Is Being Considerate Too Much To Ask?

[Play Care]

I have two boys (brothers) in my day care. They come in each morning hollering over something (who gets to open the front door is a big one even though I don't allow non school aged kids to handle the door in my care for what I view as obvious safety concerns ) They are just so LOUD.

My family is off from school - DH teaches and my kids are school aged. Typically they are still sleeping when the dc kids come. My next door neighbor is on MAT leave after having a difficult birth, etc. I don't ask the families be silent - normal conversation is fine. BUT I would like them to be considerate. Stop allowing kids to yell in the driveway and entrance. But I'm concerned that asking them to be considerate would put them off. Have any of you had to have this conversation?

[SilverSabre25]

Not exactly--though I did get to passively address pick up time shenanigans with a dcm recently. She has always let her 4 yo go racing around and tramping through my neighbor's yard and bushes and landscaping and climbing on the big rocks she has in her yard. Well, TWICE now this boy has WALKED ACROSS THE STREET at pick up time while mom was putting baby in the car.

I was already fed up with the stuff she let him get away with in the neighbor's yard (though since it was always after I closed my door on them I didn't say anything) but the crossing the street was just horribly dangerous (even though it's a quiet street).

I was trying to decide the best way to address it with DCM when one day she picked up while we were outside and DS and I wandered up the driveway with them. DS took off after dcb into the neighbor's yard and I said some stuff to him that must have made an impact on DCM because she reigns in DCB a lot more now (to DS, I said, "Nope, I can't let you go tramping through her yard. That's not our space! You can play in OUR yard over here.") and then another day shortly after that DCB started to take off running and I grabbed him by the hand and held him and told him, "You know what? I'm sorry buy I can't trust you because of all the times you have run across the street. That's dangerous."

Well, DCM takes better control now. Though he still goes INSANE at pickup.

[SilverSabre25]

Um....heh to actually ANSWER your question, I might try adressing it with the boys. When you open the door and they are being loud, tell them, "Shh! Guys, whoa, keep it down! It's still early and people are sleeping! It's not polite to be so noisy early in the morning!"

See if that has an effect on the parents

[Crystal]

I would directly address the parent. "

"This type of behavior is not okay. I have neighbors and family members to consider and I expect you and your children to as well. Please refrain from yelling upon arrival."

I have never allowed children or families to be disrespectful of my neighbors or my family. I address issues that arise the very first time. I do not allow yelling, stepping one foot on a neighbors property or parking in front of a neighbors house. I do not need problems with my neighbors who I have to live next to. Daycare families come and go.....my neighbors and family do not.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

Yes, it is sometimes too much to ask. Sigh...

It seems like there always has to be one set of parents that is not willing to respect the fact that while, yes, this is a business, it is also our families' homes.

I do what the previous poster suggested. I talk to the kids in front of mom or dad about being quiet and polite. And not because my family is sleeping, just because that is what is expected in society (let's face it, these kinds of parents think that they have every right to do as they please because they pay us, but who can argue with societal norms?!).

Then, after the parents leave, I talk to the kids about not waking my husband and kids, whom they all love, and that's usually all it takes. Of course, a threat of getting rid of whatever their favorite plaything is if they can't comply goes a long way, too!

[Blackcat31]

I have two boys (brothers) in my day care. They come in each morning hollering over something (who gets to open the front door is a big one even though I don't allow non school aged kids to handle the door in my care for what I view as obvious safety concerns ) They are just so LOUD.

My family is off from school - DH teaches and my kids are school aged. Typically they are still sleeping when the dc kids come. My next door neighbor is on MAT leave after having a difficult birth, etc. I don't ask the families be silent - normal conversation is fine. BUT I would like them to be considerate. Stop allowing kids to yell in the driveway and entrance. But I'm concerned that asking them to be considerate would put them off. Have any of you had to have this conversation?

Why are providers so nervous about asking parents to do something that should just be an obvious behavior in the first place?

This is MY house and MY neighbors....if parents (and children) can't act appropriately, then I couldn't care less if I insult them.

I TEACH and MODEL manners and respect from children but I EXPECT it from parents.

[coolconfidentme]

The first time I tell the child in front of the parent. The second time I tell the parent in front of the child. Both times I always use the word disrespectful. Bad behavior seems to be addressed by the parent then. If the child is listening, I reinforce it that we do not act like this here. Period.

[Starburst]

Make sure your policies mention that they need to be respectful of you, your family, your home, your neighbors, and your assistants as well as other daycare children/families. Because no one wants to wake up early in the morning to hear two kids bickering. I mention that in almost every section of my policy handbook (especially in the damaged/lost/stolen property and grounds for termination).

