Tweet
And it's only Monday!!! I really need some help guys. How many of you have that one kid that is inconsolable? I do and he's driving me NUTS. I've posted about this boy before. He absolutely LOSES it if he is put down for any reason. I can't change another diaper or do any of our lesson plans or really be involved in doing ANYTHING without him freaking out. He has this problem at home too. And its not just like he's upset and pouting, he hyperventilates, falls over himself, screams, panics, tears, shaking.. I mean its full blown as soon as he feels you trying to put him down. He CLINGS on to me for dear life as if I'm lowing him into a fire pit. He gets like this if there is ever anything that makes him not 100%. Right now its teething, sometimes its new food intro or if his tummy is upset or even if he's slightly tired. I try to encourage him and make him feel secure when he's not in my arms but he normally is freaking out too much and too quickly for me to be able to do anything to help. Right now this boy is really making me hate this job. Its bad enough I have some personal issues going on and I've been feeling like I'm not able to give my all to our daily plans, but every time I try to step it up its all for not because he won't calm down. I mean its literally IMMEDIATELY and all day long. I'm about to lose it. Please ladies... any advice? PLEASE?!
-
-
Hun, you need to let this boy go. He is obviously not a kid that meshes well into group care. There isn't anything wrong with that...just that some kids are not cut out for daycare and need one on one or care in their own homes....kwim?
If I remember right, you have already tried everything you can and if those things aren't working, there is a time in which it is okay to say "enough".
It just seems that he is not a goo fit for your program and he may need relative or one on one care...You can't drop everyone else's needs to care for ONE child.
Have you and the parents tried to set some goals to help him be more self sufficient and less clingy? Have you all tried to work on this together or do the parents simply hold him all day?
Hang in there..... -
I'm not sure what to do to help it or make a plan for this situation. He's not having any developmental set backs.. its just his personality. And there are some weeks where he's great but then he has a set back and its like he's been reset to misery... Any ideas as to what goals to set? I know his mom is kind of in the same boat.Comment
-
I personally have such a hard time saying "this is a kid I can't work with". I have had to do it three times in 14 years. I battled and tried everything I could but bottom line by the end of each day: I was burnt out and my other kids had been short changed.
I agree you need to term. He needs one on one care. It will be better for him, you and your dck. Trust me... You'll feel like a 50lb bag was lifted off you!Comment
-
The first thing I would do is try to build some sort of sense of security with him. Put him down and sit NEXT to him. Don't allow him to be IN your lap or be held...just be NEAR him. Talk to him the whole time, let him know you are right there. After he is playing or engaged in something, tell him you are going to the restroom and will be right back.
Get up and go (talk to him the whole time...let him know you are right there, he is fine and you will be returning quickly).
Continue to do that until he understands you ARE returning and that he IS ok.
Doing that kind of thing over and over and just reassuring him verbally helps him understand that you WILL be right back, you ARE NOT leaving him and that he IS capable of playing without being held.
I have some resources for building that attachment/security bond...I'll try to find them and post them for you.
I'd have mom start to hold him less but reassure him MORE any time she is able to at home too. Usually what happens is the parent (or caregiver) simply gives up because they can't take the crying/whining so they give in and erase or wipe out all the progress you may have made trying to teach him to be more independent and less clingy.Comment
-
Sometimes it's THOSE things that get overlooked until long afterwards.
We are so busy trying to meet the needs of one child, that we forget about the other's needs....including our own.
It IS hard to say "this kid doesn't fit" but sometimes it is the truth and IS best for everyone involved.
I know as child care providers, it is in our nature to want to "fix" every situation and make all situations viable but sometimes, it just isn't possible.Comment
-
Its really hard for me to think like that. I've had this boy for about 4-5 months now and I also have his disabled sister for summer care. I really like this kid but its just so hard to do anything when he's like this. I really like the family as well and I'd like to think that most of the time things are fine but this will be the 3rd week he's been like this and I can't even think about a time when it was alright. I'm getting ready to start a new girl (2.5) in August and I know with the way my program is right now dealing with this boy, that I'm not going to be able to deliver the program that I advertised to them and also that I know I want to provide. Is there any suggestions you guys can give me? Like a behavior plan type situation? Some kind of goal we can set for him and then if it doesn't improve by such and such date he will need to be termed? I can't just cut him off like that. Any thing for coping or strategy? Anything?Comment
-
Here are some other threads about crying constantly
Comment
-
This is what I try to do with him exactly. But like I said its such an immediate and extreme reaction he falls over him self or frantically tries to climb up me or the changing table. Its full blown panic attack. Its the most extreme behavior I've seen yet.
