How Would You Handle This Problem With A Parent?

[Angelwings36]

So I have a dcm that has been with me for close to 2 years now. She brings her daughter 8 days per month. Dcm has always been sloppy at following my policies. Many times in the past I had to remind her of the following policies I have:

*This is not the exact wording in my contract*

1) Payment is due on or before the 1st of the month. If the 1st of the month lands on a day that the daycare isn't opened or on a day that you are not scheduled payment is due the last day the daycare is open before the 1st of the month.

(Dcm thought if she wasn't scheduled to be here on the 1st of the month she would pay me on the next scheduled day after the 1st of the month)

2) I do not allow drop offs or picks up between the hours of 12:00pm - 3:00pm daily. This is due to nap time.

(Dcm has requested several times to pick up during these hours to which I have never allowed her to do. However, her husband would show up randomly quite often at 2:30pm banging on my door)

Dcm got a warning for this one.

3) If you are going to be 30 minutes later than your contracted drop off time to drop off your child please contact me to ensure that's ok. In some cases I may not allow a later drop off if it disrupts our day.

*Typically I don't prefer drop offs past 8:30am.*

(Dcm is contracted to drop dcg off at 7:45am. Almost every single day that she was suppose to drop off she would text me at 10-10:30-11PM to TELL me that she would be dropping dcg off 9:00am, 9:30am even 10:00am some days. I finally put a stop to that and told Dcm two things. One do not contact me via telephone (call or text) when I am off. I asked that she email these requests because I typically go to bed at 9:00pm and she was constantly waking me up. And two I will no longer be accepting drop offs past 8:30am as it really disrupts my schedule.)

So in the last two days I have had the following two things come up with Dcm:

1) Yesterday she text me to let me know she would like to pick dcg up at 1:30pm today due to leaving out of town. I said no AGAIN I do not allow drop offs and pick ups between the hours of 12:00pm - 3:00pm. What I really wanted to say is why do you keep pushing me on the same policy!!!

2) Now it is 9:00am Dcm was contracted to drop off at 7:45am and she is not here. I also got no call/text/email or anything to communicate this.

What would you do? Would you open the door to dcm? Not open? Send her a text that you won't be accepting dcg for the day due to the lack of communication? I feel like she is ignoring my policy by simply not contacting me so I can't say no and she can show up late.

[daycare]

for the afternoon drop off, I would allow for it to happen, well becuase we have to. we can't hold the child.

I would just tell them how disruptive it is to your day and that they need to not make it a habit.

as for the second one, I would answer the door and tell her, I am sorry, but once you were an hour past your scheduled drop off time, I am no longer able to care for your child today.

I would print out your policies, give them to her when she arrives and say, I feel you may be a little confused about our policies and I wanted to make sure that we are on the same page so I am giving you a copy of them. Please sign the policies form I have attached for you and return it to me by Friday. Should you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

It's hard, but you can do it

[TheGoodLife]

My first thought is- is there a reason you haven't termed? As for your question, I would text/email and say, "Hi DCM, I haven't heard from you, but we missed DCG today. Just a reminder that your drop off time was 7:45 and all drop offs need to be done by 8:30. Please remember to contact me by XXX if you will not be bringing DCG on a scheduled day so I don't worry about her! See you (next scheduled day)!

[TheGoodLife]

for the afternoon drop off, I would allow for it to happen, well becuase we have to. we can't hold the child.

I would just tell them how disruptive it is to your day and that they need to not make it a habit

I disagree- I would stick to your no PUs between 12 and 3, and me them know they can come at 12. Otherwise they will always be "going out of town" when they want to PU during hose hours. Now if it was not a problematic family I would have made one exception, but not for this DCF!

[Leigh]

I disagree- I would stick to your no PUs between 12 and 3, and me them know they can come at 12. Otherwise they will always be "going out of town" when they want to PU during hose hours. Now if it was not a problematic family I would have made one exception, but not for this DCF!

