LOL! #himaintenance, #firsttimemommy

[KDC]

So, I interviewed a new set of parents for an infant spot. They were on my waiting list for 5 months and live in my neighborhood. The interview went great, they seemed like a good fit.

She asked to meet to go through the schedule (most parents describe through interview and write down anything schedule wise, and cover within 10 minutes of first meeting me), so this was a little different. We met for coffee and talked for a LONG time. Infant will be coming to me at 11 weeks.

Here are some of the flags that were buzzing in my head.

#1
- DCM - "He takes 1oz of juice in his morning bottle with formula for constipation. Do you have a measuring cup with oz's?"
- ME - "Yes, I believe I do
- DCM - "Most start at 2 oz, so I better provide one. Oh, and it can stay in the refrigerator for 3 days, there will be about 1.5 oz left afterwards and it needs to be tossed."
-----does she not think I can measure 1/2 of 2 ounces in a measuring cup?

#2
- DCM - "When you make a 6 oz bottle, the formula rises making it a 7 oz bottle, therefore when you record his bottles it needs to be deducted from the 7 oz, not the 6 oz. I'm sure you knew that already, but I feel better having said that. Since we use bottle liners, we usually pour it in a bottle to double check how much is left since it's hard to judge."
- Me "ok"

#3
- DCM - "SO... how many infants do you care for? What's allowed?
- Me... well as I said before (and before, and before) - two under 30 months, which is completely allowed as per state regs., over e-mail, and interview, and meeting for coffee. and a SEPARATE E-MAIL following the coffee date... yup, still two.

#4 DCM - "Please put all nipples in the return bag. I will throw them in my dishwasher at night on it's own cycle as to avoid contamination with anything that's a no-no for infants.
- Me :confused:
- DCM - ya know, peanut butter, eggs, dairy, wheat, soy - just better to keep it all separate.
- ME ::

She's gonna be a fun one...

[MyAngels]

Oy! Hope she relaxes a bit! I had one like this a couple of years ago. Let's just say it did not end well ::. At last count she was on her 4th daycare .

[SilverSabre25]

1. OMG. Juice. at 11 weeks, or apparently, younger. That's just...wow.

2. Seriously, does it matter that much? An ounce? really?get over it.

4. Omg. Wtf. That's ridiculous. does she realize that she's FEEDING HIM DAIRY IN THE FORMULA?

OP, run. Run far, and run fast. She's much too much bother.

[Meeko]

RUN!

Seriously......this will turn bad....and fast.

She needs a nanny, not a daycare.

She is telling you how to run your business and EXACTLY how you are to care for her baby. That will not change.

In order to keep her, she needs to be told that you run a GROUP daycare. A business that is run by YOU. YOU set the rules. You offer services, outlined by YOU...and she is free to purchase those services if she desires. But she doesn't get to dictate how you do things.

I can promise you that you will be VERY unhappy if you don't make her understand that she is NOT your employer.

I honestly wouldn't even take a client like her. It's a recipe for great misery.

[Cradle2crayons]

So, I interviewed a new set of parents for an infant spot. They were on my waiting list for 5 months and live in my neighborhood. The interview went great, they seemed like a good fit.

She asked to meet to go through the schedule (most parents describe through interview and write down anything schedule wise, and cover within 10 minutes of first meeting me), so this was a little different. We met for coffee and talked for a LONG time. Infant will be coming to me at 11 weeks.

Here are some of the flags that were buzzing in my head.

#1
- DCM - "He takes 1oz of juice in his morning bottle with formula for constipation. Do you have a measuring cup with oz's?"
- ME - "Yes, I believe I do
- DCM - "Most start at 2 oz, so I better provide one. Oh, and it can stay in the refrigerator for 3 days, there will be about 1.5 oz left afterwards and it needs to be tossed."
-----does she not think I can measure 1/2 of 2 ounces in a measuring cup?