As for at home, I don't think they pick him up all the time and I've heard his mom say a few times that she just kind of lets him go. Her oldest has CP and takes a lot of care and the mom really doesn't have the time to hold him and cater to his episodes. I kind of think that that is part of the problem but I just don't know what to do about it. What would be a reasonable amount of time to try and see improvement in before term?Comment
-
His home life explains a lot.... doesn't mean you should except his behavior or make an excuse for him but it definitely explains a lot. Poor kid.
How old is he again?
Personally for me, I give it 30 days and see of there is any improvement. You might need to document daily so you can have a clear picture of what is happening and to see if anything is changing. Try to record/write down everything you do that sets him off and see if you can look at each incident and dissect it a bit more to see if you can come up with a solution or a way to address it differently...kwim?
They say that a majority of a child's behavior is due to outside influences so see if you can see any patterns or areas where you can change things or impact them differently.
Once you give yourself a time line (30 days...or whatever you decide) things WILL seem like they are improving because you will have a deadline or light at the end of the tunnel and for some reason that re-wires our thinking and helps us deal a bit more easily.
Put a star on your calendar and document daily. I think right now, that's all you can do...gather info and then assess it and make the necessary changes.
If you don't see any improvement in the time frame you set, then it'll be time to let him go.Comment
-
He's 13 months. I've had him since he was about 8 mo. I have his sister until summer ends.. do you think that's too long to deal with it? That'd be like a month and a half I guess.His home life explains a lot.... doesn't mean you should except his behavior or make an excuse for him but it definitely explains a lot. Poor kid.
How old is he again?
Personally for me, I give it 30 days and see of there is any improvement. You might need to document daily so you can have a clear picture of what is happening and to see if anything is changing. Try to record/write down everything you do that sets him off and see if you can look at each incident and dissect it a bit more to see if you can come up with a solution or a way to address it differently...kwim?
They say that a majority of a child's behavior is due to outside influences so see if you can see any patterns or areas where you can change things or impact them differently.
Once you give yourself a time line (30 days...or whatever you decide) things WILL seem like they are improving because you will have a deadline or light at the end of the tunnel and for some reason that re-wires our thinking and helps us deal a bit more easily.
Put a star on your calendar and document daily. I think right now, that's all you can do...gather info and then assess it and make the necessary changes.
If you don't see any improvement in the time frame you set, then it'll be time to let him go.Comment
-
How many other kids do you have?
Are you wanting to crawl into a hole?
Are your own and other DCK's showing signs of stress due to this situation?
Are you able to get anything else done during the day?
Is your day MORE work than it's worth?
Are you being affected negatively by this (both at work and outside of work)?
I think the amount of time you are willing to give is really dependent on how long YOU can manage without losing it...kwim?
Comment
-
I think I've already lost it!How many other kids do you have? I have 2 other dck's plus my 2yo dd and another 2.5 year old starting in Aug.
Are you wanting to crawl into a hole? Yes. Very much so.
Are your own and other DCK's showing signs of stress due to this situation? Definitely. They don't understand his extremes and we aren't able to be proactive with our days.
Are you able to get anything else done during the day? No not really He is sometimes a little better after nap but not always.
Is your day MORE work than it's worth?Of course!! But that's daycare right?
Are you being affected negatively by this (both at work and outside of work)?I'm definitely exhausted and I really feel like every one else is being shorted on their day. Most of it is managing and trying to keep him calm and quiet
I think the amount of time you are willing to give is really dependent on how long YOU can manage without losing it...kwim? But I've been holding onto the whole "its just the teething, he will get it sorted out" but he came back today in the same boat... still teething, but I can't have him like this every time he cuts a tooth or doesnt feel 100%... I mean there's got to be something that can get him coping...
Comment
-
I hate to say this but I really do think it is just not a good fit.
YOU deserve to love (or at least like) your job
Your own child deserves to have a happy mommy at the end of the day
Your other DCK's deserve a calm and happy place to be while their parents are working
I think you may have already done everything there is that can be done and it just might be time to part ways....
I know that ****s but really can you continue doing what you are day in and day out?
Not if you want to remain mentally stable.
Comment
Comment