DCM Spying At Door?

[Lefse&Kids]

've had this 16m dcg yesterday. I'v had her for a while and she loves it here, immediately runs for our backyard. Is like one of my own.

Well, her mom was due back around 8pm and around that time, all he** decided to break loose in my house - meaning one kid had diarrhea, two were crying from getting tired and the dcg was trying to play in the toilet.

I changed the diapers, was working on calming down the tired ones when I heard dcg play in the toilet. I went in and scolded her with a very firm "No" - she started to cry (she was tired too). I told her that's icky, and its a no no.

It was then I saw someone at the door with it cracked open just standing there. Who was it? DCM.

I went there and said hello, but she seemed rattled for some reason. I can only assume it was from listening to my house and me scolding dcg.

Devils advocate on myself, my "No's" are very very firm. I only say it when I mean it and all the kids know it and listen the first time (mostly) when its said. That's not a word I play with or treat as a "maybe listen" word. When dcp's hear me use this word, I often see them look a little surprised so I don't know if no one else is stern like that or what.

I obviously don't want parents to think I am mean to their kids but won't treat "no" gently. I'm a little taken aback that she would just stand there and listen and not announce her presence. Does she think my behavior would change or something? A little PO'd that she did this after all this time.

I'm not sure how to explain my sternness to parents. How is everyone else on correction? Have you ever had a parent "spy" on you?

[SunshineMama]

My handbook says, "for the safety of the children, the door shall remain locked at all times."

I would not want someone spying like that, but would probably have said something like, "wish you were a minute earlier, you could have caught your dd right before she decide to go splash around in the toilet."

[Blackcat31]

Why are you feeling the need to explain? Did DCM say anything?

I guess I never worry about that kind of thing because it IS my job to keep their kids safe and out of harms way (playing in the toilet) and doing that within a group of kids that don't belong to me forces me to have to be firm now and then. I won't apologize for that and I certainly won't pretend to parents that I don't or won't ever scold their child.

It is what it is and you need to do what you need to do in order to keep all the kids happy and content as well as assert yourself as the authority figure. Lord knows too many parents are afraid to be that for their kids.

If you are concerned that this mom will be upset about it and possibly leave your care, then I would address it with her directly.

Say something like "JoAnn, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. I saw you peering in the door when I was scolding Suzie for playing in the toilet and the expression on your face was kind of perplexing.....I was just wondering if you would like to discuss anything with me or if you have any concerns."

Let HER explain what she was feeling/thinking etc and then go from there.

A lot of times what we think a parent observed or what we think they think isn't always spot on....kwim?

Plus, you aren't really going to stop having to scold the kids so parents better get used to it as it IS going to happen in life. THEY might be afraid of their child, but I certainly am not...

[daycarediva]

Devils advocate- why is a 16mo able to
play in the toilet? She could have drowned. As a dcp, THAT would have been my concern.

[jenn]

I keep my door locked, not because I'm doing anything wrong, but for safety and privacy. I do, however have a lacy kind of curtain over the window at the top of the door. I have caught more than 1 parent standing on their tip toes to look in the window. I even had one that I caught crouched down looking through a mini blind that a kid had opened. I have always addressed it with the parent. "Good thing my neighbors didn't see you doing that, I'm afraid they might call the police." "Please ring the bell when you get here and you can see what is going on inside without having to peek inside." I feel like that is an invasion of privacy. Yes, I have your child in my home, but I don't think that gives you the right to spy on me or the other children. Weird.

[Crystal]

Devils advocate- why is a 16mo able to
play in the toilet? She could have drowned. As a dcp, THAT would have been my concern.

Yes, this. Rule number one here, and ALL of the DCK's follow the rule as well, lid gets put down and bathroom door is closed after each use. We have taught every child that if a baby gets in there and we do not know it they could fall head first into the toilet and not be able to lift themselves out, resulting in death. NO ONE gets away with leaving the lid up and door open here.

[Blackcat31]

Devils advocate- why is a 16mo able to
play in the toilet? She could have drowned. As a dcp, THAT would have been my concern.

Yes, this. Rule number one here, and ALL of the DCK's follow the rule as well, lid gets put down and bathroom door is closed after each use. We have taught every child that if a baby gets in there and we do not know it they could fall head first into the toilet and not be able to lift themselves out, resulting in death. NO ONE gets away with leaving the lid up and door open here.

I read the OP's post as this wasn't necessarily anything that was normal but that at THAT particular moment " all hell had broken loose" at her house.

.....it was late...everyone was tired/cranky/done for the day....
.... one kid had diarrhea
.....a couple kids were crying at the same time
.....everyone was needing something and she is only one person.

It also happened in the evening and not during the day when I am sure things are more structured....

Sounds me like she simply had a TON going on at the moment.

From her previous posts, she doesn't sound like someone who isn't "on her game" at all times so I am sure having the toilet accessible to the child isn't a regular occurrence.

[countrymom]

first I will say that I had a gma like this and we put a alarm (home depot) on the door. She hid on me and that was enough to buy an alarm on that door.

second, I think its not nice to jump all over her because the baby was playing in the toilet. Obviously you haven't met my little people who can open bathroom doors and lift up toilet seats without problems, why because they have been taught at home to do this. When you are one person you can't be in twenty different places, esp. if one of the children have diarrhea.

also, op, why do you have kids so late???

