I'm Not Sure What to Do

[Brookers]

This whole situation is just annoying. I have a DCM who has a really annoying ex who is the father of her son. All he does for his son is pay 58% of Childcare (which he is ordered to do by the state).....and complains about it and makes it more difficult than it really is. He is suppose to get the info from her and pay her once a month. He INSISTS I send him a bill every month of the daycare charges. I told him I dont bill my Clients, (which he is not one of them anyway, the boys mom is) because of the contracts we have in place. The only time I bill is when I go unpaid and they I cant get a hold of the DCP. (ive told him this 3 times now) The mom pays me x amount every week and he is responsible for 58% of that.....SO do the math! if there is 4 weeks in a month then you pay DCM x, if there is 5 weeks in the month then you pay DCM x! He even had the audacity to tell his ex that She (meaning me) will do what I ask her! This has been going on for 3 months, at the end of every month he emails me asking for a bill and every month I tell him I do not Bill! I do give him the amount she paid that month because I dont want my DCM to go unpaid. His problem is he is a jerk and wants to make things as difficult as possible for her. So what should I do? Should I just continue to email him the amount paid just to get him off her back and mine and listen to him trash talk her in email or should I stand my ground and MAKE him trust her (which both she and I would rather do). I told him if there was a change in pay or a week off I would let him know and I know DCM would too. ugh! Thank you for any advice you could give. I really appreciate it.

[DBug]

I think I'd probably just pre-empt his emails with a form email once a month with his total. Something very short and to the point, like "Your child care total for October is $***. Signed, me." No small talk or response to his emails, at all, just the total. Frankly, with his behaviour, I'd be afraid that he would short his ex-wife and then blame on the daycare lady, kwim? It would be nice to have a paper trail on your end too, just in case things escalate ...

[DancingQueen]

I would just give him a copy of the contract she signed that has your rates and say "consider this your weekly invoice" and call it a day.

It isn't your place to get involved.

this is between the two of them. if he shorts her then she will have to deal with that. It isn't your place to have to get invovled in their squabbles.

the next time I got an email from him I'd say "please refer to the contract I sent your for tuition rates. If change in those rates occur I will let you know"

[Brookers]

DBUG,
Yeah, I thought about just emailing him every month, but his attitude is so horrible and the way he talks to me and her Id rather not deal with him at all. He is required by the state to work with her not me, so I dont think he could come back on me at all. She doesnt want me to have to deal with it, because she is my client not him. She wants him to trust her. She gets her monthly info from me and then passes it on to him, and then he comes and trash talks her and pushes until he gets the info from me. Its just so dumb. He has no reason to not trust her, all the info he has passed on to me has been exactly what I told her. He is just making it difficult.

[Brookers]

SBS,
Ive done this already, maybe I will do it again just to get the point across. Im sorry but Im not the kind of person who will let a jerk push me around. Might be a flaw in my personality, but I just dont want to be a puppet for this guy to use against my DCM. She and her son are my priority, not him. I hope Im not wrong in my thinking. He just doesnt listen or get it.

[melskids]

i had one like that once. i refused to get involved. he ended up taking the mother to court to prove she was paying me. i had no problem giving HERweekly receipts, but HE wasn't gonna get a darn thing outta me.

[DBug]

So the contract isn't even with him? You're absolutely right, then -- you have no obligation to deal with him, and in fact, there's probably some kind of confidentiality law somewhere about only dealing with the contractual parent.

I second what melskids said -- don't get involved.

[Brookers]

Thank you ladies, You confirmed what I was feeling and now I will move forward in confidence Im doing the right thing. YOU GALS ROCK. Thank you so much.

[missnikki]

I have an idea-
Why not give MOM an annual statement- break down a whole year (or 6 months or whatever) on an invoice, so that:
1) You only do it once
2) She can give it to him
3) He can have it laminated and put it under his pillow to sleep with for all you care
4) mom gets paid

It can be like a payment schedule- everyone wins.

[QualiTcare]

you said you don't bill your clients - so do you give them something at the end of the year so they can use it for their taxes?

i would assume that is what he wants it for which would make sense to me. maybe i'm missing something.

[kidkair]

I had an ex bugging me in a different way and always trying to put me in the middle. I told him repeatedly that he was not my client and to leave me alone. I hung up on him anytime he would swear right after saying "I'm hanging up because you just swore at me." One day he threatened to come pick up the kids (which he had legal right to do) and so I called the mom and she came first. When he got there I explained that mom was in the middle of picking up the kids (they were eating lunch) and he started yelling and cussing. I asked him to leave but that just made him more angry so I grabbed the phone dialed 911 and said "If you don't leave by the count of 3 I'll hit talk" he left and called 911 himself and I had the mom and kids leave when the cop was outside to further handle the situation. Eventually the mom updated the forms and took him off the okay to pick up list. After that when he called I stated that he was not allowed to call me and I would report his harrassing behavior to the police if it continue. And then hung up. I've not heard from him since. If I were you I would state that he was harrassing you and you will report it and file for a restraining order if he doesn't not stop immediately. I would leave his e-mails untouched but keep them in case you need them as proof. Good luck.