Parenting Advice, How Much Do You Give When Asked?

[daycare]

Of course I am posting yet another question about parents.

I have a lot of parents that constantly ask me how to deal with certain behaviors. They are often looking to me for parenting advice.


I am trying to "stop" over caring or getting so involved, but how much advise do you give? Or what is your response?

I wanted to edit to add, that I am not trying to be mean by stop caring, I just don't want to be stuck having to take care of the parents too. I am trying to stay in the mindset that I am paid to take care of the children, not the parents..

[CedarCreek]

I tell them how I approach behaviors here while the child is in care but that every family has different techniques that work for them.

I get that a lot too.

[nannyde]

Parenting advice usually turns into a disection of what you do that works rather than what they do that isn't working. It's really risky.

Putting into words and actions that mostly come down to their child isn't the center of the universe and they must have "no's" doesn't usually end well.

I try to stick with pure safety stuff only. Even with that, the conversation can easily turn into a "no" conversation or a discussion of their child crying.

Slippery slope. Proceed with caution.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Parenting advice usually turns into a disection of what you do that works rather than what they do that isn't working. It's really risky.

Putting into words and actions that mostly come down to their child isn't the center of the universe and they must have "no's" doesn't usually end well.

I try to stick with pure safety stuff only. Even with that, the conversation can easily turn into a "no" conversation or a discussion of their child crying.

Slippery slope. Proceed with caution.

I tend to agree. Most parents these days want their child to be happy first and compliant second. They won't risk their child's unhappiness for the sake of compliance/obedience.

[Leanna]

I give an honest, simple, to the point answer based on my experience with that particular child, my experiences with children overall, and general child development. I also emphasize that it is my opinion and that I am not an expert. Often times parents ask the provider for advice because a. you see the child as much as they do b. the child often behaves better while at daycareand c. they want reassurance that their child is "normal."

If you don't feel comfortable giving advice, however, maybe you could say, "That is a great question. Child development varies so much from one child to the next that I don't think I could give you advice/an answer as to how to handle that. You should consult your pediatrician/a parenting coach/local child care council/etc."

[daycarediva]

Parenting advice usually turns into a disection of what you do that works rather than what they do that isn't working. It's really risky.

Putting into words and actions that mostly come down to their child isn't the center of the universe and they must have "no's" doesn't usually end well.

I try to stick with pure safety stuff only. Even with that, the conversation can easily turn into a "no" conversation or a discussion of their child crying.

Slippery slope. Proceed with caution.

I tend to agree. Most parents these days want their child to be happy first and compliant second. They won't risk their child's unhappiness for the sake of compliance/obedience.

EXACTLY. I say "What works for me is..." and leave it at that.

[Meyou]

If they ask I give them a direction but offer it more as a suggestion. "You could try...." "This technique is popular...."

My favorite piece of advice is probably very unpopular because I play it like a broken record. "Whatever you decide to try I recommend you give it at least a week. The hardest part of parenting is sticking to your choices regardless of the fallout."

[Blackcat31]

Of course I am posting yet another question about parents.

I have a lot of parents that constantly ask me how to deal with certain behaviors. They are often looking to me for parenting advice.


I am trying to "stop" over caring or getting so involved, but how much advise do you give? Or what is your response?

I wanted to edit to add, that I am not trying to be mean by stop caring, I just don't want to be stuck having to take care of the parents too. I am trying to stay in the mindset that I am paid to take care of the children, not the parents..

TOTALLY understand what you mean by not caring...

When parents ask me for parenting advice, I usually do what Meyou said and offer a "suggestion" but most the time I will simply say that how a child behaves in child care and how they behave at home are two completely different things and any advice I have concerning their child wouldn't work anyways because here (my daycare) is not home.

[Bookworm]

I think that some parents just want validation that what they're doing is right/ok even if we know what they're doing is "wrong". By "wrong", I mean whatever they're doing is clearly not working or could be considered abuse. I'm curious though, would you be willing to tell the parent that what they're doing is wrong but diplomatically.

