Shoving Fingers into Another's Mouth

[Lyss]

Man its been a really rough Monday!

My biggest issue is DCG (19mos) has been shoving her fingers into my resident biter's mouth all day and of course she got bit 2 times.

Its happening if she's upset or after she's done something I've corrected (ie hitting/scratching). Like most recently she wanted a toy that another child had, started crying and then ran straight to biter and shoved her fingers in her mouth. I've managed to intervene 5 times without a bite but she did get bit twice now.

Suggestions?

I'm not sure where this is coming from but its getting worse as the day wears on.

[NeedaVaca]

It almost sounds like she is trying to get someone else in trouble and take the heat off her! She's awfully young to be doing that but if she does this after she gets in trouble it was my 1st thought...

[Lyss]

It almost sounds like she is trying to get someone else in trouble and take the heat off her! She's awfully young to be doing that but if she does this after she gets in trouble it was my 1st thought...

Mine too! That's why I posted here ::

She seems a bit young for this behavior IMO too but I've also been noticing (in the last 3 weeks or so) that any time she gets redirected or doesn't get her way she drops to the floor and starts screaming "owie, owie" but I haven't seen this today, just the shoving of the fingers.

I just noticed my biter has scratch marks in the back of her mouth from DCGs fingernails too ugh...

[SilverSabre25]

Step 1. Trim dcg's fingernails.
Step 2. Warn both parents about what you're seeing. Stress to HER parents that it's not cute or funny, but very difficult to deal with.
Step 3. watch like hawk (not always possible, trust me, I know)
Step 4. give dcg very little/no attention for the attention getting behaviors.
Step 5. be on your toes; this is a bright one!
Step 6. Laugh...because raelly....if you don't you'll go nuts!

[Lyss]

Step 1. Trim dcg's fingernails.
Step 2. Warn both parents about what you're seeing. Stress to HER parents that it's not cute or funny, but very difficult to deal with.
Step 3. watch like hawk (not always possible, trust me, I know)
Step 4. give dcg very little/no attention for the attention getting behaviors.
Step 5. be on your toes; this is a bright one!
Step 6. Laugh...because raelly....if you don't you'll go nuts!

Thanks! Fingernails clipped!

I've been having biter be my buddy this afternoon but I feel like I'm having to "punish" her even though she's not the one creating the issue because DCG will take the "buddy" treatment as a reward as she's a very clingy (I hate how this sounds but I can't think of a better word right now, attached maybe?) child.

DCG's parents will be the tough one, they tend to think she can do no wrong and her acting up is "being silly"

[Starburst]

It kinda seems to me like a form of self harm. She got in trouble and as a way to punish herself she has a kid who is a well known biter bite her. I notice with my cousin's son when we tell him no or don't do something he will slap himself in the face (has done it since he was 2). It's like that is his coping mechanism. It may also be a way of getting attention in the form of comforting instead of getting in trouble.

[AmyKidsCo]

It almost sounds like she is trying to get someone else in trouble and take the heat off her! She's awfully young to be doing that but if she does this after she gets in trouble it was my 1st thought...

That was my thought too.

How many times do you think she'll be bit before she decides it's not worth it?

[Lyss]

It kinda seems to me like a form of self harm. She got in trouble and as a way to punish herself she has a kid who is a well known biter bite her. I notice with my cousin's son when we tell him no or don't do something he will slap himself in the face (has done it since he was 2). It's like that is his coping mechanism or a way of punishing himself. It may also be a way of getting attention in the form of comforting instead of getting in trouble.

I'm thinking its the latter, she instantly starts crying after her hands go in the mouth (regardless if biter actually bites down) and comes running to me. Yesterday afternoon "owie, owie" started accompanying it.

That was my thought too.

How many times do you think she'll be bit before she decides it's not worth it?

Two times Monday, once yesterday, and two today I stopped probably 10 close calls by having biter be my buddy The biter just started getting better about biting (finally!) too so I really don't want it egged on.

