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I have a 14 mo old that cannot seem to keep it together. The age is whats proving so difficult. This dcb is always taking things from kids, making a huge mess, pushing kids out of his way, pulling on their clothes or hitting them with toys. I'm not sure how to approach it. I say things like "we don't hit" or "that's not nice" and try to remove him from the situation but he always comes back and continues. I just recently got a super yard for the infants at different times of the day and I've sometimes put him in there if he's not listening but at the same time I don't want him to associate it with being in trouble because I want them to like the space. He's just getting worse. And when he's in the super yard he just shakes the walls of it back and forth and yells. Thats another thing, this boy screams at everyone. Now kids are starting to yell back at him and its sooooo loud. Help?
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Every time he hits, shoves or touches another person in a rough manner, I would tell him "No" and then place him in the play yard.
I wouldn't be one bit concerned with him associating it with punishment or with being in trouble because he IS being naughty and IS in trouble.
He is being aggressive and mean and that is NOT ok. It needs to be nipped in the bud and needs to be done I a manner in which is understands that it IS naughty.
There are way too many parents (and providers) who tip toe around violent or aggressive behavior and that's sad because it IS a serious issue that needs to be taught early on.
I'd start each day fresh. The second he laid a hand on another child, he'd be in the play yard with a stern warning. I'd let him out after a few minutes and then demonstrate to him the proper way to do what ever it was he was doing (getting a toy, getting past someone, sharing, etc...). If he touched someone again, he'd go right back to the play yard.
Rinse and repeat. If there are no clear signs of improvement within a certain amount of time, I'd term.
Parents need to be sending the same message to him. Hitting is NEVER okay. EVER. I don't care what age a child is. If he learned to do it, he can be taught not to do it....kwim? -
Totally. Thanks BC. I think I'll continue what I'm doing. I have had a problem where both young boys are in the play yard together and one hits the other in the head with a plastic ball. In that case I feel like if I remove the victim that give validation to the culprit. What then? Put the aggressor in the high chair?Comment
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The victim would come out of the play yard, get loves and hugs and lots of attention while leaving the hitter in the play yard.
Even though you've removed the victim, you've basically rewarded the victim and the hitter can see wow the VICTIM got out and got lots of attention.Comment
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This is true.
If you placed the first child in the play yard due to unwanted behavior, I would hesitate to place a second child there while first is doing his time...kwim?
If they are both simply playing in the play yard together and one hits, then the above advice is what I would do.
If you put one child in the play yard for hitting, and another kid hits, I'd end the first kids time in there, remove him and then place the second hitter there for his time alone. Hope that makes sense.
Separating kids due to poor social skills is common at this age but not something that can't be taught..... they are learning that they MUST behave in a positive manner or they can't be in public. And right now their public is the general population of other kids. Separation helps teach them that they act poorly, they are cut off from public. Act appropriately and "public" accepts and welcomes you.
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This is true.
If you placed the first child in the play yard due to unwanted behavior, I would hesitate to place a second child there while first is doing his time...kwim?
If they are both simply playing in the play yard together and one hits, then the above advice is what I would do.
If you put one child in the play yard for hitting, and another kid hits, I'd end the first kids time in there, remove him and then place the second hitter there for his time alone. Hope that makes sense.
Separating kids due to poor social skills is common at this age but not something that can't be taught..... they are learning that they MUST behave in a positive manner or they can't be in public. And right now their public is the general population of other kids. Separation helps teach them that they act poorly, they are cut off from public. Act appropriately and "public" accepts and welcomes you. Awesome. Thanks. I'm not pro time-out, but for me 'if you hit you sit'. With such young ages its hard to find whats appropriate and whats not, developmentally. But I like that its not time out in a corner, just separation from the group.
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Why do some people think this is wrong???? This is true.
If you placed the first child in the play yard due to unwanted behavior, I would hesitate to place a second child there while first is doing his time...kwim?
If they are both simply playing in the play yard together and one hits, then the above advice is what I would do.
If you put one child in the play yard for hitting, and another kid hits, I'd end the first kids time in there, remove him and then place the second hitter there for his time alone. Hope that makes sense.
Separating kids due to poor social skills is common at this age but not something that can't be taught..... they are learning that they MUST behave in a positive manner or they can't be in public. And right now their public is the general population of other kids. Separation helps teach them that they act poorly, they are cut off from public. Act appropriately and "public" accepts and welcomes you.
I totally think just about every behavior issue in young children can be nipped in the bud using this kind of thinking.
Why do people feel it's abusive or harmful to kids? Because it works?
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I had the SAME child, except mine also bit and pulled hair! I call him my tornado. He started here at 18 months and is now 23 months and is doing a lot better now! He never bites and rarely hits anymore. All I did was constantly redirect, redirect, redirect and also shadow him (the best that I could) or have him "help" me with things. Also, when he did something mean I would show him nice touches and have him do the same to his victim and also give them a a hug. If he didn't stop, I would sometimes give him a "break" away from the other kids, I see nothing wrong with that!
Believe me, it wasn't easy and there were many times when I wanted to dis-enroll him, but I was consistent in what I did with him and it seemed to help.
Now, I am working on the screaming/yelling thing with him and I know what you mean, it gets so loud! He scream/yells/cries when he wants something....until he gets it. Sometimes I have to let him sit in the hallway (my playroom is on the other side of it) and scream it out. He now knows if he sits there, he has to stop scream/yell/crying before he can come back with us. He often will stop almost right away when I tell him he has to sit in the hall until he can stop because he is hurting our ears. He is only 23 months, but he does know what I'm saying and it seems to help, most of the time.
I still call him my little tornado-he is sooooooo busy, but at least he doesn't bite anymore and rarely hits or pulls hair. Now if I could just get him to not scream-cry and yell........
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One of the first things that I learned in CHDV. is to first pay attention to the victim, not the aggressor. Of course you may have to move the aggressor, but like you said, showing the victim lots of attention does get the aggressor's attention! Plus a lot of the time, the aggressor is doing it for attention.
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My state regs do not allow me to put a child in a high chair or PNP or crib or playyard or anything like that for punishment. 14 months is WAY too young for a time out, they should start around age 3.
I deal with it by removing the items used for hitting, giving the child a stern no, and removing from the bad situation and placing him in an acceptable one.Comment
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