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A friend from high school's mother in law wrote a rebuttal, to the popular article. I know we discussed that article a little, but I thought this was an extremely well articulated and emotional response.
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I love this. -
what a great article.Comment
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a good read.
but I still stand by my position that there is a middle ground between these two authors' positions, where a lot of moms dwell, where there are real struggles and heartaches and doubt about decisions, no matter which way they decided. I am glad this author seems to have really thrived with her choices but I also think that it is only human to struggle too.Comment
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I think my struggle will really come when my kids are all out of the house. Right now I'm very happy, maybe happier than I've been in a while. My daycare finally got to the point that I could shorten my hours and be own only 7:30-3:30 and because of my hubby's raises and decresed debt I can limit the amount of kids I take and do all the things I've always wanted to do with my kids in the summer so I don't feel like they are missing out. If we want to go somewhere we go and that freedom is awesome to me. My oldest is 20 and already lives an hour away and is in college and living his own life. I raised him to be confident and independent and he's doing exactly what he should be. The only problem is I miss him and our nightly talks, I miss knowing the details. He does call and visit once in a while but not enough for me to be happy. I think if he called and visited everyday I would still be a little sad from time to time waiting to hear from him. My other children are 12,5 and 2 so it will be a while until theyre all gone and by then I will probably be a grandma but sometimes I still think about that future and wonder. I wonder who I will be. This job has lessened my social skills with adults to a degree that is downright awkward. I know children, more importantly I know my children but someday they will all have their own lives and I worry if I will just "disappear". If I were on the other side of the fence I would still worry but in a completely different way. I wonder if my children will recognize my sacrifices but then again I don't want them to think I sacrificed. I don't even know if this makes any sense but it is a thin line when you're a woman. I hope I'm a man in my next life!Comment
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Thanks- these were both great reads! This being my first year home with my 3 girls, I have my days where I am DONE by 5 or so- I can't wait for my DH to get home and take over the chaos of my girls. I have my moments of frustration, where I feel like I am failing in one way or another. BUT I wouldn't give it up for anything. I have the most important job- I am teaching my girls and my DC kiddos. My girls are well-known for being respectful, sweet, and kind little ones. At 3, and 2 (the 11 month old hasn't gotten there yet
) I know that my DH and I did that- we are actively teaching them what they need. Do I have days where we could've spent more time reading stories or dancing- sure. But if anyone ever asks me why I am staying home with my babies when I have 3 college degrees, I tell them that I AM using my degrees every day- just in a different setting. I respect her for having her own feelings, but I feel sad that her kids may read that someday and see that their mom regretted staying home with them.
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I agree wholeheartedly about WHAT she said but thought HOW she said it was a bit passive agressive to Lisa. How she kept calling Lisa her friend was a bit much. What I 'heard' was "You should have liked this as much as I did." I may just be hearing it that way though.
They both have points. I feel the way your friend does, and thought she put that into words perfectly, but I know some moms who just aren't cut out to do it like we are. I had a neighbor whose kids seemed happier when she worked. When she stayed home, I think they saw her miserable and it rubbed off on them.
She did a great job on explaining how I felt about being a SAHM and then doing childcare when my children were in school full time....cause I didn't want to stop taking care of little children.
LaurelComment
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I think what makes no sense at all (not that I'm complaining because it keeps me in business
) but after your first kid and descovered being at home wasn't good and when being with your kids wasn't good, why the heck would you continue to have more kids????? I've always wondered this. I have/had parents who always put their jobs first but would keep having kids and I never understood this.
I know many of you don't understand what staying at home means if you only been home for a little bit, I'm now at 14 yrs home, and at the end of july I will have 2 teenagers. I find that the older they get the more they need. I feel some days like a taxi. But I will say that when the writer said that she knew about everything that is up to date, she is right, I know things about my little kids, my other 2 are 8 and 10 so mostly kid stuff like mind craft and then my 2 older kids, I have to know songs, artists, clothes, you name it, I have to keep up, whew its exhausting some days. I also read alot too, so I know probably more than my working mom, wait I do know more. just by having convo's with them they have no idea whats going on.
also, it all depends on what you put in to it. Like if I just sat around, well yes I would hate being a sahm, but I'm so busy all day that i don't know how I would do it if I went to work outside the home.
the only thing that bothers me the most is when I tell people what I do and that I'm a sahm. Its like I'm looked down upon, that bothers me. But when people talk about how they have to work on the weekends, then I tell them thats what I love about my job NO WEEKENDS.Comment
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a little passive aggressive, but that is precisely how I feel about being home with my own children, and the only thing I regret is not making the decision sooner.
All of my kids will be in school in fall, and I am ENJOYING being home with other peoples children.
Some of my dcp's would not enjoy it at all, and that's ok too. I'm just glad that they recognize that, and made a life that is happy for them (career) and for their children (loving, home like environment when Mom/Dad are working) It takes a village, after all!
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a little passive aggressive, but that is precisely how I feel about being home with my own children, and the only thing I regret is not making the decision sooner.
All of my kids will be in school in fall, and I am ENJOYING being home with other peoples children.
Some of my dcp's would not enjoy it at all, and that's ok too. I'm just glad that they recognize that, and made a life that is happy for them (career) and for their children (loving, home like environment when Mom/Dad are working) It takes a village, after all!
this!
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your post is what I am talking about. Not everyone is completely thriving, content, happy in ever way even if they do choose to SAHM and dont regret that decision as a whole. Its hard. People struggle with different parts of it and that doesnt make you a bad person. The highlighted makes sense to me (except for the college age child) and I think a lot of moms would understand.Comment
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Wow! I really think she worded everything wrong.
She also made it sound like staying home with your kids is some sort of glorious vacation. It definitely is not! There are real struggles, it's not always rainbows and butterflies.
I never heard Lisa say she regretted staying home with her kids. She had regrets about the decision to stay home. HOWEVER, she did enjoy the time she had. NOW, she has regret because they are all gone and she really is un-hirable. Especially with the her previous job.
I think her comparing her job to Lisa's is not very fair. Lisa's job was not one she could do from home.
It's also not fair for her to comment on Lisa's parenting. When kids are little they really don't think you work. Obviously, when they grow up they realize just how much you really did work.
I see myself in Lisa 20 years down the road. I do think there's a happy medium somewhere.Comment
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I hope she reads it.
I too don't understand people that continue to pop out children when the sacrifices either way you choose are non negotiable.
Don't like them, don't have kids.
Sorry but I have little respect and very low tolerance for whiners, mopers and those who pull the woe is me card my life is so full of regret.....
No one put a gun to your head to do anything. If you don't like where you are or end up learn from it and CHANGE IT.Comment
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