Frustrated!

[mrsnj]

I have a 4 yr old here who does NOT listen. Everyday is a time out. I have tried positive praise. I have tried writing and talking about the rules. I have done time outs. I have done stickers for good behavior and taking things away and giving her extra activities and things to do to keep her busy. We are currently on a three strikes and your out rule (if I have to tell you to stop the same thing three times in a row, time out) because otherwise this child would be in a chair all day long! I am frustrated and at a loss! I know she is going home and telling her parents she is in time out for XYZ all day long but I simply do not know what to do anymore. She does NOT listen. I will say "do not open that window" (for example) and 2 seconds later she is trying to open the window. This can go on all day long. She gets out of a time out and and she is back to opening the window. The next day? Opening the window!! OMG it is so completely frustrating. She is a sweet kid. Don't get me wrong. I believe she is ADHD and extremely impulsive (my opinion and totally untested although mom and dad believe the same thing). I think she sees and does with no thought to actions or consequences. Parenting at home is not the best which I am sure does not help. I am ready to pull my hair out!

Today I sent a child inside for digging holes in my yard. I had a long talk about it and how the rule is only in the sandbox and sent him in because I had to tell him several times to play in the sandbox. What does my "impulsive child" do when I turn around? Walks over and digs holes! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!? Cause she didn't know the rules or listen to me talking to the other child or see him go inside??? REALLY? *sigh* I just cannot wrap my mind around her!

Any suggestions cause if not this child is going to be living in time out forever!

[Leigh]

I have a 4 yr old here who does NOT listen. Everyday is a time out. I have tried positive praise. I have tried writing and talking about the rules. I have done time outs. I have done stickers for good behavior and taking things away and giving her extra activities and things to do to keep her busy. We are currently on a three strikes and your out rule (if I have to tell you to stop the same thing three times in a row, time out) because otherwise this child would be in a chair all day long! I am frustrated and at a loss! I know she is going home and telling her parents she is in time out for XYZ all day long but I simply do not know what to do anymore. She does NOT listen. I will say "do not open that window" (for example) and 2 seconds later she is trying to open the window. This can go on all day long. She gets out of a time out and and she is back to opening the window. The next day? Opening the window!! OMG it is so completely frustrating. She is a sweet kid. Don't get me wrong. I believe she is ADHD and extremely impulsive (my opinion and totally untested although mom and dad believe the same thing). I think she sees and does with no thought to actions or consequences. Parenting at home is not the best which I am sure does not help. I am ready to pull my hair out!

Today I sent a child inside for digging holes in my yard. I had a long talk about it and how the rule is only in the sandbox and sent him in because I had to tell him several times to play in the sandbox. What does my "impulsive child" do when I turn around? Walks over and digs holes! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!? Cause she didn't know the rules or listen to me talking to the other child or see him go inside??? REALLY? *sigh* I just cannot wrap my mind around her!

Any suggestions cause if not this child is going to be living in time out forever!

I could have wrote this post (including the digging). What DOES motivate this child? What do the parents do with these behaviors? Is the child getting enough sleep at home and at your place?

I try to keep the child focused on a "responsibility" I place on him. Count the leaves on this branch....match up these socks (and there are very few matches in this pile of socks!)...help me make sure that NO ONE digs in my yard...it's all the better when you can put something in the child's hand (he wouldn't listen on our daily walks until I started having him carry a sippy cup of water).

Sometimes, kids have an undiagnosed condition, or a diagnosed one that is being ignored by the parents that contributes to the behaviors. Regardless, some of the best advice for dealing with these kids with extraordinary behaviors is to study how to treat kids with illnesses such as Aspergers, Autism, even Attachment disorders. You can learn a lot of techniques that are proven (but new to YOU) and can work with ALL kids. I have a huge stack of parenting books that I refer to when dealing with new behaviors-it helps.

Either that, or open a bottle of wine at 7:30 AM every day.

[Starburst]

Have you tried making DCG your "shadow" (sometimes also called "special helper") where they are under close supervision and give them little jobs to help you. Also make sure they are by your side the whole time they are awake from the minute they walk in the door until they leave? It seems like she may get attention at home from acting out or that they are a bit lax so she has grown a custom to that behavior. Or she might be going a strong willed rebellious stage and when you tell her not to do something she wants to do it more (I admit- I am still like that sometimes but most of the time I can control it). Maybe try reverse psychology- depending on the situation; or using the power of suggestion instead of giving orders. This way it will make her think its her idea (example "Gee, it's really cold in here! I wish someone would close the window". Maybe try give her choices that you don't mind her doing: "do you want dig in the sand box or play on the slide?" if she says something else that you do not want her to do tell her the options again and that those are her only choices, if its something your okay with you could let her do it. Also try praising other kids who are doing what is expected ex: "I like how Amy is being a good listener" and not giving her attention when she has a minor behavior issues (not listening).

If there is a possibility she has ADHD, many kids who have it tend to do better in schools/programs where they have strict routines and scedules. As well as a regular run down of what to expect next. One of my friends (FCCP) has a son who has ADHD and she says every time they go out she has to tell him everywhere they are going in that order: "first we are going to the bank, than the grocery store, then the dry cleaners, and then we are going home" and she says that if she slips from that list at all he gets anxious and will start to have problems.

[daycarediva]

Is she the oldest child in your care? How much outside time is she getting? How much sleep is she getting? Are the rules ALWAYS consistent (on your end at least)?


I go over the rules BEFORE they are broken, multiple times in a day (every transition).

I encourage good behavior by assigning jobs and using positive reinforcement. You could say, at dcg's level "Remember how we talked yesterday about NOT opening the windows? Because you are an awesome little helper, I need you to make sure NOBODY opens the window. Can you help me with that?"