at the thought of these kinds of parents

As a co-worker.......... ((((hugs)))) this can be a difficult situation to deal with

As an on-line reader...... :: :: ::



~ Sorry I DO know how you feel. I had a DCM text me the other day telling me not to forget to give her child water if we play outside since it was really hot that day.... I just smile and usually sit on my hands for fear I will text something smart-alec-y back.

....you know like "Give your child food if they get hungry."

[Crazy8]

I get that a lot.... most of the time I just grin and bear it. most of the time.... ::

[Jack Sprat]

Sorry I laughed! :hug: I understand how frustrating that can be.

[Michelle]

as tedious as these notes are... I probably would be a lot worse!
that's why I am taking care of my own kids...

I would be the dcm that most vents were made for...with the exception of payment policies... I would totally not mess that up for the provider.

I make my own dh take pics of our daughter every few hours with his phone...when he takes her for a daddy day.. um and she is 10 ...

[Leanna]

I used to internally roll my eyes and think "duh!" when a parent told me something like that (cut their food, watch them, give them water, etc.). But then a year or two ago I had an interview with a mom who said that she knew that she offended her provider occasionally. She gave the example of telling her provider that the grapes for her daughters lunch had to be cut into quarters. She said she could tell she offended the women when she said it BUT that she would continue to provide all appropriate information regarding the care of her daughter because [I]she doesn't know what the provider doesn't know.[I]

That really put things into perspective for me. It really is true. Sure they meet with us and tour and interview. They know a little about us but in reality may have only met us 2-3 times before they leave their child with us. So they don't know what we don't know! Yes, they have to build trust with us but, in general, I'd rather have a parent tell me something that I already know than to wonder and feel nervous. For example, I recently enrolled a new infant and her parents are super nervous about daycare. I told her mom the other day that the baby loved swinging in the baby swing in the backyard. Her mom asked, "Was she buckled in?" I could have been like, "Well, duh! I've been working with kids for 12 years! I know to buckle them in!" BUT I thought "she doesn't know what I don't know! She didn't ask in a rude or sarcastic way, she genuinely felt worried about it. I was happy to reassure her because if I was the parent, I'd want a provider who took everything I said about my child seriously.

[MarinaVanessa]

That type of information from a parent comes from a place of concern for their child. They don't see you as an inept person otherwise they wouldn't be leaving their child with you. They are doing it for their own peace of mind.

As a parent it doesn't feel great when you have to leave your child with someone else for the majority of the day and there may be some self guilt issues there. Them leaving you pages of instructions is just their way of easing their own fears and trying to be a parent even when they can't directly be there.

I don't take it offensively. I take their written instructions and thank them for them "Thanks Susan. The 7 pages of typed, single spaced, front and back instructions of how you do things at home really gave me some insight of how to help baby Suzie transition. I put them in her file for reference. I'll give you a call in case I have trouble and need your help"
* Parents feelings are validated
* They feel like they did their job (as parents)
* They feel better about leaving their child with you
* They feel they matter to you and that there is open communication
* You get them out of your hair

[cheerfuldom]

I agree with everyone. Its pretty entertaining for us as providers but it normally comes from good intentions on the parents part. some parents are in such a bubble and feeling so pressured to do everything "right", they forget that there are millions of kids raised all over the world and plenty of people that can handle basic infant care. There is no need to remind me to give a thirsty kid water LOL but whatever. as long as they arent texting and calling all day like I might set the place on fire if they are not checking up on me constantly.

[crazydaycarelady]

I agree with what you ladies have said. Some of the things seem ridiculous though like the order that I give her her food. What difference could it possibly make?

[MarinaVanessa]

I agree with what you ladies have said. Some of the things seem ridiculous though like the order that I give her her food. What difference could it possibly make?

Exactly, and how would she know what order you give them. It's her way of trying to stay in control when she feels she has none.

[Leigh]

I actually ASK them for those kinds of instructions...I think it puts them at ease to feel that I care about how they want their child cared for. Things that are not important to me may be a big deal to them or to the child. I accommodate the parents' requests when I am able to (and if they aren't too outlandish). I had a mom who insisted that I give her 7 month old a blanket at nap time...that's something I just won't do.

Things like squishing blueberries...some kids have different capabilities than others. Yes, it's pretty obvious that a 9 month old shouldn't have whole blueberries, but we know that someone, somewhere is giving whole grapes or blueberries to their little ones.

I guess I wouldn't take offense at these things...the parents are just trying to keep their kids safe and comfortable. If it's something that really doesn't matter and you are not going to do it, just smile and nod. If it's something that is a big deal and you can't or won't do it, just be honest: I can not give your child a blanket because it puts the child at risk for asphyxiation, and it is against my licensing rules.

[MotherNature]

I used to internally roll my eyes and think "duh!" when a parent told me something like that (cut their food, watch them, give them water, etc.). But then a year or two ago I had an interview with a mom who said that she knew that she offended her provider occasionally. She gave the example of telling her provider that the grapes for her daughters lunch had to be cut into quarters. She said she could tell she offended the women when she said it BUT that she would continue to provide all appropriate information regarding the care of her daughter because [I]she doesn't know what the provider doesn't know.[I]

That really put things into perspective for me. It really is true. Sure they meet with us and tour and interview. They know a little about us but in reality may have only met us 2-3 times before they leave their child with us. So they don't know what we don't know! Yes, they have to build trust with us but, in general, I'd rather have a parent tell me something that I already know than to wonder and feel nervous. For example, I recently enrolled a new infant and her parents are super nervous about daycare. I told her mom the other day that the baby loved swinging in the baby swing in the backyard. Her mom asked, "Was she buckled in?" I could have been like, "Well, duh! I've been working with kids for 12 years! I know to buckle them in!" BUT I thought "she doesn't know what I don't know! She didn't ask in a rude or sarcastic way, she genuinely felt worried about it. I was happy to reassure her because if I was the parent, I'd want a provider who took everything I said about my child seriously.

That's a good way of looking at it.

[cheerfuldom]

Exactly, and how would she know what order you give them. It's her way of trying to stay in control when she feels she has none.

exactly.

I have a current mom that labels the babies food as breakfast or lunch. who cares? this little one certainly didnt. its not a like a baby is going to refuse oatmeal because its not breakfast time! but she likes labeling things and is very organized so I let her do her thing....but I am not going to panic if his food is out of order LOL

[misslori50]

As a mom..................I totally "get it".

As a provider............ I cringe at the thought of these kinds of parents

As a co-worker.......... ((((hugs)))) this can be a difficult situation to deal with

As an on-line reader...... :: :: ::



~ Sorry I DO know how you feel. I had a DCM text me the other day telling me not to forget to give her child water if we play outside since it was really hot that day.... I just smile and usually sit on my hands for fear I will text something smart-alec-y back.

....you know like "Give your child food if they get hungry."

TOTALLY agree