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It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life. Lives are forever changed because I offered to help.
:My DH and I have been talking about having a surrogate. I have a TON of questions. I don't know where to start. If you don't mind can you PM or tell me here about your experience etc.
Thanks!
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Oh Lavender ::
My DH and I have been talking about having a surrogate. I have a TON of questions. I don't know where to start. If you don't mind can you PM or tell me here about your experience etc.
Thanks! -
A link to laws/outcomes by state:
You can click on your state to find out specifics.Comment
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For those of you that have done it.. How much do you get paid? Do you have an idea of how much parents to be have to spend at all?Comment
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Update
I contacted a long time friend-one that once told me she would carry a child for me.
Well I contacted her and she said she would still do it! happyface
I bought one of those home kits. Now its just the waiting game until next month
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I'm a 3x going on 4x surrogate (I will be matching with my intended family next month and hoping for Jan/Feb transfer). I PM'ed you, Silversabre.
To the PP that stated she had a c-sec...Only SOME agencies restrict if you have EVER had a section. I do know surros who have done up to THREE sections. Most OB/RE offices will cut off after that for safety reasons.I had a crash c-sec with my own twins prior to surrogacy. I was still qualified. Since your baby was LATE, you'd have a better chance than what I thought I had having my twins early (but still got approved because the c-sec had to do with presentation AND multiple gestation so the risk was limited to that specific case). It can be done!
As far as pay/costs: It's a range. If you're a first time surrogate, the average is $18k-22k (depending on state) + medical insurance and expenses but I know surros who have done it for nothing but expenses (ESP in Canada, where comped surrogacy is illegal) and others who have done it for more (I don't know many IP's willing to pay first-timers a whole lot more. Many will pay a couple thousand more to experienced ones, but not all). If you're an IP, you should have around $80-$100K (it's broad due to some people need to use egg or sperm donors) and be prepared for ANYTHING! You should also secure insurance for the baby after he/she is born.
Anyone is free to ask anything. It doesn't bother me. I do have an agency and if anyone is serious about either doing surrogacy as a surrogate OR an IP, pm me and I'll name the agency.Comment
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You NEED a contract in place before you proceed. Uncompensated does not matter. Which state will the baby be born in? I might be able to point you towards a lawyer who specializes in surrogacy contracts. I'm so happy for you that you found a friend to help!
ETA both parties should also have FDA screening done.Comment
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Oh yes. We plan on having a contract signed before she gets pregnant and after the baby is born. Can you please tell me what all needs to be in it? Do we have to have a lawyer or will a notary be good?
And not to totally sound stupid but what is a FDA screening? I have never heard of that.
Thank you SO much Lavender!Comment
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I've always wanted to be a surragate so thank you for this post. I'm saying a prayer for you former teacher.
Can you pm me the name of the agency? My youngest child has a super rare chromosome disorder (totally random, not genetic) but I am worried that that would disqualify me.Comment
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The surrogate should also have an OB visit and have the Dr. check and make sure everything looks good. I had a lot more testing too, but it was required by the clinic we used. Other than infectious diseases and OB health, you should be okay.
Generally both parties should have their own lawyer (yes, even with uncompensated). Ours was a good 30 pages! It covers everything: all the what ifs (what happens if you die while she is pregnant, what happens if she is fatally injured before viability but life support could be utilized to get you there, what happens if she is put on bedrest and needs financial help with childcare and housecleaning, if your state allows pre or post birth court orders (most do, even ones mentioned previously on this thread as thought to not be surrogacy friendly) how must it be spelled out so that the correct parents' names are placed on the birth certificate, etc. The contract is going to be specific to the state the baby is born in so the lawyer who drafts it should be familiar with the surrogacy laws of that state.Comment
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Definitely contracts and be VERY thorough with them. I help surrogates review contracts. Lawyers often will write them in favor of the IP's or the surrogate and forget the other side also needs protection. Insurance is a big place where many times, contracts need severe adjustments.
One thing to know: NEVER (if you're a surrogate) EVER put another person's baby on your insurance. It is insurance fraud because you signed a contract before getting pregnant KNOWING you are not the child's parent and therefore, it is already pre-determined that the baby is not yours, and your contract would prove it if your insurance agency chose to take you to court to pursue a request to pay them back + damages and they still have the right to sue if they find that you knowingly submitted a non-dependent to receive services they are not entitled to. (Read your insurance packet, there is a lot of info in there). You also must send your insurance packet into your lawyer for review at the beginning of your journey. For example, some insurance companies will exclude surrogacy altogether, so if you're an IP, you have to secure some type of insurance for your surrogate. If you're a surrogate, you may have to wait for the IP's to secure you a policy.
There are some that INCLUDE surrogacy if you are acting as the surrogate. mine does. It's great! But those companies are very rare.
That's one major area I saw some serious conflict in the contracts. I'm writing up my contracts NOW and I don't even get through that phase for awhile but I'll basically send all my corrections to the lawyer for review.
Another area is Lost wages. You want to make sure that if you go on bedrest (surrogates) you do not lose a bunch of money because you can't do your job. Make SURE you keep very good records if you are self-employed because you have to prove your income prior and then again during any time you are out.
Taxes: That's on you. Either you will report or you won't. The agency won't be responsible for any fall that occurs from not filing your taxes. You are not 1099'ed with all agencies so you HAVE to consult with a tax expert so you are guided directly. If you're already self-employed, you already have a higher chance of being audited. You really want to follow your tax professionals' advice for your own protection.
Medical stuff: You will need copies of your OB medical records and hospital birth records. You may as well get them ready before you ever apply. You will take an MMPI-2/MMPI-2RF test and some of the agencies will use a SKYPE camera to observe you while doing it (SO DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE!!!
LOL), others will actually have you do it at their office during your psychological/medical screening.
After the birth: Pre-birth order is the way to go in my state. Some states won't grant you one. If that's the case you do it in the way of an "adoption" but your orders should specify you are a surrogate, and not a birth mother. Your husband will sign a paternity acknowledgement form stating he is married to you but is NOT the child(ren's) father.
My best advice I can give is try very hard NOT to transfer multiple embryos! Unless you are prepared to carry twins or more, you do want to be very conservative. Transferring 1 carries the same chance of pregnancy as transferring 2. EXCEPT transferring 2 gives you a higher risk of actually carrying two where if you transfer 1, carrying twins from that is much more rare. Your heart will want to transfer more than one because everyone's story is very sad. But as a person who has been pregnant with twins THREE times and carried to term once, twins is no joke. Losing one of them isn't either. It's very difficult on you and your IP's emotionally, you physically and many times the babies physically. Additionally, while some people will say "It'll cost IP's $10K each transfer", I can promise you that is NOTHING compared to what they'll pay the NICU if their multiple babies go there for severe complications that often are associated with multiple gestation. Not to mention, if surromom has to have a c-section and ends up with complications related to the surgery. A lot can happen, so an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure!
If you take all the proper precautions and everyone protects themselves, ESPECIALLY IP's who can be screwed if not doing enough research (Surros can be screwed too, but usually it's monetary. IP's get screwed both monetarily and emotionally if the surro breaches contract and keeps the baby)
With anything, do your research. I love my agency. I have never had any REAL issues (with ANY business that handles such sensitive things, you'll have SOME problem with them at some point along the way) and with all the horror stories I have heard from people who switched (and then came back), I'm just going to use them for my 4th and final journey! They're great! If I was qualified to work there, I would apply because all the co-workers I'd gain are very awesome!
I don't name my agency here because I prefer to be PM'ed for my own privacy. I hope that can be understood and no one is offended.Comment
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