16 Month Old Smacks

[Brooksie]

I have a 16 month old boy here who smacks everyone for everything. You could walk in front of him or be playing with something he wants, or just picking him up when he doesn't want you to and he smacks the crap out of you. He will hit you 3-4 times in the face, or on your back or where ever he can reach. Its driving everyone crazy, especially his mom. She really lets him rule the roost. Definitely only child syndrome. Here, when he smacks I will tell him "NO HIT" and will pick him up and move him into the play yard. Its not helping. Any other ideas? I know it takes time but not its rubbing off on my 15 mo old who now hits just because. I think the 15 mo olds problem is a bit different. He has a sister with very severe CP and if he smacks her she laughs. Kind of encourages it without knowing. Now if he smacks you he cracks up. If you tell him NO HIT, he laughs harder. Help me!

[Heidi]

I think it's become a habit for this little guy.

Since everyone knows he does it, take the opportunity away as much as possible. Tell him you are picking him up, then be ready. Hold him facing out if possible, or be ready to grab the flying hands.

He's getting a lot of attention for it, IMO, and that's fueling the fire.

I would also just keep him somewhat confined unless you can be right there. The more opportunities he has to hit, the more he will do it, and the more it reinforces the behavior.

[Cat Herder]

I'd suspend him for violent behaviors to give mom a consequence for enabling this behavior.

Yes, the behavior is age appropriate for the kid, but Moms response to it is not. Put the onus back on Mom to discipline this behavior or risk losing her slot.

This can easily be flipped on you by parents of the other kids in a report as "she let's this kid hit my kid....."

IME, This is another one of those sticky situations that can be used against you. Tread carefully.

**I had an awful experience trying to "help" a mom like this once only to have it backfire when she decided our plan "was too harsh" (we met in my kitchen for over four hours working on that mutual behavior plan!!! It included a bean bag chair, books and a dry erase board. Yep, harsh I tell ya.). In hindsight Mom was the issue and I never could have helped her.

[Leigh]

Hitting is quite a normal thing at this age. Were it me, I would tell Mom that while you recognize hitting as a normal part of exploration at this age (they're trying to figure out what they can and can not get away with), that you will not tolerate it for long.

When the child hits, say "no, hitting is not allowed", and immediately remove the child from the situation. A time out is not at all appropriate for this age, but putting him in the playpen for a minute to isolate him from his victim is not a bad thing...just don't leave him there as "punishment", because he doesn't understand that concept yet. He will start to realize that no one wants him to hit when he is removed from the situation.

Let Mom know what you decide to do to deal with it, and ask her to do the same at home. **I**would give the child at least 6 weeks for the behavior to mellow out. It may come and go a few times before the child turns 2, it may not.

[Brooksie]

Hitting is quite a normal thing at this age. Were it me, I would tell Mom that while you recognize hitting as a normal part of exploration at this age (they're trying to figure out what they can and can not get away with), that you will not tolerate it for long.

When the child hits, say "no, hitting is not allowed", and immediately remove the child from the situation. A time out is not at all appropriate for this age, but putting him in the playpen for a minute to isolate him from his victim is not a bad thing...just don't leave him there as "punishment", because he doesn't understand that concept yet. He will start to realize that no one wants him to hit when he is removed from the situation.

Let Mom know what you decide to do to deal with it, and ask her to do the same at home. **I**would give the child at least 6 weeks for the behavior to mellow out. It may come and go a few times before the child turns 2, it may not.

This is exactly what I'm already doing. I will talk to her about how long I am willing to work with them if it continues. I did talk with her earlier this week when she expressed concern about him hitting her, and I told her this behavior is a common stage. But its starting to be a safety issue, which I why I think I should put a time limit on it.

