One Less Diaper...One More Pain....Ugh

[daycare]

I have a dcf with a dck who is 4.3 yrs. The kid comes from a split home, but DCM has him 98% of the time. Child is here PT MWF, with grannie the other two days of the week.

This child is still in diapers. Mostly because he runs the show at home. Behavior with mom is the worst I have ever seen, here no issues.

I told mom the other day that DCK needs to be PT. He is almost 4 and is MORE than ready, mom agrees. Neither of us wants to change a diaper of a child the size of a 6 year old, who should already be using the toilet. She can't get him to do anything at home most of the time she just gives into him.

Children who are strong-willed are normally harder to PT. I make a few suggestions to mom about what she can do to help the process. One of them was telling DCB, time to use the bathroom, if child says no, then take away whatever he is doing at that time (lets say watching TV), turn the TV off and then say, you can go back and watch TV after you use the potty........Stuff like this....

Well DCM calls me yesterday and tells me that Grannie wants her to pull him from my care, because it is absurd that I am telling him that going to the bathroom is not a choice and that he is not ready to potty train. She said that I should not be working with kids that way, blah blah blah.


I know that a lot of you DON"T help Potty train kids at DC. But at what age do you draw the line? When do you say, ok this kid needs to be PT now? I am pretty taken back by grannie's request to pull, but the mom is not and is upset that grannie is not getting on the same page with her to PT him at EVERYONES house......

Would you still push the issue of getting DCK PT or let it go??? Trust me, I do all that I can to help the process, that is one less diaper I have to change, I will do whatever it takes......

[KBCsMommy]

Well one idea is to have dcb change his wet diaper himself, have him wear pull ups, and whenever he goes #2 have his mom come and change it ::::

Maybe she will change her mind about potty training sooner!!!

Is the kid 3 or 4? I think 3 is pushing it, but by 4 they need to use the potty.

[crazydaycarelady]

But at what age do you draw the line?

At 4.3 years old the line would be drawn for me. Unless he has a condition then he is just playing games.

[daycare]

he is 4 years, 3 months...

There is nothing wrong with this child at all....Spoiled Rotten maybe...

So DCM just left and said Grannie wants to call you today....Um ok

So what do I say???

BTW this is not her mother, it's the Father's mother......The Father lives in another state......

[Unregistered]

I have a dcf with a dck who is 4.3 yrs. The kid comes from a split home, but DCM has him 98% of the time. Child is here PT MWF, with grannie the other two days of the week.

This child is still in diapers. Mostly because he runs the show at home. Behavior with mom is the worst I have ever seen, here no issues.

I told mom the other day that DCK needs to be PT. He is almost 4 and is MORE than ready, mom agrees. Neither of us wants to change a diaper of a child the size of a 6 year old, who should already be using the toilet. She can't get him to do anything at home most of the time she just gives into him.

Children who are strong-willed are normally harder to PT. I make a few suggestions to mom about what she can do to help the process. One of them was telling DCB, time to use the bathroom, if child says no, then take away whatever he is doing at that time (lets say watching TV), turn the TV off and then say, you can go back and watch TV after you use the potty........Stuff like this....

Well DCM calls me yesterday and tells me that Grannie wants her to pull him from my care, because it is absurd that I am telling him that going to the bathroom is not a choice and that he is not ready to potty train. She said that I should not be working with kids that way, blah blah blah.


I know that a lot of you DON"T help Potty train kids at DC. But at what age do you draw the line? When do you say, ok this kid needs to be PT now? I am pretty taken back by grannie's request to pull, but the mom is not and is upset that grannie is not getting on the same page with her to PT him at EVERYONES house......

Would you still push the issue of getting DCK PT or let it go??? Trust me, I do all that I can to help the process, that is one less diaper I have to change, I will do whatever it takes......

I agree with the grandmother. If the child is not ready, bullying him is only going to make the situation worse. The AVERAGE age for a boy achieving potty training is 38 months. At "almost 4", he is still within the range of "normal" for not being trained yet. He is well past the range of it being convenient for his caregivers to be changing his diapers. The more a resistant child is bullied into training, the more resistant he comes, however.

I also agree with you. I would also not enjoy changing a diaper of a child that age. If it's that disgusting to you (and it has to be-ICK! I also have an older child in my care that flat out refuses to be trained), then you may have to consider terming.

[SilverSabre25]

First off i wouldn't even talk to the Grandma. Your contract is with mom, NOT her.

Second off, it is absurd to think that a 4 year old "isn't ready" to potty train! This is the ONLY generation that habitually still wears diapers at 3, 4, 5 years old. It's asinine. Ludicrous. Completely bonkers.

Time for drastic measures, IMO. Mom needs to take time off work, run out of diapers, and potty train her child. Refer her to the 3-day potty training Ebook if you have too.

It's potty training, not rocket science. A 4 year old should be using the toilet, no question about it.

[SilverSabre25]

I agree with the grandmother. If the child is not ready, bullying him is only going to make the situation worse. The AVERAGE age for a boy achieving potty training is 38 months. At "almost 4", he is still within the range of "normal" for not being trained yet. He is well past the range of it being convenient for his caregivers to be changing his diapers. The more a resistant child is bullied into training, the more resistant he comes, however.