It may be different where you live, but no matter what we agree to in my contract, I am not allowed to keep a parent from visiting my home or picking up their child at ANY time. I DO tell parents that the law says I have to allow it, but that the law does NOT say that I have to keep caring for children whose parents don't care about my wishes.

Going out of town or for a doctor's appointment, I just ask for advance notice so that I can separate the child from the group at naptime to allow for a quiet pickup. I'll meet the parent outside to hand the child to them.

I would guess that DCM was angry about not being allowed to pick up and just decided not to send child, and was being passive aggressive by not calling.

[daycaremum]

It may be different where you live, but no matter what we agree to in my contract, I am not allowed to keep a parent from visiting my home or picking up their child at ANY time. I DO tell parents that the law says I have to allow it, but that the law does NOT say that I have to keep caring for children whose parents don't care about my wishes.

Going out of town or for a doctor's appointment, I just ask for advance notice so that I can separate the child from the group at naptime to allow for a quiet pickup. I'll meet the parent outside to hand the child to them.

I would guess that DCM was angry about not being allowed to pick up and just decided not to send child, and was being passive aggressive by not calling.

I'm guessing the same thing, you didn't allow for the early pick up time so she just didn't show up at all, that's my guess.
If you don't want pickups during nap time, you need to stand by it and have some sort of consequence. I realize that you have said no in the past, but then dad just ignores this and comes anyways. If I really didn't want it to happen I would say if it happens again, then I won't be able to care for your child any longer, going over again my reasons for why no pickups during those hours. If it matters that much to you need to be ready to lose this family over it.
I myself allow for pickups whenever, like the other poster, I just quietly wake their child up and have them ready at the door, so I stress that if parent says they are picking up early they need to be on time or their child will be dressed and waiting, which would be very unfair for their child.

[cheerfuldom]

I would terminate immediately. You have given her enough chances. She clearly needs a babysitter that is super super flexible and "on call" for her needs and thats not you.

I would send a short termination notice via email and have a document printed out to give her at the door if she shows up today. If she does not show up, send the hard copy via mail with delivery confirmation.

Enough is enough already.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with Cheer. She is doing all of this because you are letting her.

I don't mean that rudely or harshly but honestly like a child whatever consequences you are currently using to keep her on track with following your rules/policies is not working....she is still getting away with essentially bad behavior.

I would either start implementing a plan of action for when these things happen. Such as if she doesn't contact you if she is going to be late, she can't drop off at all and will get NO services. Then stick to it.

If she shows up or requests a nap time pick up, tell her it's against your rules and if she insists, then I would tell her that your program is obviously not a good fit for her and she needs to find a program that allows nap time pick up.

Basically YOU need to have a plan of what you are going to do if (or when ) she breaks the rules and if you don't feel you can effectively enforce these consequences, term her and just be done with the headache.

[Angelwings36]

I felt that I was enforcing my policies just was unsure how to go about enforcing them to the extent that this family was pushing things. When dcm "tried" to pay late I texted dcm and let her know that if I hadn't recieved payment by 5:00pm that day that she would be charged $25/day in late fees. Dcm came and dropped off payment. This only happened once. With the late drop offs I allowed them for quite some time as I didn't have anything in my contract about not allowing drop offs after 8:30am just that I needed to be contacted if a family was going to be later than 30 minutes past their contracted drop off time to drop off to ensure I could work with the drop off. Half the time I could work with the later drop offs but it was starting to get really annoying since it was beginning to happen almost everyday that she was scheduled. This is when I told dcm that I was no longer accepting drop offs past 8:30am as it was disruptive to our day and that I appreciated that when I was off she contacted me via email rather than text message. Dcm stopped trying to drop dcg off late (9-9:30-10am) although on the rare occassion she still did not show up until 8:45am. As far as the nap time pick ups after dcd showed up at my house banging on my door twice at 2:30pm I contacted dcm with a warning that if it happened again I would terminate my services. Dcm said she was completely unaware that dcd was doing that and that he likely didn't know I didn't allow pick ups between 12-3.

