When you have to tell dcps it was a bad day :(

[Josiegirl]

I've had this dcb for 3 years, he's now 5. And he's always been extremely strong-willed, bossy, manipulative and a little lying sneak. He does have a good side. He's smart as a whip and.....well he's smart as a whip.

Anyways, he loves hanging out with all the bigger kids and my 20 yo dd. Sometimes he just can't. And he'll take it out on whoever or whatever is closest. I have 2 dcgs who are 9 and they like to hang out together and do 9 yo type stuff. Dcb wanted to hang out with them yesterday and one of the dcgs got sick of it, took him by the shoulder and steered him towards a different place. Dcb comes running to me and tells me dcg touched him 'down there', he showed me, so I went to question dcg. She and her friend were flabberghasted and explained what had happened. Dcb was overheard telling another kid that he'd made up a story about the 9 yo. I sat him down and told him what he did was very serious. Explained why.

Next issue happened at naptime; he and all the other younger kids stayed inside with me, watched a video, read books, whatever quiet activity I offer. He got all upset, took his mom's Kindle, hit the arm of the chair with it none too gently. I said he was going to break the Kindle and his mom might not be too happy with the way he was treating it. He got all mad at me and sassy. So I took it away.

Now this dcb IS allowed to play with all the older kids most of the time, but there are some times they don't want a 5 yo clinging to them. I have 4 dcks ages 9-12 that like to do their own thing and 8 dcks ages 1-6. It just seems like this particular child has been a handful since day one.

And I hate telling dcm about it because, of course, it makes her angry and upset with her child. Most of the time I tell her his day was pretty good and okay but yesterday, I felt those 2 issues needed to be addressed.

[coolconfidentme]

I wouldn't wait to tell a parent something. Everyday is the right day to let them know how their child behaves. I've said things like, "Blankity Blank was the timeout king today." That is followed by what he did. Dropping a bomb is very shocking to a parent when they never hear anything bad. They can''t correct bad behavior if they don't know about it. Maybe that's my wishful thinking...

[Solandia]

Lying about serious issues like that is very scary. He must be in line of sight 100% of the time. Preferably with cameras to cya...It could be about you next time.

I had a dck (5yo) tell his mom I locked him in the closet because he was naughty. He was mad at me for not doing what he wanted. luckily for me he chose the wrong lie....none of my closets have doors. But if he chose a different lie, one with a smidge of doubt....where does that leave me, my dd, my other dcks who are being accused. My first priority is protecting my family, then my biz. If my dcb had chosen one more or a more serious "get back atcha" lie, like your dcb did, he would have never been allowed back into my home. His mom understood the seriousness, and it never happened again. And I had this child since an infant.

[Josiegirl]

Oh trust me, I always tell dcm if it's something going on. It's just that with this particular kid, it's ALWAYS something! I pick and choose what I believe to be the more serious offenses though because quite frankly, I don't think she needs to hear about every single issue. They're good parents and try really hard. They just have extremely strong-willed and precocious kids. Her other one that I have is 2 1/2 and I see a lot of the same tendencies arising with her. UGH!

But as far as he is concerned, He pushed someone....I deal with it. He said stupid....I deal with it. If it's a repeated offense I tell her he's been doing it a lot lately.

I'm just soooo ready for him to begin Kindergarten this year!!

[countrymom]

sounds to me like he just doesn't know how to play by himself and he's looking for someone to do it for him. His parents may be trying hard like making up for not being with him during the day. Well now the child wants you to continue the game too.

[SilverSabre25]

I just tell the parents, straight up, that it wasn't such a good day, dck had trouble with (being nice, listening, following directions, being a friend, whatever) and give a bit more detail. Some things I encourage dck to own up to themselves ("Don't you have something to tell your mom? About what happened this morning? Noooo, not that it was a good morning, dck. You got in trouble. You're supposed to tell your mom. Would you rather I tell her? Okay...."). And sometimes, I tell the parent, "It was NOT a good day. We need to talk..."

Once, with a 5 yo boy, what he did was serious enough (and it was a lying issue, though not nearly as bad as yours!) that I texted mom about it in the middle of the day. She called and spoke to him on the phone about it. Big trouble, that one.

I'm glad to read that yours is going off to kindy in the fall. He sounds like he's just simply outgrown your program.

