Still Biting

[coolconfidentme]

Curious OP, WHY is terming not an option?

I think she said money.
Not trying to be mean, no dollar amount is worth having your child being bitten. Sorry, If my child was the target, I would be shopping for a safe haven for my child. It's a personal choice though. Choose, but choose wisely...

[Blackcat31]

I think she said money.
Not trying to be mean, no dollar amount is worth having your child being bitten. Sorry, If my child was the target, I would be shopping for a save haven for my child. It's a personal choice though. Choose, but choose wisely...

That is what I was wondering.

All too often providers feel as though money is what ultimately decides their fate.

If you absolutely won't term due to money, they you just have to deal with whatever comes your way.

If money is not a mitigating factor in your decisions to care for, enroll and/or term children then this would be an easy situation.

When money comes into play, your hands are tied.

[Crystal]

Thanks Heidi good to see someone on my side! I know that terming would not stop the biting. I know it's a phase,etc. His sister was my first biter and she eventually got verbal enough and older and it stopped.The victim is usually in the biters "space" so I am on these two like a hawk but the biter is so quick i don't even see him remove his plug and put it back, and the victim hardly ever complains..His parents are the best about all this so it does help. I know Biter Mom gets more upset.I do the stern, loud verbal "No" and remove/redirect and all the 'right' stuff with biter when it happens. And if I could afford to term I still don't think that is the true ansewer .........thanks for all the input.

I am not "not" on your side. I just do not understand why you would continue to care for a child who is continuously biting. You say his sister did it and "eventually" got better. That kind of attitude and acceptance of something that is so terribly painful and inappropriate will eventually catch up with you when a parent gets pissed that their kid is continuously bitten and they turn you in for allowing it. And, by not removing the biter, you ARE allowing it. Your vigilance at watching the child like a hawk is CLEARLY not working. Trust me, eventually it WILL come back to "bite" you.

[Heidi]

I think she said money.
Not trying to be mean, no dollar amount is worth having your child being bitten. Sorry, If my child was the target, I would be shopping for a save haven for my child. It's a personal choice though. Choose, but choose wisely...

No, I get that. I know you wouldn't be mean, anyway.

The thing is, the "bite's" family could term (although it sounds like OP is communicating well). But, what if they get to the next daycare, and there is a biter there? They give the biter a little time, and in the meantime, bitee get's nailed 3 or times. So, they move kiddo again. Taking your child out of a daycare where they get bitten a few times is not necessarily going to solve the problem, although I get why someone would want to.

I just got a call from a lady who was leaving her daycare because her 2 year old was getting hit by another child. Maybe there was a lack of supervision, maybe not. I have no idea. I did tell her that it is a common problem with 2 year olds. If she's changing daycares (for the 3rd time in 2 years, from the sounds of it), she's not always solving the problem.

At some point, we as providers need the tools to deal with these situations. We can't term every misbehaved child that we get. Some, we have to try to deal with. To me, it's part of our job. When I worked in a bank, I had to deal with crabby customers. Sometimes people were completely unreasonable, but I couldn't say "piss off".... I thought it sometimes, though.::

[Crystal]

No, I get that. I know you wouldn't be mean, anyway.

The thing is, the "bite's" family could term (although it sounds like OP is communicating well). But, what if they get to the next daycare, and there is a biter there? They give the biter a little time, and in the meantime, bitee get's nailed 3 or times. So, they move kiddo again. Taking your child out of a daycare where they get bitten a few times is not necessarily going to solve the problem, although I get why someone would want to.

I just got a call from a lady who was leaving her daycare because her 2 year old was getting hit by another child. Maybe there was a lack of supervision, maybe not. I have no idea. I did tell her that it is a common problem with 2 year olds. If she's changing daycares (for the 3rd time in 2 years, from the sounds of it), she's not always solving the problem.

At some point, we as providers need the tools to deal with these situations. We can't term every misbehaved child that we get. Some, we have to try to deal with. To me, it's part of our job. When I worked in a bank, I had to deal with crabby customers. Sometimes people were completely unreasonable, but I couldn't say "piss off".... I thought it sometimes, though.::

I agree that moving the victim won't resolve the biter's problem. But as a parent, I wouldn't CARE about the biter's problem being resolved, and I certainly wouldn't allow my child to continue being bitten for the sake of helping resolve the biter's problem. A bite on my child's face, after she had already been bitten by the same child before would send me into a fit.

