DCG Trying To Make My Kids Look Bad??

[SunshineMama]

I have a s/a 6 yr dcg, and her little sister. The s/a girl is just for the summer, and the sis is year round.

The other day, she asked me if my 2yr dd hit her little sister, also 2. I said no, why? And she said that her sister told her that my dd hits her all the time. (Which I have never seen, and I supervise them closely). Then, she proceeds to ask all of the other dcks if dd hit her sister- everyone said no.

Today, she was hovering over my 2 year old dd. When dd stood up, she didnt see her and accidentally brushed up against her, barely even. DCG makes a big deal about how dd "scratched" her???

I just feel like she is trying to make my kids look bad. She claimed today that I gave all the other kids more snack than her and her sister, and that the other kids were not nice to her. I was with her 100% of the day today, all day, and saw none of this.

She can say/think whatever, but it is what she is telling her mom that I am concerned about. On their way out, I hear their mom ask if they had fun and she was like, "No!"

I dont know what to do. I play with them, we did board games, reading, gymnastics, play outside, make Father's Day crafts, play hide and seek, and sing and talk. I did all of these with everyone with a smile, and this one, (who behaves perfectly 99% of the time), wants to make things look bad for some reason. This was the family who, a year ago when I took the younger daughter, made me feel like they were always suspicious and there were problems. They have since learned how gret things are, but with their oldest coming now and making up stories, I feel there will be setbacks now, and i could lose the income.

How do you handle a very intelligent, manipulative child? i have been very frank and honest with the child and the family about everything they have ever said or asked. What else can I do?

[Willow]

I'd beat her to the punch. When mom comes to pick up tell her right in front the girl "Little Sally has been saying the silliest things lately about dd hurting her, me not giving her as much snack as everyone else...it's just the darnest thing! I don't know where it's coming from but I want to reassure you I supervise very closely and no.one is allowed to hurt anyone else here, if you'd like me to take a quick snapshot of meal and snacktimes to show you she's not getting any less than anyone else I sure can!"

Use a happy but concerned tone and ask mom quite seriously what she thinks you can do together to curb her fibbing because at school that sort of thing won't fly with her teachers either and it'll probably start to hinder her relationships with friends if she doesn't tell the truth about them.

Let mom know it's common and are looking forward to her cooperation in working the problem.

[Leigh]

I agree with Willow about beating them to the punch. I have a 4-year old that was in time out today. 3 minutes in he yells OUCH!, you scratched me!

I told him that I could NOT scratch him from across the room (I was washing dishes-he was on a rug in the kitchen). I hear a lot about how I hurt him (always while he is in time-out). He told his brother that I hit him (the brother), as well. I know that these kids are spanked at home, and imagine that they just expect that when they get in trouble, they will get hurt. Incredibly frustrating-I'm just waiting for CPS to show up and ask me about it, scared of losing the family over the kid's imagination, wondering if the kid is just fantasizing or if he is actually TRYING to get me in trouble.

All you can do is document the accusations and your observations and hope for the best.

[SunshineMama]

Thank you.

I wish that I had said something in front of mom today. She won't be back until next week, I am considering an e-mail.

[Cradle2crayons]

I always tell parents from day one that kids make up some huge stories and that while I give them the benefit of the doubt, I expect the same in return and if there are any questions about Sally's huge stories just ask me.

I've never had a problem.

[SunshineMama]

So is this a common occurrence amongst s/a kids?

[Willow]

So is this a common occurrence amongst s/a kids?

It's common in ones who don't get enough attention at home in my experience.

Being sick, hurt or mistreated is the only way some kids can get their parents to pay any attention to them. By school age they learn to manipulate that outlet, me are very very good at it.


I'd definitely send an email and keep record of any dialogue regarding the issue in her file.

[Play Care]

So is this a common occurrence amongst s/a kids?

I had a school aged dc girl like this. I had no idea how manipulative she was. She never said anything to me or in front of me, but would tell the other children (and her parents) I was mean, didn't let her do things, etc. By the time I realized it the relationship with her parents was irreparably damaged (they are neighbors as well) and I can hardly stand to be in the same space as her (I know that might sound awful, but keep in mind she told my younger DD that she wished I was dead - because I wouldn't let them play in areas not approved for DC or off in the woods behind my house where I can't supervise... and DD is *still* upset about it two years later )

In any event, since she is so outspoken (which is a plus, IMO), I totally agree with Willow's advice. Beat her to the punch. I would also let mom know that if it doesn't stop, you may not be able to continue to provide care, as it's a liability to have kids tell those types of "stories."

[MissAnn]

So is this a common occurrence amongst s/a kids?

I had only one as kid.....my first and last. He made up stories about another boy hitting him and I got nightly phone calls from the dad. I finally told him he either needs to trust what I am saying or find other care. I now have this boys little sister and dad trusts me.

[Kaddidle Care]

I wonder what kind of stories she tells about Mom?

I don't like sneaky - this is the same type of kid that will do something nasty to another kid when your back is turned. Get on her about it. Perhaps a story time about lying and a little lecture about it as well.

She sounds jealous and unhappy and she sounds like she's doing her best to ruin your day. If it continues.. you know what to do.

[momofboys]

I had an incident sort of similar to yours although in my case the child was an almost 5-year-old in preschool. Things went great during the school year when he was not here much (child was only part-time & in school half-days) but then the summer hit! Bam! The child was going home fussing about things not being fair, being made fun of, etc, my kids saying they liked other kids better:confused:. By the time I learned about the accusations it was way too late to save our relationship. Parents told me child would go home every night fussing/upset for a week or two before they even brought it to my attention. Then once they brought it to my attention & I outright denied that any of the above was going on I am fairly certain they took their child's side. I ended up terming them soon after b/c they started sending me long-winded e-mails about every little thing their child was complaining of. To my knowledge none of the above was taking place. I hope you are able to sort things out but know that sometimes the relationship is so severed that it is impossible. I do think you need to beat mom to the punch about what is going on. Good luck!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would tell the Mom that the child was making outlandish stories about HER in HER home and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I would also express concern about her telling you made up stories about the other children that you know are false due to always being in the same room as them. I'd word it as a, "Let's team up" kind of e-mail.

[Starburst]

I would tell DCG that you understand she is worried about her little sister but that sometimes younger kids exaggerate accidents, get stories mixed up, or even tell untrue stories to get attention or to get others in trouble (or sometimes for no reason). As well as reassuring her that you keep a close eye on all the kids and that you would never let someone hurt her sister or any other child in the daycare, even your own daughter. I would also mention that you don't appreciate her assuming the worst of your daughter based on accusations that have not been found and interrogating all of the kids to if she ever hurt anyone- I find that disrespectful (to you as the teacher and your daughter) and would even consider it spreading a rumor (even boarder-line bullying). I would also tell her that it was completely out of line for her to blame your daughter and make a big scene out of an accident, because she is obviously targeting her. I would let the parents know that you do your best to keep an eye on the children at all times and would never let a child (even your own) harm another child in your care (if they are asking questions or feel uneasy) But also let them be aware that their older daughter is potentially creating a hostile environment for all the daycare kids, especially your kids.

If things get worse, I would seriously consider termination based on the fact that she is just going to continue to blame and target your daughter for no found reason.