Believe It Or Not, I Don't Hold Spots For Free

[blandino]

Last year I had a DCB (had watched this family's two older girls years ago), if anyone remembers my boy who had issues with pull-ups and PT. DCM is a teacher, and when her older girls were with us she would never pay to hold her spot over the summer. Well at the end of this year we were already having tension because of the PT issue, and his slow development - so when DCM never mentioned him coming back in the fall we figured it was a combination of not paying for the summer & the tension, and that he wasn't coming back. She ended his last day with a big "thank you", and that was it. About a month before he left, I asked her if his last day would be the last week school was in session, and she said "yes". Nothing more...

Well, tonight I get a FB message saying:


7:28pm
DCM:
...
I just wanted to make sure you still had an opening for DCB in the Fall

7:40pm
me:
We didn't know that you were planning on coming back in the fall, since we never spoke about it, we thought that you had other arrangements. We actually are full for the fall, once DCG moves we will have a part-time opening, but we aren't sure when they will be moving (should be in the next few weeks, but they have been saying that since May). We filled our last part-time spot a few weeks ago. If I had known, I would have put DCB on the waitlist in May, so he would have had been first in line for the spot. I feel really badly, but we just had no idea. Would you like me to put him on the waitlist ? Right now there are 4 on it, but all of them are infants, so if an over two spot opens it would be his ?

7:41pm
DCM:
Sure... I'm glad I asked though
He absolutely loves you guys but I understand every fall we play the chance game because we really just can't afford to pay child are during the summer to hold his spot.
*pay child care
I will start looking at my options but would love for him to be with you

8:06pm
Me:
I totally get the financial issue, but what we have been doing is charging a holding fee over the summer that is way less that regular tuition, so that would have been an option - we just thought since we never spoke about it that maybe your mother or family would be watching him this fall. We love you guys, and when something opens up I will let you know immediately.

8:07pm
DCM:
Thank you


I was shocked for her to say "just making sure you STILL had an opening". Ummm, no we never had a guaranteed spot for DCB, and she purposefully didn't ask in May because she didn't want to have to pay anything to hold it. Who on earth would hold a spot, if the parent hadn't even let you know that they were returning in the fall. ::

[TheGoodLife]

I wouldn't even have apologized, more than maybe once. Makes it wound like you were in the wrong, when it was HER that should have discussed her intentions much earlier. Hope you get a great family to replace!!!

[blandino]

I wouldn't Ben have apologized, more than maybe once. Makes it wound like you were in the wrong, when it was HER that should have discussed her intentions much earlier. Hope you get a great family to replace!!!

I know, and I didn't want to. I honestly DON'T feel bad at all. But I am horrible at being blunt and confrontational, so I kept feeling like I should say that.

We shall see about this new family. Little boy has been in an extremely unstructured environment, and is 39 months old and not potty trained. Mom seemed very nice and thoughtful, and I think the little boy will do well in a structured environment. So hopefully...

[Josiegirl]

Could it be a matter of dcm not really knowing or understanding the workings of daycare rules or just choosing to ignore for the reason you mentioned?

I have a dcm who assumes I'll always be here. I love her dd and until she started going to school, I was here for her. But my summers are packed and if she needs me 2 half days it doesn't make sense financially to turn away full-timers so that I can accommodate her.

[Play Care]

It sounds as if you did hold spots for them over the summer without payment in the past? In which case she wouldn't have felt a need to discuss anything based on prior experience. If that is the case then I think you should have brought something up last Spring to let her know her options. You mentioned there was tension (and I remember your posts from back then and totally understand why) but it would have been a gesture of goodwill/professionalism on your part to at least mention the options.

[blandino]

It sounds as if you did hold spots for them over the summer without payment in the past? In which case she wouldn't have felt a need to discuss anything based on prior experience. If that is the case then I think you should have brought something up last Spring to let her know her options. You mentioned there was tension (and I remember your posts from back then and totally understand why) but it would have been a gesture of goodwill/professionalism on your part to at least mention the options.

See that's the thing that dumbfounded us about this message, this is DCB's first year with us !?! Her older daughters came years ago, and we never held spots without payment. However, it did just so happen that the two summers they were with us, we wound up having openings in August (from kids going to kindergarten), but her spots were never held. She even mentioned that she "knows they play a game of chance".

We have always done the holding fee, even when her okder girls were here, but she never opted to pay it. I feel like she purposefully didn't ask about holding the spot over the summer, so that she could play innocent and use the angle that she assumed we were holding a spot for him. She literally never uttered a word about him coming back in the fall, because I think then she would have known she could have paid the holding fee and had a spot (I don't even think she wanted to pay the holding fee).

[Play Care]

See that's the thing that dumbfounded us about this message, this is DCB's first year with us !?! Her older daughters came years ago, and we never held spots without payment. However, it did just so happen that the two summers they were with us, we wound up having openings in August (from kids going to kindergarten), but her spots were never held. She even mentioned that she "knows they play a game of chance".

We have always done the holding fee, even when her okder girls were here, but she never opted to pay it. I feel like she purposefully didn't ask about holding the spot over the summer, so that she could play innocent and use the angle that she assumed we were holding a spot for him. She literally never uttered a word about him coming back in the fall, because I think then she would have known she could have paid the holding fee and had a spot (I don't even think she wanted to pay the holding fee).

Oh, I see now. It wasn't clear in the OP. In that case she knew the deal and is now trying to play dumb.

[Crazy8]

you were much nicer in your explanations than I would have been!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Perhaps it's for the best anyways due to the tension.

[countrymom]

she was trying to get out from paying in the summer, and since she didn't say anything she thought maybe you would just accept him in the fall. Here's your chance to not take them back, choose wisely !

[daycarediva]

I think it's for the best anyway! If he still isn't PT, and there was already issues, I think ending it this way is best for all!

[Blackcat31]

See that's the thing that dumbfounded us about this message, this is DCB's first year with us !?! Her older daughters came years ago, and we never held spots without payment. However, it did just so happen that the two summers they were with us, we wound up having openings in August (from kids going to kindergarten), but her spots were never held. She even mentioned that she "knows they play a game of chance".

We have always done the holding fee, even when her okder girls were here, but she never opted to pay it. I feel like she purposefully didn't ask about holding the spot over the summer, so that she could play innocent and use the angle that she assumed we were holding a spot for him. She literally never uttered a word about him coming back in the fall, because I think then she would have known she could have paid the holding fee and had a spot (I don't even think she wanted to pay the holding fee).

I think she KNEW that you charged for the summer as she is the one who said in her message that each year they play the "chance" game with whether or not there is a spot or not.

I think you did a great job in replying to her. You were polite and professional.

I agree with Mama2Bella about not necessarily apologizing but sometimes it just happens that way and although you are sorry and the DCM is sorry, it isn't always for the same reasons...kwim?