Give A Break Or Use My Backbone

[daycare]

Back story......

Client has been with me about 1.5 years. Unfortunately, the family is going through a divorce. They have one child together which is my DCK.

Over the 1.5 years, they have made a few late payments and have had late pickups. I have charged sometimes and not others.

Well now that they are going through a divorce, DCM is just really out of it. She does not work, is a Full time student, but has the summer off. DCK went from FT to PT over the summer.

Just recently, I charged a late payment fee of $75.00. Well yesterday DCM was 1 hour late picking up DCK. Poor DCK was all ready to go and waiting by the door for pick up and just cried their little heart out. I almost cried too. I text and called DCM, but did not get an answer to what was going on. DCM shows up and says that they need to change pick up hours from 430 to 600. I don't offer 600 pick up anymore. I tell DCM this. DCM tells me it is so that DCD can pick up and spend some time with DCK....So now I feel obligated to work with them on this so that DCK can see dad. This child has been through A lot and the last thing I want to do is to have to part ways with this family. The child has special needs and I just could not bare him getting hurt.

DCM never did say why she was a full hour late picking up. I know that they are going through a TON. I don't want to let their problems become mine, but I just can't help but feel bad about their situation. 80% of me says charge the full late fee, which would be $60.00. But the other 20% of me says don't.

I am a softie, but this is not the first time this has happened, however that last time it happened was back in February.

HELP....

[Happy Hearts]

But, you don't want to be open till 6! So, don't do it.... you'll just be unhappy and we can't have that.

[daycare]

But, you don't want to be open till 6! So, don't do it.... you'll just be unhappy and we can't have that.

would you charge the late fee????

[Margarete]

How does staying at day care an extra hour and a half each day equal more time with Dad? Divorces are of course tough on parents, but they are also very very hard on children.
If they want to pick up later from now on make sure you charge more. This is after your normal hours and it's an inconvenience, and you shouldn't make it easy on them to spend less time with their kid who is going through a really tough time right now, and needs to know he is loved and valued by BOTH parents.
I would really encourage them to figure out a way to not pick up later. DCK is going to notice that he is the last one to get picked up, and is spending less time with either parent.
Maybe mom can pick him up and dad can pick him up later, so he gets evening time with both parents. I know Mom and Dad seeing each other every day may be hard at this point. Tread carefully, some of it is none of our business, but voicing concerns about the welfare of the kids IS our business.

[Happy Hearts]

would you charge the late fee????

I have never enforced my late fee, so I am the wrong person to ask. My dcp's are hardly ever late. However, if it was a chronic problem I would start to charge it.

So, in your case, I wouldn't. I'm sure others, who have a stronger backbone than mine, would charge it though.

[MamaBearCanada]

I don't enforce my late fee (I know I know) but I think you should. If you don't it's opening up the route to "I'm going through a hard time so I DESERVE special from my DCP." If DCM had called & explained that an emergency had occurred & that she was sorry but would be late I might waive it depending on the situation.


6pm pickup - no way. Dad can pick her up elsewhere at 6pm no need for their problem to be yours. If Mom can't see Dad for some reason then she can ask a family member/friend to help out.

I feel for you.

[JenNJ]

Sh made no apology. No response to texts or calls. Yes I would charge. She would be lucky if I didn't term for that behavior.

She can meet dcd somewhere else for his time with the child. The child sow ding and extra 1.5 hours with you does not = more time with dad. Give me a break. She wants special.

[Play Care]

Sh made no apology. No response to texts or calls. Yes I would charge. She would be lucky if I didn't term for that behavior.

She can meet dcd somewhere else for his time with the child. The child sow ding and extra 1.5 hours with you does not = more time with dad. Give me a break. She wants special.

"I'm sorry DCM, I no longer offer that later pick up time. I understand if you need to give your notice. If you ever leave your child here for over an hour after my closing time again and I can't get in touch with you, I will call CPS to report abandonment. My closing time is _____ and dck needs to be picked up by that time. Again, I understand if you need to give your two week notice."

And then I would charge the late fee.

