Coping with Parents

[daycare]

I don't want this to come off sounding wrong, bad or in a negative way.

Over the weekend, I visited with some friends, many who are teachers, educators, working in recreation and so on. Every single one of them major gripe. THE Parents. The difference between their jobs and mine, is that when they have issues with a parent, they have an administrative staff to send them to and let them deal with it. As a FCCP, we are EVERYTHING, we wear every hat..

In my 10 years of doing childcare, I have always had issues dealing with parents. I started thinking on my way home, that there has to be a better way to deal with them than what I am doing.

I say this, because too often I am worked up for days about something a DCP has done, it effects me, my family and often eats into my personal life.

how do you cope with the parents?

[Willow]

Wine.

Every time a parent gets snarky I treat myself to a glass.

Instead of dreading those moments now, if one starts up my eyes glaze over as I daydream about which I'm going to have with dinner.....pinot......moscato.......a sweet rose'........mmmmmmmmmmm...........when I snap back into reality I tell the parent where to go and then rush them out the door so I can go dig out my fishbowl.......


Or at least that's how it goes in my dreams

[wahmof3]

Wine.

Every time a parent gets snarky I treat myself to a glass.

Instead of dreading those moments now, if one starts up my eyes glaze over as I daydream about which I'm going to have with dinner.....pinot......moscato.......a sweet rose'........mmmmmmmmmmm...........when I snap back into reality I tell the parent where to go and then rush them out the door so I can go dig out my fishbowl.......


Or at least that's how it goes in my dreams

ROCK ON!!! Love this!!!! All with a smile

[daycare]

Wine.

Every time a parent gets snarky I treat myself to a glass.

Instead of dreading those moments now, if one starts up my eyes glaze over as I daydream about which I'm going to have with dinner.....pinot......moscato.......a sweet rose'........mmmmmmmmmmm...........when I snap back into reality I tell the parent where to go and then rush them out the door so I can go dig out my fishbowl.......


Or at least that's how it goes in my dreams

If I thought about wine every time I had issues with parents, I would be in BIG trouble.......

[cheerfuldom]

Parents are always going to be a problem in some way. Its just a part of the job. Now, the best way is to have clear rules and communication and be ready for these things to come along....again, its part of the job, it WILL happen. You cannot control or stop what they may do or say. The only thing you can control is your own reaction.

I would really encourage you to review your own reactions and make some changes there. There is no reason why issues with parents should be so overwhelming for you, after 10 years of daycare, to where you still are letting things affect your personal life and eating away at you. Thats no way to live at all, no matter what job a person may have. YOU have to be able to overcome this challenge of childcare and the parent issues that come with it. The parents are never going to be perfect and things are never going to be smooth sailing. Its impossible. The only thing you can change here is you.

Yes things will hurt our feelings a bit, surprise us, possibly offend or shock us but there is a way to continue providing daycare without stressing daily about incidents with parents.

[Blackcat31]

Parents are always going to be a problem in some way. Its just a part of the job. Now, the best way is to have clear rules and communication and be ready for these things to come along....again, its part of the job, it WILL happen. You cannot control or stop what they may do or say. The only thing you can control is your own reaction.

I would really encourage you to review your own reactions and make some changes there. There is no reason why issues with parents should be so overwhelming for you, after 10 years of daycare, to where you still are letting things affect your personal life and eating away at you. Thats no way to live at all, no matter what job a person may have. YOU have to be able to overcome this challenge of childcare and the parent issues that come with it. The parents are never going to be perfect and things are never going to be smooth sailing. Its impossible. The only thing you can change here is you.

Yes things will hurt our feelings a bit, surprise us, possibly offend or shock us but there is a way to continue providing daycare without stressing daily about incidents with parents.

I really don't have issues with parents.

I am clear about communication and have VERY clear rules that I enforce every single time.

Parents are really no different than the daycare children in that you just need to always be direct, clear and consistent.

It is when we (providers) start making exceptions, accepting excuses and become personally involved that the line becomes blurred.

I often told my son when he was a teen that it is much easier to keep yourself out of trouble/conflict than it is to dig yourself out after the fact.

The same goes for most anything in life.

[AmyKidsCo]

It is when we (providers) start making exceptions, accepting excuses and become personally involved that the line becomes blurred.

I agree but find myself slipping into accepting excuses, making exceptions and taking things personally way too often.

I have a good friend who is also in family child care, and we always dream about acting as "administrative staff" for each other. That way WE aren't the ones being the "bad guy" with the parents... Plus we could let the parents know when Provider Appreciation Day is, and our birthday is, without looking like we're asking for presents. ::

[Play Care]

Parents are always going to be a problem in some way. Its just a part of the job. Now, the best way is to have clear rules and communication and be ready for these things to come along....again, its part of the job, it WILL happen. You cannot control or stop what they may do or say. The only thing you can control is your own reaction.

I would really encourage you to review your own reactions and make some changes there. There is no reason why issues with parents should be so overwhelming for you, after 10 years of daycare, to where you still are letting things affect your personal life and eating away at you. Thats no way to live at all, no matter what job a person may have. YOU have to be able to overcome this challenge of childcare and the parent issues that come with it. The parents are never going to be perfect and things are never going to be smooth sailing. Its impossible. The only thing you can change here is you.

Yes things will hurt our feelings a bit, surprise us, possibly offend or shock us but there is a way to continue providing daycare without stressing daily about incidents with parents.

happyfacehappyface

[MarinaVanessa]

I don't have big issues with parents now but like Cheerfulmom said, parents will always be a problem in one way or another.