I also agree with you. I would also not enjoy changing a diaper of a child that age. If it's that disgusting to you (and it has to be-ICK! I also have an older child in my care that flat out refuses to be trained), then you may have to consider terming.

I bet you a batch of cookies that if you were to look into the sources of info about kids not being ready to potty train until 3 or older, the diaper companies names would be allllll over that. Who does it really benefit to have kids in diapers for 5 years? And pull ups? And training pants? Not the kids. Not the parents. It benefits the diaper companies. It's all about the money.

Previous generations all potty trained well before 3 on average. A couple generations ago the average age was 18-20 months. Most children enter a sensitive phase for potty training around 15 months.

[daycare]

I am not going to get into a debate if a 4 year old is ready to PT or not, that's not something I care to discuss..

Silver, you are right, I should not even talk to Grannie......I was so caught off guard this morning by all of it that I didn't know what to say....

All of my full time DCKs are PT here before the age of 3..... I normally never have kids in diapers past that age unless they are here PartTime or came to me in diapers at that age........

[Play Care]

My policy is that I will not change diapers once the child is 3.5. They don't have to potty train them if they truly feel they are not ready, but they can't stay here. I used to work at a preschool and kids had to be potty trained before they came. Because of the age cutoff, some of the children in the 3 year old class were only 2. Teachers were NEVER allowed in the bathroom with students - never, ever.

At around 2 I stop using the changing table for diapers. I bring them to the bathroom, have them pull off their diaper (wet only...) and encourage them to sit on the potty for a minute. I praise, praise, praise the effort. They wipe themselves and then I have them stand and slip the clean diaper on. We wash hand and are done. If they have a bm, I will use the changing pad on the bathroom floor, but if possible have them stand while I clean them up. It's not potty training so much, but getting them used to the idea that potty business belongs in the bathroom.

[Unregistered]

I have a 4.5 year old that is semi potty trained. Mom drops him off in a pull up, I will change him to underwear, pull up during nap time, back to underwear. I potty trained him all by myself. He goes home and mom puts him in a pull up the rest of the night. Some days he refuses to use underwear. So then I will make him change his own pull up by himself. He is able to do it now. I would tell your mom no more diapers only pull ups from now on. As for the grandma calling I wouldn't talk to her about it.

[melilley]

Well one idea is to have dcb change his wet diaper himself, have him wear pull ups, and whenever he goes #2 have his mom come and change it ::::

Maybe she will change her mind about potty training sooner!!!

Is the kid 3 or 4? I think 3 is pushing it, but by 4 they need to use the potty.

:::: I like this idea!

[melilley]

My policy is that I will not change diapers once the child is 3.5. They don't have to potty train them if they truly feel they are not ready, but they can't stay here. I used to work at a preschool and kids had to be potty trained before they came. Because of the age cutoff, some of the children in the 3 year old class were only 2. Teachers were NEVER allowed in the bathroom with students - never, ever.

At around 2 I stop using the changing table for diapers. I bring them to the bathroom, have them pull off their diaper (wet only...) and encourage them to sit on the potty for a minute. I praise, praise, praise the effort. They wipe themselves and then I have them stand and slip the clean diaper on. We wash hand and are done. If they have a bm, I will use the changing pad on the bathroom floor, but if possible have them stand while I clean them up. It's not potty training so much, but getting them used to the idea that potty business belongs in the bathroom.

Same here. When I worked in a center, even the 1.5 year olds loved sitting on the potty-of course that young I always asked the parents if they would mind and never once had one say no! And of course they aren't really potty training, but getting used to it.
I agree, here at my home 4 would be too old for me to do it, and they don't have to be ready or potty training, but if not then they are not a fit for me.
And it's true, around here preschool starts at 3 and they won't take any child who is not potty trained unless there is a medical reason.

[LK5kids]

First off i wouldn't even talk to the Grandma. Your contract is with mom, NOT her.

Second off, it is absurd to think that a 4 year old "isn't ready" to potty train! This is the ONLY generation that habitually still wears diapers at 3, 4, 5 years old. It's asinine. Ludicrous. Completely bonkers.

Time for drastic measures, IMO. Mom needs to take time off work, run out of diapers, and potty train her child. Refer her to the 3-day potty training Ebook if you have too.

It's potty training, not rocket science. A 4 year old should be using the toilet, no question about it.

Agree, agree, agree 100%! I know many parents who are now starting to pt @ 2 to 2 1/2 yrs. with great success! Maybe the tide has turned.....at least in my areahappyface.

[daycarediva]

I bet you a batch of cookies that if you were to look into the sources of info about kids not being ready to potty train until 3 or older, the diaper companies names would be allllll over that. Who does it really benefit to have kids in diapers for 5 years? And pull ups? And training pants? Not the kids. Not the parents. It benefits the diaper companies. It's all about the money.

Previous generations all potty trained well before 3 on average. A couple generations ago the average age was 18-20 months. Most children enter a sensitive phase for potty training around 15 months.

I only have two non trained children here. Both are UNDER or JUST 2, the just 2 year old is 50-50 and the youngest, 18mo is interested and his parents are going to begin working with him. I also help/encourage to potty train here.

At 4, I require a developmental evaluation or a medical diagnosis if a child isn't potty trained.

[JoseyJo]

At 4, I require a developmental evaluation or a medical diagnosis if a child isn't potty trained.