How Much Do You Allow?

[snbauser]

I have all preschoolers for the first time since I started 11 years ago so I'm wondering how much if any do others allow the "jail" and "dead" talk. For some reason it bothers me. I haven't had too much of a problem with it before and would usually ignore the jail unless it got to be too much and would address the dead with we don't talk like that at school. But now I have a very "rough" almost 4 year old girl that started last week and it seems that is all she wants to play. She and another boy are constantly building "jails" out of blocks and putting things in jail. Or she is doing things like running over block people and saying they are dead or putting people or animals into buildings she has made and saying things like they are going into hot lava and dying. There is no "gun" play aloud here so that hasn't been an issue. Just curious what others thoughts are on this.

[Moppetland]

Have you spoken to her parents about her play? If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do. I bet that she is being allowed to see inappropriate shows or movies. Then again, depending on her family's dynamics, she may be playing like that with possible cousins or so forth.

If you are going to speak to her parents about this, make sure to not accuse them of letting her watch inappropriate movies or TV. Just speak about how she is playing and your concerns and see what happens. If the parents are letting her watch too many violent movies, they may correct that then she may calm down with that type of play.

I hope this helps.

[VTMom]

I don't allow gun play or dead games/play/talk either. Hot lava is a huge topic here, and as long as there are no casualties (it's usually discussed as an obstacle), I'm ok with it. I explain to the older kids that we have younger children here too, that are not old enough for "those" kinds of games, so it's off limits at daycare. They typically get it, although it comes up regularly.

I haven't encountered the jail topic yet. I wonder if someone she knows is in jail and she's trying to work that out.

I've read that playing these types of things can actually be beneficial. The kids are trying to figure out scary topics through play. While I understand that thought, I just think that it's the parents' decision to allow something like that, not mine.

[snbauser]

Wanted to add this child has an older brother that is just starting Kindy so some of it might come from there.

[nanglgrl]

I would let my daycare children (and my children) do all of these things. I also allow gun play and will only intervene when things get excessive. I allow these things because I'm comfortable with it and you should only allow what you're comfortable with.
I agree that some if the play can come from television, siblings and friends but I also think it can come naturally and just be part of the process of making connections and problem solving. That's just my view though and though there are plenty of studies that agree there are just as many that don't.

Edited to add: I don't actually buy toy guns but don't stop them when they make other objects into guns.

[itlw8]

I do not do Jail, guns, dead no police as the bad guy..

I remind them the police is our friend to help keep us safe from people who do not follow the rules... We can be firefighters and save people and put out fires a bear in a cave... I do not make a huge deal out of it. But I do steer them to something that is better.

[daycare]

I would stop it now while you can. I have a dck who is now 5, very smart little girl. She went to kinder last year and was suspended for saying your dead to one of the kids on the playground. they were playing shark girl and lava boy??? (not sure that's right) The schools don't mess around with that kind of stuff.

I would just intervene and say, lets build a cottage, do you know what a cottage is? Maybe read them a book about Red Riding Hood who visits her grandmas cottage. Then you can build one out of blocks.

When she is running people over, you need to tell her what that means. Maybe if she understood what that meant, she would not want to do it anymore. I would say, if you were to get run over by a car, you would not be here any more, and everyone would miss you very much, we, your mommy, daddy, your toys etc would never get to see you again and that would be very sad. Tell her that is what happens when people die.

I would show her a different way to play with the people and cars. Tell her that we are kind and gracious. At this age, I give the kids words that they usually would not hear, like gracious. It opens up the floor for a good conversation.

To me it sounds like she is watching TV shows she should not, but I don't know anything about the situation with your DCK and the family.

Hope that things work out for you.

[Leanna]

I don't allow any gun/dead/weapon play here. When they pretend to shoot or build a gun with Legos, I remind them that guns hurt people and that we have to be careful not to hurt one another. When they play "dead" I intervene and say, "Everyone would be so sad if you were dead. Let's be alive." I haven't had any kid question that.

As far as the jail play goes, I have had a few build jails out of Legos or blocks. I just have a conversation with them about it. "Wow, you built a jail. Jails are for people who make really bad choices. I wonder what your tiger did to be put in jail?" (they are always putting toy animals in their jails ). I let the kids play it out as long as it doesn't turn violent.

[Maria2013]

I don't allow any gun/dead/weapon play here. When they pretend to shoot or build a gun with Legos, I remind them that guns hurt people and that we have to be careful not to hurt one another.

That's what I do!
...I stopped dealing with "dead" once I removed the "killing" games, but we do talk about death if they come to me with questions (my dog died)...death is part of life, and no matter how sad, I wouldn't treat it as taboo

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

We don't do guns or dead at daycare.

[LK5kids]

I don't mind dead or jail. To me kids are trying to make sense of the world and they know about these things and may need to explore these topics. If it became excessive or kids got really wild playing these things ( just like anything they are doing) I'd cut them off!

Your child may have a relative in jail or maybe a family friend. I used to do parenting classes at the county jail in our small community. I only visited the moms....plenty of moms in jail here even in our small, rural community.

I draw the line at gun play. They can do that at home

[snbauser]

I think I may limit or redirect some of the dead and jail after talking about what it really means. We do not allow gun play at all. I focus on preschool and prek. Our schools have a zero tolerance for it so they might as well get used to it now. At least here they will just be reminded that we don't play guns at school. If they make a gun out of whatever in kindy, they can be suspended.