Different People Pickup Everyday?

[daycarediva]

I have a dcb in care, 2, great kid, no issues with him or his parents.

DCM used to be able to pick up right after nap/snack around 3 and then changed jobs and now won't be able to pick up until 4:45-5. I gave her a new contract for the new hours. They still won't exceed 10 hours/day which is my max. DCM returned the form last week and then on it, said dcb would STILL be picked up early, although she listed 5 as the end of contracted time because she would still pick up on occasion, only now there is a list (and she included this) of authorized pick up people and she would let me know each day who it is. MOST of the time, it's either set of grandparents (So maternal gma, maternal gpa, paternal gma, paternal gpa). There is also a friend of hers and her sister listed.

I nixed leaving the car seat here. She understood.

Now the next issueS with this arrangement. DCB is NOT handling the unknowns well at all. Wednesday his maternal gma was supposed to pickup at 3. Dcb was aware of this, and stood at the door waiting. At 3:20 I got a text that she would be late. She showed at 4:10. Dcb stood at the door and asked me repeatedly where Granny was for over an hour. Despite my attempts at fun distractions, he was near tears the whole time.

He also requests certain people to pickup. If it isn't his requested person, full out fit in my entryway. His aunt picked up yesterday and let him scream and flail around while she texted for 10 minutes. I had to step in put his shoes on and hand him to her while saying goodbye. Today dcm drops off and says she is picking up dcb (so 5pm) only dcb started FREAKING because he wants grandpa and is now on/off in meltdown mode.

I NEED to put a stop to this NOW. I would MUCH rather have him until 5 everyday than deal with this! I warned her that there may be issues, but dcm said the family was excited to be spending more time with dcb. I hate to interrupt family time, but this is not fair to dcb OR me.

Any ideas on how to address it with dcm?

[lovemykidstoo]

Off the top of my head I think I would tell him that no one is coming until 5:00 because that's the latest that even mom would pick up right? So, if it's earlier then he'll be surprised. Not that a 2 yr old really understands 5:00, but I guess my point is that I wouldn't tell him that someone is coming "early".

The fit part about he doesn't want a certain person to pick up versus another? Well, he's 2, so he's prone to fits. I wouldn't make mom adjust her schedule because dcb is quite frankly being a stinker. What a way to give him complete control. He needs to understand that he can't throw a complete meltdown because Auntie is there versus grandpa. Maybe just have him completely ready and scoot him right out the door without a lot of attention and he will adjust over time. Maybe whomever is picking up could call you before so you could have him ready.

Good luck!

[Blackcat31]

Have mom tell whoever is picking up that they must text/call you when they are on their way.

Get DCB ready and send him out the door immediately upon that person's arrival...kind of like a modified version of the "buh-bye outside" method.

I wouldn't entertain his fits about who is picking him up or not...he is a child and when parents have to do what parents have to do, he needs to do it.

I understand how it can be confusing for him but it is also a prime situation in which DCB could possibly have way too much input/control (a 2yr old should have no say in who picks him up) and I think that is just asking for it.

I think it is fantastic mom is encouraging and supporting the fact that family is wanting to spend more time with the child vs being in daycare longer... DCB needs to be ready to go, with NO attention about WHO is actually coming or not coming to get him.

Just my 2 cents

[Familycare71]

I agree with above posts... He is 2 a d shouldn't have full control- I would deal with it the same way I dealt with him throwing a fit about not getting his way over a toy- with HIM
That said- some kids require a little extra support for changes. I would privately talk to dcm about a plan that works for every one. Can she make sure who is planned to pick up does the actual pickup? That way you can at least offer to him: today grandpa is picking you up! So he can prepare his little mind... Then I would require a call/text from the pick up person 20 min before arrival. That way you have time to transition him and have him ready. I think those two simple things would solve the transition difficulty he is having.
I would also build into my day building up how fun surprises are... Oh- I said we were having apples for dessert but we are having a cookie! Aren't surprises fun!? You can even do it with general convo. That way when pick up changes (and it will at some point) you can bring out the excitement of surprise. Wow! We thought grandma was coming but SURPISE it was mommy!!! He may look at you like your nuts but hopefully it will stall the fit...
I have had many parents do this and this is how I deal with it- it has worked every time... Even with my mild autism boy (and who doesn't like changeover than them!?).
Hope it helps!!

[Heidi]

Have mom tell whoever is picking up that they must text/call you when they are on their way.

Get DCB ready and send him out the door immediately upon that person's arrival...kind of like a modified version of the "buh-bye outside" method.

I wouldn't entertain his fits about who is picking him up or not...he is a child and when parents have to do what parents have to do, he needs to do it.

I understand how it can be confusing for him but it is also a prime situation in which DCB could possibly have way too much input/control (a 2yr old should have no say in who picks him up) and I think that is just asking for it.

I think it is fantastic mom is encouraging and supporting the fact that family is wanting to spend more time with the child vs being in daycare longer... DCB needs to be ready to go, with NO attention about WHO is actually coming or not coming to get him.

