What Constitutes "I Had It" To You?

[Hunni Bee]

My definition of "having" something is it being physically in your possession OR your attention being clearly on it.

My kids lately having been screaming "But I had it first!!"..."had it" meaning wanting it, looking at it, thinking about it, walking towards it, having it ten minutes ago...rarely actually having it.

The only remedy I give is for them to ask the other person to use it when they're done. If the items where actually wrenched out of the child's hands (rare) then I have them give it back.

Just wondering what you guys do.

[Blackcat31]

My kids play in small groups. If someone wants something they KNOW someone else has/had, they are required to "ask" the person if they are done using it BEFORE they pick it up. If they pick it up without asking first, they automatically lose the right to play with it, even if no one else was using it.

In large group play, my big ones "police" the littles. The bigs KNOW the rules inside and out so they are the best "helpers" you could ask for.

ASK before touching/taking/using. It isn't a hard concept so most my DCK's catch on really fast.

Sometimes the person who had it last isn't using the toy anymore but will say yes, just because or simply because they don't want the other person to have a turn but I am right here so if I see that happening intentionally, then we have a talk about it and work it out.

My goal for all the kids is to be respectful, helpful and joyful when they as well as others are happy!

Play time should be fun time NOT stressful and not a stressful free-for-all and where whoever gets it first hoards it....kwim?

[WImom]

My kids play in small groups. If someone wants something they KNOW someone else has/had, they are required to "ask" the person if they are done using it BEFORE they pick it up. If they pick it up without asking first, they automatically lose the right to play with it, even if no one else was using it.

In large group play, my big ones "police" the littles. The bigs KNOW the rules inside and out so they are the best "helpers" you could ask for.

ASK before touching/taking/using. It isn't a hard concept so most my DCK's catch on really fast.

Sometimes the person who had it last isn't using the toy anymore but will say yes, just because or simply because they don't want the other person to have a turn but I am right here so if I see that happening intentionally, then we have a talk about it and work it out.

My goal for all the kids is to be respectful, helpful and joyful when they as well as others are happy!

Play time should be fun time NOT stressful and not a stressful free-for-all and where whoever gets it first hoards it....kwim?

I have that problem here too. I also have a DC that take kids stuff all the time. That might be a good rule to follow to get him to ask before taking and then maybe he will not be so grabby. He is almost 4 and I know he knows better.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

The rule here is if you put the toy on the ground/on the shelf and are not visibly playing with it then that means you are done with it. There are certain "SAFE" spaces, like on top of the transportation toys shelf for example, that children will set Lego creations on so that other children don't play with them. They'll save them for another point in time later in the day to play with. Otherwise, they need to be playing with a toy for it to be considered their toy for the moment.

When they see a toy they would like they say, "Please let me know when you're done!" and the other children will. On the rare occasion that a child snatches (younger children) I require them to give it back and THEN say, "Please let me know when you're done!" By 3.5, they have it mastered.

[coolconfidentme]

I am amazed at the amount of possessiveness kids have. I just told my DCKs today they need to meet my g'son..., he is all about caring & sharing. He (& my children) were never raised to be ME, ME ME! It starts at home.

[jenn]

During free play, each kid is only allowed one tub of toys out at a time. No one is allowed to get a new tub of toys out until they have given away or put away what they had out. I can't handle the drop, dump, get out more...

I train even my littles that if you want to play with a tub someone has out, you have to ask them. If they say yes, you can join them. If they say no, you need to wait until they put it away. Even my 18 month old will point at the tub and ask "me?", meaning can I play too?

[williams2008]

The rule here is if you put the toy on the ground/on the shelf and are not visibly playing with it then that means you are done with it. There are certain "SAFE" spaces, like on top of the transportation toys shelf for example, that children will set Lego creations on so that other children don't play with them. They'll save them for another point in time later in the day to play with. Otherwise, they need to be playing with a toy for it to be considered their toy for the moment.

When they see a toy they would like they say, "Please let me know when you're done!" and the other children will. On the rare occasion that a child snatches (younger children) I require them to give it back and THEN say, "Please let me know when you're done!" By 3.5, they have it mastered.

[daycare]

I am with everyone else.

Jonny can I have the car when you are done with it. If it becomes a battle I do one of two things.

First I will give it back to johnny and tell the grabber sorry you will not get to play with the car now because you are not making a good decision, please go play with the boats.

Secons, if johnny reacts in a bad way, I then take the item and it goes on the counter for all to look at but not play with......

[LK5kids]

The rule here is if you put the toy on the ground/on the shelf and are not visibly playing with it then that means you are done with it. There are certain "SAFE" spaces, like on top of the transportation toys shelf for example, that children will set Lego creations on so that other children don't play with them. They'll save them for another point in time later in the day to play with. Otherwise, they need to be playing with a toy for it to be considered their toy for the moment.

When they see a toy they would like they say, "Please let me know when you're done!" and the other children will. On the rare occasion that a child snatches (younger children) I require them to give it back and THEN say, "Please let me know when you're done!" By 3.5, they have it mastered.

Same here....and I have more two's and younger than I have ever had! They are all two and under. So it is an on-going learning experience.