Child Not Wanting To Come Here

[harperluu]

I was going to title this thread, "Things Parents Say at Drop off That Annoy Me," but I decided to narrow it down to just one thing. Sometimes, at drop off parents will make a comment or mention that their child didn't want to come to daycare. Most of the time the child seems fine and integrates well upon arrival. So why do they mention it?

I usually have pat answers for very common requests made by parents. But on this one, my blood immediately boils. Maybe it's the delivery. I might take it better if they said something like, "Johnny had a late night last night, and is feeling a little tired and cranky this morning. He seems fine now, but let me know if there are any issues." But instead, they say something like this: "Little Johnny would not get out of bed this morning. It's so hard to get him ready to come here. He screamed 'no daycare' the whole way. He should be a lot of fun. See you later, btw I'm getting a 3 hour massage during lunch today. Wish me luck!"

I've had quite a few parents do this, and I find it really disrespectful. What if I said those type of things to them? Of course he prefers to be with his parents, especially when feeling tired and cranky.

Anyone have a great pat answer that isn't snarky (I can think of tons of those!) but is a good response for such a back-handed complaint? I usually just say, "Well that's too bad." TIA

[JoseyJo]

Wish I had an answer! This would boil my blood too Will keep checking back to see if someone comes up with a good one!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I've said, "I know nothing is better than mommy and daddy's house but we will have fun here today, too!" and "Some days are just like that, huh buddy?"

[MyAngels]

I've said, "I know nothing is better than mommy and daddy's house but we will have fun here today, too!" and "Some days are just like that, huh buddy?"

Pretty much this ^^^

Sometimes I want to say "That's okay I understand, I'd rather you stayed home, too..." ::

[Crystal]

How about "You know how some days you don't want to get up and go to work and would rather just lounge around at home all day? Well, children feel that way some times too. Maybe a day home, just the two of you, is in order!"

[wahmof3]

How about "You know how some days you don't want to get up and go to work and would rather just lounge around at home all day? Well, children feel that way some times too. Maybe a day home, just the two of you, is in order!"

[Jack Sprat]

I have parents that have said the same thing to me. Only added the kid wanted to go to grandma's house. My response " Well yeah he wants to go to Grandma's. Unlimited t.v., chicken nuggets and chips for lunch, and no rules. Sounds like a good time to me." Mom laughed. Kid scowled.

[Play Care]

I had this issue a couple of years ago. Rather than a "comeback" which seems petty and immature, I would (and did) address it head on. "You know Sue, Timmy seems to have a great time here. I do my best to run a top notch program and it's disheartening to hear that a child is refusing to come each day. If he truly seems that unhappy each morning, then perhaps my program is not the best fit for him."

A parent who treats my program like baby/toddler jail or as a place to be endured while they are working is not going to be a good fit for me.

[butterfly]

Pretty much this ^^^

Sometimes I want to say "That's okay I understand, I'd rather you stayed home, too..." ::

lovethis ::

[harperluu]

I've said, "I know nothing is better than mommy and daddy's house but we will have fun here today, too!" and "Some days are just like that, huh buddy?"

BBM: I definitely like this. And I can say it without seeming annoyed because I'm addressing the child vs. the parent. Thanks!

If the parent said it frequently, then I would definitely say something more directly about the whether my program was a good fit.

Thanks for the help on this!

[WImom]

Pretty much this ^^^

Sometimes I want to say "That's okay I understand, I'd rather you stayed home, too..." ::

:: I think this too some days!

[Cradle2crayons]

BBM: I definitely like this. And I can say it without seeming annoyed because I'm addressing the child vs. the parent. Thanks!

If the parent said it frequently, then I would definitely say something more directly about the whether my program was a good fit.

Thanks for the help on this!

I've also found in these cases that its the parent projecting the fact they don't want the kids to come more than it is the KIDS not wanting to come. Kids are very perceptive. If the mom feels guilt for sending their kids to daycare and having to work, the kids pick up on that.

[nannyde]

When the parents persist with conversations about their kid fighting them to come it is often because they want you to offer something special that the kid wants so they can use that to entice the kid to EASILY get up and get ready for leaving the house.

It can lead to a lot of bargaining at the front door. It can lead to kids asking their parent to ask you in front of them at the door “can we do this today" or “bobby wanted me to ask you if he could paint today".

The claim that they don't want to come is phase one. Phase two is special. Phase three is special special. Phase four is special special special.

Beware at phase one and cut it off. If you give the parent a lot if attention at phase one you put yourself IN the mix. Don't.

This issue has nothing to do with you. It is about the parent not being able to manage the morning get up and get out of the house. Once they start plying the kid with treats and chocolate milk you know you are next. The treat bargain only works for a short time. Once the kid becomes accustomed to having sweets then they want MORE to comply. The treats are easy for the parents to give so the next level of special is going to be something harder. That's where you come in.

The best thing to do is get out before you get roped in. If the Mom brings it up do NOT offer to be a part of the solution or figuring how to solve it. Don't counsel the kid or try to convince the mom that little bobby has a great time at your house. If you do that it will put you in the mix.

At some point the parent needs to convey to bobby that she HAS to work and that HE doesn't get to decide where he is during the day. It's an adult decision and he must do it. He doesn't need a reward or special to go to where the adults have decided he will go. We all have to go places and do things we don't want to do. Welcome to the real world.

Now this is with the assumption that you provide a nice, safe, clean, supervised environment that is plenty good enough for bobby. If you are providing an environment that is not what bobby needs then you need to look at your role in it.

[kimsdaycare]

It's happened to me in the past and I usually just remind the parents that children simply want choices sometimes, just like we don't want to go to work some days - kids won't want to come to daycare, later it will be school. We are just old enough to not be all vocal and tantrum about it

You can take a child to Disney every day of the year and even the most fun place on Earth is going to get poo-pooed right around day 156 !

[nannyde]

It's happened to me in the past and I usually just remind the parents that children simply want choices sometimes, just like we don't want to go to work some days - kids won't want to come to daycare, later it will be school. We are just old enough to not be all vocal and tantrum about it

You can take a child to Disney every day of the year and even the most fun place on Earth is going to get poo-pooed right around day 156 !

I don't think most providers think twice about kids saying they don't want to come. When the parents say the kid doesn't want to come the provider is thinking ONE THING: is the parent going to pull the kid out.
So the normal response is to tell the parent the kid is happy at daycare and often start offering happiness incentives. That's when it becomes a problem.

If the parent sais “little Bob is fighting me every day not wanting to go to your house. He doesn't get to decide. I don't expect you to DO anything and I'm not going to take him out" the provider wouldn't give it a second thought.

It is because the provider thinks she may loose income that she gets in the mix.

If you have confidence that you are running a great gig and that it shouldn't be up to a little kid to decide where they are when the parents are working then stay out of the solution. Just let them figure it out.