Your Mean!

[mrsnj]

OK...another issue (and yep it totally relate to my other post child LOL) I have a child here to tells me "Your MEAN!" when she is corrected. BUT she tells the other children that when they don't do what she wants or won't give her a toy, etc. And I heard that her older sister who is 7 has been saying the same thing to the older kids as my SA kids have commented. This tells me it is an at home issue. I am assuming it is being done at home and more likely than not allowed with an ignore from parents or a laugh off (parents do not discipline well). To me it is disrespectful and no different than name calling. No child is allowed to call me 'mean' because they made a bad choice and was called on it or to tell another child the same thing because they are not doing what this child wants.

Now if you read my other post, this child (the 4yr old) does not listen. I have told her over and over again it is not ok and she does it anyway. I do plan on speaking with the older SA sibling though. She will listen.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to stop saying this all day? Need some ideas or tricks.

[lflick]

I have found this happening with my own children actually. They have moved away from the you're mean statement and evolved into calling one another bullies. (I have 4 SA boys and an infant boy.) It is a challenge to say the least. I have connected their interpretation of the word came mostly from school ever since the anti-bullying movement came into play. Anyways, I find they are using it all too frequently and when I hear this they have to offer an explanation as to why they are calling the other party a bully. I, in turn, correct them in saying "A is not being a bully because he is riding his bike and not doing what you demand at this time and it is not appropriate for you to call him names." I found that doing this often times redirects their resentment as well as reinforces the idea that he is being a bully by calling A a bully. Same thing as two wrongs don't make a right type thing. If that makes sense.

On the other hand, if the act that A did was the act of bullying I step in and correct in the appropriate manner. I do it this way to hopefully help them understand the difference and to not be afraid to speak up when they are actually being bullied.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would send her to play by herself. "If you cannot speak nicely to your friends, you will need to play by yourself. *Points*" Redirecting her to another area without friends is a lot less fun for her.

The kids here are fed the language to use when they don't like something. If I can see that they're saying, "Your mean!" in tantrum fashion then I send them to play somewhere else. Otherwise, I prompt them to say, "Please don't do that! I don't like it!" or "I don't want to play with you right now, maybe later."

[Willow]

To her:
"....no, I care about you and it's not acceptable for you to be (---opening windows---).....I'm not mean, I'm doing my job by doing what I need to do to keep you and the other children here safe."

or

".....and you're acting inappropriately, now go sit down for your time out."



To mom and dad:
"I really need you to start working with me to curb kiddos name calling. She's doing it to everyone here and it's getting out of hand. Instead of calling people mean or whatever please encourage her to label her feelings correctly...."I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm sad etc" This will better help me guide her to solutions to those feelings."

[jenn]

I heard that a lot from one of my newer kids when she 1st came. I did'nt try to reason it out with her, as she is not a great listener to start with and I would have just been wasting my breath. She wanted a response from me, just like she gets at home. Depending on my mood, I would either not respond or respond with a "thank you" or "sorry you feel that way" and then kept going with whatever I was doing.

[SilverSabre25]

When it's said to me:
"I hear that you're frustrated/upset/angry/sad/whatever about [whatever]."

"I understand that you're feeling [whatever]"

"I understand that you feel that way right now, but it's not my job to be nice. It's my job to [teach you to act correctly, keep people/you safe, take good care of you, etc]"

"I know."

When it's said to others:
"Julie, that's not an okay thing to say. It sounds like you're frustrated/angry/etc, how can I help?"

"We don't say that at my house. What's the problem?"

"It sounds like there's an issue over here. Greg feels like Sam is being mean right now. What can you tell me about the problem?"

[Laurel]

OK...another issue (and yep it totally relate to my other post child LOL) I have a child here to tells me "Your MEAN!" when she is corrected. BUT she tells the other children that when they don't do what she wants or won't give her a toy, etc. And I heard that her older sister who is 7 has been saying the same thing to the older kids as my SA kids have commented. This tells me it is an at home issue. I am assuming it is being done at home and more likely than not allowed with an ignore from parents or a laugh off (parents do not discipline well). To me it is disrespectful and no different than name calling. No child is allowed to call me 'mean' because they made a bad choice and was called on it or to tell another child the same thing because they are not doing what this child wants.

Now if you read my other post, this child (the 4yr old) does not listen. I have told her over and over again it is not ok and she does it anyway. I do plan on speaking with the older SA sibling though. She will listen.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to stop saying this all day? Need some ideas or tricks.

It's probably not pc but I've already said 'I can get meaner' so go do what you were told to do. Do you understand me?" If that doesn't work (usually it does) then I give them something else to do in addition to whatever they were complaining about.

Laurel

[Willow]

It's probably not pc but I've already said 'I can get meaner' so go do what you were told to do. Do you understand me?" If that doesn't work (usually it does) then I give them something else to do in addition to whatever they were complaining about.

Laurel

I would not say the above. Per licensing regs that would be considered a threat and nothing I would want to get reported for personally....

[Laurel]

I would not say the above. Per licensing regs that would be considered a threat and nothing I would want to get reported for personally....

I don't say it in a threatening way. I say it in a "that is enough of your nonsense' way. Like I said, not pc.

I could also say "I don't like it when you say that to me so don't say it again. Do you understand?" Better? ::

Being the provider wasn't being mean in the first place then I don't consider being meaner that big of a deal in that situation. It's not like I am really mean or anything.

Laurel

[MyAngels]

When it's said to me:
"I hear that you're frustrated/upset/angry/sad/whatever about [whatever]."

"I understand that you're feeling [whatever]"

"I understand that you feel that way right now, but it's not my job to be nice. It's my job to [teach you to act correctly, keep people/you safe, take good care of you, etc]"

"I know."

When it's said to others:
"Julie, that's not an okay thing to say. It sounds like you're frustrated/angry/etc, how can I help?"

"We don't say that at my house. What's the problem?"

"It sounds like there's an issue over here. Greg feels like Sam is being mean right now. What can you tell me about the problem?"

Though I might be tempted to say "Yes, I really am, aren't I?"::