I didn't terminate because everytime I corrected dcm things changed so in a way things were working. It is just really annoying that I have to keep correcting and that the same things keep coming up.

Like another request for pick up during nap time. Then no contact for the not showing up this morning.

I sent dcm the following text at 9:30am this morning:

"Hello dcm. I hope your family is ok? I haven't heard from you but we have missed dcg today. Just a reminder that your drop off time is 7:45am and if you are going to be more than 30 minutes later than your contracted drop off time I need to be contacted to ensure I can work with that. Also as I previously informed you I am no longer accepting drop offs past 8:30am. We have gone on with our day. I would appreciate some communication from you so I do not worry about your family all day. Thanks."

Dcm responded:

"Hi dcg won't be in today I can't leave work and be at your house by 12:00pm so made other arrangements. See you next week."

"Hi I sent the above message at 7:49am don't know why you didn't get it. I know it is important you know of any cancellations. Lesson to self that texting doesn't always work."

[countrymom]

I would put the child down for a nap and not wake her up till mom walked thru the door. Because we all know that half the time parents don't show up.

second problem, I don't call I just charge. I have a policy that I don't call or chase you down and go about my day but I will charge you for the day. So if mom comes, and is only there 4 hours then you need to charge her full day rate, not your problem that she came late, but I would reminder that this is the last time. If she doesn't come as her time, you will refuse to watch her. I've done it before. Usually takes one time.

[Blackcat31]

I felt that I was enforcing my policies just was unsure how to go about enforcing them to the extent that this family was pushing things. When dcm "tried" to pay late I texted dcm and let her know that if I hadn't recieved payment by 5:00pm that day that she would be charged $25/day in late fees. Dcm came and dropped off payment. This only happened once. With the late drop offs I allowed them for quite some time as I didn't have anything in my contract about not allowing drop offs after 8:30am just that I needed to be contacted if a family was going to be later than 30 minutes past their contracted drop off time to drop off to ensure I could work with the drop off. Half the time I could work with the later drop offs but it was starting to get really annoying since it was beginning to happen almost everyday that she was scheduled. This is when I told dcm that I was no longer accepting drop offs past 8:30am as it was disruptive to our day and that I appreciated that when I was off she contacted me via email rather than text message. Dcm stopped trying to drop dcg off late (9-9:30-10am) although on the rare occassion she still did not show up until 8:45am. As far as the nap time pick ups after dcd showed up at my house banging on my door twice at 2:30pm I contacted dcm with a warning that if it happened again I would terminate my services. Dcm said she was completely unaware that dcd was doing that and that he likely didn't know I didn't allow pick ups between 12-3.

I didn't terminate because everytime I corrected dcm things changed so in a way things were working. It is just really annoying that I have to keep correcting and that the same things keep coming up.

Like another request for pick up during nap time. Then no contact for the not showing up this morning.

I sent dcm the following text at 9:30am this morning:

"Hello dcm. I hope your family is ok? I haven't heard from you but we have missed dcg today. Just a reminder that your drop off time is 7:45am and if you are going to be more than 30 minutes later than your contracted drop off time I need to be contacted to ensure I can work with that. Also as I previously informed you I am no longer accepting drop offs past 8:30am. We have gone on with our day. I would appreciate some communication from you so I do not worry about your family all day. Thanks."

Dcm responded:

"Hi dcg won't be in today I can't leave work and be at your house by 12:00pm so made other arrangements. See you next week."

"Hi I sent the above message at 7:49am don't know why you didn't get it. I know it is important you know of any cancellations. Lesson to self that texting doesn't always work."

So this issue isn't so much about enforcing your policies (as you clearly are) it is more about the fact that you need to continually remind the parent of the policies and her need to continually push for an exception?

If that's the case, every.single.time DCM asks for something outside of your contracted agreement, you need to refer her to your policy handbook.