For me communication is key. If something that I don't like or against my policies comes up I address it immediately firmly but fairly and always politely. I don't let things stew because then I have no one else but myself to blame later if it all comes to a head.

What I found out is that there are LOTS of parents that have never even thought about thinking about things from our perspective and there are many that come from daycare that works very differently than I do so I treat every single client as if they have never set foot in daycare before. I go over my policies with them and explain things until I feel like they understand.

If they still push at my policies I push back and don't allow it. If they ask for special I ask to think on it overnight and never give an answer up front. If I'm willing to do special then I may charge them more if it will inconvenience me in some way and we start a negotiation. If I don't want to provide special I politely turn them down. If they say that they may need to terminate care with me I tell them that I understand and politely wish them luck.

The bottom line is that I am always talking to them and I am always reminding them of how I run my business. I can't count the times that I've had a parent read or be told about how I am a business woman and run my daycare like a business and have them say "Wow, I never thought of it that way"

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have no idea. I am struggle with pre-partum depression right now and two Moms have sent me over the edge this week and I feel like a gloomy cloud has lived over my head since. It's the anxiety that accompanies their attempted defiance or rude attitudes that effects me. I have got to get better at coping.

[daycare]

great feed back....

I guess this where I am confused. I am VERY clear about my rules and everything to do with them. One of the things that most parents say about me that have moved on from my program is that I am awesome at open communication. I do everything possible to always communicate with the parents when it comes to their kids.

I do make the mistake of giving in here and there, but I choose my battles. I do run a tight ship, parents know this about me from day one.

I live in an area where people are much different than I. Most are very well to do and to them money is no object and often feel they are entitled to everything and anything because they have money.

I just went on a vacation and of course it was kicked off with a parent causing issues. I just turned my phone off all weekend. THen it ended with a family terming because I didnt get back to them while I was on my vacation, they wanted an immediate answer and I was not going to work while on my vacation....

I have been on a roller coaster with parents the past few years and just can't find a way to not let things get to me and how to cope with them....

[Blackcat31]

I agree but find myself slipping into accepting excuses, making exceptions and taking things personally way too often.

I have a good friend who is also in family child care, and we always dream about acting as "administrative staff" for each other. That way WE aren't the ones being the "bad guy" with the parents... Plus we could let the parents know when Provider Appreciation Day is, and our birthday is, without looking like we're asking for presents. ::

That's an awesome idea! ::

I guess I am lucky. I grew up with my parents providing foster care for kids. I learned at a very early age to separate my personal feelings out from situations in which I have no control.

Maybe it is a self-protection mechanism but I never allow someone else's issues to be mine.

I am great at empathizing but stop before acting on those feelings so the excuses I hear from parents usually only get a cursory "I'm sorry" and that's it.

I FEEL for them but don't change my actions because of them. Hope that makes sense.

[daycare]

That's an awesome idea! ::

I guess I am lucky. I grew up with my parents providing foster care for kids. I learned at a very early age to separate my personal feelings out from situations in which I have no control.

Maybe it is a self-protection mechanism but I never allow someone else's issues to be mine.

I am great at empathizing but stop before acting on those feelings so the excuses I hear from parents usually only get a cursory "I'm sorry" and that's it.

I FEEL for them but don't change my actions because of them. Hope that makes sense.

maybe that is were I am going wrong. I am just a ****er for kids and I am sure all the parents know this about me. I do feel that I am very good when I write my emails and can leave my emotions out of it. I know it is because I thave time to think about what I need to say, instead of want to say.

On the other hand, I need to learn to turn a def ear when it comes to face to face. I do saying, let me look into that and I will get back to you.

UGH!@!!@

[MarinaVanessa]

great feed back....

I guess this where I am confused. I am VERY clear about my rules and everything to do with them. One of the things that most parents say about me that have moved on from my program is that I am awesome at open communication. I do everything possible to always communicate with the parents when it comes to their kids.

I do make the mistake of giving in here and there, but I choose my battles. I do run a tight ship, parents know this about me from day one.

I live in an area where people are much different than I. Most are very well to do and to them money is no object and often feel they are entitled to everything and anything because they have money.

I just went on a vacation and of course it was kicked off with a parent causing issues. I just turned my phone off all weekend. THen it ended with a family terming because I didnt get back to them while I was on my vacation, they wanted an immediate answer and I was not going to work while on my vacation....

I have been on a roller coaster with parents the past few years and just can't find a way to not let things get to me and how to cope with them....

Ahh, I see. Yes, been there done that too. For me my attitude changed when I hit a low with one particular DCM and I finally said "You know what. This mom is making me crazy and I shouldn't feel bad. I am good at what I do and I don't need her business". I just started applying that to all of my clients. For me it took TONS of stress and frustration from one parent to break me and realize that I shouldn't feel bad when someone leaves or expects something of me that is unreasonable. "They are being unreasonable not I and I'd rather not have them as a client anyway" - type of mentality.

[daycare]

Ahh, I see. Yes, been there done that too. For me my attitude changed when I hit a low with one particular DCM and I finally said "You know what. This mom is making me crazy and I shouldn't feel bad. I am good at what I do and I don't need her business". I just started applying that to all of my clients. For me it took TONS of stress and frustration from one parent to break me and realize that I shouldn't feel bad when someone leaves or expects something of me that is unreasonable. "They are being unreasonable not I and I'd rather not have them as a client anyway" - type of mentality.

I say this to myself over and over...I need to learn to do it better. I have had 2 clients make me so upset that I have cried. since then, I have gotten to the point where I have just had to stop caring. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't live my life like this.

Thank you all for the great pointers. I guess I just need to learn to not care so much, which again sounds horrible, but it's what I need to do to stand strong in this buiness.