Feeding A 19 Month Old Who Doesn't Speak

[nanglgrl]

I have a 19 month old child that started 2 weeks ago. The family is vegetarian so they decided to provide all food. The food usually consists of a lumpy mixture of vegetables and other ingredients and cut up fruit.
Mom admitted that she's been spoon feeding the child (he's her first so she didn't know when she should start letting him feed himself).
For the first week I fed him and for the second week I fed him by placing his hand on the utensil and placing my hand over his and bringing it to his mouth while voicing every step. I haven't seen any progress. Today he got in his chair to wait to be served with the other kids and then just sat there. I told him to pick up his spoon and put it in his mouth and he didn't even look like he comprehended the words even though I must have said those words over 100 times last week.
I know he won't starve in the few hours he's here but I do wonder if he will even try to feed himself if hungry. I don't think mom would be very happy if he went home without eating a bite in 4 1/2 hours.
I'm also concerned that he's not talking. He makes noises but I don't hear anything that sounds like a word. The family is from another country so I'm unsure if he says anything in their language. I don't know how to nicely but not invasively ask if he says anything in their language.
I guess first and foremost I'm wondering about the feeding issue. Do any of you have any suggestions or tricks? I wonder if the speech and feeding may be linked, if the child is just stubborn or delayed. What would you do?

[Heidi]

Children who are learning two languages often appear delayed in their speech. I happen to be an expert on that; we moved her when I was 3 and sis was 2, and I've had quite a few ESL kids in my program. Just keep talking..

As for the self feeding, it's obviously a cultural thing. A lot of people in other countries aren't into the whole "let 'em get messy and figure it out" thing. Again, encouragement. I would try offering him some finger foods (as mom for some) and crackers, toast, or other things to bite off. Starting with a spoon is a big step for him if he's never done any self-feeding.

I'd give him one spoon, and you get another. Feed him, but also encourage him to dip his spoon in his bowl and try. I'm sure he'll catch on soon enough.

[melilley]

I have a one year old here who's mom would "feed" him his sippy cut and said that he refuses to do it himself at home. Well here, I can't always feed the cup to him. I just kept offering it to him, putting his hands on it and putting it up to his mouth. If he absolutely wouldn't drink, I would put the cup up to his mouth and have him hold it and I would help him and after a few sips I would let go. After about a week of doing this, walah! He could do it! Ever since then his mom has made comments of how he holds his cup at home now.
I would just do what I did and what Heidi suggested. Keep offering him the spoon and showing him what to do and eventually he will get it.

[preschoolteacher]

I wouldn't jump to thinking he may be delayed. He very well could be saying things in another language that you don't understand! Or, like Heidi said, bilingual kids often start talking later. You could ask the mom something like--"Are there any words he is working on saying in XXX language at home? I'd like to be able to use some of them here with him at daycare--in addition to English--to communicate with him better and help him adjust." I think most people would like that. On my child intake form, I actually have a section that asks if the child speaks another language other than English and, if so, what words in that language is the child using (for young toddlers and those just starting to talk. Obviously this list would be way too long for an older child!).

I think the feeding issue is probably cultural, too. It will probably take some time for him to adjust to your daycare. The way I've heard it explained before is that some cultures are "taking care of" cultures--they show love by taking care of their children to the point where we might think it's babying them, but mainstream American culture is all about independence. There is no right or wrong. It's just different.

[TheGoodLife]

I wouldn't jump to thinking he may be delayed. He very well could be saying things in another language that you don't understand! Or, like Heidi said, bilingual kids often start talking later. You could ask the mom something like--"Are there any words he is working on saying in XXX language at home? I'd like to be able to use some of them here with him at daycare--in addition to English--to communicate with him better and help him adjust." I think most people would like that. On my child intake form, I actually have a section that asks if the child speaks another language other than English and, if so, what words in that language is the child using (for young toddlers and those just starting to talk. Obviously this list would be way too long for an older child!).

I think the feeding issue is probably cultural, too. It will probably take some time for him to adjust to your daycare. The way I've heard it explained before is that some cultures are "taking care of" cultures--they show love by taking care of their children to the point where we might think it's babying them, but mainstream American culture is all about independence. There is no right or wrong. It's just different.

I was wondering if you'd be wiling to share your intake form- I have one but I don't really like it.

[blandino]

We have had 2 European families, 1 German and 1 Austrian. Heidi worded it perfectly when she said they DON'T let the child get messy and figure it out.

One was 11 months when she started, and hadn't self-fed. The other was 8 months, and we had to ask DCM to work on self-feeding at 11 months because DCB wouldn't touch food with his hands.

Once a child is able to self-feed, I stop feeding them. I am VERY big into allowing them to "get messy and figure it out". I would just present DCB with the food on his tray, and if he eats - he eats, if he doesn't he will be hungry. At 19 months, I wouldn't be spoon feeding no matter what DCM does at home. The child should be able to get food into his mouth. I would bet if you put a few cheerios down on his tray, he would be able to pick those up. It's a good test, that I have definitely used before.

[blandino]

Also, what Heidi said about starting with the crackers, etc. I have done that before when a child isn't easy about eating at daycare. I don't let my children eat like that by any means, but when a new young child is settling in, then I will definitely give them something that is familiar and lets them get used to eating for me.

[Heidi]

We have had 2 European families, 1 German and 1 Austrian. Heidi worded it perfectly when she said they DON'T let the child get messy and figure it out.

One was 11 months when she started, and hadn't self-fed. The other was 8 months, and we had to ask DCM to work on self-feeding at 11 months because DCB wouldn't touch food with his hands.

Once a child is able to self-feed, I stop feeding them. I am VERY big into allowing them to "get messy and figure it out". I would just present DCB with the food on his tray, and if he eats - he eats, if he doesn't he will be hungry. At 19 months, I wouldn't be spoon feeding no matter what DCM does at home. The child should be able to get food into his mouth. I would bet if you put a few cheerios down on his tray, he would be able to pick those up. It's a good test, that I have definitely used before.

My sis came for a visit (was living in Germany at the time) when our oldest (3 weeks apart) were both just under 2. We had a bit of a war because I let my son self feed (and get really messy), while she fed her daughter bite by bite.

20 years later, she's lived in the US for 19 of, and she's definitely more relaxed about the whole thing.