And he'd be grounded from the Kindle for at LEAST a week. You do NOT get to treat things that way! He'd also be banned from playing with the older kids for a while (afternoon, rest of the week, something). Nosiree, lying is bad enough, but to lie about that topic? NO. Freaking. Way.

[Meeko]

A 5 year old is allowed to play with a Kindle??????

After his "smash it" try....I would tell the mom it can NEVER come back in your house. If he had broken it, the mom could have tried to hold you responsible for replacing it. Claiming you weren't supervising etc etc.

I would tell the mom that you are having behavior issues and that you BOTH need to nip in the bud ASAP. Tell her that you will be calling her at work when you have anything major and will expect her co-operation.

Right now, he feels like he's in charge and that has to stop or it WILL get worse.

[daycare]

I have one like this that always wants to be entertained by the olders. He never wants to have to entertain....

Sounds like he needs some time to learn to be the entertainer and to play by himself.....

[MarinaVanessa]

I've had this dcb for 3 years, he's now 5. And he's always been extremely strong-willed, bossy, manipulative and a little lying sneak. He does have a good side. He's smart as a whip and.....well he's smart as a whip.

Anyways, he loves hanging out with all the bigger kids and my 20 yo dd. Sometimes he just can't. And he'll take it out on whoever or whatever is closest. I have 2 dcgs who are 9 and they like to hang out together and do 9 yo type stuff. Dcb wanted to hang out with them yesterday and one of the dcgs got sick of it, took him by the shoulder and steered him towards a different place. Dcb comes running to me and tells me dcg touched him 'down there', he showed me, so I went to question dcg. She and her friend were flabberghasted and explained what had happened. Dcb was overheard telling another kid that he'd made up a story about the 9 yo. I sat him down and told him what he did was very serious. Explained why.

Next issue happened at naptime; he and all the other younger kids stayed inside with me, watched a video, read books, whatever quiet activity I offer. He got all upset, took his mom's Kindle, hit the arm of the chair with it none too gently. I said he was going to break the Kindle and his mom might not be too happy with the way he was treating it. He got all mad at me and sassy. So I took it away.

Now this dcb IS allowed to play with all the older kids most of the time, but there are some times they don't want a 5 yo clinging to them. I have 4 dcks ages 9-12 that like to do their own thing and 8 dcks ages 1-6. It just seems like this particular child has been a handful since day one.

And I hate telling dcm about it because, of course, it makes her angry and upset with her child. Most of the time I tell her his day was pretty good and okay but yesterday, I felt those 2 issues needed to be addressed.

I would call licensing and make a report of the accusation that DCB made and write up my own report of what happened. From this day forward I would document each day's "occurrences". The allegation that someone touched him "down there" is extremely serious. If you have a phone with a video camera on it I would take a video each time he acts up in an extreme manner (like when he was hitting the kindle). I would also not allow the Kindle at daycare anymore, you can't use it properly then you don't get to bring it. Since he can't express himself appropriately when he can't play with the older kids then I would simply not let him play with them at all until he can learn that his behavior is unacceptable. I would also teach the kids as a whole about personal space and that sometimes "we" don't always want to play with someone and that it's ok. When we feel like not playing with someone then we should have the option not to. I personally don't force children to play together or "be friends".

I would also talk to the DCM and give her a rundown of the day and just tell her outright that his accusation was serious and that you had to make a report to licensing about it because he accused one of your DC children of serious sexual allegations because they didn't want to play with him. Because of this you are forced to separate them. Don't use names, and explain the whole scenario and back it up with a positive plan...

"Hi Susan, listen I have to talk to you about something pretty serious so please keep an open mind okay? I love having Little Johnny here. He's super smart and super funny and overall the kids enjoy playing with him. Today was a rough day for us, let me give you a run through of our day ... Johnny was playing with two other DCK's and they didn't want to play with him anymore so one of the DCK's turned him by the shoulder and ushered him away, I didn't see that but another DCK did. Johnny then came to me and told me that the DCK had touched him down there so of course I immediately asked the two DCK's that were present what happened and they told me their version. Shortly after that Johnny was overheard by a DCK saying that he had made the story up. I spoke to him alone and we had a discussion about why we don't make up stories like that. Now even though nothing serious happened I a had to make a report to licensing because it is a serious allegation. I will let you know if licensing decides they want to investigate the incident or not and I will follow whatever recommendations they make to me. I will also have to monitor him closer from now on and I will have to keep him and the DC child that he accused apart for the time being because the other child is obviously upset that they were accused.

