Would You Say Anything?

[cheerfuldom]

a local childcare provider started an FB group to connect with other providers in our area. I think its a great idea. but this admin that started the group is brand spankin' new to the industry and allows talk of all sorts on the board. I havent seen any names of children or parents listed....yet....but its very easy to figure out who is talking about who, at least it is for me. We live in a good size town (about 100K) but it seems much smaller. For instance, one of the providers has complained a lot about a particular child and I happen to know this child and parent. There are several others that I know. I just know a lot of people and to be honest, if I see any alarming talk, I would tell the parents as I would want to be told if it was me or my child being spoken about. I havent told anyone anything yet because for the most part, most of the talking is venting or people actually looking for ideas. but this is a really small town when you get down to it and I do worry that some of these providers are being a little fast and lose with their complaints and their specifics on a family that is bordering on inappropriate regarding privacy policy type stuff. I dont think the admin would really understand if I approached her about this. She runs a very small group and just got started and has very little experience so I dont think she would take this seriously and actually, she is one of the providers participating in the complaining. would you try to post a gentle reminder about being careful about specifics given about families?

The whole thing started because one particular provider was very unashamedly bashing a family. She was not happy at all working for them, was very specific about the family although she did not say names, and she was making me nervous about how much she really disliked the mom. I knew who this family was and felt that I should go ahead and tell the mom (who is a friend of mine). right when I was about to, the mom friend termed this provider. I know for a fact she hadnt been happy with the care for awhile so the whole thing finally exploded. I personally know the provider as well and find her to be a complaining, unhappy person who should not be doing childcare but whatever. the whole thing blew over without me becoming involved but again, its likely this scenario will come about again. I know a lot of providers and a lot of parents in my area!

what would you do? maybe I should just unjoin the group but its hard to do that when there is so little connection with providers in our area. I do enjoy some of the ladies on the group and it is a good way to advertise openings or respond to other people looking for childcare.

[Meeko]

I wouldn't get involved. They're all adults and must deal with any fall out themselves. I understand your concerns, but you don't want to get a reputation as the "snitch" even if your heart is in the right place.

[Starburst]

If you know the provider who is doing this, you could make an anonymous complaint to licensing about unprofessional practices (breaking confidentiality rules if it is obvious who the family is)- but I would unfollow the page and delete any posts you may have made there so you don't get implicated (though it might be hard for licensing to see it if its set on private).

At the same time, if you do unfollow and she notices (if not many people on the list) and gets a complaint by licensing then you would be the prime suspect and she and the other providers on the list may ostracize/target you (i.e. spreading rumors about you or your business).

Its a double edge sword.

[nanglgrl]

We have a group like this in our area and I'm an admin on it, we also live in a pretty small town but our group is open to the entire state. It's a great group to have because our regs are the same and everything else is simiiliar (prices, weather, etc.) unlike here where things can vary so much. I complain as do others on the site but mostly we cheer for and help each other.
IMO as long as they aren't giving names or addresses etc. they aren't really breaking privacy. Maybe it's just because you know the family or new that the family was with this provider so it was easy for you to put 2 and 2 together. Of course I could be wrong it just seems that if she wasn't using a name or address that you wouldn't know she was talking about a certain family if you didn't know who they were. In this group we have the private thread where people tend to go into more detail because its not open to the public but they still refrain from using names, to me it seems the same but again I could be wrong.
If I heard a provider say anything that would make me question the safety of the children in her care I would report it in a heartbeat though.

[Familycare71]

I wouldn't get involved. They're all adults and must deal with any fall out themselves. I understand your concerns, but you don't want to get a reputation as the "snitch" even if your heart is in the right place.

I wouldn't get involved- it sounds like an open group so if parents want they can join. Someone gave me very good advise once: it is not my business what other people think of me... If its a big enough issue they will go to each other- until then its a vent IMO. I had a friend that reported everything anyone else ever said about me- we were in the same church groups oddly anyway- they were vents and things that didnt really effect anyone until she ran to me, then I would say something to whom ever and it turns out it wasn't worth the time or energy it took- eventually I told my friend that unless some one comes directly to me I don't want to know...

[MyAngels]

I wouldn't get involved. They're all adults and must deal with any fall out themselves. I understand your concerns, but you don't want to get a reputation as the "snitch" even if your heart is in the right place.

[Play Care]

I wouldn't get involved. They're all adults and must deal with any fall out themselves. I understand your concerns, but you don't want to get a reputation as the "snitch" even if your heart is in the right place.