As a provider I would care that the victim's parents were removing a child who doesn't bite, leaving me with the child who does bite, because I want to "help" the biter learn to not bite. :confused: As a provider, I would also be concerned that my reputation would be destroyed by the victim's parents letting the public know that I condone biting for the sake of helping the biter, instead of PROTECTING all of the other children, which is my primary responsibility.

I don't know why you keep saying it is a common problem for toddlers to bite. It is NOT a common problem. It happens, yes. But in 16 years of doing this, starting 98% of my children as infants, I have only had 2 children that I can recall ever having a problem with biting, and it happened with each of them ONCE....had it happened again, they'd have been out the door. I refuse to lose clients because I allowed a biter to remain in care.

I agree that we cannot term every misbehaved child. I rarely recommend terming. BUT, when it comes to biting, CONTINUOUSLY, then I do recommend it. I would go as far as saying to yes, try to help resolve the biting, but when you have attempted that and it hasn't improved, then WHY put yourself at risk of losing other clients, AND being reported for neglect....because honestly, it IS neglect......neglecting to protect other children for the sake of helping a biter AND not losing income.

[coolconfidentme]

No, I get that. I know you wouldn't be mean, anyway.

The thing is, the "bite's" family could term (although it sounds like OP is communicating well). But, what if they get to the next daycare, and there is a biter there? They give the biter a little time, and in the meantime, bitee get's nailed 3 or times. So, they move kiddo again. Taking your child out of a daycare where they get bitten a few times is not necessarily going to solve the problem, although I get why someone would want to.

I just got a call from a lady who was leaving her daycare because her 2 year old was getting hit by another child. Maybe there was a lack of supervision, maybe not. I have no idea. I did tell her that it is a common problem with 2 year olds. If she's changing daycares (for the 3rd time in 2 years, from the sounds of it), she's not always solving the problem.

At some point, we as providers need the tools to deal with these situations. We can't term every misbehaved child that we get. Some, we have to try to deal with. To me, it's part of our job. When I worked in a bank, I had to deal with crabby customers. Sometimes people were completely unreasonable, but I couldn't say "piss off".... I thought it sometimes, though.::

I know. I tried working with my biter's DCM to no avail. Some days she was on board & other days she wanted me to take care of it all. It was getting very stressful for me to shadow him & it took quality time away from the other children. The DCG who was being bitten started to act out towards others so I have to put an end to it. 8 weeks was more than enough time for me. It's a personal choice.., a very hard one too.

[Crystal]

BTW, Heidi, I mean no disrespect to you, I just really disagree with trying to work it out when other children are being bitten on a regular basis.

[Heidi]

I agree that moving the victim won't resolve the biter's problem. But as a parent, I wouldn't CARE about the biter's problem being resolved, and I certainly wouldn't allow my child to continue being bitten for the sake of helping resolve the biter's problem. A bite on my child's face, after she had already been bitten by the same child before would send me into a fit.

As a provider I would care that the victim's parents were removing a child who doesn't bite, leaving me with the child who does bite, because I want to "help" the biter learn to not bite. :confused: As a provider, I would also be concerned that my reputation would be destroyed by the victim's parents letting the public know that I condone biting for the sake of helping the biter, instead of PROTECTING all of the other children, which is my primary responsibility.

I don't know why you keep saying it is a common problem for toddlers to bite. It is NOT a common problem. It happens, yes. But in 16 years of doing this, starting 98% of my children as infants, I have only had 2 children that I can recall ever having a problem with biting, and it happened with each of them ONCE....had it happened again, they'd have been out the door. I refuse to lose clients because I allowed a biter to remain in care.

I agree that we cannot term every misbehaved child. I rarely recommend terming. BUT, when it comes to biting, CONTINUOUSLY, then I do recommend it. I would go as far as saying to yes, try to help resolve the biting, but when you have attempted that and it hasn't improved, then WHY put yourself at risk of losing other clients, AND being reported for neglect....because honestly, it IS neglect......neglecting to protect other children for the sake of helping a biter AND not losing income.

I totally understand what you're saying, Crystal. Once again, I am not saying it's just something where one says "oh, well it normal so it's ok".

OP said she can't term right now. It would put her family in dire financial straits, from the sound of it, and she doesn't have prospective new clients to replace him. The bitee's parents are in the loop, and OP seems to be trying to be proactive. All I can do is give her some more ideas.