Now let me tell you about the Kindle incident ... so because of this he has lost the privilege of being able to bring it. Please don't allow him to walk inside my home with it.

I am discussing this with you because although the accusation he made was serious I do want to make some sort of attempt to correct this behavior. I don't want Johnny to be punished but he needs to somehow understand that this type of behavior in unacceptable and he will not be rewarded for behavior like this. Let's talk about how me and you can work together to curb this. Do you have any ideas?" And then you offer your ideas as well etc.

Here's an article about calling parents (for teachers) but you can easily change a few things to make it more relatable to child care and of course you'll be talking to them in person probably instead of over the phone but it was helpful to me so hopefully it will be helpful to you too.

Teachers: Making Difficult Phone Calls to Parents

[My3cents]

I've had this dcb for 3 years, he's now 5. And he's always been extremely strong-willed, bossy, manipulative and a little lying sneak. He does have a good side. He's smart as a whip and.....well he's smart as a whip.

Anyways, he loves hanging out with all the bigger kids and my 20 yo dd. Sometimes he just can't. And he'll take it out on whoever or whatever is closest. I have 2 dcgs who are 9 and they like to hang out together and do 9 yo type stuff. Dcb wanted to hang out with them yesterday and one of the dcgs got sick of it, took him by the shoulder and steered him towards a different place. Dcb comes running to me and tells me dcg touched him 'down there', he showed me, so I went to question dcg. She and her friend were flabberghasted and explained what had happened. Dcb was overheard telling another kid that he'd made up a story about the 9 yo. I sat him down and told him what he did was very serious. Explained why.This kid would not leave my site if he was telling that type of stories. I would absolutely tell the parents what happened.

Next issue happened at naptime; he and all the other younger kids stayed inside with me, watched a video, read books, whatever quiet activity I offer. He got all upset, took his mom's Kindle, hit the arm of the chair with it none too gently. I said he was going to break the Kindle and his mom might not be too happy with the way he was treating it. He got all mad at me and sassy. So I took it away. Kindles are not cheap- I would not want to be responsible for this type of item being broken in my home. Easy fix- no outside toys from home allowed in my house. Hand it back to mom at the start of the day or remove it and give it to her at pick up.

Now this dcb IS allowed to play with all the older kids most of the time, but there are some times they don't want a 5 yo clinging to them. I have 4 dcks ages 9-12 that like to do their own thing and 8 dcks ages 1-6. It just seems like this particular child has been a handful since day one. Redirect him to kids his age or explain to everyone that we all play together and no one is made to feel left out

And I hate telling dcm about it because, of course, it makes her angry and upset with her child. Most of the time I tell her his day was pretty good and okay but yesterday, I felt those 2 issues needed to be addressed.

Part of the job is being able to talk with parents. So she gets angry. So she doesn't like what she is going to hear. I have open communication on both sides. If something at home is not going well I ask the parent to make me aware of it- not because I want to meddle in the their life but because it helps me to know why little boo boo is having an off day etc... Never be afraid to talk with your parents. It is not easy and it is uncomfortable at times but it should be done.

I responded in bold above.... but you don't want to tell every daily detail of what goes on but important stuff should be addressed. I know that for me when one of my two's was turning three the little darling started to do more things that were not great but not abnormal for the age and I had to real myself in from telling this parent (who liked info everyday on the little one) too much. It started to make this good child look bad and the child was a good child for the most part but just testing the waters. Mom was a detail person wanted all the information that she could muster from me about the child's day. Would go over in front of the child and me another earful and I had to take a step back and say wait a minute. This child has been corrected by me already and unless its a big issue I don't need to give this parent as much info as I was giving her and she was demanding from me. I now reply with it was a good day, even if we had a few hic-ups along the way. If it was a horrible off day then I tell her.