So long as they are not talking about doing things against regs or abusive behavior, I would stay out of it. Often we think we know who someone is talking about and we really do not. I know there have been times I've been 100% sure they were talking about Susie when they were really talking about Sally. And even if you do know for sure, it has nothing to do with you. Your friend may have been unhappy with her care, but clearly the provider felt she had reason to be unhappy with your friend.

On a side note, while I understand the need to vent, I try to shy away from providers who seem to do it all the time. While there are hardships to this job (any job, really) if that's all they can focus on then I don't need that negativity. Nor do I want to be painted with the same brush.

[e.j.]

what would you do? maybe I should just unjoin the group but its hard to do that when there is so little connection with providers in our area. I do enjoy some of the ladies on the group and it is a good way to advertise openings or respond to other people looking for childcare.

I wouldn't say anything directly but I would remain a member for the above reasons. I would just remain very professional in any of the replies or messages I post and stay away from any bashing. Who knows? You could be a positive influence on some of the other members of the group who are also not comfortable with the bashing.

[sleepinghart]

a local childcare provider started an FB group to connect with other providers in our area. I think its a great idea. but this admin that started the group is brand spankin' new to the industry and allows talk of all sorts on the board. I havent seen any names of children or parents listed....yet....but its very easy to figure out who is talking about who, at least it is for me. We live in a good size town (about 100K) but it seems much smaller. For instance, one of the providers has complained a lot about a particular child and I happen to know this child and parent. There are several others that I know. I just know a lot of people and to be honest, if I see any alarming talk, I would tell the parents as I would want to be told if it was me or my child being spoken about. I havent told anyone anything yet because for the most part, most of the talking is venting or people actually looking for ideas. but this is a really small town when you get down to it and I do worry that some of these providers are being a little fast and lose with their complaints and their specifics on a family that is bordering on inappropriate regarding privacy policy type stuff. I dont think the admin would really understand if I approached her about this. She runs a very small group and just got started and has very little experience so I dont think she would take this seriously and actually, she is one of the providers participating in the complaining. would you try to post a gentle reminder about being careful about specifics given about families?

The whole thing started because one particular provider was very unashamedly bashing a family. She was not happy at all working for them, was very specific about the family although she did not say names, and she was making me nervous about how much she really disliked the mom. I knew who this family was and felt that I should go ahead and tell the mom (who is a friend of mine). right when I was about to, the mom friend termed this provider. I know for a fact she hadnt been happy with the care for awhile so the whole thing finally exploded. I personally know the provider as well and find her to be a complaining, unhappy person who should not be doing childcare but whatever. the whole thing blew over without me becoming involved but again, its likely this scenario will come about again. I know a lot of providers and a lot of parents in my area!

what would you do? maybe I should just unjoin the group but its hard to do that when there is so little connection with providers in our area. I do enjoy some of the ladies on the group and it is a good way to advertise openings or respond to other people looking for childcare.

I wouldn't get involved. They're all adults and must deal with any fall out themselves. I understand your concerns, but you don't want to get a reputation as the "snitch" even if your heart is in the right place.

So long as they are not talking about doing things against regs or abusive behavior, I would stay out of it. Often we think we know who someone is talking about and we really do not. I know there have been times I've been 100% sure they were talking about Susie when they were really talking about Sally. And even if you do know for sure, it has nothing to do with you. Your friend may have been unhappy with her care, but clearly the provider felt she had reason to be unhappy with your friend.

On a side note, while I understand the need to vent, I try to shy away from providers who seem to do it all the time. While there are hardships to this job (any job, really) if that's all they can focus on then I don't need that negativity. Nor do I want to be painted with the same brush.

~Hi Cheerfuldom ! ~I wouldn't get involved if it were me, and I would probably unsubscribe or whatever you call it, from the group too. I quoted the two(2)above posts because I must say I really agree with them and have bolded the parts of them that I thought were really important/helpful. Please let us know how it works out or if anything else happens(because with the way you describe admin. it sounds like it just might )and also if you need more advice/supportlovethis.

[countrymom]

luckily you didn't have to get involved. But I don't know what I would have done. I think it depends on how much I'm good friends with all the people involved.

we have a fb group too, but I can't join it because you need to be a member of this homedaycare group so its only for them. But I have a provider friend who is in this group and two weeks ago informed me that they are doing a witch hunt for providers. If they see your ad on kijjiji and they don't like it or if your looking for a helper or if they think you are over your numbers they are now going to call the ministry of education (which regulates us out here)