Not a Daycare Question But a Mother Who Needs Advice And Most Are Mothers Here! : (

[Lilbutterflie]

I am so sorry you are still dealing with this! I know it is the worst thing in the world to make her do something every day that seems to be causing so much emotional distress! Clearly, this is a huge adjustment for her, and she is having a hard time adjusting. For some reason, the bus ride seems to be the culprit. Like you said, it could just be that it is boring and so she focuses on how sad she is that she's away from you guys! What types of activities can they bring with them to do on the bus? Maybe you could teach her the "slug bug" game or another fun road game to get her to play with the other kids instead of dwelling on the negative.

Maybe you could give her an incentive reward over a weekend; tell her if she gets on the bus without crying for one week, you'll take her to ___________.
Do lots of fun family activities when you do see her.

I know you said you were thinking about calling the school counselor, I would definitely do that right away! I know she's only five, but that's what the counselor is there for! Hopefully he/she can work with you in getting to the root of the problem, and give you more info about what is happening on the bus rides to and from school. Also, have you talked directly to the bus driver? Perhaps the driver might have some insight on what's going on, or at least tell you how long she cries when she gets on the bus.

I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. This too shall pass. It's just a matter of time! Hang in there! Keep us posted!!!

[JJPlaycare]

I have talked to the bus driver she said sometimes she cries all the way while saying "Please take me back to home, please take me back home" The bus driver just says to her "Sorry honey I cannot do that, but I will take you to school, because that is where we need to go and you will have a fun day there and when you are all done I then will bring you back home" She said sometimes she only cries just a few minutes! I haven't talked to the bus driver about anything going wrong on the bus, because I am taking up enough time getting my child on the bus! LOL One of our friends is good friends with the bus director and he told her that Zoe is not the only child crying there are a few kids having a hard time adjusting! I think you are right though I will call him myself just to see! My sister is comming from out of state for the weekend and I told Zoe if she has a good week we would go swimming at the hotel with her! It is Tues and she is still crying and not having a good week, but this is something I cannot take away, so I kind of screwed up with that one! I told her this am that I was going to make a chart and each morning she gets on the bus without crying she is going to get a quarter, I told her she can save up her quarters and then mom and dad would take her to pick something out! Today no quarter obviously she, she didn't seem to thrilled with the idea, she said "I am trying really hard mommy, sometimes I just get sad and I miss you and I want you and it makes me cry and I can't help it" I told her that we were proud of her for going to kindergarten and that she is so smart and that I am so excited for her to learn lots of new things! She just focuses on the missing us factor and I can't get her over it no matter what I say or do! She has never been one to be into sticker charts or anything, she just does things on her own time, but I thought if money was involoved maybe she would be more interested! We will see, I am going to make one up during naptime today! Maybe I will try the special place thing too if she gets 5 quarters in a row or maybe I will save that if the quarters don't work! LOL I don't know I emailed her teacher and asked her what her thoughts were about contacting the school counselor over this, I will let you know what she says! I also asked her how the bus ride home hesitation has gone!! I just don't get it! She went to preschool 2 years in a row, she goes to gymnastics and sunday school and doesn't have any issues! I get that it is shorter time frames, but to go from nothing to an extreme! Ugh, it stinks!! My husband is going to give her a ride to school and home tomorrow because he has the day off, we thought if she had this to look forward too it would help and ease some emotions, but isn't at all! I don't know!! I am so thankful for you guys right now, you honestly have no idea how much I appreciate this and how much it means to me!! I am trying to stay level headed as I am 7 months pregnant and this stress is not good! Ugh I don't know I will keep you all posted!

[MN Mom]

Just a theory here....

You are 7months pregnant. Is it possible that being so close to having a new sibling + having to miss out on most of her mommy and me time for the final three months is throwing her for a loop and causing some underlying stress? She could be using the bus or bus ride to project her emotions because she is having a hard time finding the words to tell you it's related to the imminent expansion of your family.


~MN Mom

[JJPlaycare]

I definately think all of the newness of everything taking place is playing a factor, but she is so dang excited about this baby I just have a hard time thinking she is jealous about it! The only stress related to the baby that she has expressed is "I won't be able to ever see the baby either, cause I always have to be at school" She kisses my tummy every chance she gets, each morning, when she gets home and every night before bed! She is ALL about this baby! She has been a little mommy her entire life and she is extremely excited! She is all over my belly all of the time! We read to the baby and she just is so darn excited about it, I don't think she is missing or knowing that the baby will be taking up more of mommies time, yet! LOL I don't know I guess it could play a role as part of her clingyness, I just really don't think so! She tells everyone about us having a baby, she brought our ultrasound pics to show and tell (her idea), actually she lifts up my shirt to show everyone my big tummy! LOL We had to have a little chat about that! I don't know I think that she is just having a hard time being away and I just need to figure out a way to help her get through this or keep praying that she adjusts soon! The doctors nurse just called me back and gave me a name and number of a counselor! WOW really I guess I was hoping she would have talked to me and would have some sort of advice, but I guess she really could careless and isn't going to deal with it!