I would nip Sassy face right away and tell him it is not acceptable at your house. I would have taken the kindle and said oh no your not going to break your moms kindle and don't bring it to daycare anymore or I will take it and put it away and hand it to your mom at pick up time. I am guessing but I think this five year old being smart needs more to do to keep him busy and using his imagination in a better form. I would find busy work for him and let him help you whenever possible to do little task for you that makes the guy feel special with out sending the wrong message to everyone else.

Good luck and I don't know if I already said this but Welcome to the Forums~

[My3cents]

Oh trust me, I always tell dcm if it's something going on. It's just that with this particular kid, it's ALWAYS something! I pick and choose what I believe to be the more serious offenses though because quite frankly, I don't think she needs to hear about every single issue. They're good parents and try really hard. They just have extremely strong-willed and precocious kids. Her other one that I have is 2 1/2 and I see a lot of the same tendencies arising with her. UGH!

But as far as he is concerned, He pushed someone....I deal with it. He said stupid....I deal with it. If it's a repeated offense I tell her he's been doing it a lot lately.

I'm just soooo ready for him to begin Kindergarten this year!!

If he pushed someone I would tell the parent. If he said stupid I would tell him we don't use those words here.

Your doing this kid and mom a service now by letting the child know it is not ok, and letting the parent know her child could use some parenting.

Some families just live these lives that are so very different from our own and they just end up not meshing well with us. Kids are smart and they can learn fast that what is ok at home is not ok at daycare. Some kids just can't get that. When they start school these are the kids that are expelled.

Finding a balance of what to say and what not to say can be hard at times but if its something that can effect my other kids in care or my business or my personal reputation it is addressed.

[My3cents]

I would call licensing and make a report of the accusation that DCB made and write up my own report of what happened. From this day forward I would document each day's "occurrences". The allegation that someone touched him "down there" is extremely serious. If you have a phone with a video camera on it I would take a video each time he acts up in an extreme manner (like when he was hitting the kindle). I would also not allow the Kindle at daycare anymore, you can't use it properly then you don't get to bring it. Since he can't express himself appropriately when he can't play with the older kids then I would simply not let him play with them at all until he can learn that his behavior is unacceptable. I would also teach the kids as a whole about personal space and that sometimes "we" don't always want to play with someone and that it's ok. When we feel like not playing with someone then we should have the option not to. I personally don't force children to play together or "be friends".

I would also talk to the DCM and give her a rundown of the day and just tell her outright that his accusation was serious and that you had to make a report to licensing about it because he accused one of your DC children of serious sexual allegations because they didn't want to play with him. Because of this you are forced to separate them. Don't use names, and explain the whole scenario and back it up with a positive plan...

"Hi Susan, listen I have to talk to you about something pretty serious so please keep an open mind okay? I love having Little Johnny here. He's super smart and super funny and overall the kids enjoy playing with him. Today was a rough day for us, let me give you a run through of our day ... Johnny was playing with two other DCK's and they didn't want to play with him anymore so one of the DCK's turned him by the shoulder and ushered him away, I didn't see that but another DCK did. Johnny then came to me and told me that the DCK had touched him down there so of course I immediately asked the two DCK's that were present what happened and they told me their version. Shortly after that Johnny was overheard by a DCK saying that he had made the story up. I spoke to him alone and we had a discussion about why we don't make up stories like that. Now even though nothing serious happened I a had to make a report to licensing because it is a serious allegation. I will let you know if licensing decides they want to investigate the incident or not and I will follow whatever recommendations they make to me. I will also have to monitor him closer from now on and I will have to keep him and the DC child that he accused apart for the time being because the other child is obviously upset that they were accused.

Now let me tell you about the Kindle incident ... so because of this he has lost the privilege of being able to bring it. Please don't allow him to walk inside my home with it.

I am discussing this with you because although the accusation he made was serious I do want to make some sort of attempt to correct this behavior. I don't want Johnny to be punished but he needs to somehow understand that this type of behavior in unacceptable and he will not be rewarded for behavior like this. Let's talk about how me and you can work together to curb this. Do you have any ideas?" And then you offer your ideas as well etc.

Here's an article about calling parents (for teachers) but you can easily change a few things to make it more relatable to child care and of course you'll be talking to them in person probably instead of over the phone but it was helpful to me so hopefully it will be helpful to you too.

Teachers: Making Difficult Phone Calls to Parents