Is It Ok To Ask About The Father?

[jokalima]

Hello,

Never been in this situation before. If a mom does not mentions the dad, is it ok for me to ask? I would like to know because is good to know what to say to the child whe others are talking about their dads and family.

[Josiegirl]

The subject didn't come up when she filled out paperwork? Such as who could pick up, or emergency contacts? I guess I'd casually mention it in conversation and simply ask if there's a dad in the picture who might be picking up at any time. You might also ask if there is any court documents preventing him from p/u?

[mrsmartin2007]

Hello,

Never been in this situation before. If a mom does not mentions the dad, is it ok for me to ask? I would like to know because is good to know what to say to the child whe others are talking about their dads and family.

That is something that I would ask during the second interview, if nothing is filled out on their registration form. Its good to know for safety. What if the dad is an insane stalker looking to harm the family? (A story I read on a previous thread) You should know what type of situation you are getting yourself into.

[Cat Herder]

Yes, you should ask.

Legally if he shows up at the door demanding to take the kid you have to let the kid go. (after calling police to verify since you have no photo ID, of course )

Mom should be aware of that possible sticky situation.

[coolconfidentme]

My DCKs usually tell all in the first week. Crazy stories too!!!

[mrsmartin2007]

My DCKs usually tell all in the first week. Crazy stories too!!!

And they tell them so good!! I had one child tell me "My mom HATES my dad" I was stuck for a moment then tried to explain no she doesn't hate him they just had a disagreement. The child was persistant is saying oh no she HATES him. We have to be careful what we say and do in front of the little ones. Their brains are like sponges, they soak up everything.

[Brooksie]

Yes, you should ask.

Legally if he shows up at the door demanding to take the kid you have to let the kid go. (after calling police to verify since you have no photo ID, of course )

Mom should be aware of that possible sticky situation.

This. Unless there is a court order in your hands, you would have to release the child to the father. You need to know what the relationship is.

[SilverSabre25]

If mom doesn't mention, I'd just casually ask, "Oh, and dad? Is he in the picture, or....?" and leave the opening for her to explain.

[Leigh]

I always ask about parents and step parents. I address it in my handbook, as well. For the safety of the child, I feel that I HAVE to know if parents are not on good terms, if there is or was an ugly custody fight, if Dad is not legally allowed access to the kids, etc. I then let them know that I expect them to behave as adults and work these things out AWAY from my home, and that I will not allow them to involve my home in their battles. Lots of people think my handbook is harsh, but I try to address every situation that matters to me in it. I read through it page by page to the parents, explaining my position, and hand them a copy at the end of the interview. I ask them to read it thoroughly and sign and return it with their deposit if they feel that they can live with it. I tell them that I am actually a very flexible person, and will work with them, but that if the handbook addresses it, it is law.

[jokalima]

She has jot signed paperwork yet, she is coming today for that and it would be the second time I meet with her. In first interview she did not mention a dad in picture so I was a bit confused and did not feel like asking at that moment, but I guess today is the day to ask. Thanks

[jokalima]

I always ask about parents and step parents. I address it in my handbook, as well. For the safety of the child, I feel that I HAVE to know if parents are not on good terms, if there is or was an ugly custody fight, if Dad is not legally allowed access to the kids, etc. I then let them know that I expect them to behave as adults and work these things out AWAY from my home, and that I will not allow them to involve my home in their battles. Lots of people think my handbook is harsh, but I try to address every situation that matters to me in it. I read through it page by page to the parents, explaining my position, and hand them a copy at the end of the interview. I ask them to read it thoroughly and sign and return it with their deposit if they feel that they can live with it. I tell them that I am actually a very flexible person, and will work with them, but that if the handbook addresses it, it is law.

could you share that part of handbook?

[Leigh]

could you share that part of handbook?

Sure, it's just a paragraph to remind them of our discussion at the interview:

NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS:

If a non-custodial parent is NOT allowed access to a child, I will need a copy of your court order directing this parent to stay away from the child. I can NOT refuse to release a child to someone I know to be a parent of a child in my care, unless I have seen the custody agreement. That said, I will also NOT release a child to a parent that I do not know who can not provide identification. If you and your ex are not on good terms, I understand. Please don't try to put me in the middle of it, and try to work out your differences BEFORE they affect things at my home.

[MotherNature]

oooh-that's good! I may have to add this to my phb. I haven't had this problem come up yet though..

[Heidi]

I have a dcb who has no father. There is no father listed on his birth certificate or in his paperwork. Mom consulted an attorney after she found out she was expecting (under not so happy circumstances), and went according to his advice.

I happen to know this because I knew mom before she was my daycare client.

Sometimes there is no father, at least not in the legal sense.