Tweet
I need help again with my biter. He has a pacifier now that is in almost every min. while he is here. He is so quick to bite that I rarely ever see it happen...mostly to just the same kid over and over; today--middle of the back last week on the face. The victim is almost 18 mos and the biter will be 2 in Nov.I can't term cause this fam also has a SA and are a main source of income since dear hubby was forced to retire( no benefits) 3 yrs ago and has not found anything yet.I separate as much as possible but then I have to climb over the gates all day. This little guy is now hitting all of us too. Besides having his own play space(which cuts down on how much room the rest have) what do you all suggest...he has almost all his teeth; it is not teething. Thanks I'm hoping that my vacay time starting soon will help him get past this but I'm not sure.It sure makes me feel inept that I can't stop this behavior.
-
-
You can term. If you don't term the biter, the parents of the victim are likely to term you. Which would you rather keep? -
I agree....... don't risk losing a good client by keeping this child. You will have to make some changes to your personal spending until you are able to replace the child.
No way in the world would I keep sending my kid back to a child care where they kept getting bit over and over again......
Sometimes the only thing that we can do is get them into a different environment, which means removing them from our program........Comment
-
You need to interview for his space but if you can't keep the bitee safe, the biter NEEDS to go. It is NOT acceptable for this child to be repeatedly bitten like that.
In the meantime, this child is NEVER, EVER out of arms reach or physically capable of reaching another child. Gates, a play yard, depending on regs where you are a high chair or pack and play for your potty breaks.Comment
-
This won't be much help, but I had that same kid-except he was just 17 months old and targeted my little one the same age who has developmental delays and is not capable of defending himself. Did the pacifier, but like yours, he popped it out, bit, and popped it back in. When he wasn't close enough to bite, he pinched and pulled hair. I've isolated, etc. Even though I really need to keep him (it took 8 months to fill that space), I had made up my mind to term him. Before I could, his mom gave notice that they were moving away at the end of this month. Of course, in the last week, he hasn't bit or hit or pinched a single time and has been a complete joy to have around. Now I'm glad I didn't term him and sorry to see him go. I had given up on him ever stopping. It took 3 months of constant supervision, but it seems the worst is over. I guess his new provider will reap the benefits of all my hard work.
I will add that only a couple of the bites were bad-1 left a bruise but didn't break skin. I was always hovering enough to break it up before it got too deep. Mom of the victim was very calm about it. I told her the first time it happened that I would term him. She said not to-one of her's was a biter too , although not to this degree. I explained how I was handling it and said that one word from her and he was gone. I told the biter's mom the same thing. She was very concerned and cooperative, and because the 3 of us talked every day, we were able to get through it with no bad feelings. I'm really lucky to have calm mommas.Comment
-
I had to term a biter. He was the best little boy except for biting & he always went after the same little girl. I needed the money, but I though about the little girl was going though. If I was here mom I would be peeved to no end. He HAD to go.Comment
-
Toddlers bite for all sorts of reasons. This doesn't make it okay, but it is typical behavior. It's ugly and primal, and it's a PITA to deal with!
Sounds like your little guy is biting because he doesn't have the tools to communicate otherwise. The back-biting especially gives me a clue. For some toddlers, it's their way of saying "hey, come play with me...don't go" Obviously not the way you or I would communicate that, but to a child that age, a hand or a mouth are not so different.
In addition to the pacifier and own-area time, I think it would be helpful to teach all your kiddos some simple baby signs like "please", "more", "play".
I would do some floor time with him periodically throughout the day, where you are RIGHT next to him, and you help him negotiate the social scene. If he goes to grab a toy, you say "you want the truck, you want to play (give the sign) with the truck", or if you don't want to do the signs, just over-enunciate the word play and encourage him to say it. If he goes to bite, get your hand over his mouth and say "NO...biting hurts your friends. Bite THIS (pacifier)".
A couple 10-15minute periods a day where you do this will help him enormously. Because, right now, you're taking away opportunities for him to bite, but you are also taking away the opportunities to learn what he CAN do, kwim? If he's isolated, he can't make progress learning the skills. You are only avoiding the biting.
When your time is up, get him involved in another activity in his "area" before you move on, if possible. It's not supposed to be a punishment, it's supposed to be a tool for you to prevent biting.Comment
-
I could see trying what Heidi says, however, I think you are way past this point, as it has happened way too many times already and you can't let it happen again.
But that's just me. It's your call. Can you afford to take another chance of letting this kid bite another kid again is what I would be asking myself. Right now there is nothing that can guarantee that no one will get bit again except for removing the bitter.
You're in a hard situation My heart goes out to you. Good luck.Comment
-
NO!!!! It is NOT typical behavior! If it were typical every kid that passes through our door would do it. Please do not accept it as typical behavior.Comment
-
Maybe typical is not the right word. It is NOT ok, I am absolutely not saying that. But, it is not uncommon. I don't have any statistics, only anecdotal data here, but I don't know a single daycare provider (and I've know a lot of them in 23 years) who hasn't had one or two biters.
People can term every kiddo that bites if they don't want to deal with it. That's fine. But, OP said this is not an option. I have a kiddo now that age that was a biter for about 2-3 weeks. But, doing the above (my other post) got us through it, and it hasn't happened in 6 or 8 weeks now. It CAN be managed. In my case, the other family was not happy either, but I assured them that I was working on it, and if I felt like I couldn't conquer it, the biter would be terminated (I only have 2 toddlers, so the culprit was pretty obvious in this case).
Sometimes, we all get a little carried away with the term, term, term thing. There are situations where we should term (I've termed 3 families in the last 2 1/2 years, each for different reasons). But, if OP is in a situation where that is not a valid option, then I would like to give her some ideas on how to fix the problem, if possible.
Again, just because it's happens with a lot of toddlers does not mean I am saying it's OK. Toddlers hoard toys, toddlers hit, toddlers throw food, toddlers climb on furniture, eat dog food, play in the toilet, and generally get into stuff they shouldn't, and sometimes, toddlers bite. None of this is okay in my house, but it's my job to teach them, right?Comment
-
I had a little guy who was trying the biting here last year. 18 months old. He was trying to bite ME.
Found out Mom, Dad and teenaged sisters thought it was "cute" and "funny" and he was just playing. I informed them that if there was ONE MORE, they would be termed immediately. They didn't think it was so funny anymore. NEVER happened again.
There needs to be swift, clear consequences for it. No "oh, honey, we don't bite" crap. A loud, firm NO!!!!! NO!!!!! We do NOT bite!!!! and removed from the group.
I don't care WHY the biting is happening. It will not be tolerated here. My job is to protect all of the children. Putting up with two, three weeks of it is FAR to much, IMHO.
A bite on the face, and knowing it wasn't the first bite,......as a parent, I would be off the wall LIVID and would pull my kid immediately and inform licensing that the provider has continued to care for a biter, putting other children at risk.
No way, no how, uh uh.Comment
-
still biting
Thanks Heidi good to see someone on my side! I know that terming would not stop the biting. I know it's a phase,etc. His sister was my first biter and she eventually got verbal enough and older and it stopped.The victim is usually in the biters "space" so I am on these two like a hawk but the biter is so quick i don't even see him remove his plug and put it back, and the victim hardly ever complains..His parents are the best about all this so it does help. I know Biter Mom gets more upset.I do the stern, loud verbal "No" and remove/redirect and all the 'right' stuff with biter when it happens. And if I could afford to term I still don't think that is the true ansewer .........thanks for all the input.Comment
-
Curious OP, WHY is terming not an option?Comment
Comment