Kids Nowadays...So Different

[hgonzalez]

I have been a daycare provider for a very long time. I have never had a more dysfunctional group of kids then I do right now. I feel bad for saying that, but honestly don't understand what is happening to kids.

They don't listen, they are disrespectful, sneaky and their social skills are terrible. It is difficult to even have fun with these kids because I spend so much time just managing behaviors. I will ask them a question and they just sit and stare at me; a simple yes or no question. I have a child who will strike out at another child physically and then run in the corner and cry saying 'no-one will play with me'.

Has anyone else noticed this trend in kids recently?

[Cat Herder]

I noticed the trend... but think the kids are the same.

I think it is the lack of parenting time that has changed.

Common themes:
Daycare/school 10-12 hours a day
Every other weekend with each parent
After school activities w/o parent involvement

They are being fed, entertained and sheltered, but who is parenting???

[Play Care]

I have been a daycare provider for a very long time. I have never had a more dysfunctional group of kids then I do right now. I feel bad for saying that, but honestly don't understand what is happening to kids.

They don't listen, they are disrespectful, sneaky and their social skills are terrible. It is difficult to even have fun with these kids because I spend so much time just managing behaviors. I will ask them a question and they just sit and stare at me; a simple yes or no question. I have a child who will strike out at another child physically and then run in the corner and cry saying 'no-one will play with me'.

Has anyone else noticed this trend in kids recently?

I posted yesterday about being in the "sweet" spot of child care with my group. But it takes soooo much work to get them to this point. A long time provider friend and I discussed this a while back. When she first started out, she never had to tell kids they couldn't climb on her kitchen table or jump on her furniture. Or we will be sitting with the kids (3+) during painting or play doh and tell them not to eat/put it in their mouth only to have kids munching on play doh or licking paint (yes, we are right there - heck sitting next to them!). I am totally an "eyes on" supervisor and there are so many times I think to myself "Don't they realize I am RIGHT here!!!" They do, but they don't care... When ever I have an issue in my program my first thoughts are if there is something that I am doing/not doing that is creating the issue? And then I go from there. I am extremely hard on myself when things are not going smoothly so I can say that there are times I know "it's not me - it's them!!!"::::::

After 20 years my friend called it quits. She was an amazing provider who ran an inclusive program. She was snapped up by her state's child care office (they ****ered her in :: ) cause they knew her and her program well

Long story short - what Cat Herder said::

[Jack Sprat]

I agree!!! I feel like most of my days this past summer was spent breaking up arguments and explaining why its not okay to watch endless t.v. or eat junk food. The lack of respect and understanding that I am not a maid was huge too. My own 4 yr old does more to help around the house and has more manners then many of my dcks. :confused:

[mom2many]

I noticed the trend... but think the kids are the same.

I think it is the lack of parenting time that has changed.

Common themes:
Daycare/school 10-12 hours a day
Every other weekend with each parent
After school activities w/o parent involvement

They are being fed, entertained and sheltered, but who is parenting???

Yep...This exactly! It is sad. For the most part I have wonderful kids with terrific parents, but occasionally I do get a situation like this and feel bad for the kids. I believe it is becoming more common and try my best to stand in the gap by offering a loving "home" atmosphere, but I can't "parent" them, so it's def not the same.

[jenn]

I noticed the trend... but think the kids are the same.

I think it is the lack of parenting time that has changed.

Common themes:
Daycare/school 10-12 hours a day
Every other weekend with each parent
After school activities w/o parent involvement

They are being fed, entertained and sheltered, but who is parenting???

Exactly.

I see more and more of it as we are beginning to have children of a generation of parents that were not really parented themselves- children who were raised by the TV and video games now having children themselves. However, I also see a lack of parenting with my older parents as well. They are so busy with career and "me time", that I'm not sure the child fits into their life.

[Laurel]

I have been a daycare provider for a very long time. I have never had a more dysfunctional group of kids then I do right now. I feel bad for saying that, but honestly don't understand what is happening to kids.

They don't listen, they are disrespectful, sneaky and their social skills are terrible. It is difficult to even have fun with these kids because I spend so much time just managing behaviors. I will ask them a question and they just sit and stare at me; a simple yes or no question. I have a child who will strike out at another child physically and then run in the corner and cry saying 'no-one will play with me'.

Has anyone else noticed this trend in kids recently?

I think our society is going through growing pains.

Mom used to stay home and now she is working. People used to date for a few years before living together and getting married. It used to be looked down upon if a woman was pregnant without being married (not that it is necessarily good but it is a fact). I remember when 'quality time' was all the rage. I personally think quantity time is what is needed.

I tell my grown children that it used to be that boy and girl date, get married and have children. Now it seems like boy and girl sleep together after either one or a few dates, have baby, move in together and then 'maybe' get married. It is kind of turned around.

Now we 'need' education at 3 years old or younger. Children are expected to do more at an earlier age. Children are rushed. I started kindergarten at 5 and there wasn't much academics, just playing and guess what "I can read now!" When I was a kid I didn't get my first Barbie doll until I was in middle school. In the 8th grade Barbie was all the rage. I'm not sure what 8th grade girls do nowadays but the 3 year olds have the Barbies. If Barbie is still even politically correct anymore.