[Evansmom]

Yes! I've had had multiple DCDs who peer into the front window before they knock. Like with their hands around their eyes to shade them for long minutes peering in my window. Personally I think it's very rude behavior. I can not think they would act like that at a friend's house. It got to the point that before a certain DCD came I'd close those blinds even though I had them open during the day to let in sun.

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. The DCM was in the wrong for looking in like that. Ask her if she needs to talk about it like Blackcat said and then lock your door after this and move on.

[Lefse&Kids]

During dcg's crying I changed her and told her I had just scolded her for playing in the toilet. DCM says "oohhh, I scold for that too." It wasn't what she said to me, it was her behavior toward me.

She would normally hang around for a few minutes but she literally snatched dcg out of my arms and left with a quick "ok, bye then'. She also said she wouldn't need me for care this weekend.

Looking back, it may have been that she saw the chaos and was trying to be courteous. I think I may just go with that thought. And not needing care later may not be related at all, but when things line up like that, it stresses me a little. When dcps walk in on chaos I feel like they are judging my every move and it just makes the situation worse because now I have to greet them and try to explain their child's day through it all.

This particular dcp left two other dc's because of treatment issues. She is a worry-wort for her child and doesn't carry a lot of trust in general. She knows dcg loves it here, so I hope she will understand that these days happen.

I can easily fill the spot if she leaves, she's just part-time but I never want a parent to leave under false conditions. It's bound to happen with someone eventually, I'm just trying to put it off.

[Crystal]

I read the OP's post as this wasn't necessarily anything that was normal but that at THAT particular moment " all hell had broken loose" at her house.

.....it was late...everyone was tired/cranky/done for the day....
.... one kid had diarrhea
.....a couple kids were crying at the same time
.....everyone was needing something and she is only one person.

It also happened in the evening and not during the day when I am sure things are more structured....

Sounds me like she simply had a TON going on at the moment.

From her previous posts, she doesn't sound like someone who isn't "on her game" at all times so I am sure having the toilet accessible to the child isn't a regular occurrence.

I hear what you are saying. However, I still stand by what I said. All it takes is that one moment of "chaos" for something terrible to happen. It is simple to shut the door behind you. That's all.

[Crystal]

first I will say that I had a gma like this and we put a alarm (home depot) on the door. She hid on me and that was enough to buy an alarm on that door.

second, I think its not nice to jump all over her because the baby was playing in the toilet. Obviously you haven't met my little people who can open bathroom doors and lift up toilet seats without problems, why because they have been taught at home to do this. When you are one person you can't be in twenty different places, esp. if one of the children have diarrhea.

also, op, why do you have kids so late???

Who "jumped all over her"? It was practical, IMPORTANT advice. Not criticism or berating. Not sure why you took it as "jumping all over her" No one said she could be in twenty places at once, it was just advised that she close the door behind her, for safety's sake. Once you get it in your head to close it, it becomes a habit.

And, if the littles can open the door, then you should have a lock on it.

[kathiemarie]

During dcg's crying I changed her and told her I had just scolded her for playing in the toilet. DCM says "oohhh, I scold for that too." It wasn't what she said to me, it was her behavior toward me.

She would normally hang around for a few minutes but she literally snatched dcg out of my arms and left with a quick "ok, bye then'. She also said she wouldn't need me for care this weekend.

Looking back, it may have been that she saw the chaos and was trying to be courteous. I think I may just go with that thought. And not needing care later may not be related at all, but when things line up like that, it stresses me a little. When dcps walk in on chaos I feel like they are judging my every move and it just makes the situation worse because now I have to greet them and try to explain their child's day through it all.

This particular dcp left two other dc's because of treatment issues. She is a worry-wort for her child and doesn't carry a lot of trust in general. She knows dcg loves it here, so I hope she will understand that these days happen.

I can easily fill the spot if she leaves, she's just part-time but I never want a parent to leave under false conditions. It's bound to happen with someone eventually, I'm just trying to put it off.

This is what I think. Take a deep breath and let it go. I hope you have a better day today!

[Lefse&Kids]

I'm open late because I do mostly, off hours care/part-timers. My hours are not set but all agreed times between me and dcps are set in advance.

[Crystal]

During dcg's crying I changed her and told her I had just scolded her for playing in the toilet. DCM says "oohhh, I scold for that too." It wasn't what she said to me, it was her behavior toward me.

She would normally hang around for a few minutes but she literally snatched dcg out of my arms and left with a quick "ok, bye then'. She also said she wouldn't need me for care this weekend.

Looking back, it may have been that she saw the chaos and was trying to be courteous. I think I may just go with that thought. And not needing care later may not be related at all, but when things line up like that, it stresses me a little. When dcps walk in on chaos I feel like they are judging my every move and it just makes the situation worse because now I have to greet them and try to explain their child's day through it all.

This particular dcp left two other dc's because of treatment issues. She is a worry-wort for her child and doesn't carry a lot of trust in general. She knows dcg loves it here, so I hope she will understand that these days happen.

I can easily fill the spot if she leaves, she's just part-time but I never want a parent to leave under false conditions. It's bound to happen with someone eventually, I'm just trying to put it off.

I do apologize to you if you felt my post, which was meant to be given as advice, not criticism, was offensive. I have just heard many horror stories about toilets and toddlers and it scares me.

As for Mom, I'd just ask her upfront if there was a problem, as she seemed "rushed" when she picked up.