#2
- DCM - "When you make a 6 oz bottle, the formula rises making it a 7 oz bottle, therefore when you record his bottles it needs to be deducted from the 7 oz, not the 6 oz. I'm sure you knew that already, but I feel better having said that. Since we use bottle liners, we usually pour it in a bottle to double check how much is left since it's hard to judge."
- Me "ok"

#3
- DCM - "SO... how many infants do you care for? What's allowed?
- Me... well as I said before (and before, and before) - two under 30 months, which is completely allowed as per state regs., over e-mail, and interview, and meeting for coffee. and a SEPARATE E-MAIL following the coffee date... yup, still two.

#4 DCM - "Please put all nipples in the return bag. I will throw them in my dishwasher at night on it's own cycle as to avoid contamination with anything that's a no-no for infants.
- Me :confused:
- DCM - ya know, peanut butter, eggs, dairy, wheat, soy - just better to keep it all separate.
- ME ::

She's gonna be a fun one...

(1) she can give him at morning apple juice bottle on his first feed before he gets to you. I require all children to be fed and changed at drop off.

(2) I provide high quality bottles that are specially vented to prevent any issues and I have a few different types that pretty much cover any nipple preference. And since one aren't drop ins, I have no trouble measuring.

(3) not a bad question she's asking but apparently she doesn't retain information well

(4) I provide bottles so there will be none to return. And the reason I provide them is so that I can be positive they are cleaned according to very high standards so this one doesn't apply.

All that said... Most first time moms are high maintenance. The problem here is like others said, she needs to understand she is contracting with you for care. It's your business, your home, your rules. While you make every attempt to quench her concerns, on the end she has to trust y know what you are doing or else it will never work.

On a side note, depending on how well she took my above answers to her issues, I'd likely still take her.

[DaisyMamma]

I wouldn't take her either. And I would be sure to let her know why, otherwise she will have a hard time finding, what she thinks, is a good daycare. She needs a nanny....and that nanny will probably quit. She needs to stay home.

[Blackcat31]

Hey, to each his/her own. First time moms are usually pretty high maintenance....actually, I shouldn't have limited it to first time moms and just said "some" moms as I have come across this kind of behavior in experienced moms too.

I wouldn't have an issue taking her on IF I could get her to understand and recognize the fact that although she DOES get to dictate certain things in regards to her child, I do NOT work for her.

I won't serve juice to infants so she'd have to accept and follow that rule.

I also don't allow bottles to be brought back and forth from home and I am pretty sure I have prepared more bottles than any enrolling parent ever has or ever will so her methods of doing it can be relayed to me if she'd like but I certainly don't need any directions.

...and the repeated questions about the number of infants I enroll would be addressed in writing so that if she asked again, I would just refer her to the paperwork she was provided. I don't mind answering the same question a couple times, but after the first 2 or 3 times, I just write it down for them.

IMHO, this is just one of those situations where you need to set your boundaries firmly from the get-go or this will probably become a nightmare of little things one after another as the child ages.

[Willow]

I actually understand the juice thing. Even being exclusively breastfed my daughter took first trip to the ER at about a month old for severe constipation. The following trip less than a week later they had to manually "clean her out" and it tore her rectum (was either that or surgery because she was on the verge of a bowel obstruction).

They told me I could try prune/pear juice but she'd more than likely need meds to avoid ending up with mega colon by the time she was one. I tried the juice as I didn't want her gut becoming dependent on the drugs they were recommending and thankfully it worked.

She *needed* it everyday in every sense of the word. They were small amounts, and the only bottles she got until she was on solids and I was able to replace the juice with actual fruit.




Other than that sometimes I have the patience to take on a particularly needy parent and other times I don't. I'd bet that once she sees he does well there and is happy then she'll relax quite a bit. Most of my parents end up trusting me more than their own family members, just takes a little time

[littlemissmuffet]

I have dealt with more babies and children in the last 10 years alone than most parents will in their lifetime... and I make this known when first time parents start asking me if I know how to do certain things...

I would let mom that she has to do the juice on HER time. I don't give any kids juice, ever.

I don't allow bottles to go back and forth. They stay here, I make them, I clean and store them.

There are also many other things I do, or don't do that this mother would not enjoy - so she wouldn't have chosen me after an interview. If she did, I'd try it out for a couple weeks and go from there.