Just my 2 cents

I do feel for him though, the total lack of consistency has to be confusing. It must feel really random to him.

I absolutely would INSIST they text (I'd prefer text) or call with a 10 minute warning. Then, you can give him a 5 minute warning.... "Oooooh! Dcb...let's check Miss Christie's phone and see who's coming today! " Then, as BC said, have him ready and hand him off. It's not like you are going to chat a lot about how his day went with the whole family.

Also, if auntie is standing there texting ever again, I'd call her on it. "I really need you to take him out. I have other children to care for".

[daycarediva]

Dcm tells dcb in the AM to ease his anxiety (he literally asks repeatedly who is coming and when until he gets an answer every day, we tried having her NOT tell him, didn't work, he just asked me and I CAN NOT distract or stall this kid. He will ask me to text/call/email his Mom over and over and over, he won't eat or sleep, it's MISERABLE). If they are picking up, dcb KNOWS they come after snack. He will eat and then get his shoes and stand at the door UNLESS I say Mommy is coming at the same time as (insert bff at daycare's name here) and then he is FINE.

This is a kid who THRIVES on routine. He lost it for 2 weeks when I changed our routine in summer (outside first to avoid heat/sun then inside for prek) and now this the very following week.

I couldn't do the text and then let dcb know, tried that, he absolutely HAS to know or he loses it. He gets THAT anxious about it. If the plans change and Mom texts me that other grandparent is coming (or like last week the aunt) he gets HYSTERICAL. "No Mommy said....." I will try the surprise thing, but I doubt that will work either. He doesn't see change positively.

He is normally a GREAT kid, laid back and easy going, a true joy to have in care every day. Never throws fits or temper tantrums. BUT he IS that dependent on routine and he is WICKED smart and SUPER verbal. I do not think it's a manipulation, he has a LOT of things in transition right now, family situations, deaths and divorce and not knowing not only who is picking up that day, but who is picking up from there, where he is going, where he is sleeping, that sort of thing. If anything, this child is just begging for SOME control.

I wish it was as easy as manipulation.

I think I am going to ask Mom to get a schedule and give it to me a week in advance (on first day of care) and that way I can help him "I know you want Granny today, but Granny is coming THIS day and Nonna is coming today. Poppy will be here tomorrow and Auntie is coming Friday." that kind of thing.

[Heidi]

Dcm tells dcb in the AM to ease his anxiety (he literally asks repeatedly who is coming and when until he gets an answer every day, we tried having her NOT tell him, didn't work, he just asked me and I CAN NOT distract or stall this kid. He will ask me to text/call/email his Mom over and over and over, he won't eat or sleep, it's MISERABLE). If they are picking up, dcb KNOWS they come after snack. He will eat and then get his shoes and stand at the door UNLESS I say Mommy is coming at the same time as (insert bff at daycare's name here) and then he is FINE.

This is a kid who THRIVES on routine. He lost it for 2 weeks when I changed our routine in summer (outside first to avoid heat/sun then inside for prek) and now this the very following week.

I couldn't do the text and then let dcb know, tried that, he absolutely HAS to know or he loses it. He gets THAT anxious about it. If the plans change and Mom texts me that other grandparent is coming (or like last week the aunt) he gets HYSTERICAL. "No Mommy said....." I will try the surprise thing, but I doubt that will work either. He doesn't see change positively.

He is normally a GREAT kid, laid back and easy going, a true joy to have in care every day. Never throws fits or temper tantrums. BUT he IS that dependent on routine and he is WICKED smart and SUPER verbal. I do not think it's a manipulation, he has a LOT of things in transition right now, family situations, deaths and divorce and not knowing not only who is picking up that day, but who is picking up from there, where he is going, where he is sleeping, that sort of thing. If anything, this child is just begging for SOME control.

I wish it was as easy as manipulation.

I think I am going to ask Mom to get a schedule and give it to me a week in advance (on first day of care) and that way I can help him "I know you want Granny today, but Granny is coming THIS day and Nonna is coming today. Poppy will be here tomorrow and Auntie is coming Friday." that kind of thing.

Poor buddy...

That sounds like a good plan. I think mom needs to know that baring a major emergency, whatever the plan is should be adhered to for his sake.

[lovemykidstoo]

Dcm tells dcb in the AM to ease his anxiety (he literally asks repeatedly who is coming and when until he gets an answer every day, we tried having her NOT tell him, didn't work, he just asked me and I CAN NOT distract or stall this kid. He will ask me to text/call/email his Mom over and over and over, he won't eat or sleep, it's MISERABLE). If they are picking up, dcb KNOWS they come after snack. He will eat and then get his shoes and stand at the door UNLESS I say Mommy is coming at the same time as (insert bff at daycare's name here) and then he is FINE.

This is a kid who THRIVES on routine. He lost it for 2 weeks when I changed our routine in summer (outside first to avoid heat/sun then inside for prek) and now this the very following week.

