OT Other Children Visiting, Am I Being Unreasonable?

**Josiegirl** · 06-28-2013, 11:33 AM

Of course you're being unfair! They're 15!

I would clear everything through her parents before saying yes. Quite frankly I'm not sure I'd want the responsibility for 2 weeks either. Maybe 1 week and have parents specify what is okay, what's not. Teens are notorious for skimping on details and if you're responsible...yikes.

**sharlan** · 06-28-2013, 12:02 PM

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

There is no way that I would accept the responsibility for a child that is going to be out of my sight or control. If that is what she wants to do, then it needs to be cleared through her parents BEFORE she ever steps foot in your home.

**EntropyControlSpecialist** · 06-28-2013, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by Josiegirl

Of course you're being unfair! They're 15!

I would clear everything through her parents before saying yes. Quite frankly I'm not sure I'd want the responsibility for 2 weeks either. Maybe 1 week and have parents specify what is okay, what's not. Teens are notorious for skimping on details and if you're responsible...yikes.

One week is MORE than enough time. Holy cow. When my son's friend was here for a week this month I was READY for him to go and he's a great kid! Having "extras" in the house is stressful enough without having to monitor their activities as closely as you would your own childs if they are out and about.

**daycare** · 06-28-2013, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Josiegirl

Of course you're being unfair! They're 15!

I would clear everything through her parents before saying yes. Quite frankly I'm not sure I'd want the responsibility for 2 weeks either. Maybe 1 week and have parents specify what is okay, what's not. Teens are notorious for skimping on details and if you're responsible...yikes.

..... teens are like aliens....I can't understand them at all

**EntropyControlSpecialist** · 06-28-2013, 03:45 PM

Originally posted by daycare

..... teens are like aliens....I can't understand them at all

Exactly!

**Meeko** · 07-05-2013, 06:46 AM

Just call her parents and discuss your concerns. Make sure you have their OK for their daughter to be out and about visiting other homes/people.

I would make sure they know that you will not be responsible for what goes on outside your home.

**Cradle2crayons** · 07-05-2013, 07:09 AM

Originally posted by daycare

So one of my kids friend wants to come up and visit us. They are only 15. the plan is that they will stay with us for 2 weeks

I said ok. BUt now this was thrown at me...

The girl that is visiting has some other friends up here as well. She wants to also go visit with them when she can arrange it. I asked well do your parents know you are going to visit these friends. The girl tells me well they don't know them very well I have not talked to most of them since 2nd or 3rd grade...Um ok.

So I say let me think about this. Honestly, I am not ok with this. If she is coming here, she needs to be here with me and my family. After all, I told her parents that I would accept full responsibility for her when here. I don't know the people she intends to hang out with, yet her parents are letting her(possibly) I don't want to sit around and have to tend to her agenda. I am not going to be responsible for dropping her off or picking her up at anytime of the day, night or etc.

Am I being unfair? Of course my daughter says I am being unfair.....

I wanted to edit to add that one of the other reasons I am a little uneasy about this, is that the girl has not seen her so called friend in so long, how does she know if they are good kids or not??? They may have gone down a wrong path??

If I wouldn't let my OWN daughter do it, then no way in heck would I let the other child do it, regardless if their parents said yes.

When you agree to take responsibility for another child, they play by YOUR rules. My way or the highway.

And that's exactly what I would tell your own daughter and the other teenager

**MarinaVanessa** · 07-05-2013, 09:01 AM

If my DD's friend wanted to come visit me and also wanted to visit other friends homes then I would talk to her parent directly and have them arrange the details of which days/times their DD will be spending with the other friends and then get it all in writing clearly stating that their DD will NOT be my responsibility during that those times and that I would not be required to transport their DD to and from her friends homes or meeting places. The parent would have to arrange for the parents of their DD's friends to come to my home to pick her up (I would check ID) and drop her off. I would require specific dates and pick-up and drop-off times and I would be clear that I am not willing to negotiate any of this.

No adding more days or changing the pick-up or drop-off times. I would also require that I have the address and telephone numbers of the other children's parents and verify with them that they understand that I will ask for ID and expect them to pick the friend up and drop her off when they were supposed to otherwise the friend will not go anywhere.