I have a hard time pulling my older grandchildren away from t.v., video games, etc. They absolutely love doing other things but I feel like I have to try so much harder than I did with my own three. Times have changed.

Stores don't close at 5 p.m. anymore cause all the working families need to go later I guess. I see parents with their kiddies out till 9 or 10 p.m. Guess who gets them the next day?

That said, there are a lot of good parents. It just seems harder nowadays to raise them.

Laurel

[Laurel]

I noticed the trend... but think the kids are the same.

I think it is the lack of parenting time that has changed.

Common themes:
Daycare/school 10-12 hours a day
Every other weekend with each parent
After school activities w/o parent involvement

They are being fed, entertained and sheltered, but who is parenting???

Laurel

[cheerfuldom]

huge disconnect with their parents. many have no siblings. kids are around adults all day. or put into daycare, programs, activities and most of that is again, away from the parents and with kids just their own age. past generations had a lot more exposure to a variety of kids. every other family had four and five kids and people played outside in groups not in structured programs that are constantly trying to teach kids versus letting them play and explore and develop naturally.

[Josiegirl]

I think it stems hugely from parents being afraid to actually parent. Everybody's stressed out, they don't want to make their children cry, they're apt to give in easier or more often, and there aren't a lot of consequences doled out compared to years ago. As a child I respected my parents. I didn't always like what they made me do or how they handled it but when they said it was time for bed, etc., you didn't argue with them. It wasn't filled with manipulation from the child, making deals, bribery or rewards. You did it because it's what you were asked to do. So many kids walk all over their parents. They haven't learned the fine art of respecting their elders.
I have a dcg who has wonderful manners, is super polite and helpful. If she hears me tell everybody it's clean-up time, quite often she'll have the playroom half down before anybody else lifts a finger. I've seen her mom and grandmother in action and they take no guff from this little girl.
IMO lack of respect for people and things, plugged in too much of the time, and what they're plugged into, are all contributing to this trend.

[Laurel]

I think it stems hugely from parents being afraid to actually parent. Everybody's stressed out, they don't want to make their children cry, they're apt to give in easier or more often, and there aren't a lot of consequences doled out compared to years ago. As a child I respected my parents. I didn't always like what they made me do or how they handled it but when they said it was time for bed, etc., you didn't argue with them. It wasn't filled with manipulation from the child, making deals, bribery or rewards. You did it because it's what you were asked to do. So many kids walk all over their parents. They haven't learned the fine art of respecting their elders.
I have a dcg who has wonderful manners, is super polite and helpful. If she hears me tell everybody it's clean-up time, quite often she'll have the playroom half down before anybody else lifts a finger. I've seen her mom and grandmother in action and they take no guff from this little girl.
IMO lack of respect for people and things, plugged in too much of the time, and what they're plugged into, are all contributing to this trend.

I think many parents today feel guilty that they aren't home with the children so tend to indulge them when they are. Consider the "with dad this weekend and with mom the next weekend" also.

I give many parents the credit for not following into that mold though.

Laurel

[Laurel]

huge disconnect with their parents. many have no siblings. kids are around adults all day. or put into daycare, programs, activities and most of that is again, away from the parents and with kids just their own age. past generations had a lot more exposure to a variety of kids. every other family had four and five kids and people played outside in groups not in structured programs that are constantly trying to teach kids versus letting them play and explore and develop naturally.

Also my daughter just said tonight that when moms were home they networked and it was kind of like "it takes a village". She said people are meant to be together in groups and not isolated like they are nowadays. Except for our daycares, most kids here are in daycare centers during the summer. They are institutionalized so the parents can both work and seem to have a lesser sense of community in general.

Laurel

[daycarediva]

i noticed the trend... But think the kids are the same.

I think it is the lack of parenting time that has changed.

Common themes:
Daycare/school 10-12 hours a day
every other weekend with each parent
after school activities w/o parent involvement

they are being fed, entertained and sheltered, but who is parenting???

bingo!!!!!!!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I think many parents today feel guilty that they aren't home with the children so tend to indulge them when they are. Consider the "with dad this weekend and with mom the next weekend" also.

I give many parents the credit for not following into that mold though.

Laurel

I very vocally give parents who are doing a great job a GREAT amount of credit. Other daycare parents have heard me praise them when they discipline their child for not listening to them upon leaving. Those parents do not hesitate to tell their child no, correct the bad behavior, etc. while leaving daycare. I tell them that their child is so blessed to have them as their parent and they will grow up to be wonderful citizens! The other parents who "beg" their children to do what is right but never actually make them do so just look shocked.

[Laurel]

I very vocally give parents who are doing a great job a GREAT amount of credit. Other daycare parents have heard me praise them when they discipline their child for not listening to them upon leaving. Those parents do not hesitate to tell their child no, correct the bad behavior, etc. while leaving daycare. I tell them that their child is so blessed to have them as their parent and they will grow up to be wonderful citizens! The other parents who "beg" their children to do what is right but never actually make them do so just look shocked.

That's a good idea. I'll have to start doing that.

Laurel