Thankfully my biter is starting to just shove her away or take off running when she see's her coming, even if she just wants to play, so I'm hoping DCG will start getting the hit. I also have been giving her no attention when she does it and focusing on biter.

[Willow]

I would do absolutely nothing.

It has the potential to turn into (if not is already) an attention seeking behavior.


If she gets bit like that it's her own fault and problem. Let her figure out the only response she's going to get is pain. I'd let the parents know that it is not the biters fault and there really isn't anything you can do short of no longer allowing her to interact with the other kids anymore.

I'd require they impress the lesson on her and leave the rest to her logic to figure out.

[TheGoodLife]

Great advice as to how to try to deal with her behavior. I'd also add that I'd discuss it with DCG's parents ASAP- that way they know what is going on and aren't coming to you upset about DCG with bite marks or saying she got bit. Be proactive about it, and stress it needs to be dealt with immediately. Good luck!

[SilverSabre25]

I would do absolutely nothing.

It has the potential to turn into (if not is already) an attention seeking behavior.


If she gets bit like that it's her own fault and problem. Let her figure out the only response she's going to get is pain. I'd let the parents know that it is not the biters fault and there really isn't anything you can do short of no longer allowing her to interact with the other kids anymore.

I'd require they impress the lesson on her and leave the rest to her logic to figure out.

this too.

"well...if you stick your fingers into someone's mouth, you ought to expect to get bit!"

[Lyss]

I would do absolutely nothing.

It has the potential to turn into (if not is already) an attention seeking behavior.


If she gets bit like that it's her own fault and problem. Let her figure out the only response she's going to get is pain. I'd let the parents know that it is not the biters fault and there really isn't anything you can do short of no longer allowing her to interact with the other kids anymore.

I'd require they impress the lesson on her and leave the rest to her logic to figure out.

I think this is what I'm going to do today, nothing that is. Its been extra hard to wrangle biter away from what she's doing to keep her as my buddy and it doesn't seem to be helping so I'm just gonna let biter do her thing (play wise I mean) and if DCG shoves her fingers in biters mouth and gets bit I'll use Silver's comment every time it happens

Great advice as to how to try to deal with her behavior. I'd also add that I'd discuss it with DCG's parents ASAP- that way they know what is going on and aren't coming to you upset about DCG with bite marks or saying she got bit. Be proactive about it, and stress it needs to be dealt with immediately. Good luck!

I talked to DCM on Monday and got "wow what a weirdo" and then to DCG she said "Oh did you get and owie on your fingers?" I told her immediately that talking to her like that was just going to perpetuate the cycle and that was not a behavior I want to reward with attention. Tuesday/Wednesday was DCD and he said he saw her do it to a cousin over the weekend so he wasn't surprised , he also said hopefully she learns before the biter gets her really bad but "either way its her own fault." So at least DCD is paying attention.

[SilverSabre25]

I talked to DCM on Monday and got "wow what a weirdo" and then to DCG she said "Oh did you get and owie on your fingers?" I told her immediately that talking to her like that was just going to perpetuate the cycle and that was not a behavior I want to reward with attention. Tuesday/Wednesday was DCD and he said he saw her do it to a cousin over the weekend so he wasn't surprised , he also said hopefully she learns before the biter gets her really bad but "either way its her own fault." So at least DCD is paying attention.

Mom's the weirdo. Good grief. Good for you calling her out though. Glad DCD has at least somewhat of a clue

[Brooksie]

Step 1. Trim dcg's fingernails.
Step 2. Warn both parents about what you're seeing. Stress to HER parents that it's not cute or funny, but very difficult to deal with.
Step 3. watch like hawk (not always possible, trust me, I know)
Step 4. give dcg very little/no attention for the attention getting behaviors.
Step 5. be on your toes; this is a bright one!
Step 6. Laugh...because raelly....if you don't you'll go nuts!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

How interesting! :: Hopefully she learns sooner rather than later ... seriously, ouch.