Honestly if she had been 5 or 10 minutes late, then I would let it slide. But an hour?! With no call?! Not answering phone/texts?!Oh heck no!

[daycaremum]

If one of my daycare families were an hour late with no call, no response to my calls, they better have damn well have been in a car accident! And then to not give you an apology or any kind of explanation!! NO! I would have requested an explanation and right then and there told them what they owed for a late fee.
It is not YOUR responsibility to help them pass their child back and forth. Do not keep this child past your closing time. Mum can pick him up at regular time and dad can get him from mum after work.
It is not your job to help them make their divorce work.
You are only there to provide child care within your hours of operation. The end.
She may either leave or realize that she has to be responsible for her own family situation.
Parents ask all sorts of things, it doesn't mean we have to say yes.

[TheGoodLife]

If one of my daycare families were an hour late with no call, no response to my calls, they better have damn well have been in a car accident! And then to not give you an apology or any kind of explanation!! NO! I would have requested an explanation and right then and there told them what they owed for a late fee.
It is not YOUR responsibility to help them pass their child back and forth. Do not keep this child past your closing time. Mum can pick him up at regular time and dad can get him from mum after work.
It is not your job to help them make their divorce work.
You are only there to provide child care within your hours of operation. The end.
She may either leave or realize that she has to be responsible for her own family situation.
Parents ask all sorts of things, it doesn't mean we have to say yes.

I agree- your job is to care for their child during their contracted times- you are not family, a counselor, or anyone else who needs to be brought into their troubles. I would DEFINITELY enforce the late fee, and remind them before drop off that there is no care until it is paid!!! Also, I would not work extra so that DCD can PU from you- that is their responsibility to figure out a workable situation and you are closed before the time they need. Give your DCB extra love and attention, but follow your policies. How did you not demand an explanation for not picking up on time OR communicating with you when they were that late?! That is extremely disrespectful. Please don't be a doormat for them- they will continue to take advantage of you!

[NeedaVaca]

I would not extend my hours and seriously, why does the DCM think spending an extra 1.5 hrs with you instead of his own mom make any sense? He needs time with both parents, let them work it out.

[itlw8]

no work, no classes bet she was out shopping or having fun in the sun... Yes charge the late fee. No do not stay open late so dcd can pick up she can do it and then meet him at 6 somewhere.

My guess she wants to go out those evenings and does not want to wait for him to show up.

sounds like not only do you need to charge the late fee but impose 3 strikes you are out.... late 3x and look for other care.

[countrymom]

it makes no sense. If she is home why can't she pick up her kid and she meet dad somewhere. If she doesn't want to do it, then they can get a mediator to do it

[VTMom]

I'm also bad with charging the late fee, although I've never had anyone be that late without a valid explanation. If this happened to me, I'd be very clear that it will not happen again. The consequence would be termination. No mention of "10-15 minutes is one thing, but an hour..." Nope. Just "this is unacceptable and will not happen again". I had a family show 10 minutes late once ("construction") and I told them this will not work for me and they had to pick up by my closing. They haven't been late since.

As far as the later pick up...so you should extend your hours so DCD doesn't have to alter his schedule? Umm...nope. Why should you work longer so he isn't effected? I get it. I'd feel bad too, but it's not fair to you too expect you to pick up their slack.

All just my humble opinion

[MarinaVanessa]

DCM shows up and says that they need to change pick up hours from 430 to 600. I don't offer 600 pick up anymore. I tell DCM this. DCM tells me it is so that DCD can pick up and spend some time with DCK....

So what's the difference between DCD picking up at your house to spent time with DCG and DCD picking up at their house? There is no need for you to get involved, there is no need for you to be inconvenienced. This is DCM and DCD's divorce, child and family .... not yours. If DCM doesn't want to see DCD for the swap TOUGH. she needs to put her big girl panties on and be an adult. There are other arrangement she can make.

BC has a great letter just for this purpose ... it explains what to expect from you as a DC provider and what you expect from them in the situation of a divorce. It's a great letter. I used it and changed a few*things to fit me and I've used it since. It was a lifesaver.

Maybe BC can post the original letter.