[JJPlaycare]

Just got an email back from her teacher. She said she is doing well in school and has adjusted just fine! However she walks her out to the bus and she is fine up until it comes to getting on the bus and then she gets teary eyed and doesn't want to get on the bus! This is for her to come home now on the bus, so she is doing this about the bus in the am and about the bus to come home! So now I am going to investigate the bus a little more! The teacher assured me that her bus driver is a sweet, sweet lady in which I am sure she is! My husband gave Zoe a ride to school and will be picking her up and driving her home as well, so her teacher is going to talk to the bus driver about Zoe and ask that the bus driver calls me after her route! This way nothing is in front of Zoe and hopefully she can fill us in on what is going on! I am also going to contact the school counselor today, just got her number and hopefully she can talk this out with us! She just tells me she is scared on the bus, but doesn't have an answer to what she is exactly scared of, so I need to find a creative way to find out what is going on! Maybe it is a sensory thing and it is just to noisy and chaotic for her, or maybe the bus driver had to be stern to some of the kids and it scared her, I have no idea, but I am going to get to the bottom of this if it kills me! LOL I told Zoe that we could decorate a jar and she can put a quarter in the jar on her good bus days of no tears, she seems excited about that! So I think with talking to the bus driver, the reward system and talking to the counselor we should be able to get to the bottom of all of this! Ahhh wish me luck! Thanks again Ladies!! Megan

[Lilbutterflie]

That's good news! Her teacher sounds wonderful, and willing to do everything it takes to help you and your daughter! Good luck with everything!

[JJPlaycare]

Just talked to the school counselor and she basically told me to keep doing what I am doing, so thank you guys for all of the ideas and encouragement! I told her I got a lot of good ideas and alot of support from my fellow daycare providers from daycare.com a daycare forum I belong too! Props to you guys! LOL She said she agrees that she is saying she is scared of the bus and probably is, but it isn't a question about whether something is going wrong on there, it is more the alone time, time to think and miss her family and she is scared! She said treat it short and simple, acknowledge her feelings and emotions, but treat it buisness like and matter of factly! She basically said to keep the routine going and keep doing what we are doing and she will eventually just adjust and I will probably have to start all over after Christmas break and the baby is born! Hmph knew that would be the case! LOL This might just be a reoccuring thing from school year to school year and there isn't much we can do, but encourage her and be very routine with it! Since she is adjusting at school and we are seeing improvements there we are making progress, just slowly, but that is a GREAT sign that there will be more progress with the rest of the situation!! I don't know it is a tough thing to go through on her, but also on her mama! LOL I am maintaining strong, encouraging and straight forward with her for the better of her, but on the inside I feel a mess! LOL Well thank you guys so, so much I really appreciate it!! You are all wonderful daycare mommies and mommies as well and wonderful friends and supporters and I am so lucky to have found this forum and found all of you, Thank you again!! Sincerely, Megan

[JJPlaycare]

Forgot to mention..... I am still going to talk to the bus driver to be completely sure nothing is going wrong and to also get on the same page as her and to kind of fill her in on our plan and make sure she is okay with my screamy memey child for the time being! The school counselor is going to talk to Zoes teacher, find out who Zoe is, not talk to Zoe, but observe her behavior and see what she is up too at school, especially during transition times! Just observe and fill me in and hopefully we can go from there! I am sure she is just fine there and her observations will be fine, just taking all precautions to make sure I guess! She has been telling me that she is the helper at recess.... I said oh really what do you do as a helper and she said that she helps the teachers watch all of the kids to make sure everyone is being nice friends and playing nice! LOL Sounds like my child! I told her that maybe she should worry about her self and find something fun to play with! She has always been this way however.... I guess she has ALWAYS seen my supervise and take care of children that she has taken it into her hands to do the same! LOL I am sure with time she will start playing and reach a comfort zone, just taking time!! K I will keep you posted on her progress, thanks again!! Megan

[momofsix]

So today is the end of week 3 for my daughter being in Kindergarten! The first week was 3 full days, the second week was 4 full days and this week was the first 5 day week! Well she is still sobbing and throwing a complete fit about going! It is all day everday and quite an adjustment since preschool was just 3 half days a week, but I thought I would see some sort of improvement by now and all in all it is getting worse! Talked to the teacher several times and that seems to be going ALOT better there, no more tears at school! She would have tears at school during lunch, music, library and phy ed whenever the teacher would leave the kids is when my daughter would get teary eyed and want her mom or dad, well that has seemed to stop for the most part! This Monday their bus had problems and kept stahling is what I am getting out of my 5 year old and now she is scared to ride the bus! She rode the bus the last 2 years to preschool, so I am not understanding this entire bus thing! The bus ride is an hour, in which I know is a long time, but she did it for the last 2 years without a problem! I get her ready for school each day and she is a complete mess, sobbing and crying and telling me how she is sad and how she is scared! She has know real reasons and can't explain why she is feeling this way, just keeps saying it over and over again! I have to litterally pick her up and put her on the bus and quick run off and watch as she drives off completely bawling her eyes out! I have coddled her, babied her, talked to her, listened to her, I have shared stories about bus rides when I was little, and I have also been tough and down right straight forward with her and I get the same result from her day after day! I am BURNT out with this and at a loss as what else to do! I don't have any way of getting her to school other than her riding the bus and I don't know what to do and I am desperately looking for advice!! I packed her a coloring book and crayons in her bag, I have snuck a snack in there for her, I put a picture of our family in our bag, today I told her that if she had a good morning and got on the bus good we could go bowling tonight and find a little game for her to play on the bus! Needless to say it wasn't a good morning, I had to lead her out to the bus stop and force her into her seat on the bus! It is really pulling at my heartstrings and at the same time burning me out! She has a friend she sits with on there so that isn't it either! My 3 year old rides with her M and W mornings and my 3 year old is just fine with riding the bus!! I am due to have a baby in December and this is really stressing me out and I need to fix it someway, somehow! Please help with any advice or anything you guys did to help your children adjust! Is my daughter just completely out there or does it usually take this long! I am at a loss as what to do and I have NEVER felt this way as a parent! Please Help!!!