I would also make it clear to my DD that she is NOT to go with her friend during the time that her friend is with her other friends. I do not know the other girls or their families so I would not allow my DD to go over with them even if they were only hanging out for a few hours at the mall or something. If my DD thought it was "unfair" then I'd just ask her "Do you want her to come over or not? Your choice".

That is the ONLY way that I would be okay with any of this.

**daycare** · 07-05-2013, 09:20 AM

Originally posted by MarinaVanessa

If my DD's friend wanted to come visit me and also wanted to visit other friends homes then I would talk to her parent directly and have them arrange the details of which days/times their DD will be spending with the other friends and then get it all in writing clearly stating that their DD will NOT be my responsibility during that those times and that I would not be required to transport their DD to and from her friends homes or meeting places. The parent would have to arrange for the parents of their DD's friends to come to my home to pick her up (I would check ID) and drop her off. I would require specific dates and pick-up and drop-off times and I would be clear that I am not willing to negotiate any of this.

No adding more days or changing the pick-up or drop-off times. I would also require that I have the address and telephone numbers of the other children's parents and verify with them that they understand that I will ask for ID and expect them to pick the friend up and drop her off when they were supposed to otherwise the friend will not go anywhere.

I would also make it clear to my DD that she is NOT to go with her friend during the time that her friend is with her other friends. I do not know the other girls or their families so I would not allow my DD to go over with them even if they were only hanging out for a few hours at the mall or something. If my DD thought it was "unfair" then I'd just ask her "Do you want her to come over or not? Your choice".

That is the ONLY way that I would be okay with any of this.

you are much nicer than me...... that would be too much work for me.....im lazy.

I just siad......either you are staying with me or you are staying home. Let me know by Thursday if you are coming or not.........

Looks like she is coming to stay with me

**countrymom** · 07-05-2013, 10:13 AM

also at 15 she is still your responsibility. And are these friends "boys"

!

**MarinaVanessa** · 07-05-2013, 10:13 AM

Originally posted by daycare

you are much nicer than me...... that would be too much work for me.....im lazy.

I just siad......either you are staying with me or you are staying home. Let me know by Thursday if you are coming or not.........

Looks like she is coming to stay with me

That works too :

: :

:

**daycare** · 07-05-2013, 10:18 AM

Originally posted by countrymom

also at 15 she is still your responsibility. And are these friends "boys"

!

Umm yeah. I don't do visits at boys houses
If they want to visit with boys it's done here on my time, my rules and my house.

**My3cents** · 07-05-2013, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by daycare

So one of my kids friend wants to come up and visit us. They are only 15. the plan is that they will stay with us for 2 weeks

I said ok. BUt now this was thrown at me...

The girl that is visiting has some other friends up here as well. She wants to also go visit with them when she can arrange it. I asked well do your parents know you are going to visit these friends. The girl tells me well they don't know them very well I have not talked to most of them since 2nd or 3rd grade...Um ok.

So I say let me think about this. Honestly, I am not ok with this. If she is coming here, she needs to be here with me and my family. After all, I told her parents that I would accept full responsibility for her when here. I don't know the people she intends to hang out with, yet her parents are letting her(possibly) I don't want to sit around and have to tend to her agenda. I am not going to be responsible for dropping her off or picking her up at anytime of the day, night or etc.

Am I being unfair? Of course my daughter says I am being unfair.....

I wanted to edit to add that one of the other reasons I am a little uneasy about this, is that the girl has not seen her so called friend in so long, how does she know if they are good kids or not??? They may have gone down a wrong path??

I agree with what everyone else said........no she is coming to your house, your house your rules. Big responsibility. What is she going to do when you have daycare going on? At 15 I would want to know where, what, why, how and everything in between. Good luck will have to update us on how it went-

**My3cents** · 07-05-2013, 11:32 AM

Originally posted by Josiegirl

Of course you're being unfair! They're 15!

I would clear everything through her parents before saying yes. Quite frankly I'm not sure I'd want the responsibility for 2 weeks either. Maybe 1 week and have parents specify what is okay, what's not. Teens are notorious for skimping on details and if you're responsible...yikes.

lovethislovethis

OT Other Children Visiting, Am I Being Unreasonable?

OT Other Children Visiting, Am I Being Unreasonable?

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