As for it being common, I guess that's my take on it because I hear it again and again. There are two people on the board today that are asking about biting. Every provider I've known for 24 years has had one or two.

I did find this information on Birth-to-3's website. I didn't read through it all, but maybe there are some other ideas to help those with biters. LOL The first thing it says is don't "label" the kid a biter. ::

http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/chew-on-this-resources-on-biting.html

[Crystal]

I totally understand what you're saying, Crystal. Once again, I am not saying it's just something where one says "oh, well it normal so it's ok".

OP said she can't term right now. It would put her family in dire financial straits, from the sound of it, and she doesn't have prospective new clients to replace him. The bitee's parents are in the loop, and OP seems to be trying to be proactive. All I can do is give her some more ideas.

As for it being common, I guess that's my take on it because I hear it again and again. There are two people on the board today that are asking about biting. Every provider I've known for 24 years has had one or two.

I did find this information on Birth-to-3's website. I didn't read through it all, but maybe there are some other ideas to help those with biters. LOL The first thing it says is don't "label" the kid a biter. ::

http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...on-biting.html

I understand the OP's position about finances. However, the victim's parents WILL eventually pull because of it, and then she faces financial issues anyway. She also risks being reported, which would really complicate finances when other families choose not to sign because of the ding on her record.

[Blackcat31]

I totally understand what you're saying, Crystal. Once again, I am not saying it's just something where one says "oh, well it normal so it's ok".

OP said she can't term right now. It would put her family in dire financial straits, from the sound of it, and she doesn't have prospective new clients to replace him. The bitee's parents are in the loop, and OP seems to be trying to be proactive. All I can do is give her some more ideas.

As for it being common, I guess that's my take on it because I hear it again and again. There are two people on the board today that are asking about biting. Every provider I've known for 24 years has had one or two.

......says meekly and quietly from the back.......

I've NEVER had a biter. ever.

[Cradle2crayons]

Biting may not be abnormal, but I don't think it's normal either. In all my years, I've only seen it once. And local provider friends of mine, maybe once each.

I don't think the point is whether its normal or not.

I agree if it were my child being bitten like that, over and over, there would be a serious problem. I would be absolutely LIVID to find out that the provider is refusing to term for any reason and like crystal, as a parent I wouldn't care WHY. All I would care about is when was it going to stop.

While terming should never be a first option, sometimes it's the only option.

Sometimes it's hard to admit defeat and realize we can't fix everything and every child and every family.

In the end it's what's best for the group as a whole. And in the end, as a parent and provider, the top priority is the protection of all children involved.

Same as if a child was beating up another child and caused a broken arm. How many times do we allow that child to break arms of another innocent children.

Bites can be very dangerous. They can have long term physical and psychological consequences for every child involved.

[sly red cid]

biting

My victims Mother is a social worker with the local school system.( so I don't think she sees this as neglect)! At this point they /we are all trying to move thru this phase....we are all communicating. And no I do not have a waiting line and hubs is not bringing in any $ so I am the one paying the mortgage and all other bills...we have no health ins. Recently found we had termites...thankfully the company we went with does monthly payments. So I am doing what I can to curb this behavior.Thanks again to all input. I'm hoping our vacay breaks will help put an end to this.But the last two weeks of Aug. I have 2 older Sa that are sibs to their littles...diff. fams. (these fams I've had for going on 8 yrs.) before school starts they will be a big help.My hubs is home ALOT these days and does help as does college age DD when she can.I know some of you do what you have to to keep the roof over your heads....that's where I'm at....if I could walk into any other job(almost) that I could make this amount of $$ then I'd be out of daycare in a flash(24+ yrs)....yes I started by accident---helping out a neighbor when I had first DD ---used to think I'd get to be class Mom and all that but not when you have 3-4 infants/toddlers. Had to miss alot of school plays etc. so I could take care of others kids...... anyway thanks again to all input.

[sly red cid]

biting

Just read last post in fact years ago I did have a daycare kid(very solid for his age) that body slammed DD (2yrs old at time) to the floor and fell on top of her; broke her elbow. I did not term them or sue. To this day this kid is proud of what he did and always remarks on it when he see DD now.( always wondered if he used to tear animal heads off etc too.!)

[Heidi]

......says meekly and quietly from the back.......

I've NEVER had a biter. ever.

...lucky you!

[nannyde]

NO!!!! It is NOT typical behavior! If it were typical every kid that passes through our door would do it. Please do not accept it as typical behavior.

That

I don't have it at all.