After I posted OP he looked like he was going to hug the 15m dcb (this is a new thing for both of them and are generally really good and gentle about it) but instead he grabbed him and shook him back and forth while screaming in his ear. As soon as I saw him grab instead of hug I immediately rushed over and had to pry him off of the other boy who was obviously distraught. (this was only a matter of seconds, mind you. I very closely supervise the kids) But this is what I'm NOT willing to deal with. This is violent behavior that is escalating. I have a special needs girl (13 years) that has severe CP. I was thinking, if I had been in the process of taking her out of her chair to change her (I have to carry her to the couch and she's about 45lbs) I would not have been able to separate them as fast as I was this time. That concerns me greatly.

***The boy that is now doing all this hitting and grabbing and screaming was my 'biter' a few weeks ago. He worked through that and now his occasional hitting has become a serious problem. It was literally as soon as he stopped biting he started taking this other stuff to the extreme. Trading one for the other I supposed. ***

[Leigh]

This is exactly what I'm already doing. I will talk to her about how long I am willing to work with them if it continues. I did talk with her earlier this week when she expressed concern about him hitting her, and I told her this behavior is a common stage. But its starting to be a safety issue, which I why I think I should put a time limit on it.

After I posted OP he looked like he was going to hug the 15m dcb (this is a new thing for both of them and are generally really good and gentle about it) but instead he grabbed him and shook him back and forth while screaming in his ear. As soon as I saw him grab instead of hug I immediately rushed over and had to pry him off of the other boy who was obviously distraught. (this was only a matter of seconds, mind you. I very closely supervise the kids) But this is what I'm NOT willing to deal with. This is violent behavior that is escalating. I have a special needs girl (13 years) that has severe CP. I was thinking, if I had been in the process of taking her out of her chair to change her (I have to carry her to the couch and she's about 45lbs) I would not have been able to separate them as fast as I was this time. That concerns me greatly.

***The boy that is now doing all this hitting and grabbing and screaming was my 'biter' a few weeks ago. He worked through that and now his occasional hitting has become a serious problem. It was literally as soon as he stopped biting he started taking this other stuff to the extreme. Trading one for the other I supposed. ***

I wonder what kind of reaction the child gets at home for hitting. At this age, they are not capable of empathy. If he is getting an "ouch!", it's reinforcing the behavior. If the hitter gets a laugh, even better. I feel that the family must be working with you on it, or it will escalate. It's HARD to get a parent to agree with you, and putting a time limit on it is just the right thing to do-it's the only leverage you have with the family. If the child is improving by the end of your time limit, you can always extend it if you wish to, or just end the relationship.

[Lil'DinoEggs]

My own son is 16 mo and is a hitter and biter. So far he has not bitten other children and us parents and itnhas been several months. He just stopped hitting children. He just started grabbing now. He will grab children's clothes, they freak out and run, he gets a fun ride, it is hilarious for him.

1. No reaction. Ay reaction good or bad reinforces.
2. Gentle touches. For hitting or grabbing, I guide his hand and and say gentle touches until he says and does gentle touches back.
3. Great opportunity for kids to learn their tolerance and to not over react. I tell them his grabbing is like when kids tease. You ignore them and they walk away.
4. Distraction and redirection

A lot of work? Yes! Would I do it if it wasnt my kid and I could just term him? Idk. I like challenge kids because it is a challenge, but I would have my limits. Also, it helps since I have seen the progress in the last six months.

[melilley]

I have a dcb who is 23 mo and hits, pulls hair and used to bite. He started with me at 18 months. Like pp, I also tell him to do gentle touches and guide his hand and have him do gentle touches and do lots and lots of redirection and also shadowing. I also tell him that whatever he does hurts and have the kids that he hurts, if they can talk, tell him that it hurts.
He used to bite or attempt to bite all the time, but after a few months-yes months-the biting has stopped. Hopefully soon the hair pulling will stop too.
I didn't term because the parents were working with me so that we did the same thing at home and here and he stopped biting and the other dcp's were mostly understanding and knew that we were working on it. Plus, if he were to go somewhere else, who knows what would happen there. But then again, if he were still biting now, 6 mo. later, I probably would term. I believe in trying to work with a child until all attempts to stop the unwanted behavior(s) are exhausted or if it is causing other families to leave my care.