Screamer!

[angiescott]

I have a dcb who is 9 months old and is a miserable baby to be around. He screams so much that no one even notices it anymore because they're all accustomed to it. When he first started, he NEVER slept. Just cried screamed and so on until he got picked up and then he was fine. It drove me crazy to the point that I attempted to term them but them mom found out about a medical issue he had and we were hoping it would fix the problem. It didn't.

Now, he's been taken off of formula because he is so big, he weighs more than my almost 3 year old. He is huge and miserable because he weighs so much, he isn't able to be mobile. I've talked to mom about this but she's a nurse, one of those who thinks she knows everything. It's not normal and she said the doctor said something about him being so big but she doesn't feel that it's a problem. The crying has gotten better, he still cries for about 75% of the day but he screams himself to sleep, like someone is killing him. He doesn't even like to be held. I'm not even allowed to swaddle infants anymore in my state (not that it made a huge difference) so there is nothing that makes him happier, he doesn't even use a pacifier.

We use the same pediatrician and have mentioned this child to her. She rolls her eyes and basically calls his mom an idiot. I'm close to terming but I feel bad for this child. He'd be on to his 5th daycare. I know this is basically a lost cause but does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?

[littlemissmuffet]

I have a dcb who is 9 months old and is a miserable baby to be around. He screams so much that no one even notices it anymore because they're all accustomed to it. When he first started, he NEVER slept. Just cried screamed and so on until he got picked up and then he was fine. It drove me crazy to the point that I attempted to term them but them mom found out about a medical issue he had and we were hoping it would fix the problem. It didn't.

Now, he's been taken off of formula because he is so big, he weighs more than my almost 3 year old. He is huge and miserable because he weighs so much, he isn't able to be mobile. I've talked to mom about this but she's a nurse, one of those who thinks she knows everything. It's not normal and she said the doctor said something about him being so big but she doesn't feel that it's a problem. The crying has gotten better, he still cries for about 75% of the day but he screams himself to sleep, like someone is killing him. He doesn't even like to be held. I'm not even allowed to swaddle infants anymore in my state (not that it made a huge difference) so there is nothing that makes him happier, he doesn't even use a pacifier.

We use the same pediatrician and have mentioned this child to her. She rolls her eyes and basically calls his mom an idiot. I'm close to terming but I feel bad for this child. He'd be on to his 5th daycare. I know this is basically a lost cause but does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?

A 9 month old in his FOURTH daycare? I wouldn't even have interviewed.

Unofortunately, I don't care what kind of a medical issue a child has or what profession a parent is in - if a child is screaming/crying 75% of the day I term. I have many children (and MYSELF) to look after - I cannot accomidate a single child who needs constant attention - that doesn't work in our business. Neither does guilt or "feeling bad".

Good luck.

[angiescott]

I know, I didn't know I was his 4th until last week. He's been here for months. Apparently when I asked if he had been in daycare before, she knew I wouldn't take him. Dad told me and apologized a dozen times about it (he wasn't here when I interviewed mom). Dad says that the child drives him crazy and he can't really be around him.

I've tried everything I can think of, I guess I just needed someone else to tell me he needs to go. I've never termed a child before, simply parted ways because of moving, school, etc, so I do feel bad but I can't take it anymore.

[littlemissmuffet]

I know, I didn't know I was his 4th until last week. He's been here for months. Apparently when I asked if he had been in daycare before, she knew I wouldn't take him. Dad told me and apologized a dozen times about it (he wasn't here when I interviewed mom). Dad says that the child drives him crazy and he can't really be around him.

I've tried everything I can think of, I guess I just needed someone else to tell me he needs to go. I've never termed a child before, simply parted ways because of moving, school, etc, so I do feel bad but I can't take it anymore.

Hmmm, again, my advice is to term. I don't deal with lying parents. There is nothing to feel bad about - you need to do what's best for you, your group and your business... just as families do what is best for them (like lying to their daycare providers ).

[JoseyJo]

A 9 month old in his FOURTH daycare? I wouldn't even have interviewed.

Unofortunately, I don't care what kind of a medical issue a child has or what profession a parent is in - if a child is screaming/crying 75% of the day I term. I have many children (and MYSELF) to look after - I cannot accomidate a single child who needs constant attention - that doesn't work in our business. Neither does guilt or "feeling bad".

Good luck.

Agreed! Term. A child crying that much, inconsolably, is miserable. It doesn't really matter why they are, if you can't help them be less miserable it is not a good fit. Maybe he needs a nanny, maybe he needs his mom home with him, maybe there is a medical problem. That is what I would tell dcm too.

