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I have a 3 year old child in my daycare that I have had for about a year now. At first there was no problems at all. However in the last few months it is getting very difficult to watch him. He will not play with toys or other kids. He wants to lay on the floor with his blankey or sit by the wall by his self. Now he wont even eat and all he wants is his bottle (yes the parents still have him on a bottle). I have other kids that are younger then him, and when they go anywhere near him, he gets so worked up and most of the time ends up kicking, or hitting. I have tried to speak to the parent and they just brush it off.(actually they are kinda rude about it and say thats how he is at home). Is there anything I can do to help him, or do I just need to give the parents my two weeks. I can't let other kids in my care get hurt, and I refuse to put him in a play pin to keep them separated, and I can't just focus on him with other kids here. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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In my daycare, blankets are for naptime. From week one they are not allowed to roam around with a blanket or a bottle. I'm not sure what you can do at this point... -
Thats how it here also. 1, he is 3 and will not get a bottle here. The kids have there cups in the kitchen which is where they need to stay. and 2. He is not allowed his blanket other then for nap. But thats one of the problems. He get so worked up with not wanting to be bothered by the other kids, that it get to a point where all he wants is those things and gets even more upset when he can't have them. So thats where im struggling. If I try to get his attention on a toy or something so he will calm down, he refuse to even play with toys.Comment
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A 3 year old is still on a bottle??? Wow.
What you're having is a parent problem, really. They are babying him.
All you can do is express your concern and refuse to give him the blanket our bottle while in your care. Or blanket just at nap time. You could try to get him to join into activities, but some kids are just introverts.
Of course, none of this could work if the parents aren't on the same page.Comment
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there is obviously something going on with that child!
..if that would to happen to me and the parents didn't cooperate in solving the problem, I would first contact and report that to DHS so that they have on record (to avoid being blamed for it in the future) then I would see if I got help or I needed to quit working for that familyComment
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I'm fortunate to have a nap room. When a child throws a crybaby fit, I tell them to go lay down until they stop crying. If they don't go, I say nothing & carry them in there, kicking & screaming. They don't get a blanket, bottle, attention or control. They always calm down after realize it isn't working for them. Getting worked up works for him. Don't let it.Comment
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At 3 years old and at this level of anti-social behavior.....I really think that there could be a delay or special needs going on here. He has been there for a year with limited access to his blanket and no access to his bottle (at your house at least from the sounds of it) and is progressively getting worse....its not looking good at all. If the parents are not receptive to a discussion on this, you need to term. You can write up a term letter today, send all his items home in case they choose to not come back. I would allow a two weeks notice but more than likely, they wont come back. I personally wouldnt charge if they dont come back. At this point, nothing is going to get their attention outside of repeated "no's" and "this is not normal behavior" from caregivers and doctors and eventually they won't be able to deny that his behavior is extremely inappropriate.
I will say that he sounds exactly like a daycare girl I have that did turn up to be special needs. She had issues connecting with others and would cry and throw fits if people came too close. She did not play in age appropriate ways. she is 4 now and was finally connecting with other kids her age and interested in toys....baby toys, but still it was progress. This was after a year of therapy and early intervention.Comment
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Thanks everyone
When he started a year ago he was much better. It has gotten worse over time, and nothing has changed here. The rules are the same as from day one. When I do talk to the parents They tell me hes just not a people person. I think at this point its better to keep the other kids safe and give them the attention and care they need and term him. Thanks for all of your advice.
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WHAT parent says that about their own child??? REALLY.....I am jaw dropped..Thanks everyone When he started a year ago he was much better. It has gotten worse over time, and nothing has changed here. The rules are the same as from day one. When I do talk to the parents They tell me hes just not a people person. I think at this point its better to keep the other kids safe and give them the attention and care they need and term him. Thanks for all of your advice.
well maybe the apple did not fall far from the tree....???
Curious, is this child part time or full time?Comment
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He is full time. He gets droped off at 7:00 and gets picked up at 5ish. Oh trust me these parents have no clue. I really do think it is an issue with parenting, for instance they tried to get him off the bottle by giving him a sippy cup full of pop and expected me to give to him all day while he was here. Ummm heck NO. I think they let him do what ever he wants to make him happy. Im not gona do that and now its the way it is. I do also think there is something going on with him as well, but when I bring it up im shot down very quickly. The only reason Im worried to term him is because they will put him into a group daycare school (which I have nothing against) but if he can't handle his self in an in home daycare with 5 kids, how is he gona do in a school at this age. I keep telling my self it shouldn't be my problem but I really do feel bad for him. I just don't think I can give him anything else to help himComment
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We all want to be the hero in these kid's lives, but unfortunately, that is not always possible. So sad...
Looking at the bright side, hopefully when the center, and the next provider after that, tell them the same thing you did, maybe they'll listen.
Instead of outright terming, one option would be to call a meeting. Sit them down and look them in the eye.
Say something like "As you know, I have x number of years experience working with young children, as well as countless hours of training (or a degree, if applicable). I am telling you straight out, SOMETHING is wrong. Johnny needs help. It makes me SO SAD to see him here, day after day, missing out on fun and learning opportunities.
Now, you can stick your head in the sand about it, but that will not help him. I KNOW you love him, and want him to grow up happy. So, let's get him evaluated. If I'm wrong, then no harm done, if I'm right, then he'll get some help. IF you decide not to do this, I will have NO CHOICE but to terminate our arrangement. You decide".
Giving them an ultimatum may get him help, or else your done anyway. So, why not give it a try?
Have information about who to call ready. Call that person, and (without giving names), explain what you're seeing. Tell her the parents are hesitant, and if they call, she needs to secure an appointment right away. You could even offer (to both parties) to have them come to your home for the evaluation (I've done this) if you're comfortable.
It is going above-and-beyond, but sometimes that's what we do. It does make letting go easier if we've tried every avenue. Good luck...:hug:
If you really don't think a face-to-face like that is possible, PM me. I will help you write this in letter form...evaluate or no choice but to term. Childcare blackmail!
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That was my thought too. Has he always been this way or has he regressed? I don't think you can refer to anyone without parental permission, but maybe you could call Social Services and explain the situation? I don't know if they can help but I'd feel guilty terming without trying to help the child.Comment
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We all want to be the hero in these kid's lives, but unfortunately, that is not always possible. So sad...
Looking at the bright side, hopefully when the center, and the next provider after that, tell them the same thing you did, maybe they'll listen.
Instead of outright terming, one option would be to call a meeting. Sit them down and look them in the eye.
Say something like "As you know, I have x number of years experience working with young children, as well as countless hours of training (or a degree, if applicable). I am telling you straight out, SOMETHING is wrong. Johnny needs help. It makes me SO SAD to see him here, day after day, missing out on fun and learning opportunities.
Now, you can stick your head in the sand about it, but that will not help him. I KNOW you love him, and want him to grow up happy. So, let's get him evaluated. If I'm wrong, then no harm done, if I'm right, then he'll get some help. IF you decide not to do this, I will have NO CHOICE but to terminate our arrangement. You decide".
Giving them an ultimatum may get him help, or else your done anyway. So, why not give it a try?
Have information about who to call ready. Call that person, and (without giving names), explain what you're seeing. Tell her the parents are hesitant, and if they call, she needs to secure an appointment right away. You could even offer (to both parties) to have them come to your home for the evaluation (I've done this) if you're comfortable.
It is going above-and-beyond, but sometimes that's what we do. It does make letting go easier if we've tried every avenue. Good luck...:hug:
If you really don't think a face-to-face like that is possible, PM me. I will help you write this in letter form...evaluate or no choice but to term. Childcare blackmail!
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