[Play Care]

Why are providers so nervous about asking parents to do something that should just be an obvious behavior in the first place?

This is MY house and MY neighbors....if parents (and children) can't act appropriately, then I couldn't care less if I insult them.

I TEACH and MODEL manners and respect from children but I EXPECT it from parents.

I'm trying to articulate my feeling here but having a hard time. Often when we decide to work IN our home, there are obvious tradeoffs that come from it. I'm not sure which forum I saw this in, but another provider was complaining about her dc kids being loud right outside her husbands office while he was taking a business call. She was roundly slammed because other providers saw two businesses in one space as a conflict of interest and that kids shouldn't have to be silent because other people were in the house, and she needed to decide if she was running a business or not, etc. etc.
I just want to make sure that I am not asking for something that seems out of line with having an inhome business.

[Blackcat31]

I'm trying to articulate my feeling here but having a hard time. Often when we decide to work IN our home, there are obvious tradeoffs that come from it. I'm not sure which forum I saw this in, but another provider was complaining about her dc kids being loud right outside her husbands office while he was taking a business call. She was roundly slammed because other providers saw two businesses in one space as a conflict of interest and that kids shouldn't have to be silent because other people were in the house, and she needed to decide if she was running a business or not, etc. etc.
I just want to make sure that I am not asking for something that seems out of line with having an inhome business.

Oh gottcha! That makes perfect sense when you put it like that.

Daycare IS a gray area and I think that is where a lot of issues providers have come from. Is it YOUR house or is it a daycare business where kids should and can be loud....

It's a tough line to walk and still make some sane decisions.....

Still, I think you would be well within your boundaries to ask for the kids to behave in a respectful manner and to consider others. I like the pp's suggestion of stating it as disrespectful behavior since most parents seem to comprehend that word and don't want their kids to be disrespectful.

[melilley]

Ugh... I have a doorbell ringer. My son, daughter, and sometimes husband are here when the kids arrive and are usually still sleeping. I used to just let him ring it, but the ding dongs every morning finally got to me. I finally told the little boy in front of his parents not to ring the doorbell because it could wake up the baby and T and Mr. B. He said ok (he's 2.5). So the next day he comes in the door and says "Ms. M. I didn't ring the doorbell!". It was so cute. He has only done it once since I talked to him. He often tells me that he didn't ring it.
I think that sometimes parents don't realize how loud or what their kids are doing is disrupting others and sometimes a little reminder tells them. Or unfortunately, sometimes they just don't care. I personally would never allow my children to run in the neighbor's yard or anything like that, heck, I never walk in anyone else's yard myself. I was taught that that is rude among other things that parent's let their children do. It's something called respect and nowadays it seems like that's dwindling.

[Luna]

I had one who screamed at his mother while walking from the car to my house two days in a row. On the second day I told him in front of mom he can either walk peacefully to my door or mom can text me when she arrives and I will come to the car and get him. Same deal for pickup time. People may not scream and holler in my driveway. If looks could kill I'd be dead, but it worked.

[daycare]

Put a note on the door

I have a note on the door that says:


ATTN: Ealry morning drop offs.................
Please have respect for my neighbors and Family, please keep noise level to a minimum.

I am a family DC. First word FAMILY.... which just like DCP they take care of their family FIRST, so why shouldn't I?

Parents understand that they are in MY home and even though I am conducting business from my home, it is my HOME first and that of my family. I don't see any issue with asking them nicely to reduce the amount of noise.

Hey sue, normally I don't mind the boys being loud in the morning, however, with the summer here, my family is still asleep when you are arriving. I would really appreciate it if you can help the boys to enter quietly when you all arrive.

I am sure they would understand....

[AfterSchoolMom]

I'm trying to articulate my feeling here but having a hard time. Often when we decide to work IN our home, there are obvious tradeoffs that come from it. I'm not sure which forum I saw this in, but another provider was complaining about her dc kids being loud right outside her husbands office while he was taking a business call. She was roundly slammed because other providers saw two businesses in one space as a conflict of interest and that kids shouldn't have to be silent because other people were in the house, and she needed to decide if she was running a business or not, etc. etc.
I just want to make sure that I am not asking for something that seems out of line with having an inhome business.

Yes, but you wouldn't allow your children to walk into the grocery store, library, Dr.'s office, etc and shout at each other, and you wouldn't let them do that when entering someone's home for a visit, right? So either way, their behavior is inappropriate and needs to be addressed.