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I am constantly wondering if childcare is right for my family. I taught Preschool and Kindergarten for 10 years prior and it seemed like the right transition when I had my own children. My children are 5 and almost 3. They are without a doubt the hardest children I have in my care....AND THEY ARE MY OWN!!!! My youngest hits, pushes, picks fights and is constantly crabby during daycare hours. Since she was little you could tell she didn't like all the noise, didn't like the extra bodies, didn't like anything about it! My oldest loves the daycare kids coming over, but wants to dominate the play and quite frankly has turned the children her age off. Hard to repair friendships once they're broken. I guess I just need to hear advice, sympathy (:, or similar stories. Thanks!
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I also taught preschool and kindergarten and also worked for an agency that provided services for families & children. So I can relate to that part of your situation!
I resigned for numerous reasons but I will go back to my former job if some grants come through.
This is a really tough job for me for about four reasons. My kids are grown, but I have my granddaughter and she is my hardest! We are really working on behavior....maybe it's just not good dynamics. Maybe her time with me needs to be in a different situation. She is fine with others and did well in her former day care.
Her mom is a teacher and it is to point she may not be able to come in the fall. She will be three in Dec.
I had high hopes......not sure how it will all turn out.
So you have a sympathetic ear here and know this can really be a challenge for our own kids or grandchildren! -
I hear what you're saying! I've had this problem too. I think it's always hard for teachers to have their own kids in their classes and this is why it's not allowed in most schools and daycares.
Our kids are our kids, not our students and they know the difference. Also it's easy for them to get jealous.
The way I have dealt with this in the past (and this may not be the popular opinion here) is to just go ahead and treat my own children like my children. Yes they get a little more special treatment than the daycare kids. Not overtly. I'd never do that right in front of the daycare kids. But I do quietly and secretly tell my youngest son (who is part of my daycare) that he is my favorite kid, give him big smooches and cuddles and kisses when the other daycare kids aren't around. He is allowed to take a break from the group in my bedroom to play iPad, things like that. It's made a big difference and he hasn't had much problems with jealousy since I've tried to focus on doing those things.Comment
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There is a reason why many preschools do not allow you to have your own children in your room
My son was so disruptive during circletime and all that I was not able to get anything done. He went to pt daycare during the mornings. My girls, no problems. In the end, all three of my children grew up with the daycare here. The daycare came first and my children after so they grew up with children in the house and playmates their whole lives. This is moms job. Doesn't mean I didn't have my issues. My son you just heard about. My first daughter was my daycare biter. My youngest I call my cruise director but the truth is....she is the 'boss' of her own making. I think when you have children of all sizes and shapes and personalities in one spot you are gonna have issues no matter where it is. You learn to make rules that work and apply them (Like only one friend in the bedroom otherwise they all are in there or only playdates after work or you have to eat what everyone else is eating no matter if it is your home, etc etc etc)Comment
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I hear what you are saying....but this is what I want you to think about..
WE decided to do DCK..our kids did not have a choice in it. OUR kids have to do a very hard thing every single day that we conduct DC.
they have to share their mommy (probably the hardest of all things)
they have to share their house, toys, space, and etc.
They have to sometimes do things to get mommy's attention
they always have to WAIT.......
they have to follow different rules in their own home during DC hours.
Thinking about the above, try to think about how you would feel....Especially when you don't really have very good coping strategies just yet.
I used to have issues with my own my child too. But I started allowing him extra time with me in the morning before DC. During nap times, and letting him do things that I don't allow DCK to do during DC hours.... IT would not be fair for me to tell my son that since mommy decided to do DC you have to be under DC rules for 12+ hours a day. I think that is a lot to ask of a little kid.
Maybe you can set some time aside for your own kids that will help them see that you are still there when they need you. A time where they get your undivided attention and they don't have to wait. I really found that once I started doing these things, my own child's behavior improved tremendously.
HTH.....Comment
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I think these are actually excellent suggestions. If your children are sharing their rooms with dck's, I would find a way to stop that. They need their own space. At 3 & 5 they would be old enough to go play in their own rooms and leave the group, if it's allowed under your regs.
I do agree you have to be careful about favoritism, but the dck's can also understand when you tell them that your kids share their mommy all day, and THEY have rooms at their house, too. I've had gentle conversations with some of my dck's along those lines, because my youngest is 12 and they want to play in his room. Like he wants a 4yo in their destroying his Lego creations...here's his face...
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OP- I am going through the same feelings right now. I told my husband this afternoon that I would rather go live with my mom and be broke than continue to do this to my DD.
I don't always feel this way, but it has been a very hard couple of weeks, and I need to see some light!
I like the advice that you have already been given, and I'm going to take it into consideration as well!Comment
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That's exactly what I've always done too. Sometimes just little things make a difference, like being able to play in their rooms, or a cookie snuck to them and eaten in a corner where they can't be seen, etc. When my kids were 4-5 and not napping anymore I'd let them sit on the couch by me during nap and they'd get a little cup of my soda or hot cocoa - just a little something extra to let them know that they're special, even though they have to share their Mom, their home and their toys.Comment
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Awhile back when that book "Doing Time" came out...(the one about a child in daycare and what it's really like)...a member of the forum asked me to ask my DH what it was like for him to grow up in daycare.
His mom had a full time daycare and 5 kids of her own. His experience is unique but yet oddly familiar to some. I think his perspective is helpful to others when struggling with their own children's feelings about it.
Here is what he said about it:
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I've raised my 3 boys in my daycare (now 12, 10, and 7). I started a month before my oldest's 1st bday, and my business is still strong. I have to say that largely because of the experiences they've had their whole lives with the in-home daycare, they are some of the sweetest, most patient, kids around. They are going to make EXCELLENT husbands someday! So all the struggles have been worth it, and I wouldn't trade all the time I had with them for anything. And my boys tell me quite often that they are so glad they get to be home, no after-school cares, etc.
I did exactly the same things the previous poster did. Separate room for daycare, nowhere else in our home. Special privileges and extra freedom for my own kids. I would hope to shout that all of my DCP and even the older DCK would understand and appreciate the difference-I'm their MOM and this is their HOME!
The worst time for me was the time between all the kids getting picked up and Daddy coming home. I called it "the witching hour." They just wanted me all to themselves even though dinner had to be made, errands run, etc. But we eventually get through it, and it is so, so, so worth it!Comment
Good points.
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