[Leigh]

Really, we are co-parenting with our clients. We spend as much time with those kids as their parents do. We need to be on the same page and do things the same way. I never hesitate to give advice when it's asked for. And, I sometimes give it when it's not asked for, if I think it needs to be said. Just yesterday, I had a discussion with the mom of a NINE month old who thinks it's OK to spank her kid. At NINE months. I gave her an earful (as did my husband, who was sitting next to me) and wondered if I'd ever see this kid again, but she showed up this morning, so Mom couldn't have been too mad.

[daycare]

Really, we are co-parenting with our clients. We spend as much time with those kids as their parents do. We need to be on the same page and do things the same way. I never hesitate to give advice when it's asked for. And, I sometimes give it when it's not asked for, if I think it needs to be said. Just yesterday, I had a discussion with the mom of a NINE month old who thinks it's OK to spank her kid. At NINE months. I gave her an earful (as did my husband, who was sitting next to me) and wondered if I'd ever see this kid again, but she showed up this morning, so Mom couldn't have been too mad.

**I cant say that I agree 100% with this, as parents will always do what works for them and I will always do what works for me. As far as being on the same page, I do agree. We need to want success for the child and need to work together and communicate to do so.

I have parents that are upset at the fact that I can get their child to behave, but they can't get them to for 10 minutes. I see this normally from my kids who are here all day every day. I know their child just wants their attention and is doing anything to get it. What works for me, may not work for the parents and as Nan said it is a sillpery slope.

[nannyde]

Really, we are co-parenting with our clients. We spend as much time with those kids as their parents do. We need to be on the same page and do things the same way. I never hesitate to give advice when it's asked for. And, I sometimes give it when it's not asked for, if I think it needs to be said. Just yesterday, I had a discussion with the mom of a NINE month old who thinks it's OK to spank her kid. At NINE months. I gave her an earful (as did my husband, who was sitting next to me) and wondered if I'd ever see this kid again, but she showed up this morning, so Mom couldn't have been too mad.

I don't think we are co-parenting. I don't want that job. The kids come and go out of our lives. Having a parental relationship with them would be detremental to them when they move on.

Spanking a nine month old would land cps to your doorin my world. IfI

[Leigh]

I don't think we are co-parenting. I don't want that job. The kids come and go out of our lives. Having a parental relationship with them would be detremental to them when they move on.

Spanking a nine month old would land cps to your doorin my world. IfI

You would THINK that CPS would do something about it-they won't. The last time I made a report to CPS, I was told that the parents have a right to punish their children however they want to. Basically, if it doesn't leave a mark, it's OK to hit kids. I do NOT agree with it, but that's how it is (here, at least). And the mom (of course) said, well we don't really SPANK her (she just told me that she did), we just pop her on the hand or the butt when she gets into stuff she's not supposed to (sounds like slapping & spanking to me). My husband and I both read her the riot act about how much evidence there is about spanking being detrimental, about what we have seen in kids who were spanked (the parents actually lose control of the children completely unless they are willing to hit the kids over EVERYTHING). I hope something sunk in-she's a young first-time mom who tries hard. I'm sure she was spanked growing up and probably never considered it being wrong. I don't care. It's wrong.

[AmyKidsCo]

Over the years I've found that I educate parents as much as their children. I do the "This is what works for me" and "Some parents have success with that" and "Have you tried this or considered that?" I also have a file of articles about various topics and Google for information to email parents. Of course I only pass along things that reinforce my philosophy and practices.

[SilverSabre25]

I get asked periodically for parenting advice and I give what I can or claim, "Gosh, i don't know. Internet search maybe?" if I don't feel like giving my opinion.

A few times I've been asked things I'm MORE than happy to answer--boosting milk supply, helping bfing mamas with why their supply is suffering now that they are working, helping teach the newly-not-afraid of animals child to not pet strays or strange animals (seriously, I think mom was pining this problem on me but I turned it back with some language to teach him when it comes up at home...because it doesn't here...)