Why Does This Bother Me So Much?

[Blackcat31]

Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.

Welcome to the forum!

[Familycare71]

I always feel that it isn't my place to tell parents how to parent their child when they aren't in my care. So, if they want to carry the child in - that is their decision.
But, once the child is here, my munchkins are expected to behave at their maturity level.
And, none of my children are allowed to carry each other. If a "big" kid wants to hold the baby, they have to be sitting down.
Just my 2 cents...

. Yeah- I would never say anything or make a policy... I just don't do it.
And also- no one carries anyone here but adults- siblings included.

[nannyde]

Parents carrying their able bodied child irks providers because it comes off as royal treatment. What human, that can easily walk, is carried by another human? Answer: the humans that have the highest of high positions.

So the parent is bringing the child into your house and trying to pass the child off to you arms to arms because they want the royal treatment to go from them giving it to you giving it. Both ways the child GETS it. That's what the parent and child both want.

Most providers don't get paid to do royal treatment. They don't view the child's position as a high position in the home. The child is one of many and very far down the totem pole in position in the providers house.

It's not personal. The provider just doesn't view the child the same because her role is not that of an admiring subject. If the child displays behavior that insists on staying in the royal realm the provider will spend a lot of energy doing the opposite to get the kids feet firmly planted in “you are one of the KIDS" soil.

I don't get too rapped up in the royal procession. It's boring after two decades of watching it through my front window and my doorway threshold. I know what it is and I understand why parents do it. I understand why the kid insists on it. Who wouldn't if they could make it happen?

What parents need to know is that it looks very unattractive to the adult receiving the child. The provider doesn't want to start their day watching the show. They DEFINITELY do not want to receive the child in the HIGH position where they HAVE to hold the kid up. If the provider immediately puts your kid down the second you hand them off and you immediately pick your child back up and rehand the child to the provider, I can promise you the provider will be very unhappy. It's on you if you want to do the prince princess thing with your child. Forcing someone to either confront you and tell you they don't want to do it, endure it because they want your money, will lead to the provider to make sure the child becomes a commoner the second the door shuts behind you.

It's better to do the loving squeezing cuddle Huggins at your car door and then take your kid hand in hand walking to the providers doorstep. Then you send the message to your kid that they are now just one of the kids and you bless that. The provider won't spend a second getting your child back to the real world if you bring them in on foot ready to be one of many in group care.

[Unregistered]

Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.

I wish parents did all their goodbye routines outside before even kocking on the door at drop off and also at pick up some of the parents make a big production.Very annoying, I say nothing just stand there and wait for them to be done.

[craftymissbeth]

Parents carrying their children doesn't bother me so much as when they want to hand them over. Although, really we try and try so hard to teach our babies to walk and be more advanced than other babies and then carry them everywhere? I think a lot of it is that some parents don't have the patience or desire to help their 1-2 year olds walk from the car to the door.

[MotherNature]

Doesn't really bother me at all. Many of my friends and acquaintances wear 30 pound toddlers in wraps. I know someone who will occasionally wear their 6 year old when they are out & tired or just to get some snuggling time in. As long as the wrap/carrier is sturdy, who cares? I have a small AP centered business though, so I'm constantly around people wearing their babies and toddlers. Hell, half the time I wish my 2 & 1/2 year old would let me wear him still. He's heavy and doesn't want to stay in the shopping cart.

[Crystal]

Doesn't really bother me at all. Many of my friends and acquaintances wear 30 pound toddlers in wraps. I know someone who will occasionally wear their 6 year old when they are out & tired or just to get some snuggling time in. As long as the wrap/carrier is sturdy, who cares? I have a small AP centered business though, so I'm constantly around people wearing their babies and toddlers. Hell, half the time I wish my 2 & 1/2 year old would let me wear him still. He's heavy and doesn't want to stay in the shopping cart.

I understand what you are saying and respect the culture of attachment parenting. It only becomes a problem when the child must participate in group care where there is one or two providers for 6-14 children and it is not at all feasible. It also becomes an issue if the provider is not a proponent of AP. This comes down to finding the right "fit", finding a nanny who values AP or staying home with your child until they no longer are in need of the carrying, snuggling, etc. on an all day basis.

[Kaddidle Care]

I'm guilty of it myself - first time Mom syndrome. My kid was a chunk too. Learned my lesson when I herniated a disc when he was 4!

Warn them that it can do some damage to their backs. Maybe that will help.

Needless to say - #2 child learned to do lots without my lifting.

[MotherNature]

I understand what you are saying and respect the culture of attachment parenting. It only becomes a problem when the child must participate in group care where there is one or two providers for 6-14 children and it is not at all feasible. It also becomes an issue if the provider is not a proponent of AP. This comes down to finding the right "fit", finding a nanny who values AP or staying home with your child until they no longer are in need of the carrying, snuggling, etc. on an all day basis.

yup, I totally understand that. I couldn't see carrying several kids around...or trying to. I only care for 2 plus my son, and have a newborn signed up for winter, so 4 total, including my son. I would't try and carry everyone either if I had more kids.
Also trying to get my son to walk more. He walks a lot, but fdoes like to be carried, but my huisband has some severe back problems from a car accident..lifetime disability..and he can't always lift him, which upsets my husband more I think. :/

[My3cents]

Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.

I see this too. These kids are only babies and toddlers and kids for so long. It doesn't bother me, it would if the parent expected me to hold the child all day- that wouldn't and couldn't happen. It is hard for parents to drop off kids and go to work.