13 Month DCG... Again... Encouragement Please!!!

[SunshineMama]

I looked over the separation anxiety threads and didn't see much pertaining to the 13 month old range.

13 month old dcg, day 2:

Today is worse than yesterday. Dcg is screaming all day, unless I'm holding her. I will not hold her all day. I sit next to her and play, she screams. I go to the bathroom, she screams. She's making my 5 month old cry and not want to nurse. She's making me want to lock myself in a padded room ( not really ).

I have a 6 year old school age, who keeps saying I'm mean
for not holding dcg, so I'm sure that will get back to her mom.

Everything was good, then this girl came, and I hate my job again.

I need encouragement and advice, and help getting through this.

[LaLa1923]

I looked over the separation anxiety threads and didn't see much pertaining to the 13 month old range.

13 month old dcg, day 2:

Today is worse than yesterday. Dcg is screaming all day, unless I'm holding her. I will not hold her all day. I sit next to her and play, she screams. I go to the bathroom, she screams. She's making my 5 month old cry and not want to nurse. She's making me want to lock myself in a padded room ( not really ).

I have a 6 year old school age, who keeps saying I'm mean
for not holding dcg, so I'm sure that will get back to her mom.

Everything was good, then this girl came, and I hate my job again.

I need encouragement and advice, and help getting through this.

She just needs to adjust, it may take months.

Hang in there!!

[Lefse&Kids]

Had the SAME thing. It is tough. My method of getting through it is to not let yourself react to her insecurities. Understand that she has anxiety and is learning how to deal with this new emotion and fear.

Try and find a toy that temporarily makes them forget where they are at. For my dcg it was dolls...

Still let her know you are in charge and there is a routine, this will go a long way in helping her feel secure away from mommy and daddy.

I agree, don't hold her all the time. What I do is I offer unlimited hugs. Stooping down with arms wide open. I do this as long and as frequently as requested.

Create a special "thing" just for her and you. After naps I would take time and do her hair. I would brush it, put something sparkly in it and praise how beautiful she was. She loved it so much, it always put a smile on her face.

Children have animal senses, they sense and feed off of your fears and anxieties.

You will probably have a screaming child for a while, mine lasted for 3 months. It slowly declined, now she runs into my home and forgets all about mommy at the door.

Also, during this time make sure she is still held accountable to the rules. If you don't allow screaming and is really causing other children distress, separate her ( I would put her in my nap room in a pack n play). She will scream louder, but you need to take care of the other children too. After your done calming/feeding the infants, then go the dcg. I told my dcg "no screaming, but I will hug you, your special" and then I would give a huge hug. This seemed like it didn't help, but it does.

Give it time, your patience WILL pay off.

Also, I would tell the 6 yr old to that sometimes people need time to cry and be sad when they are not with mommy and daddy. "Its ok to be sad and cry, she is just a little scared, we are teaching her how to play"

[wdmmom]

How long has she been in your care?

Have you discussed with dcp's her behavior while there? Is this normal for her?

If she is new to you, I do a 4 week transition period. If it's 4 weeks and she hasn't improved an ounce, she needs her own adult.

There's no point in working for a child that is genuinely unhappy all day and it makes you and your own child unhappy.

[SunshineMama]

Any suggestions for when I have to leave the room to put the others down for nap? She screams bloody murder. I've been putting her in a pnp and had to close the door bc she was screaming so loud the others couldn't fall asleep. Also, what do I say to other parents during drop off and pick up? How do I explain the screaming?

[SunshineMama]

How long has she been in your care?

Have you discussed with dcp's her behavior while there? Is this normal for her?

If she is new to you, I do a 4 week transition period. If it's 4 weeks and she hasn't improved an ounce, she needs her own adult.

There's no point in working for a child that is genuinely unhappy all day and it makes you and your own child unhappy.

I talked to her mom yesterday about it, and she said that she's basically like that at home too, and follows her around all day.

This child was completely different at the interview: she was crawling around, happy, exploring, and smiling.

I want to make it work and I want to try, but I am not happy with how my own baby is reacting to all of this crying. I don't like that he is stressing out.

[Lefse&Kids]

My dcg also screamed bloody murder when leaving the room, going to the bathroom, nap time, etc. I put her in her own room. I purposely put up with the screaming when I left the room/bathroom because she will eventually understand that your place is safe and secure. I refused to work in fear of upsetting a child.

I was honest with the parents...mostly. I only mention things that are not normal for their age. Separation anxiety is normal for this age. I would tell them "she had a great day and doing well developing her own independence (which is true)". She is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing for herself - dealing with her emotions...

To other parents, if they look at you weird about it, just say that "she gets sad away from her parents, learning independence is so important isn't it! (with a smirk)"

[SunshineMama]

Here are are, at lunch time, and she is refusing to eat, and screaming at the table, ruining everyone else's lunch, and shes making my baby cry now.

The other poster mentioned something about putting her in her own room to cry... could that be seen by anyone as a bad move? I would love nothing more than to put her in her own space and walk away, but I dont want to do anything that could be perceived as wrong.

[Lefse&Kids]

I would put her to let her get out some emotion. I do leave the door propped open and in a pnp so she is safe. But I also tell parents I practice this as part of teaching emotion management so they know what to expect if they walk into this - actually its even advised to do this if your getting too upset as the provider.

If you read "prevent shaken baby syndrome" it advises to be separated from the child for just a few minutes (which is all I ever did - like 5 minutes) to allow for sanity to seep in a little. I know those recommendations are for infants, but it can be transferred to older infants too.

I hope you do what works best for you, the child, and the other children. Your dcg's parents are probably well aware how she is in your daycare, they are probably just hoping it curbs soon.

[LaLa1923]

I meant to say it may take weeks. Try to go about your day and she will be ok

[SunshineMama]

I would put her to let her get out some emotion. I do leave the door propped open and in a pnp so she is safe. But I also tell parents I practice this as part of teaching emotion management so they know what to expect if they walk into this - actually its even advised to do this if your getting too upset as the provider.

If you read "prevent shaken baby syndrome" it advises to be separated from the child for just a few minutes (which is all I ever did - like 5 minutes) to allow for sanity to seep in a little. I know those recommendations are for infants, but it can be transferred to older infants too.

I hope you do what works best for you, the child, and the other children. Your dcg's parents are probably well aware how she is in your daycare, they are probably just hoping it curbs soon.

Yeah, her mom is aware for sure. It's only her second day, so I hope that it gets better. Thank God she still takes 2 naps! Hopefully she will adjust, I really like her parents.

[nanglgrl]

I've had a few children like this over 10 years. One did it at daycare and home, I thought it would stop once he was mobile and could follow me but it didn't. As soon as I turned a corner he stopped in his tracks and wailed. He never really stopped entirely. One I have now started at 13 months and had never been in daycare. She did it for 3 months and I was just about to terminate care when she stopped, now it's hard to get her to leave at the end of the day. There was no magic trick for me. I just showed them love and consistency and when they were really wearing on me I would take a time out from them by placing them in a crib in another room until I could get my bearings.

[SunshineMama]

Omg I just found a molar popping out! Praying that all this fuss is from teething!!!