DCM "I was just wondering if this one time would be ok if I _______"
You: "Check your policy handbook to see what the rule is."
DCM "I know what the rule is but I was wondering if it would be ok just this once"
You: "Check your policy handbook to see what the rule is."
Rinse and repeat.

I too, get tired of continually having to repeat myself or explain AGAIN my rules/policies so I just make sure my handbook has a lot of places where it says NO EXCEPTIONS and just keep referring a parent back to the handbook to answer their own questions.

[daycarediva]

If you want to continue working with this family, I would send a bulleted list of items that are 'frequent issues' and the policy for each issue underneath, then have the dcp's both sign that they acknowledge and agree to abide by the policies AND list consequence (3 warnings, then term, immediate termination, late fees, late drop off charges, whatever you are willing to institute and enforce)

I would have already termed. It is soooo not worth that much hassle for 2 days a week.

[Willow]

I'd point blank ask her why she is asking for and doing all of these things at this point.

If her excuses are moot at this point and you are beyond fed up (reasonably so) I'd term as cheerful suggested and absolutely advise them to find someone who can be "on call" as they demand.

[MarinaVanessa]

So this issue isn't so much about enforcing your policies (as you clearly are) it is more about the fact that you need to continually remind the parent of the policies and her need to continually push for an exception?

If that's the case, every.single.time DCM asks for something outside of your contracted agreement, you need to refer her to your policy handbook.

DCM "I was just wondering if this one time would be ok if I _______"
You: "Check your policy handbook to see what the rule is."
DCM "I know what the rule is but I was wondering if it would be ok just this once"
You: "Check your policy handbook to see what the rule is."
Rinse and repeat.

I too, get tired of continually having to repeat myself or explain AGAIN my rules/policies so I just make sure my handbook has a lot of places where it says NO EXCEPTIONS and just keep referring a parent back to the handbook to answer their own questions.

I do pretty much the same thing as BC but I do refer to my policies instead of just asking them to read them themselves. I know that for the most part they know the policies but I still want to make it clear that I know what my policies are and expect them to follow them. Here would be an example :

DCM: I was wondering if I could pick DCB up at 1:30pm today. Thanks.
(my naptime is 12pm-2pm, no pick ups or drop offs during that time)
ME: You can pick him up at or before noon or after 2pm. As you know I don't do drop offs or pick ups during nap.
DCM: Can I pick him up at 1:30 just this time? I have things to do and need to be on the road at 1:30pm.
ME: As you know I don't do drop offs or pick ups during nap.

OR

DCP: Can I pay you on Monday instead of Friday?
ME: Sure. Don't forget there is a $5 fee per day added to your total for late payments. I'll add the extra $15 to your invoice now.
DCP: (usual response) I'll have the money on Friday.
ME: Okay great. Thanks!

Simple No's work wonders too if they keep asking.
(text at 7:30am)
DCP: Running late. Will be there at around 8am. DCB hasn't had breakfast can you feed him when he gets there?
ME: Already had breakfast and are already cleaned up.
DCP: Just this once please. I had no time to feed him.
ME: Breakfast is over and I'm preparing for the next activity. Please feed him before you drop him off.
DCP: I'm running late. Please. He's hungry.
ME: No
(no response after that)

In all circumstances (except for the one where I was asked to accept a late payment) I spoke directly with the parent afterwards to address the situation and then I logged everything. If push came to shove and I termed them and they later tried to pull some funny business I have conversations and logs.

If I was dealing with this DCM I'd sit her down and pull out her contract and handbook and go through it clause by clause and explain everything in detail. I'd explain that I felt that it was necessary because she constantly asked for exceptions that went against my policies and then I'd hand her an itemized timeline of what policies she has asked exceptions for. Then I'd have her sign a 90 day probation notice which said that she went through all of the policies with me, that she understands them and that she will not ask for exceptions. If she were to break any of the policies or ask for an exception then her contract would be terminated effective immediately. If she survived the probation period and then after that asked for "special" then I'd just give her a 2 week term notice.