Child Refuses To Talk To Me

[Unregistered]

I have a DCK that has been with me for over a month. She spoke a little at first, but lately she has been refusing to say a word to me- unless it's in front of her mom. She's 23 months, and very verbal normally. I have been getting frustrated, b/c I know she can do it and I can't figure out how to get her to talk. If she needs help, if she wants anything, and I ask her about it, she just stares at me. The same if I give her choices (do you want X or Y?) or tell her one simple word to say. Any suggestions to get her to start talking to me again?

[Leigh]

Well, my "ideas" are probably not what you would want to do (or what the parent would want), but I think that maybe a short bonding moment outside of daycare could help. Maybe some time at DCK's house or a trip to somewhere fun with you and mom present could break the ice and give DCK an impression of you away from daycare.

Again, I can see you not wanting to do it, but I think it could help break the ice. I'm sure it's terrifying for a child to start with a new provider at that age.

[Unregistered]

The only thing is she started out talking to me for the first few weeks. Now, all of a sudden, she won't talk, as well as refusing to follow many directions and breaking down in tears throughout the day (sometimes I know what she wants, sometimes I don't). I want to try to encourage her to use her words, but it hasn't worked so far.

[Play Care]

For the most part I find kids are "homesick" the first few days of the dc, but then settle in. I did have some kids who were fine the first couple of days, but once they realized this was not a temporary arrangement become very upset. Is she very shy otherwise? Is this her first dc experience? I would give her the words for now, "Susie, you would like a drink? Here is your blue cup! Thank you Ms. Sally!" All said cheerfully. When it's clean up time I would not give her specific directions, but make a game of it using a clean up song. If she seems to require more assistance, try to "help" her in a fun and cheerful way.

I haven't had anyone not talk to me, but I've had children with speech issues. If I couldn't understand I would take their hand and have them show me what they wanted (rather than grunting or crying) and that seems to help empower them. I would work a little more on bonding with the child for now, then worry about the talking if it's still an issue.

Probably a long shot, but a provider I know had a child in her care with Selective Mutism. This child would talk to their parents, but no one else. They had been to many doctors and the recommendation was NOT to push it.

[MissAnn]

I have a DCK that has been with me for over a month. She spoke a little at first, but lately she has been refusing to say a word to me- unless it's in front of her mom. She's 23 months, and very verbal normally. I have been getting frustrated, b/c I know she can do it and I can't figure out how to get her to talk. If she needs help, if she wants anything, and I ask her about it, she just stares at me. The same if I give her choices (do you want X or Y?) or tell her one simple word to say. Any suggestions to get her to start talking to me again?

I had a child like this! I required that she answer me at certain times to get what she wanted. I made sure to ask questions that could not be answered with a yes or no. For instance.......do you want to paint or do water play? If she didn't answer, she did neither. I also didn't call attention to it and acted as if it was no biggie of she didn't talk. It worked!

[Unregistered]

For the most part I find kids are "homesick" the first few days of the dc, but then settle in. I did have some kids who were fine the first couple of days, but once they realized this was not a temporary arrangement become very upset. Is she very shy otherwise? Is this her first dc experience? I would give her the words for now, "Susie, you would like a drink? Here is your blue cup! Thank you Ms. Sally!" All said cheerfully. When it's clean up time I would not give her specific directions, but make a game of it using a clean up song. If she seems to require more assistance, try to "help" her in a fun and cheerful way.

I haven't had anyone not talk to me, but I've had children with speech issues. If I couldn't understand I would take their hand and have them show me what they wanted (rather than grunting or crying) and that seems to help empower them. I would work a little more on bonding with the child for now, then worry about the talking if it's still an issue.

Probably a long shot, but a provider I know had a child in her care with Selective Mutism. This child would talk to their parents, but no one else. They had been to many doctors and the recommendation was NOT to push it.

Thanks! This LO talked for over a month, a little at least, and would use nonverbal communication otherwise. Now she's just plain refusing to talk at all. I know it's a stage (almost 2) to be very willful, but I am trying to get at least SOME communication.

[Unregistered]

I had a child like this! I required that she answer me at certain times to get what she wanted. I made sure to ask questions that could not be answered with a yes or no. For instance.......do you want to paint or do water play? If she didn't answer, she did neither. I also didn't call attention to it and acted as if it was no biggie of she didn't talk. It worked!

That's what Im doing now, exactly! . I started by not pushing and gently encouraging her to use her words, and now Im giving her choices and she sits out if she doesn't pick one. All with a big old smile and rub of the back- the only difference is that I have been trying again every few minutes when she's deciding to not say one or the other- maybe I'll try just at the beginning and ignore her after- Im sure the attention isn't helping I just hate seeing her sit out.

[Childminder]

I have had this child for over a year now. She is almost 4 now and never shuts up when she is with her parents and if she is playing with other children. She will not talk to adults unless forced to and when she does speak she speaks so softly she can hardly be heard. We insist that she use her manners saying please and thank you and answer direct questions but have pretty much given up otherwise. It is what it is and will be in school in the fall.

Shyness? Perhaps. Attention seeker? Probably. Over the years I have had other children like her some get past it quickly, others, like this girl will go into high school not speaking to an adult till required to. The child you have, to me, seems like it is an attention request and if you do not go out of your way to make her "special" because of it, it shall pass.

[Unregistered]

I have had this child for over a year now. She is almost 4 now and never shuts up when she is with her parents and if she is playing with other children. She will not talk to adults unless forced to and when she does speak she speaks so softly she can hardly be heard. We insist that she use her manners saying please and thank you and answer direct questions but have pretty much given up otherwise. It is what it is and will be in school in the fall.

Shyness? Perhaps. Attention seeker? Probably. Over the years I have had other children like her some get past it quickly, others, like this girl will go into high school not speaking to an adult till required to. The child you have, to me, seems like it is an attention request and if you do not go out of your way to make her "special" because of it, it shall pass.

How did you be her to answer direct questions? That's mainly what I want- and to be able to ask for something she wants or needs.

[Childminder]

We are big on teaching manners and not saying hello if someone says it to you is considered rude, kwim. Her parents would have her respond to us if we say "Good morning" or "See you tomorrow". They said she would get in the car and start yapping and not stop till bedtime.

We started out by going around the table to each child and they say: "Aunt Cheri, I'm all done" I respond with: "Okay, What would you like?" They answer "Down please" or "more drink", etc...The old timers always love to tell the littles what to say or do so that helped her to learn. She learned pretty fast that she could go outside as soon as she said something.

We would work on one response a week til after a year she knows she must respond or she doesn't get the privledges that all her friends are getting.

Her parents took her out Halloween and one woman wouldn't give her a treat till she said "Trick or treat" and she didn't get anything there. The next house she said it so I know she is like this with everyone.

[AmyKidsCo]

Maybe you could get her to communicate with you nonverbally to start out with - a nod or head shake, finger point, whatever? Then when she's doing that you could start insisting that she use words - starting with one-word answers.

I had the opposite problem - I had a child who would talk a blue streak to her mom on the way into my house, to me after her mom left, but wouldn't say a word when her mom and I were together. For 3 years she never said a word during drop off or pick up but since I heard her chattering away as they walked up the driveway I didn't worry about it.

Now she's in 5th grade and still won't say more than monosyllables when I see her with her mom. ::