I've been thinking about her (and you!) it's been a month, are things better now?

[JJPlaycare]

Well we are on a rollercoaster ride from day to day! LOL It is definately better than before, but not perfect! I will write more when I have more time! Thank you so much for asking!

[JJPlaycare]

We still struggle from day to day! I have talked to her doctor, the school counselor, her teacher, numerous other moms, etc. several times! I have narrowed it down to the fact that she just doesn't want to be away from us! She hates school she says, I really don't think she does! She is fine at school now, no issues there! It is mainly the morning melt downs now and that is it, but it is nothing like it use to be! We still have a day here and there where it is really bad, but mostly just a few tears and whining! We started giving her quarters on good mornings, she has earned quite a few and picked out a Zhu Zhu pet this last weekend! On her bad morning she doesn't get one! I am not sure, it has improved, but is far from perfect! I think we will do this with her all year, I don't see it ever Going completely away, but as long as we remain calm, gathered and consistent it can only keep improving! I am not exactly sure what triggers her really bad mornings here and there other than maybe tiredness, really not sure, but we just keep trucking away and hopefully one day she will just realize that this is the way it is and nothing is going to change the fact that she has to go to school, a tough life lesson to be learned for her I guess! I am done being emotional about it, I try to just stay matter of fact with her and it seems to end her drama alot sooner than dragging it out by digging to find an issue! Some mornings like this morning in fact it drifts onto my 3 year old who is going to preschool and I have both of them crying to not want to go to school, makes for some great mornings! LOL I don't know the thing that keeps me going is her positve emails I get back from her teacher and both the girls happy and running off of the bus and sharing things about their day!! 5 weeks until the baby comes! Yikes, it might get even more interesting around here!! Good thing is my hubby saved up his vacation for the year and is off from November 23 - the end of the year! Hopefully then he is able to help more in the mornings and help to get a routine for us set with adding the baby into the mix! I don't know it is sure to get interesting!! Thanks again for asking and caring!

[missnikki]

That's great that you can keep from being emotional after all that drama!! Sheesh, you have the patience of Job! She's lucky to have a smart and concerned mommy. She'll be fine, and when she's 18 and dating, you can tell her boyfriend how she couldn't stand to leave you when she was little!

[JJPlaycare]

LOL I guess I shouldn't of said I am NOT emotional about it anymore! I definately still have my days! Patience yes I do have that, we all have to have a ton of patience to be able to run a childcare! But I am still human and I still have my emotional times, they are just more spread out than before with this entire situation! This has been a learning experience for our entire family that is for sure! She really knows how to tug on those heart strings, but I just try to do what is best and right for her and hope that in the end we will laugh and joke about all of this as we reflect back upon it! Yes it will be a very entertaining story to share with her future boyfriends/husbands when life throws that at us! Hopefully that day comes and she isn't clung to my leg her entire life!! :: My husband loves that country song not sure of the title, but they sing about his daughter clinging to his leg while trying to drop her off at school, he says it reminds him of our Zoe! It is hard now and seems never ending, but honestly I don't think I have ever seen a grown women clung to her own mothers leg, which is promising! :: I know that one day we will laugh about this and definately miss this! Seems impossible to think that way, that we will actually someday miss this, when now it seems so horrible and never ending, but I am sure it will surely happen! She actually wants us and doesn't want to be away from us, I should enjoy this time while it is here instead of just wishing it all away, because I am sure once she becomes a teenager and wants nothing to do with me I will be sad and wish that this phase would have lasted a bit longer and it will seem like a blink of an eye! However I am not an enabler and know what we are doing with her is for her own benefit! Thanks again for all of your input, kindness, thoughts and ideas!

[momofsix]

Glad things are going a little better, you sound better yourself-so that's an improvement! since you mentioned that you're doing quarters. someone on here (sorry, i forget who!) mentioned that they gave their child quarters right away, and if the child didn't earn it they had to give it back. So on Mon. you could give her 5 quarters, and if she starts having an emotional breakdown in the morning she would have to give one of the quarters back. It might help on the mornings she's still having a hard time.
Keep up the good work and the positive attitude!