[Blackcat31]

I actually understand the juice thing. Even being exclusively breastfed my daughter took first trip to the ER at about a month old for severe constipation. The following trip less than a week later they had to manually "clean her out" and it tore her rectum (was either that or surgery because she was on the verge of a bowel obstruction).

They told me I could try prune/pear juice but she'd more than likely need meds to avoid ending up with mega colon by the time she was one. I tried the juice as I didn't want her gut becoming dependent on the drugs they were recommending and thankfully it worked.

She *needed* it everyday in every sense of the word. They were small amounts, and the only bottles she got until she was on solids and I was able to replace the juice with actual fruit.



Other than that sometimes I have the patience to take on a particularly needy parent and other times I don't. I'd bet that once she sees he does well there and is happy then she'll relax quite a bit. Most of my parents end up trusting me more than their own family members, just takes a little time

The juice need in your daughter's case is completely understandable but I'd require a doctor's statement.

BIG difference between needing something for medical reasons and simply wanting to do something just because it works for them...

[Willow]

The juice need in your daughter's case is completely understandable but I'd require a doctor's statement.

BIG difference between needing something for medical reasons and simply wanting to do something just because it works for them...

Oh completely agree. If moms giving him juice just for kicks that definitely wouldn't fly. If there was a legitimate need I'd need a docs note to feel comfortable giving juice to a baby too!

[MyAngels]

As far as the juice thing - my gdd had some constipation issues as an infant and her doc recommended an ounce of pear juice in her bottle every now and again. It really helped a lot.

[KDC]

The juice was just for constipation issues, she did offer to get a Dr.'s note for me. It's 1 ounce mixed with 6 oz of formula. I'm actually okay with it, knowing she's the parent and this is her child, and luckily she will be doing the juice in that first bottle before he gets here.

I felt her push things I was uncomfortable with. She had her 'schedule' for him and said he took his first bottle at 7:30 (he arrives at 7), I said this didn't work for me, I need him to be fed before he arrives. She said it messes up his schedule. I said drop off time is very busy, I have breakfasts to make, answer and greet children (many teacher Mom's are going back to work and kids take at least a week to be comfortable without being comforted) I do not have an assistant. We also have a bus stop at 8:30, so there's a lot to be done, and he needs to be fed before he arrives. She argued that she didn't see it fitting in with their schedule, she has to be at work at a certain time... I stood my ground and said until he can hold the bottle himself, he needs to be fed and ready for the day when he gets here. She said, "Well figure it out".

She has also let me know she had 5 miscarriages before this pregnancy due to medical reasons. She has VERY specific instructions, most of which I understand.

?? WWYD? How much input should the parent have on the sleeping of the child? Specifically swaddle vs. no swaddle. I always put on back to sleep, will require dr. note for tummy sleeper. I did not let her have any input on where I would nap the child (He's currently in my daughters room (She's in school all day) in a pack n play with a video monitor.

She would like NO swaddle since he can roll on his side (never rolled over yet) - She has a no sock rule in the crib. I respect the reasons for this and intend to follow, but it seems like all my infants at this age napped better with a tight swaddle. I have a video monitor and and see the benefits of swaddling... Any input?

We'll just have to see how it goes. The baby seems really chill so far, I so miss having a little one (my last little one was 17 months ago) so I'm excited as the last infant I had was a complete nightmare.

My instinct was to run after the coffee, but she's willing to work on my schedule, seems respectful of my time/rules, pays monthly, and pays for teacher holidays. I have a 2 week trial, so if it's too hard to communicate, I will terminate. I would hate to though, really like the little guy. We just met, but I feel the good chemistry -- he's had lots of smiles for me this morning =).

[Blackcat31]

If she can teach him to sleep without swaddling and it isn't an additional work load for you to do anything she is requesting, then I wouldn't have issues with her at all.

I would NOT agree to do anything I was not able to fit easily into my daily routine/schedule or anything against licensing rules.

Everything else is fair game.

[crazydaycarelady]

I have found in the past that dcms that worry about the little details like that usually are out of touch with reality and don't get the big picture. I have one now and for example: dcb is 11mo and dcm will tell me she increased his bottles size by half an ounce but fails to recognize that her kid can't sit up yet.