My Daughter Is So Jealous... Help!?

[Lkurtyak]

Hi all, today is my first day with an infant smaller than my own child. My daughter is 17 months old and very jealous of this new baby in my arms. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She is throwing tantrums every time I am not holding her, I don't know what to do!

[SilverSabre25]

"I know it's hard to see mommy holding another baby. You feel really jealous! You wish you were in mommy's arms! But mommy has to take care of this baby right now. See? She needs milk from her bottle. When she's done, I will hold you."

"I know it's hard to share mommy. When this baby goes home to her mama, I will give you all the cuddles!

"You're really frustrated because mama has to hold the other baby. I understand, that's really hard for you! Oh, you need a snack! Okay! Just let me set the baby down and I will do that for you. [then, to baby]: Oh, my I know you don't want to lay down right now but DD needs me to get her a snack and a drink. Oh, my I hear you, you're angry! I understand! I will pick you up once DD is settled. [settle DD] here you go honey! Now mama has to go give the other baby cuddles! After she's napping, we will go read books together!"

[Lkurtyak]

She doesn't really understand that yet. I could see that working if she were a little bit older though.

[SilverSabre25]

I know she doesn't understand yet--and she won't, until and unless you model it for her!

And you might be surprised by how much she can understand if you give her the chance.

These are words that you can use to talk her through it and talk YOURSELF through it until your DD gets used to the situation.

Treat it like a sibling situation and treat the baby like DD's little sib, because it will be the same style of reaction from DD. Sometimes you see to the baby first; sometimes you see to DD first. Before you sit down to give baby a bottle, make sure DD has a snack and a drink and something fun and special to do (or whatever works for the timing of things). Ask your DD to help you with the baby: "She needs her diaper changed! Can you help mommy? The diapers are right there. Hand me a diaper! Thank you!" or "DD, baby is sad and I'm making lunch. Can you hand baby a toy?" that sort of thing.

You model, model, model...and DD will get it before too long.

[Willow]

I know she doesn't understand yet--and she won't, until and unless you model it for her!

And you might be surprised by how much she can understand if you give her the chance.

These are words that you can use to talk her through it and talk YOURSELF through it until your DD gets used to the situation.

Treat it like a sibling situation and treat the baby like DD's little sib, because it will be the same style of reaction from DD. Sometimes you see to the baby first; sometimes you see to DD first. Before you sit down to give baby a bottle, make sure DD has a snack and a drink and something fun and special to do (or whatever works for the timing of things). Ask your DD to help you with the baby: "She needs her diaper changed! Can you help mommy? The diapers are right there. Hand me a diaper! Thank you!" or "DD, baby is sad and I'm making lunch. Can you hand baby a toy?" that sort of thing.

You model, model, model...and DD will get it before too long.

I talk that way to my 13 month olds about the 6 month old I also care for, didn't take them long at all to pick up what I was saying.

Start the dialogue and she'll figure it out quicker than you think OP

[Lkurtyak]

Ok, I'll give it a shot! Thanks