We had a dcb13mo who cried probably 7 out of 10 hours a day. Gma had been watching him (dcm enrolled him here to get more structure for dcb) and had him taking 15 min cat naps at home all throughout the day, in complete silence and darkness, while she held him perfectly still. Obviously that couldn't happen here. He couldn't adjust and was tired and miserable all day long. After a month or so I just told mom it just wasn't working out, we weren't a good fit for dcb. Gave 2 weeks to find a new daycare, gma was more than happy to start watching him again and everyone was happier.

[JoseyJo]

I know, I didn't know I was his 4th until last week. He's been here for months. Apparently when I asked if he had been in daycare before, she knew I wouldn't take him. .

I would DEF term! This mom needs a wake up call. Doesn't sound like she is doing what is best for her child. If she was she wouldn't need to lie, she would be honest so she could find the right fit for him.

[coolconfidentme]

Maybe have a heart to heart with mom & dad together? Point out that the child is on DC #4 & isn't even a year old. Give solid suggestion to them that will help. Be assertive & convicted in addressing the issue to them. I would then tell parents if they don't get on board with redirection the behavior you will have to term him because it is disruptive to everyone. This is where you pause & let them talk. idk..., what do you think?

[countrymom]

four daycares, now thats crazy. Has the child ever been checked for reflux. Also I wouldn't take the child off of formula, maybe decrease it but not take him off. He must be eating baby food right.

[Familycare71]

Sad for the kid but this is what I tell myself when I feel guilty : I didn't birth him or adopt him- he isn't my ultimate responsibility.
Mom isn't going to get on board. Unfortunately she isn't going to do what's best for dcb. If she isn't listening to the dr, if Dad can't handle him things aren't changing.
:hug: to you!!!

[angiescott]

Clearly not my most professional daycare day but I was pushed over my limit. I tried to have a polite yet helpful conversation about her child and she blamed me for his problems. I proceeded to inform her that clearly it was either her child or her parenting that was the problem for me being his fourth childcare facility in as many months and even grandma doesn't want him. I even found out that on days when he is here, dad isn't even working. They pay for him to go somewhere because dad can't stand him for more than 20 minutes at a time.

Ugh, so then she starts talking about how it's my fault because I have too many kids. I have 6 and an assistant here daily for 6 hours each day. I replied by explaining that he was here on a day with one other child and again, all he did was cry. She started yelling at me blaming me that it was my fault. I had enough. I said I needed a moment to go get something and I went and cleared out his cubby. I brought everything to her and then looked at the dcb and said, "I'm sorry your mom is an idiot, but you have gotta go."

Like I said, not my best daycare day. Each parent that noticed he was missing today was so excited that he was gone. I informed each one that I called her an idiot because it's a close group and they are almost all good friends. One mom said that was a polite thing to call her.::

Oh well, what's done is done and I actually enjoyed being with the children for the first time in a LONG time.

[Familycare71]

Clearly not my most professional daycare day but I was pushed over my limit. I tried to have a polite yet helpful conversation about her child and she blamed me for his problems. I proceeded to inform her that clearly it was either her child or her parenting that was the problem for me being his fourth childcare facility in as many months and even grandma doesn't want him. I even found out that on days when he is here, dad isn't even working. They pay for him to go somewhere because dad can't stand him for more than 20 minutes at a time.

Ugh, so then she starts talking about how it's my fault because I have too many kids. I have 6 and an assistant here daily for 6 hours each day. I replied by explaining that he was here on a day with one other child and again, all he did was cry. She started yelling at me blaming me that it was my fault. I had enough. I said I needed a moment to go get something and I went and cleared out his cubby. I brought everything to her and then looked at the dcb and said, "I'm sorry your mom is an idiot, but you have gotta go."

Like I said, not my best daycare day. Each parent that noticed he was missing today was so excited that he was gone. I informed each one that I called her an idiot because it's a close group and they are almost all good friends. One mom said that was a polite thing to call her.::

Oh well, what's done is done and I actually enjoyed being with the children for the first time in a LONG time.

I am sorry but I Laughed out loud at the "sorry your mom is an idiot"! ::
It stinks it went down that way but dang girl you called her out!! . I am glad it is over for you and that you were able to enjoy your day

[JoseyJo]

I brought everything to her and then looked at the dcb and said, "I'm sorry your mom is an idiot, but you have gotta go."

My hubby and I are both laughing out loud! Kudos for you for putting up with screaming for so long and for having such a strong backbone! happyfacehappyfacehappyfacehappyfacehappyfacehappyfacehappyface