I couldn't do the text and then let dcb know, tried that, he absolutely HAS to know or he loses it. He gets THAT anxious about it. If the plans change and Mom texts me that other grandparent is coming (or like last week the aunt) he gets HYSTERICAL. "No Mommy said....." I will try the surprise thing, but I doubt that will work either. He doesn't see change positively.

He is normally a GREAT kid, laid back and easy going, a true joy to have in care every day. Never throws fits or temper tantrums. BUT he IS that dependent on routine and he is WICKED smart and SUPER verbal. I do not think it's a manipulation, he has a LOT of things in transition right now, family situations, deaths and divorce and not knowing not only who is picking up that day, but who is picking up from there, where he is going, where he is sleeping, that sort of thing. If anything, this child is just begging for SOME control.

I wish it was as easy as manipulation.

I think I am going to ask Mom to get a schedule and give it to me a week in advance (on first day of care) and that way I can help him "I know you want Granny today, but Granny is coming THIS day and Nonna is coming today. Poppy will be here tomorrow and Auntie is coming Friday." that kind of thing.

This poor child needs some consistency. Knowing more about the situation, you need definitely to talk with mom. Your idea of having a schedule for the week is a great idea. Maybe a calendar to hang on the wall. Is it possible to get a picture of every person that might pick him up and put their face on the day that they're picking up? Maybe that would make it fun for him and he won't be so anxious.

[TheGoodLife]

Poor buddy...

That sounds like a good plan. I think mom needs to know that baring a major emergency, whatever the plan is should be adhered to for his sake.

This exactly!!!

[Hunni Bee]

This poor child needs some consistency. Knowing more about the situation, you need definitely to talk with mom. Your idea of having a schedule for the week is a great idea. Maybe a calendar to hang on the wall. Is it possible to get a picture of every person that might pick him up and put their face on the day that they're picking up? Maybe that would make it fun for him and he won't be so anxious.

I was going to suggest this. Great idea.

[Familycare71]

Poor guy... Some kids just need the structure- and having change in so many places doesn't help!
The picture idea is great
I would also work on the surprise aspect of it because - as we know- there are always surprises in life!
I hope Mom understands and is helpful at making a schedule w him! Probably the other people would be glad to! Tues is grandma day

[Starburst]

Now the next issueS with this arrangement. DCB is NOT handling the unknowns well at all. Wednesday his maternal gma was supposed to pickup at 3. Dcb was aware of this, and stood at the door waiting. At 3:20 I got a text that she would be late. She showed at 4:10. Dcb stood at the door and asked me repeatedly where Granny was for over an hour. Despite my attempts at fun distractions, he was near tears the whole time.

He also requests certain people to pickup. If it isn't his requested person, full out fit in my entryway. His aunt picked up yesterday and let him scream and flail around while she texted for 10 minutes. I had to step in put his shoes on and hand him to her while saying goodbye. Today dcm drops off and says she is picking up dcb (so 5pm) only dcb started FREAKING because he wants grandpa and is now on/off in meltdown mode.

Let mom that what is in your policies as far as drop-offs/pick-ups, visits (to an extent), respect, late fees, etc. also applies to when someone else is on the approved pick up list. Since he is contracted to 5pm grandma wasn't really late (as far as fees go), but as a PP said you should request that they text/call you when they are on their way so you could make sure he is ready and not waiting all day. Make sure she understands that if DCM promised you G-ma would be there by 3 that doesn't mean that at 2:45 G-ma can decide to go the grocery store across town and pick up DCB at 3:15 because if you get him ready and she is not there by the promised time DCB will be disappointed.

With the aunt thing I would remind DCM to remind her approved personnel that no matter how he is acting, drop-offs/pick-ups need to be short. She needs to get him and his stuff and leave. For now on when aunt picks up you may need to make sure he has all his stuff ready and his shoes on so that when she gets there they can leave. I would also mention to DCM if this went on past the max contract time (5 pm) that would count as overtime since the clock doesn't stop until they have left the property (including the yard/ driveway) because if he is crying it could upset/distract other children in the daycare if they can hear it. Meanwhile, as long as he is on daycare property, if he were to fall and get injured, you may still be liable (you may even have to still file an accident report, depending on state regs).

Also, if you have something in your contract about no cell phone use (including texting) during pick up I would mention that too (possibly put up a sign). Interaction between the child and the person picking up is a very important part of the transition time from daycare to home.

I would also try to see if they can get a regular pattern going where you know who is picking up on what days (ex: Mom picks up Monday, G-ma Tuesday, G-pa Weds, Auntie Thurs, etc.) something to make it a little more consistent and more predictable for him. Kids really need structure and regular routine, even with pick ups. Once in a while there are times when someone who was planned cant make it and someone else needs to pick up, but on a regular basis that can be really confusing and overwhelming for a 2 year old.

ETA: Oops, just read your last post about the schedule